The Annual SCH3 Wharf 2 Barf is now over and it didn’t disappoint.

There were…
Golden showers—twice!
Ball stealing
dBASED asshole-dom
Moving bums off benches to make way for LC
and
Virgin bailing

It all started on Thursday with Hash #808

Hashers started out at UnCommon Brewers with a tour of the facility and some good ol’ prelube.

The trio of Hares included Dung Fu Grip, Ho2Housewife, and Shallow hole who would set a trail so unexpected that Cum Fart Zone’s Virgin would bail quite quickly.

Trail took hashers over the railroad tracks where they stopped to gaze at a hasher-worthy parking job that made a solid resting spot for the cross rails.

Then hashers were off down the levee trail, over the bridge, and into the neighborhoods. Just Foot Pussy disappointed an otherwise happy child playing along trail by chucking his ball down the street. The kid chimed back with, “you just threw my ball.” No one stuck around to find out how that story ended.

Jiztiki made a virgin sacrifice and told (another) long joke when Cum Fart Zone’s virgin disappeared.

dBASED, asshole that he is, claimed he didn’t see the YBF and snared the hares. He saved Banana Basher because he was looking for a short cut. Banana was FRB. Yes, you read that right.

Then trail took hashers back to the Old Sash Mill where Beer Near was hosted out of the back of Shallow Hole’s hatch back. Religion was at the Old Sash Mill where we heard about our first golden shower at Warf 2 Barf. Turns out that Cum Fart Zone gets $300 for it on a typical Stay-n-Play. Word on the street is that surrogate cum is where the real money’s at though.

RA Accuprick punished Hairy Potter and Pedofiddler for their backsliding. Snapping Twat received the No Film Award for showing up late, but catching up before beer check. Timmy was given a down down for a “reach around” of a homeless guy in his way, which ThmpThmp witnessed so joined him for the down down.

OnOnOn was at Taqueria Los Pericos and that was the end of our first night of Wharf 2 Barf.

Now for day two.

Friday Hash #809 was an Oktoberfest pub crawl in July on National Tequila Day and that was just the beginning of sh*t gettin weird.

Hashers met at Tampicos for the first stop on a pub crawl led by Pink Cherry Licker and Fap Jack. There was plenty of time for crawling as half minds made a spectacle of themselves from bar to bar.

Something Blew visited from Illinois and had no trouble fitting in with this pack. Neither did the two virgins with Just Foot Pussy, Virgin Matt and Virgin Jenna.

Second stop was the Blue Lagoon where we took over the back room for a hasher sing along. Then onto Palomar for margaritas, and Rosie McCanns after that where Puff the Magic Drag Queen offered up chocolate and ponies to the ladies, luring them with a mention that there was more in his van outside.

Hashers ended up at the Red Room where Virgin Matt danced it up to close out the pub crawl.

That takes us to day three.

Saturday Hash #810 The Sausage Fest Picnic

The pack met at Forty Thieves Picnic Area at DeLaveaga Park.

Virgin Hare TransCuntNAnal and Finger Nips laid a trail through the woods that got hashers hot and sweaty.

Our second golden shower happened when Cock Throbbin made Dog Breath’s dreams come true by giving him a golden shower cumming off the German beer tasting box. Then Just Foosy was pants’d by PCL and hashers learned the married duo Bacon Queef and Just Foot Pussy have a rule that the penis helicopter is only for her so hashers got the penis wiggle.

The Beer Relay started with two rounds of hashers running ‘round trees of DeLaVega. There was lots of sabotage, deceit, and injury. Finger Nips, bra-less with a mouthful of ummm, beer, went on to win Beer Relay. Captain Save-A-Hole stepped up to redeem his Damsel in Distress Shallow Hole who was sabotaged by Dog Breath in the Beer Relay.

Shallow Hole was sabotaged so she in turn sabotaged Virgin Ben who was devastated and obviously new to our none-too-nice hasher protocol.

We had many visitors: Something Blew, Mister Wiggly, Autobahn Stardust, Rip Van Drunker, Dual Tools Up My Ass, USOh Oh Ohhh!, Eyeful Hands, Red Dress Baller, and husband-wife team of Popo Strip Show and SkaSkank Redemption

Dung Fu was Beer Fairy.

Twat Did You Say celebrated her 75^th Hash. Finger Nips celebrated 10 Harings. Trans CuntnAnal christened his first haring, Snapping Twat received her belated First Haring.

Virign Cerese warmed the crowd up with a joke then flashed them. Virgin Ben tried to tell a joke gave up and mooned the crowd. Virgin Jim told a pedophile joke that caused many groans.

PCL called Cum Fart Zone out for not know how to use the whistle on trail. She that the whistle meant come on and get me instead of a signal of on-on.

Banana Basher called PCL out for coming back from trail, shouting “I won the hash!” PCL was punished with a down down.

Mr. Wiggly was celebrated for hashing the longest, since 1986 or was it 1886? So then we called up all the hashers who weren’t born before 1986: Dung Fu, Dual Tools in My Ass, Rip Van Drunker, Rat Pussy, Autobahn Stardust, and Deadliest Snatch.

The great honor of Biggest Wanker of the Weekend awards went to Cum Fart Zone and Dog Breath who received the blessed Watermelon Heads.

Sunday Hash #811

This was the Monterrey Bay Hangover Hash with the best attendance yet!

