Our hares for this hash were Occasional Rapist and dBased…and it showed.
Getting good and ready for trail
We started at Sante Adarius and only Banana Basher found the turkey eagle split, which was apparently by the police station, so the whole pack basically ended up on eagle against their will. There was a mudslide LC and the trail was very long and pretty uneventful wandering in and out of neighborhoods and getting a bit lost out in Capitola with some pretty stops overlooking the ocean.
I hated these stairs…
At religion everyone was hungry and pissy so it was quick and efficient. Dung Fu was our RA and he did a pretty good job getting through it. 6 of 9 showed up for Religion with some sketchy blue drank of his own. Dung-fu , achey and visitor moose knuckle got a down down for jumping in a pool on trail. PCL had a story but we told her to shut up because we wanted to get out of there and then ended up singing her a song and defeating the purpose of shutting her up in the first place! (A bunch of half minds for ya!)
And the Hares!
There were lots of Analverseries to get through, Butt balls at 325, Vaginal Repair Kit at 25, Bareback Unicrack at 25, Rat Pussy&Deadliest at 75 and PCL for 25 consecutive. Our visitor Moose Knuckle from Taiwan then sang us a song and we were happy to sing our hares and be done with the whole ordeal so we could eat!
This last thursdays hash was just a circle jerk around town by our lazy hares New Kids on My Cock, HangsLoose and dBased. We started off at the Food Lounge where we were the only customers!
We were alone in the place!
Trail was relatively straight forward from there around town until we found ourselves at the turkey eagle split where Turkeys found themselves at a rather far YBF. We could not recall the last check (we are still convinced it did not exist but New Kids claims it existed…lies!) I thought TIMMY was going to blow his lid he was so pissed at that. The Turkeys decision was to turn the fuck around and head over to Pono for a drink but miraculously we came upon trail coming down water street which led us right into the Rush Inn for beer check! We enjoyed a few pitchers there before making it over to religion on top of the cedar and locust street parking garage.
Rush Inn Beer Check
Rat Pussy stepped in as RA as it was a relatively small pack that night and we were lacking our usual RA’s and he chose Trans-Cunt-n-Anal as his beer fairy. The first tale from the trail which I rather enjoyed was Steamy Baaahnorhea’s discovery of a bag of shit on trail which he referred to as “salsa and tortilla chip” and Genital Tongs said the real liquor check was apparently hidden under the ass of a homeless lady – which Steamy confirmed was true with his “pornographic memory”.
Our useless hares
dBased ended up getting a down down for that as he is apparently the one who placed the liquor check there for the homeless lady for “boofing” (look that up on urban dictionary). I am frankly rather glad I did not do Eagle, it seemed to be a shit show…literally. Genital Tongs also called herself out for blood on trail as she apparently started her period on trail. Turkeys did not even get a chance to find the liquor check because the trail was such a disaster! We were then able to move on to far more depressing affairs, like the fact that Puff hit 800 consecutive hashes, I mean shit! Get a life man!
Celebrating Puff’s 800 Consecutive Thursdays of Bad Decision-Making
We discussed some upcoming announcements, Fog City RDR happened on Saturday, PCL can no longer go on the Aids ride so feel free to go but the organizer has dropped out! We then sang happy birthday to our useless hares!
Even so, it’s still barely enough to eclipse the tragedy of Trail 875.
Everyone waiting to get on with it already!
A really, REALLY long YBF to begin a trail with puts the pack in a pissed-off mood, a theme which a continuing terrible trail only served to reinforce our disappointment. We now know why Pink Cherry Licker hared this trail alone, any hound with compassion refused to participate with her in committing this capital crime.
The trail started off at Callahan’s and went around town and by the levee. Beer Check was on the cul-de-sac end of May Avenue at Grant Street Park. There was a playground that was not safe from hasher use.
Scaring off the children
Accuprick was the RA with Genital Tongs as his beer fairy. Just Foot Pussy managed to reach 69 hashes, get a life dude! Virgins Mishi and Gaby contemplate their options for Joke, Song or Body Part. Mishi spit out a joke while Gaby went the bare-ass route. Sorry, harriers, Puff is retaining that picture for ‘personal use’. And the hare… Pink Cherry Licker. This trail reeked to high heaven of pre-lay but being so very crafty about it, no one was able to snare the hare.
