This week’s hash started at the Crepe Place.  Thmp-Thmp and Twisted Fister were the hares this week.  The rain had finally stopped and it was a nice night for a hash.  I was driving to the bar, and was stopped at a light on Soquel Ave.  I saw this guy strutting down the street in a white skin tight long sleeve running shirt and very short, shorts.  He went into the Crepe Place.  I thought to myself “WTF?  Is that guy a hasher?”  When I arrived at the bar, I realized it was Just Frank.   I hoped the trail would be short for his sake because he was at risk of some serious nipple chaffing!  My Little Bony made a rare appearance.  He stopped by the bar on his way to work.  I got nervous when I saw TIMMY!!! walking around with a full martini glass.  He did not have his TIMMY!!! Tippy Cup and doesn’t have a good track record with delicate stemware.  I heard a crash from behind the bar, but it was a false alarm.  The bartender broke something, not TIMMY!!!.

Trail started out by jaywalking across Soquel Avenue to the alley across the street.  The pack was trying to solve a check when these 2 guys came out of their house.  At first I thought they were going to hassle us for yelling outside their house.  Instead they said they were from Uncommon Brewers and offered us a beer tasting of their Bacon Brown Ale!  How cool is that?  Sorry vegetarians, but it was pretty tasty.   I think they deserve a shameless butt plug for that.  Check them out at:  www.uncommonbrewers.com.  The check was solved and the pack headed to N. Branciforte Ave.  There was another check and dBASED yelled on on, so we went across Soquel Ave.  We ran around that neighborhood for a while, until we got to a liquor check in a little park on Fairmount.  After that, trail lead back down to Soquel Ave.  We were near a car dealership, Jiffy Lube and Walgreens.  Then things went to shit.  There was a check on Soquel  Ave that no one was able to solve.  dBASED found a false trail in one direction, but no flour was found anywhere else.  dBASED, Dung Fu Grip and I ran around searching in every direction possible, looked in parking lots, went several blocks on both sides of the street, but couldn’t find flour.  Most of the pack gave up and went back to Casa di Puff and Dung Fu.  Dung Fu and I kept searching, so we headed down to Arena Gulch.  No flour to be found.  We thought beer check might be in Fredrick Street Park, so we went through the gulch, through the harbor and up the stairs to Fredrick St Park.  Going through the harbor was cool.  A bunch of boats were lit up with Christmas lights.  When no beer check was found, we ran to religion.   Apparently the only hashers who made it to beer check were the walkers accompanying Princess Di (arrhea).  They got tipped off where beer check was.

Religion was at Casa di Puff and Dung Fu.  The Hares showed up dragging their cooler in defeat.  We’re a bunch of Halfminds. Don’t make trail too difficult or we’re going to get lost.   Dung Fu was RA and appointed Just Frank as Beer Fairy.  First down down was for the hashers who made it to beer check.  Princess Di (arrhea), Fap Jack, Pink Cherry Licker, and Hooker on Kronix, Bitch!  Fap Jack spilled his first beer, so he got a second down down for insurance.  TIMMY!!! was called up for not bringing hash dinner again!  Some of us had a long trail (6.4 miles to be exact) and were starving.  We knew we couldn’t raid Puff’s refrigerator.  Not much in there.  I checked.   Hugh Heifer offered to “train” the new Beer Meister, but he didn’t think it was necessary.  He gave some lame excuse how chips weren’t healthy.  LOL.  Don’t forget the chips!  We’re counting on you!  Hooker on Kronix, Bitch!  was called up for doing a Sanford & Son impression.  Who even remembers that show?  Fingernips presented Dung Fu with a gift.  A Detroit Motown Hash hat.  Dung Fu said it was his second mother hash and was pretty psyched.  Wicked Retahted, Banana Basher and Accuprick drank for not doing trail.   They went to the Double O to watch hockey.  Twisted Fister celebrated his 75^th Hash Analversary.  Get a life!  Backsliders Six of Nine, Fingernips and Princess Di(arrhea) drank.  And last but not least, the Hares………………………….

This week’s hash on Thursday December 11^th will be our Anal Toys for Tots Hash!  The start location will be at JJ’s Bar, 4714 Soquel Drive in Soquel Village.  Hares will be Summer’s Yeast and Stub Rub.  Bring one or more unwrapped toys.   Even if you’re a Scrooge and don’t like kids or Christmas, or if you don’t want to do trail, stop by and drop off a donation anyway.  It won’t kill you to do something nice.  There are a lot of needy kids in our community who could use a little Christmas cheer.  It’s not their fault they’re poor.  Right?  Like Banana Basher said, Surf City does these charity events as a cover, so the community thinks we’re a “legit” running club, and not just a bunch of degenerate drunks.  So let’s keep up appearances and donate a lot of toys this year!

On On,

Shallow Hole