Honestly, this trail had potential to go wrong in so many ways, and shockingly, it did not! Is this an omen for this new year of hashing? I hope not, trails that work out fine are harder to talk shit on, which is my job.

This week’s trail was a pick up hash, getting creative for the new year! Also it was a 1 pm on a Friday and having some sunlight for our hash was a nice change. Our first two hare’s and overall organizers Pink Cherry Liquor and Princess Diarrhea set up a variety of checkpoints with a “TN” aka “Treasure Near” and the first person to arrive at the TN became the hare for the next leg of trail. The treasure was booze obviously.

We started at Santa Cruz Mountain Brewery, where people could not decide whether it was too hot inside or too cold outside but after a solid alcohol layer most of the pack found themselves outside. Drinking was had, Hangs Loose and his dire wolf Poon Doggy (Chewie) were very popular amongst everyone in the brewery. Then it was time for hares to be off!

The first leg of trail led us over to swift and mission, across the road and up in the direction of the bike trail where the first treasure of cheap champagne was found.

AhhtoBahng Ständer was the finder of the first treasure and led us on a short but checked trail over by the small bike park off western and mission, here we found some mimosa to wash down the plain old champagne from the first check. Dung-fu then led us over to Antonelli pond although not before having a back check of 4 marks leading some of the FRB’s rather far. Boner Malfunction clearly could not read the “No Dumping” sign as he dropped trou just underneath it on this leg of the trail. We were then led on a smaller trail around the apartment complex and over the railroad tracks (Scary!).

We found treasure there with a bloody mary concoction. Thmp-thmp and Twisted Fister took trail over from there leaving Toilet Baby with Dung-fu, a good plan in case we could not follow their trail and we needed her to pick up their scent. They led us over to and through natural bridges where we drank a white wine next to the restrooms…maybe it really was just piss collected there. Ho to Housewife and Shallow Hole then took us through the neighborhoods where some hares had to wait for a man and some kids to pass by before they could show off their goods.

Apparently a similar incident happened when some harriettes scared off some teenage boys with their tits at a boob check, perhaps hashing when it is light out isn’t really for us after all as it scares the locals. Finally we made it to West Cliff and over the edge of a cliff where beer was awaiting us and we were able to relax and enjoy the waves.

From beer check we made our way over to Religion which was in the Re-store on the westside thanks to Dung-Fu. First up for down-downs were the harriettes who scared those teens with their tits, Cumcerto, Anal Fullcum, Pink Cherry Liquor, and Achy Breaky Snatch.

Naturally the package check boys were to follow for their down downs (AhhtoBahng, Boner Malfunction, Dual Tools and Saigon Sally). Then Saigon Sally called me out for drunk scribing (whatever, how else am I supposed to get through this shit?). I then had to drink again because I took a picture of Boner Malfunction breaking the rules and dumping *see photo*. Visitors then had to drink, Ahhhtobahng, Saigon Sally, Hangs Loose, Paki-sack, Dual tools up my ass, Anal Fullcum, and Boner Malfunction. Hangs loose and snapping twat were at the same interhash in 2001 and had to drink for being old? I missed that. I did not miss it because I was sleeping, however, that was dBased and he had to drink. As usual those who made the mistake of following dBased, Trans-Cunt-n-Anal, Cumfart zone and

Twisted fister had to drink, possibly to forget that they made such an obviously huge mistake. And the Hares! The many many hares, you can go up and read about who they were in the beginning of this post, I am lazy and this trash is long enough. Next week is the GLOW hash people! Bring out your glow sticks (take a moment on that euphemism).

The hash finally made its way back over to Santa Cruz Mountain Brewery even though I think it was supposed to be West End. Many stayed quite late drinking and shooting the breeze, it was a long hash and a shitty one for sure!

All that said, I would like to end this post with a quote from Dung-fu our RA, who said at the end of religion that this hash was “The human centipede of ass pain” I doubt many of us would argue that.

On-on,

Pussy Wood