On-on-on was as Sake restaurant and was well-attended. Here we see Genital Tongs, TIMMY!, Hangs Loose, Pink Cherry Licker, Fap Jack, Just Jo, Bacon Queef and CumFart Zone waiting on the first (of many) rounds to be delivered.
Genital Tongs ordered tea but said she wished she’d ordered sake. Our chef said, Open wide and received my liquid load! She could barely swallow what he deposited in her mouth!
My first hash back after running around France and it sure was shitty!
Making sure to take the class of Severino’s down a few pegs as hashers start to take over the patio
Got things started off at Severino’s where the average age is 85 I would argue as I passed the lady with the eye patch and oxygen tank on the way to the bathroom. After taking the classyness of the joint down a couple notches we got things started. Our hares Accuprick, Little Anal Annie and Butt Balls were our hares. We went up to Soquel and crossed the road and got confused a bunch before finding trail leading us up to a trail into Nisene Marks.
Beer Check in the woods!
We wandered around in the woods a bit but trail was short and sweet like this trash (my favorite) and we found beer check in a nice open area down below. PCL was running around marking people with chalky handprints and Dung fu was feeling cocky with his water gun. We left beer check and headed out and back in the direction of Severino’s to have Religion in the parking lot of the offices next door. Dung fu was our religious advisor and threatened people with his cock (scary stuff!). Vaginal Repair Kit was first up for blood on trail!
And the Hares
We had a couple of backsliders including myself (my bad). Broke Bench and Cumz out my Nose autohashed (lazy bastards!). There was an AWFUL singing of a new pirate song, the lyrics were wrong and it was bad, going to have to have a re-do on that and Courtesy Flush who printed them out was given a down down for the awful typos and trusting the internet. And of course, the hares got what they deserved! On on on was at Burger and things I am sure got out of hand there as well.
The trash for 874 and 875 are going to be a mix of bold-faced lies and straight up plagiarizing from Puff’s Hash Flash emails since the scribes decided to skip the thursday bullshit and I thought Courtesy Flush was worth putting trust in (my bad!)
That said:
Start at Moe’s Alley
We’ve survived an attack by three horrible hares. Lots of uphill, lots of poison oak, a cemetery and a beertendress that couldn’t wait to get the hell rid of us. None of these characteristics are indicative of a good trail. A trail employing a trio of hares, especially ones of such low quality, exhibit an innate tendency towards a high degree of entropy. Curse them and their progeny.
It appears the start was at Moe’s Alley and trail went through a variety of golf course like areas and forest, all of it looked like bullshit from the photos. Beer check was by Harbor High School and religion was led by Accuprick and Milkacockus was beer fairy.
Trying to escape the hell that is trail!
Courtesy Flush, Pink Cherry Licker and Broke Bench Mountain were punished for missing trail. That explains why Courtesy couldn’t fill in as scribe as he said he would! Hangs loose got a down down for his pansy ass fear of PO. Zion got his official name of Junk Puncher and his parents got a down down for that as well. Our hares found some nice alliteration with Slonad, Stubrub and Steamy Baaanorhea and we hope they don’t find each other again.
And the hares!
We set another milestone on Flickr the past week. Viewings of our Flash have passed the two-and-a-half-MILLION mark. you’re an international laughing stock.
Turkey? Eagle? This week it didn’t matter, they were both too long and too shitty! I clocked turkey in at 4.93 miles and I believe eagle was a mile or so longer than that. Dung fu grip our hare did promise to get some miles in and he did just that. We started things off at the crepe place where the usual suspects came in to booze up before trail.
Oh sorry did you want to get through?
We hit trail and immediately Zion decided pissing in the middle of the road while crossing over to Charlie Hong Kong’s was okay, that one still needs some training! We lost Courtesy Flush almost immediately at the promise of food in the form of gyros (a Mediterranean burrito basically). Trail led this way and that, PCL put in a rogue boob check on the overpass when we saw the group trailing us was all guys.
