Never thought you would see the day when a scribe was actually waiting on Hash Flash to be up so they could post the Trash did you? Well the apocalypse is here so make sure you get Rat Pussy to help you stock up on your booze for the end of the world! Anywho, here is the short and shitty post for the short and shitty trail.

We started things off a Steel Bonnet brewing in Scotts Valley, a nicer establishment than I suppose a lot of the pack is used to but we were behaved for the most part. We didn’t get far before we hit our first speed check…and then another…and another until we finally made our way into a park. The frogs were so loud we couldn’t hear the people up ahead and Brokebench did one of his high-pitched horror movie screams and the frogs got shut down it was impressive. The same jokester also made a star wars joke with a trashcan lid (see photo)

. Ultimately we just got circle jerked to beer check. I was the first to find beer check and it was just Hugh huddled in the dark with her little red wagon filled with beer who looked at me and said “SHHHH SIT DOWN WITH ME AND BE QUIET” so we creeped in the dark until the rest of the Turkey pack arrived. Since eagle trail was longer we just waited for a while until we saw the first headlamps over the hill at which point some worked REALLY hard to shut us the fuck up so we could creep in the dark and make the eagles go out of the way before making it to beer check. We were quiet for a quite a while not counting the various burps and farts. Turkey trail was only just over a mile, the eagles got taken up and around and SHOULD have had to circle jerk but Shallow had to wise up and yell “HEY GUYS THERE IS A SHORTCUT!” What a buzzkill! Honestly shit didn’t get too weird on trail other than what I already described, it was short. I can tell you it was in fact, a shitty trail, no really, Chewie took a shit the size of an infant and Princess later stepped in what she described as a “greasy” shit (ewwww), someone’s dog is getting into the bacon grease!

Then it was time for religion in the business park nearby the start. Probably the most shocking tale from trail was that 6 of 9 ACTUALLY PAID! Shocker! (not that kind of shocker) He also got his 50^th hash patch. Steamy Baanorrhea and I got our 25 hash patches, and accuprick reached 200 (get a life!). This week also came with quite a few backsliders, Princess, Brokebench, Hangs Loose, Thmp, Slownad and our RA, Accuprick. At some point some muggles walked by and the song went from hash-worthy to Thmp singing “row row row your boat…” but Hangs Loose clearly didn’t get why there was a switch because he proceeded to continue with “gently up my ass”. That’s one place to park a boat I suppose. Shallow got her down down for ruining the Turkeys fun and her man Waxi Pad got his for showing up only to start and religion. Finally the hares! Thanks for the short and shitty trail Hugh Heifer and dBased, but I think next time I’d rather sit here on my computer drinking a beer than run your shitty trail.

On On,

Pussy Wood

Honestly, this trail had potential to go wrong in so many ways, and shockingly, it did not! Is this an omen for this new year of hashing? I hope not, trails that work out fine are harder to talk shit on, which is my job.

This week’s trail was a pick up hash, getting creative for the new year! Also it was a 1 pm on a Friday and having some sunlight for our hash was a nice change. Our first two hare’s and overall organizers Pink Cherry Liquor and Princess Diarrhea set up a variety of checkpoints with a “TN” aka “Treasure Near” and the first person to arrive at the TN became the hare for the next leg of trail. The treasure was booze obviously.

We started at Santa Cruz Mountain Brewery, where people could not decide whether it was too hot inside or too cold outside but after a solid alcohol layer most of the pack found themselves outside. Drinking was had, Hangs Loose and his dire wolf Poon Doggy (Chewie) were very popular amongst everyone in the brewery. Then it was time for hares to be off!

The first leg of trail led us over to swift and mission, across the road and up in the direction of the bike trail where the first treasure of cheap champagne was found.

AhhtoBahng Ständer was the finder of the first treasure and led us on a short but checked trail over by the small bike park off western and mission, here we found some mimosa to wash down the plain old champagne from the first check. Dung-fu then led us over to Antonelli pond although not before having a back check of 4 marks leading some of the FRB’s rather far. Boner Malfunction clearly could not read the “No Dumping” sign as he dropped trou just underneath it on this leg of the trail. We were then led on a smaller trail around the apartment complex and over the railroad tracks (Scary!).

