Hash 771 brought tears to our eyes, blood to our skin and fright to our spirits, but no smiles to our faces!

We met at The Blue in Seabright, which some of you may remember as the place we re-located to after Thmp-Thmp failed to coerce the POPO into letting us stay at the Museum of Natural History park. I guess age changes everything, as he somehow got Princess to marry him years ago.

The bar was full of hashers, literally, we were the only ones there. Our bartender was on a break from his nation-wide Phish phollowing and I’m sure was glad to see us and make a little bit of money on a lonely Thursday night. Seems he was working a side job to cover his financial shortages as there was a large delivery of happy birthday balloons while we were there. Nitrous anyone?

While mingling I met a few new(ish) faces. We had the return of Just Randy, a joyous fellow who apparently did his first hash in flip flops. He decided to tone it down a bit last week and went fashion forward in some nifty hiking boots. Let me tell you though, I think this guy would have a great time no matter what he is doing or wearing. We also had two visitors join us. Wino joined us from The Hague Hash (Den Haag) and also Mr Wiggley from the Can’d Hash. I didn’t see Wino much on trail, I suspect he took a couple wine breaks with some of the local SC homeless crowds. Mr Wiggley was an FRB for most of trail, helping us solve checks… or was he? Once the mingling was done the pack circled up then took off on trail to hunt down hares Thmp-Thmp & Twisted Fister.

Trail seemed to be all fine and dandy, even with the rain the night before, until you had checks that led you into long, dirt alleys and were quite spooky. I was trying to solve one check and was so spooked I may have called it quits a bit early on the search and sprinted back to the pack. All worked out and I left the alley checks to braver souls. This ended up being a bad idea as Dung Fu was certain he solved a check and convinced us all to follow him. I saw him paused down at the bottom of the harbor watching myself and Shallow Hole come down, I thought this was the Hariette check hares Thmp-Thmp & Twisted Fister told us about before laying trail. Nope! It was a YBF! Dung Fu said everything on the hash is a team effort so he wanted us to have a full experience by running down then right back up the hill. Thanks Dung Fu, we appreciate you being a team player!

We did finally find the Hariette check, and it was solved by none other than our most notorious racist of all, Shallow Hole. dBASED did try to speed things up a bit and I think I saw him trying to fashion his long sleeve shirt into a running skirt to help solve this check. Thanks for going down that alley for me, Shallow, you are a brave woman!

As trail wrapped up we were running through a quiet little Seabright neighborhood and heard a man yelling out from his house “trail goes through Oceanview Park”, no idea who this man was but I’m glad we didn’t listen to him too much as I don’t recall trail ever passing through there. I think this was a clever plant by our hares to buy themselves some more time. Sorry guys!

Finally, we rounded the corner to beer check. I’m still not sure who’s house we were at and for the majority of our visit I thought it was Casa de Puff. Someone may have made a comment about a previous hasher, Drop N’ Blow Me, setting up this beer near location. For those who don’t know it, and to keep my ramblings as short as possible, I will let you find out those stories on your own.

After downing our beers we then progressed on over to Casa de Puff, who shares his home with Dung Fu and Sascha the cat.

As soon as we arrived at Puff’s the stoner crowd quickly took off for the garage and could be seen huddling around one another. What a loving little group 🙂 First order of business was choosing beer fairy and once again it was Just Foot Pussy. Am I seeing a trend here? That tiara is starting to look like normal attire on this guy, very fancy.

Those of us who made it to AGM were gifted “blow me” whistles on a convenient lanyard by Princess & Thmp-Thmp, so there was no excuse for not having one this week. Those who didn’t have them were brought up and given their down-downs. The guilty included Fucked Over Fest, Occasional Rapist, Wino, Wicked, Dung Fu, Mr Wiggley & The Human Pube. If you didn’t get one at AGM I believe they are selling them for $5 a pop. Just Randy was first in line to get his whistle, although I don’t think this man would mind getting called up for a down-down 🙂

Our guests had a little treat for us, Mr Wiggley told us a joke about a blind prostitute and Wino had us join him in singing ‘Swing Low, Sweet Chariot’. Dung Fu tried to welcome them with his own song and all he got back from the pack were distorted, blank faces. That was a pretty shitty song.

Next up was breaking in our fresh blood, Virgin John, who sleeps with Just Foot Pussy. We weren’t sure where Bacon Queef fit into this equation and she wasn’t there to tell us herself so we have all made up our version of the truth in our heads. He told us a funny little joke which touted his 10 inch weenie. Ummm, why not the flash then? This man is all bark and no bite! I did run into him the next day at Salsa’s in Scotts Valley, turns out he is a vegetarian but I was of course very pleased to hear him ordering a vegan lunch 🙂 He says he will be back this week, let’s see if he’s a liar or not 🙂

Lots of crimes on trail it seems! Dog Breath and Cumcerto were brought up to tell us the story of the mud wrestling they did on the railroad tracks. I don’t think Cumcerto will be wearing white to another hash anytime soon, at least not when Dog Breath is present. You know how dirty those dogs get!

Turns out Wicked wasn’t present for his Biggest Wanker award the week before so he received it this week. Thanks for sticking around with us Wicked, I know you probably left AGM because you are way to refined for us once we start drinking 🙂

Shallow Hole was called out for texting Thmp-Thmp about trail distance. That racist woman needs to get all her miles in, at any cost. Dung Fu tried to race down a car full of hashers and went splat on the sidewalk when he didn’t see a driveway dip. He seems to be healing just fine. As we were singing a nice, clean hash song to them a little girl came out from the neighbor’s house. I heard Puff praying that she would not go to school singing the new songs she learned that night. This is Santa Cruz, she could probably teach us a song or two.

Just Foot Pussy is still recovering from his motorcycle crash and was grabbing his ass the entire way on trail. I ran past him at one point and he said he was going to catch up. Not this week Foot Pussy, not this week, but you get an F for effort.

There were two special analversaries, Fap Jack celebrated his 50th hash and Pink Cherry Licker (who prefers to be called Pink Cherry Liquor) celebrated her 25th hash. Wonder what they did to celebrate when they got home? Let’s not forget that Fap Jack got called out by the pack for using technology on trail and giving directions to PCL.

TIMMY!!! was celebrated as the new beermesiter, Hugh is very happy with her retirement from the position after 3-5 years of amazing service. No one really knew how long she had been doing it, half-minds!

Last order of bid-ness were a few annoucements! dBASED and Occasional Rapist will be haring the Can’d hash this weekend, Nov 22nd in Ft Ord. They touted that it would be only $5 and there would be lots of titties. What a deal!

This week, trail will start at Coaster’s Bar & Grill across from the Boardwalk (this is the bar inside the bowling alley). Be warned that you WILL need a flashlight, it’s seriously in your best interest. Forecast also predicts rain. Come prepared for a trail laid by Dung Fu & yours truly.

On On,

Ho to Housewife