The usual shenanigans. We made our way up and through the golf course a through a bit of PO shiggy.
Ho to Housewife was kind enough to share some insight on the eagle adventures (which sounds like a total shit show) and sent me this blurb: “so eagle trail…. we thought the Eagles were only ourselves, cock throbbed, fucked over, dog breath and dbased but turns out today is Monday, yellow prickly load & Puff were also on trail….somewhere…. there was a shit load of PO, we saw a bat in the bat cave, we went to the top of the world where there were stoners rolling joints, we didn’t see a check until mile 6…. which was just fine to let us just go and run….
Eagles!
Dung fu left us a flashlight before going into the woods (we didn’t know there were people behind us so we took it)… fucking chivalry on trail, I flashed my total and fucked over flashed his ass at the hwy 1 over crossing on Morrissey. If this doesn’t make sense it’s because me and shallow, cock throbbin, Cum pumper and Waxi pad have been wine tasting since noon.”
At the bum wine check where a second turkey eagle split awaited us many eagles said fuck that and went turkey with the rest of us. Courtesy made an appearance and Bareback needed an explanation as to why he didn’t not bring her any food, and he proceeded to make an elaborate story about how he was abducted by aliens and anal probing and he dropped the gyro when he was being taken up to the ship or some shit. We went on from there through some forest and back onto the road where we crossed over the freeway at Morrissey. Something confusing happened when it felt like Dung-fu hare snared us by running up behind us after dBased and TIMMY!! passed…but trail was already laid ahead of us…still unclear about what happened there but it happened!
Seeing Princess Carry Accu’s doppelganger through the neighborhood was awesome
We eventually made our way to dung-fu’s house for beer check and then finally puff’s for religion, granted it seems puff was on eagle so long he missed beer check and we got back to his place before he did! The same for Yellow Prick Load and Today is Monday who showed up only to religion (major DFL’s!) so they got the first down downs. Accuprick was our RA and Just Emily was beer fairy. Pearl Necklace, the virgins and Justs, and My little bony didn’t run either trail it seems and short cut like crazy so they got down downs for their bad behavior. Ho to Housewife and I got down downs for being animal people, she for saving skunk babies and me because someone asked if Just Ziggy (Fucked-Over Fest’s dog) was a male or female so I just flipped the dog over while it was laying down to check (male in case anyone gives a shit). Dung-fu got a down down with Timmy and dBased for the strange snaring event. Then we had Virgins!
Lots of backsliding and new faces tonight!
Virgin Shay was made to cum by Just Emily and she tried to bring Boney into things and he had the proper response of “Just shut up and show your tits!” which she ignored at first by going on a long-winded story about losing her hash virginity and how it never goes right the first time like over sorts of virginity-losing events. She did eventually show her tits so that was nice and Virgin Al who was also brought by Just Emily then came up and PCL said “You don’t have to tell a long winded story if you just want to show your tits” so she listened and went straight to the good stuff, yay tits! Cumfart Zone then came up and asked if anyone lost a ball while pulling a golf ball out of her cleavage. So we sang her the “why was she born so beautiful” blah blah song and ended it with “she’s no fucking use to anyone she’s only got one ball” so that was some solid improv. Everyone was then somehow shocked TIMMY hasn’t managed to bust his metal martini glass. Accu lost his whistle but Dung fu found it and it served as a reminder to those who don’t bring a whistle that they should, so wankers sans whistles had to drink. Dog Breath just wanted to drink so he called out himself for backsliding and Bony got a down down as well for that.
Our crazy hare Dung-fu
Dung fu our hare and Just Mars had to go up and drink because she said she was a fucking frb and “won the hash”, I believe she also gave us some tit action so the Justs and Virgins were a pretty obliging bunch this hash! Announcements that so far nobody has purchased wharf to barf rego except grassy-ass. Looks like its going to be lonely at this point…so buy those! Enjoy this last trash for a while from me wankers, see you in a few months!