We found treasure there with a bloody mary concoction. Thmp-thmp and Twisted Fister took trail over from there leaving Toilet Baby with Dung-fu, a good plan in case we could not follow their trail and we needed her to pick up their scent. They led us over to and through natural bridges where we drank a white wine next to the restrooms…maybe it really was just piss collected there. Ho to Housewife and Shallow Hole then took us through the neighborhoods where some hares had to wait for a man and some kids to pass by before they could show off their goods.

Apparently a similar incident happened when some harriettes scared off some teenage boys with their tits at a boob check, perhaps hashing when it is light out isn’t really for us after all as it scares the locals. Finally we made it to West Cliff and over the edge of a cliff where beer was awaiting us and we were able to relax and enjoy the waves.

From beer check we made our way over to Religion which was in the Re-store on the westside thanks to Dung-Fu. First up for down-downs were the harriettes who scared those teens with their tits, Cumcerto, Anal Fullcum, Pink Cherry Liquor, and Achy Breaky Snatch.

Naturally the package check boys were to follow for their down downs (AhhtoBahng, Boner Malfunction, Dual Tools and Saigon Sally). Then Saigon Sally called me out for drunk scribing (whatever, how else am I supposed to get through this shit?). I then had to drink again because I took a picture of Boner Malfunction breaking the rules and dumping *see photo*. Visitors then had to drink, Ahhhtobahng, Saigon Sally, Hangs Loose, Paki-sack, Dual tools up my ass, Anal Fullcum, and Boner Malfunction. Hangs loose and snapping twat were at the same interhash in 2001 and had to drink for being old? I missed that. I did not miss it because I was sleeping, however, that was dBased and he had to drink. As usual those who made the mistake of following dBased, Trans-Cunt-n-Anal, Cumfart zone and

Twisted fister had to drink, possibly to forget that they made such an obviously huge mistake. And the Hares! The many many hares, you can go up and read about who they were in the beginning of this post, I am lazy and this trash is long enough. Next week is the GLOW hash people! Bring out your glow sticks (take a moment on that euphemism).

The hash finally made its way back over to Santa Cruz Mountain Brewery even though I think it was supposed to be West End. Many stayed quite late drinking and shooting the breeze, it was a long hash and a shitty one for sure!

All that said, I would like to end this post with a quote from Dung-fu our RA, who said at the end of religion that this hash was “The human centipede of ass pain” I doubt many of us would argue that.

On-on,

Pussy Wood

This week the hash really had balls! Lots and lots of balls!

Balls for the children to kick and juggle! The annual toys for tots was upon us and the hares, Summer’s yeast, Stub Rub and Fifth hole got the party started at JJ’s where Finger Nips was sharing her willie warmers with the crowd, in this cold weather I hope they can handle the shrinkage!

After some drinks and some group pictures that even managed to get the elusive Puff who stays behind the camera, we wandered over to Redz and dropped off the toys. Then trail really started, leading us pretty quickly to a YBF at main and soquel. Once we got back on trail we wandered through a nice neighborhood and had a Liquor Check in the dark forest and we almost ended up in a river! A  hare arrow from Dung Fu looked a lot like “JPF” and we thought Just Foot Pussy forgot his own name (not entirely surprising). We carried on through neighborhoods before finally making it back to Redz where the party really got started!

Shout out to Summers Yeast for letting us do beer check and religion in her salon and tarnish the fine establishment! The cheese, crackers and various other snacks were great!

Religion was a shit show. Poor dung-fu could not quiet our loud asses!

Shady Curtains was our beer fairy since he is leaving to Narnia soon *insert going back into the closet joke here*  and we will miss him dearly! Hugh Heifer got a down down for abandoning her coat in a bowling alley at North-South but she will get it back in due time. Ho to Housewife and Dog Breath were given down downs for playing in puddles.