Surf City tradition carried on with the hash at Pearl Necklace and Last Call Norm’s home. This year we paid homage to Last Call Norm who passed away two months ago and is sitting on her bar stool in the sky.

Shallow Hole, Ho2Housewife, Just Cerese (high maintenance DFLs) joined trail late.

Dung Fu was Religious Advisor and Deadliest Snatch was Beer Fairy.

We toasted the Hashers who made it all four days then gave a well-deserved toast to the Watermelon Heads again. The Pickle Passing game went on for a while and we give a shout out to the pickle that we imagine lying in rest somewhere.

Virgin Ronda, Just Foot Pussy’s Aunt, made Cum Fart Zone cum with one finger…it was a joke you dirty minds.

And that concluded Wharf to Barf.

A big thank you to our GMs and all the others who pulled this crazy thing together.

What we remember of it was a blast, Wankers!  We hear the rest was good too.

Your loving (don’t get excited Dog Breath) Hash Scribes,
Ho2Housewife, Cock Throbbin & Shallow Hole

We started at Hophead Public House in Scotts Valley and the pack must have been ready for trail because they were rowdy! Sitting out front, getting this group to calm down was hard to swing, but soon enough this hash got started.

Hares Shallow Hole, Twisted Fister and Toilet Baby set off and hashers finished their beers before setting out on trail.

The pack followed trail wondering the streets of Scotts Valley raising alarm with whistles, yelling and who knows what else as we made our way by the soccer moms and SUVs that are Scotts Valley on a typical day.

Toilet Baby made sure there was shiggy and water on this trail. We went over some hills and down in the tunnels.

Before we saw the light again and found beer to help us forget this sh***y trail.

Occasional Rapist was beer fairy. Virgin Tom disappointed everyone with a joke. Courtesty Flush was punished with a down down for bad grammar on trail and Summer’s Yeast celebrated her 25th hash.

On on on took us back where we started at Hop Head Public House because hashers know how to repeat offend when it comes to drinking!

On On,

Cock Throbbin

So there we were…

We’d left Castaways where hashers met to pre-lube before following hare pair dBASED and Occasional Rapist on another shitty trail that ended with another shitty view of the ocean at sunset.

Trail had us heading up 41st avenue where many drooled and looked longingly at the New Bohemia Brewing Co. as we ran by, but we pushed on with Just Dan’s jammy pack to rock the trail as we weaved through Capitola neighborhoods.

When we rounded a corner toward Pleasure Point and Just Pauline shouted out “Look, Free Wood!”

Most of us knew to look the other way assuming some hasher was exposing himself, again. Turns out Just Pauline was excited about some 4x4s on the curb.  We told her she’ll be getting lots of offers for free wood if she sticks around hashers long enough.

Trail took us through Morgan Lake Park where we ran along the lake and back into the neighborhoods for what looked like a final check, but the hare pair changed their minds and left a crossed out, faded, sorta trail mark that left us at a total loss on what to do next. We shrugged our shoulders and kept on running.

That’s when we ran up on dBASED and Occasional Rapist pondering the beauty of the ocean at beer check. The view calmed even our most agro hashers. Until a wave crashed against the rocks and soaked our tired lot. So we left our pretty perch and headed to Wicked Retahted’s for Religion.

Just Jennifer was our Beer Fairy. Accuprick was our Religious Advisor and our biggest pig (a title he proudly accepted and doggedly earned). Flip Flop on the Rocks was given a down down for backsliding. Hugh Heifer, Flip-Flop On The Rocks, Wicked Retahted and New Kids On My Cock were punished for missing Beer Check. Pink Cherry Licker was honored for her 50th Hash with us (get a life!)

Hashers talked about where to go for on-on-on so long that they stayed put in Wicked Retahted’s back yard around the fire. There are worse places for a hasher to end a night.

This trail was dedicated to Nippleless Butt, a hashing dog that is well loved and dearly missed.

May the hash go in peace.

On-On.
Cock Throbbin

A handful of hashers made it all the way to Aptos last Thursday night for Hash 793. It was Just Enzo’s naming hash, and Twisted Fister and The Human Pube were his co-hares.

Hashers met at Burger where they could look out on a scenic view from the deck. It was a charming scene until one dog had more than his fill and covered most of the floor in puke. That’s when hashers decided to round up.

The hares had left earlier with only one instruction, “Do it all or you’ll miss liquor check.”  They know how to get hashers to listen!

Trail started out through a creek and took hashers into the woods, through graffiti-lined tunnels where they had to watch for ticks and poison ivy.

Hashers choked down some brandy at Liquor Check before heading back out on trail.

Trail wound through the woods some more then dumped hashers out onto the Aptos streets. Some (un)lucky hashers followed a YBF at the top of a long hill before turning around to find beer check in an empty dirt parking lot.

Religion was just a short walk away. Religious Advisor, Accuprick, deemed FingerNips beer fairy for the evening. Dung Fu was called out for the crime of chivalry, Timmy!! was seeing UFOs, and Just Dan and Just Pauline were called up for being just crazy enough to attend their second hash.

The Hares were called up for their shitty trail that earned Just Enzo his new hash name: Toilet Baby. He loved that creek enough to make the name fit.

On-On-On was back at Burger where hashers settled in for another beer and maybe another after that…as hashers do.

That’s the hash trash for Hash 793!

May the Hash go in peace.

Cock Throbbin