Last week’s trail was our first anal (ouch!) Glow Hash, or at least first since I’ve been hashing… which really isn’t that long…. We met at Aloha Grill on Portola, a location selected by the hare pair of Pink Cherry Liquor and Fap Jack. When myself and Shallow Hole arrived the place was dead with the exception of the back room being filled up by hashers and glow sticks. I got a very nice flashback of the 90’s rave hysteria, which in turn made me feel warm and nostalgic. The warm feeling would soon fade as it was a rather cool evening. The grill continued to fill up and soon mortals were invading our space, so our hare pair decided it was time to take off, but not before a bunch of lies were spewed at us. I swear I heard there was a going to be a liquor check, maybe I was just being hopeful.
It was so cold out the pack debated not doing trail and just heading straight for religion, but despite our knowing better, we followed trail. At least we TRIED to follow trail. When leaving Aloha we couldn’t even find true trail, turns out Rat Pussy was standing right on top of the true trail arrow so it took us a while to find it. We originally started down Portola but as it turns out, 18th was the way to go… or was it? We ran into a check at 18th and E Cliff that gave the hares a serious lead. There were upcapped falses in what seemed every direction. We finally found a small drop of flour stashed behind a telephone pole taking us farther east down E Cliff. Our next check was at Coastview, right before Corcoran Lagoon. We were all SURE the trail went up Coastveiw, nope! So back for some more on E Cliff until we hit 24th where there was another check. Myself and New Kids on my Cock went up 24th checking for trail, heard a whistle on E Cliff but decided to keep going down 24th, where we would eventually meet up with the pack again at Fresno & Baker, where there was another check. We wrapped back around to 26th and then took the asshole way (asshole way = being on Portola the whole way time) to beer near at Twin Lakes at the end of 14th.
Beer Near made up for the asshole way as our hares greeted us with a great spot to watch the wild, incoming tide and supplied us with LED balloons. They had one request as they handed us each a balloon, don’t leave it behind and especially don’t let it go into the ocean. Well, not 5 minutes later we see New Kids kicking his balloon towards the ocean, We are all shouting “be careful”, “come back here”, “don’t let that go in the ocean”. He hears us yelling, turns around and walks towards us, leaving his balloon in the tide, I thought Miss PCL was going to make him sit in the corner the way she went after him! Dung Fu went and saved the balloon, and likely a few ocean critters in the process.
We decided it was time to move onto religion. Shallow Hole and I had parked on Johans Beach Drive thinking we were at the right spot to access Sunny Cove. As we approached her vehicle we saw some old school car and both assumed it was the beer wagon. So we approach and realize, THOSE ARE NOT OUR FRIENDS INSIDE! We interrupted some teens getting high in their car, funny….. They were actually super nice and complimented all our glow gear and we apologized for shining our headlamps at their squinty eyes, Turns out the access to Sunny Cove for religion was over on Sunny Cove Drive, who would have ever figured that shit out?
So, as each of us descended the slimy and slippery stairs onto the beach Finger Nips watched each of us intently then decided she didn’t want to have surgery on her knee again and went home to have her own religion. She likely picked up some young, hot stud on the way, smart woman! Timmy!!! was nice enough to bring a fire pit and ran into Bacon Queef and Just Foot Pussy (who didn’t do trail but came to religion for the free beer) who helped him get it down the stairs onto the beach. He even brought kindling and a brand new long-stem lighter to safely light the fire. Unfortunately, Timmy!!! could not get the damn thing to work. He flicked it and flicked it and flicked it again, this man didn’t give up. PCL decided it was time for a woman to step in, she looked at the lighter and found that there was a plastic piece on the end that was preventing the flame from coming out. Yes! This should do the trick…. damn it, it’s still not working! I decide there needs to be three hashers trying to light the fire now, so I give it a shot. I discover that the flame control is set all the way down, pretty much in the off position, so I flick that on and alas, we got fire. So, it takes three hashers to get a fire going but each one played an important part in figuring that difficult shit out!
Finally, we can get onto religion, our RA for the evening was Dung Fu. New Kids was given a down-down for his balloon fiasco , Wicked and Pussy Wood were given down downs for missing beer check, our hare-pair and Timmy!!! were given down-downs for wearing matching LED caps given to them by Mrs. Timmy!!! for Christmas, Timmy!!! was given another down-down for not being able to properly use a lighter and Achy-Breaky Snatch was given a patch for her 25th Surf City hash!
Before we could leave though, we felt the need to light fire to the abandoned Christmas tree that someone left on the beach. It’s been a wetter year that the last few here in Santa Cruz so it didn’t quite go up in flames but rather just kind of glowed and sparkled. Dung Fu brought his fire staff and brought that out for us all the try, I think most of us were starting to freeze through the first few layers of skin so we were happy to just watch him perform for us. I have no idea where on-on-on was, so touch shit if you want details on that.
Tonight’s trail will be hared by Dung Fu and we will start at The Crepe Place on Soquel. You know the drill, show up a bout 6:30 and drink some beer. Dung Fu promises this will have an option to make it a slightly longer trail but that he will keep the shorter distance hashers happy too. Hope to see you there!
On-On,
Ho to Housewife