Wharf to Barf Saturday,

Arguably the highlight of our four day extravaganza. However, sadly, today’s hare-pair, that being the dynamic(dastardly?) duo of Dung-Fu Grip and Baker’s Dozen’t insured that this day and it’s trail will soon be forgotten and no one will remember them by next year’s W2B. You may be thinking, Hey, wait! I’ve heard Scribe contend it is not possible to lay a poor trail through a Redwood forest. You are correct, I did utter such. As you now know though, these two heroes (heathens?) were adroitly able to avoid the nearby Redwoods and show us only huge hills, ankle-snapping roots and rocks, impressive plots of poison oak, open fields and, for the coup-de-grace, meet in a friggin’ cemetery for Beer Check. Not an especially enticing lineup of attractions, is it? Let’s piece together the pieces though and view the tapestry they created for us.

We had obtained Buckeye picnic area in Harvey West Park. I’m certain the person securing the reservation gave the club description as Running Club rather than saying Hash Club. We have had a number of encounters with the Powers the Be in City government over the past two-plus decades and we always come away with the short( and shitty) end of the stick. But today we are here and happy for it. The weather is spectacular even if a tad warm for we Cruzans. We spread our belongings around the entire area and illegally brought every canine we could secure to maximize the barking, fighting and playing to which we could be subjected.

We had thirty-plus half-minds in attendance, a large enough pack to have a few FRB’s but not so many trouble-makers as to attract unwanted attention. Accoutrements were donned as appropriate as the gang awaited Instructions of Trail. Sufficiently far beyond the advertised hares-out time to be perturbing, co-hares Dung-Fu Grip and Baker’s Dozen’t delivered Instructions of Trail detailing what terror might befall us today during our visit to Sleeparound Camp. There was a disgruntled spirit within the surrounding wood. A Hasher who became lost on a shitty trail and died before being found by the trail sweepers. In an act of retribution, he now diligently pursues all Hashers he sees and slays them thinking they are the hares that condemned him to his lonely existence. Hares away.

The next fifteen, or so, were devoted to an increased level of drinking due to 1) fear trail would be shitty, 2) the temperature everyone’s phone kept telling them it was and 3) fear trail would be shitty. Finally co-GMs Cumz Out My Nose and Broke Bench Mountain called for Circleup for Introductions which resulted in hearing from:Occasional Rapist, TIMMY!!, Hareless, Gary the Shit Stain, Bailas Con Burros, Missile Anus, Banana Basher, Bacon Queef, Just Foot Pussy, Worm, Cum,U Will Not!, dBASED, Steamy Baanorrhea, Shallow Hole, Pink Cherry Licker, 32 Ring Circus, Princess Di(arrhea), Thmp-Thmp, Dual Tools up My Ass, Shanghiney, Waxi-pad, Pumpin’ Uglies, DogBreath, Sticky Dick and Puff the Magic Drag Queen. We had a nice size canine contingency today: Spot’d Dick, Junk Puncher, Bitey McFuck-You and Scratch and Sniff. Pack out.

Trail proceeded along the edge of the picnic area and circled on-right through Friendship Garden Picnic area and then began an on-up into the outer reaches of Pogonip via Harvey West Trail. At the Turkey/Eagle split, the Eagles continued on-up towards UCSC campus. In this heat?!? No, thanks. Scribe will gobble today. Turkeys continued on Harvey West Trail and then on-left onto Lookout Trail to Spring Trail and on-left there. Man, was it ever hot through this open space. Of course, there was no BN in sight. Spring Trail was used until Hagar Drive where an on-left was indicated onto Hagar Court. There is a locals-only path to Limestone Lane we used next followed by another locals-only path to Quarry Lane. It was on-right at Quarry Lane then on-left onto Spring Street followed one block later by an on-right onto Meadow Road.

Not far along Meadow the Turkeys caught the sole surviving Walker, Pink Cherry Licker. PCL said all the other Walkers gave up on trail long ago and she was tired and lonely. PCL joined the Turkeys for the remainder of trail. Trail, as I’m certain you have already ascertained, took Meadow and then went on-down into Wagner Grove.

Once back to the start we noticed arrows pointed us on-right towards Evergreen Cemetery. We entered the cemetery and took the ADA walkway to Glory Path and were turned on-right and on-up to the area in front of the Heath crypt. There were found our hares and a number of short-cutters sucking away on Beer Check beer. We hung around the graves for a while before heading back to the picnic site for Religion and food. The face feed came first. The French fries were salvaged by Broke Bench. It seems the deep fryer loaned by Fap Jack had a hole in it! That makes it incredibly difficult to use. Aluminum pans were pressed into service and were made to suffice.

After hashers had eaten everything is sight, Dung-Fu Grip and Pink Cherry Licker seized a picnic table as an altar and started punishing hashers. Here’s a summary of down-downs issued this day: backsliders were punished, those that made horror movie jokes, those that honored the slasher theme for the day, TIMMY!! for blood on trail, Baker’s Dozen’t for extreme intoxication on the pub crawl last night, those that gave up on trail, those that cooked today were honored, Virgin Ryan was welcomed, Watermelon head nominees: DogBreath, Fap Jack, Arabian Goggler and Baker’s Dozen’t, Baker’s Dozen’t won the award, analversaries, Steamy Baanorrhea for taking over the pub crawl when Clearly Not A Hooker fell ill and lastly, the accursed hares, Dung-Fu Grip and his criminal accomplice Baker’s Dozen’t. Nice Beer Check location but little was mentioned about trail itself. This Hash is over.

The preceding was a factual accounting of actual events though possibly not as they actually occurred. One should never allow the facts to stand in the way of a good story. Do not allow the profound to become the enemy of the interesting.

A Scribe’s sole purpose is to provide entertainment to their kennel mates. Whether or not they are successful in this endeavor remains a subject open to debate.

I chose not to complicate this Hash Trash with facts thereby allowing me to extract almost any end I desired. It was with this motive in mind that I recounted the events that comprised Hash Twelve-57, Wharf to Barf Saturday.

By Special Appointment of His Royal Majesty ‘G’, this Hash Trash has been compiled and printed by permission of no one other than the author at Santa Cruz, Ca., or elsewhere if need be, on this, the twenty-eighth day of July in the year of our Hash two-thousand twenty-three.

Submitted with all respect due,

Puff

the

Magic Drag Queen

Surf City H3 Scribe