All you pussies that skipped last week’s hash because you were too afraid to go out in the rain, missed the trail of the century! NOT! But go out and buy a fucking rain coat and waterproof hat for Christ sake! You won’t melt.
It was a dark, rainy night. A small pack of regulars assembled at JJ’s Saloon in Soquel. Our Hare Pair, Cuff my Muff and Occasional Rapist said they mixed the flour with oatmeal so it wouldn’t wash away, promised beer and liquor, and then they were off. Hashers reluctantly circled up behind the bar. Some folks got a free show from Dog Breath, who was in his underwear changing his pants in the parking lot. Our GM, TIMMY!! was so horrified, that we skipped introductions, and the pack was off. Trail lead right on Soquel drive. After a confusing check on the corner of Soquel and Main Street was solved, the pack headed on Main St, left on Bridge St and over the little pedestrian bridge. We soon stumbled upon the first liquor check, a big bottle of Absolut vodka! Whoo Hoo! 
The trail then lead out to Soquel San Jose Road. There was another confusing check, but flour was finally found near the restrooms, in Anna Jean Cummings Park, AKA Blue Balls Park. The next part was up hill. But at least there was another liquor check, cheap vodka this time. The trail continued through the dark muddy trails behind Soquel High School. When we got back to civilization, we found ourselves at the corner of Soquel Drive and 41st Avenue, and towards the Safeway parking lot. Trail lead behind the stores. We got a tip from a couple dock workers a Home Depot, who spotted the Hares earlier. After meandering through the parking lot of an apartment complex and through some neighborhoods, beer check was found in a parking lot.
Religion was in the back of JJ’s parking lot. It was probably one of the shortest religions in history. Pink Cherry Licker was Beer Fairy. TIMMY!!! got chastised for peeing on trail. Accuprick drank for getting attacked by a stick. Puff the Magic Drag Queen was congratulated on 11 years without missing a hash! Get a life! And the Hares…………………..
Thanks to daylight savings time, this was our last hash in the dark for a while. Whoo Hoo!
See all you wankers this week at The Poet and the Patriot for this year’s Green dress Hash! The Hares Thmp-Thmp and Princess Di (arrhea), have requested that hashers wear a green dress, skirt or kilt. Hopefully we’ll have the luck of the Irish and no one will get arrested for public intoxication.
On On,
Shallow Hole