We gathered at the Infamous Red Room in downtown Santa Cruz. CuntJungle was supposed to be haring but she is nursing a back injury so we let her slide. This was going to be her revenge on all of us as she is defecting from Cali and wanted to give us a nice challenging trail that we could all remember her by. Well, the best laid plans, like most of our trails, go awry.

We cut her some slack and she did run out….in her car….to get the beer for beer check. So she’s still in our good graces….but not by much!

DBased and Baker’s stepped up and hared the trail for her. That’s real chivalry on trail for ya. Or simply another excuse for them to show us the seedy side of Santa Cruz…Again….and Again!
If I ever get thrown out of my apartment I’ll know all the best spots in town where I can pitch a tent.

Meanwhile the Eagles had to contend with a seriously steep uphill that ended in a YBF!

And then came the numbered stairs of death….I stopped counting after 169!

We circled around the Cemetery, Costco, and all the usual haunts but no time to stop in at any of our usual watering holes and Puff was not a happy camper bout that. Bocci’s was calling his name but it fell on deaf ears.

Beer Check was brazenly held at the river levee overlook also known as a popular doughnut stop.

At Religion Accuprick performed his scintillating RA duties.

TestiCoil now has a whopping 25 hashes under his belt.

Wicked missed Beer Check….and continues to have to carry around that nasty hashshit stick. Thankfully he will get a reprieve when he has his hip replacement surgery on Feb 21.
Wishing him a speedy recovery in advance.

Also on the injured reserves list are Testi and JFP…..they shouldn’t be putting their fingers in places where they do not belong!

Thump complained that the Turkey/Eagle split was lame….what a whiner.

But what was even more lame were the jokes told by the two virgins.

Our hares, DBased and Bakers…and CuntJungle, were summarily punished and we said a hearty Farewell to CJ.

On On On was held at Pono and was very well attended.

Hash Trash #950

Burrito Aficionado Courtesy Flush and his lovely sidekick Bareback Unicrack reluctantly stepped up to the plate and offered to hare this weeks hash. Apparently Courtesy recently relocated his abode and has been scouting out all the scummy areas adjacent to the county jail, courthouse and levy…A shocking change from the laid back surfer dude vibe of pleasure point. Now he has to sharpen his martial arts skills and his navy seal survival knife.

Trail started at Callahans-whereby Timmy promptly and drunkenly left his credit card at the bar and the bartender had to frantically track him down just as we were circling up. Luckily Pinky was paying attention and was able to reunite the credit card with its rightful owner….her drunk Dad! ( Puff made me write this)

For once in the history of SurfCityH3 we were promised a short 2 mile trail for turkeys….and a slightly longer trail for Eagles….and miraculously the mileage matched. Although the trail was relatively short it was not without its trials and tribulations. And speaking of trials, CumFartZone decided it would be nice to stop and chat with the Santa Cruz County Courthouse security guards and tell them all about our running group. She had been following Puff, who took off in the direction of the Courthouse garage in an attempt to shortcut. The imposing guards informed us that the garage was off limits. While CFZ was regaling the guards with too much information the rest of the pack stealthily managed to skirt around the perceived danger zone.

On our way once again we ran into trouble…..Just Foot Pussy encountered a posse of teenagers, posing as security guards for their PRIVATE apartment complex. They and the on site manager were none to happy to have us hooligans running around on private property. This is becoming the theme of the night.

And we thought Santa Cruz was so friendly……….NOT!

The numerous package checks were awfully friendly though and JFP and Fap jack took full advantage of them – showing their romantic side by making sure their partners got an eyeful. Fap showed off his aerobatic pissing skills which totally enthralled JFP who looked on in disbelief at the high arching and long lasting stream. This group is SO easily amused.

Thump, despite numerous warnings about the violent hobos lurking in the bushes, takes off in a completely different direction from the rest of the pack. Trying to be clever by going off on his own he totally misjudged where the trail was headed and ended up on the WRONG levy waving frantically for his safety buddy….the HARE! We call this a DICK MOVE. We also call this Stupid, Idiotic, Moronic and just plain dumb. I think Thump learned his lesson and won’t go near any more “scary hobos” all alone and unarmed.

The Eagles apparently had their own trail fraught with more scary hobos under the bridge and a missing liquor check. Baker’s Doezen’t calmly strode back into the underworld to save the hootch. He proudly displayed it back at Religion and we are going to get him the Good Samaritan patch. He is great at rescuing lost people, cats from tall trees and condoms that end up in dark sweaty tunnels.

Beer Check and Religion were held at Curtesy’s new crash pad. It was hip, modern, functional and smelled like fresh baked cookies. What a nice touch. He is the hostess with the Mostess….along with OCD Bareback Unicrack who carefully organized all the beer cans in the frig.

If you didn’t want beer they also served hot chocolate and some fancy, expensive beer in a huge bottle. We loved the cool lights and all the nice decorating touches, especially the nifty eye glass organizational system.

Pinky was our RA for the night and started us off with “A Prayer”….and a song.

Unicrack scored a patch for 50 hashes, and Just Tia and Curtesy got called up for being racists. They should know better but they wanted to show off instead.

Pinky passed along the HashShit to Curtesy….who can use it on his daily morning runs to fend off the scary hobos!

All in all it was a delightful evening and some of the pack trudged to the Santa Cruz Diner for some real grub.

On On On,
CumFartZone

The hares promised we would see the light and we did! A motley crew showed up flashing, beaming and blinking despite the rain showers that chased us around all night. It was actually refreshing to be out and about…especially for me…. just back from the brink of a recent hell called “Influenza B.” Puff chided me for being derelict in my scribing duties and running off the Florida….all true….however I spent 5 miserable days and night hacking up a lung and breaking some ribs all while battling a high fever. So much for my spur of the moment little vacay.

Anyways back to the Santa Cruz Hash…..the much touted glow hash that Pinky pretty much demanded that we attend all adorned in our finest LED creations. She was so adamant that we all order our goodies at least a year in advance that she threatened to ban us if we did not comply.

Thankfully all of us heeded the warnings and the group set off from the Blue Lounge adorned in their twinkling attire. They marched down Pacific Av to raised eyebrows, raised beers and a few hefty tokes on that blunt.

As usual there were a few crazy checks and YBF’s. As usual we marched up and down the railroad tracks. And as usual we encountered a few homeless folks who were intrigued by our outfits.

After trudging through the rain soaked streets of santa cruz and up some very steep stairs we finally found beer check, a welcome reprieve after 3 and a half soggy miles. Electric labia land and her new hubby Butt Plug welcomed us into their brightly festooned garage. Butt Plug was frantically trying to trick out his helmet with extra lights so that he would avoid a down down at Religion for not following the dress code.

After beer check some of the pack were lured to yet another Liquor check a mile away just so they could score a lighted shot glass. The rest of the smart ones decided to shortcut to the parking garage knowing that we would be given the nifty prize anyways.

At Religion the hares admitted to using the MLK holiday to scout trail….which is the code word for any excuse to drink.

Puff had an unfortunate run in with a stop sign. He usually has run ins with the law but this time it was merely a sign. Maybe a sign from above to stop running around town in those dated OP shorts!

Dbased actually followed trail for a change….saying he had faith in the markings on trail. Did somebody lace his beverage?

FapJack celebrated a mere 200 runs….way to go and go and go.

Pinky conveniently forgot the hashshit AGAIN….maybe she has gopher scratch fever.

Just Tia, a newbie, decided to try us out for a second time. Guess we are not really that scary after all.

We profusely thanked our hares, Pinky, Fap and Bakers, as well as our beer meisters for the lovely evening.

Thanks to everyone who came out on a drizzly evening and turned it into another fun adventure.

On On On,
CumFartZone