We also had a Virgin! Virgin Phil who Accuprick picked up at JJ’s, a fellow rugby player. He fit right in with his song knowledge, turns out Rugby playing and hashing go hand in hand! He also reminded me of the awful performance given by Russel Crowe in Les Miserables the movie. We also discovered he lost his virginity in an el camino. Virgin Phil also serenaded Wicked Rehtaded and the other lazy bastards who didn’t run trail!

Just Foot Pussy bled on trail and

Fifth hole also earned her first Haring patch!

Dbased got his 669th hash (Get a life!) and Cumfart Zone hit the 25 mark! On-after happened was at Tampico’s and it appears some willie warmer modeling happened. Fhac U is next week and I am sad I will not be seeing you hashers until next year! Happy Fucking Holidaze Wankers!

On-on!

Pussy Wood

Well seeing as everyone seemed to be under the weather from a variety of hypothesized causes: Wicked’s blunt? The chip bowl at AGM? Sharing drinks and god knows what other personal items? It was only fitting we should have a keg of “Weather Pattern” from Discretion at the start (which we tapped by beer check).

An attempt was made at having half minds bring their own cup. I tried to remind myself and sadly fell amongst the group that completely forgot, which was quite a few. We started at Ocean View Park with Cheek n Dong visiting from Slut H3 and our very own Fap Jack as the hares. I think the overwhelming theme of the trail was “YBF”. Things slid down the hill from the start in a playground (YBF#1) and under the bridge amongst a plethora of hobos (YBF#2) who actually had some kind words of encouragement. Dung-fu, Rat Pussy and I decided to stop with the FRB shit for a minute and enjoy a playground on trail.

I may have kept Dung-Fu from fathering children (you’re welcome humanity) by getting off the see-saw first and giving him a bit of a slam in the balls, sorry! Quickly after that there was YBF #3 by the boardwalk. We made it across the train track bridge near the boardwalk onto east cliff and after solving a check on seabright followed our way onto the beach. We then quickly went back up and had our beer check at point loma and then over to the santa cruz museum amphitheatre for religion. I was Beer Fairy for the first time! The first wankers to drink were those that didn’t get sick followed by my down-down for slamming dung-fu’s balls complete with a re-enactment of the entire scene. Complaints from AGM included PCL and FapJack’s sobriety (sad!) and FapJack cursing Fingernips pipe (also sad). Occasional Rapist and Pedofiddler were amongst the many to get words of encouragement from the hobos under the San Lorenzo river bridges and courtesy flush got a down-down for backsliding, what is new? The hares then proceeded to drink for the obnoxious amount of YBF’s and just for being hares.

Frankly I missed how things wound up going from there to an agreement that chef’s should drink and finally that lesbian’s needed a down down (of which there are MANY in the hash, more than I previously thought that’s for sure!). Cumfart Zone finally gave a sad attempt to explain how you tickle the prostate with her voice nearly gone so we cut that short. And on that note, the pack finally made it’s way over to Seabright for (mediocre) food and drink at on-after. Hopefully people are feeling better by this weekend for the variety of hash festivities!

On-on,

Pussy Wood

Frankly I do not know why my scribe requirements are needed at all since Puff said it all in the Hash Flash email, but either way here is my side of the story! Trail this week was laid by Dung-fu and Ho-to-housewife and if we learned any lessons its that more than one turkey eagle split can lead to confusion amongst a bunch of half-minds.    It started from coasters, a bar in the boardwalk bowl I have never had the pleasure of imbibing cheap drinks in. It then went on through the boardwalk and over the railroad tracks (though many of us said fuck that and walked on the nice safe pathway alongside the tracks). I have to say the sunset liquor check on point loma was

arguably the least shitty party of trail and there were plenty of cherries to be popped along with it. The whole pack after being properly liquored up then proceeded to go down a false on Pilkington but it was quickly sorted out before again being confused by what wankers thought to be a mis-labeled turkey eagle split since two turkey-eagle splits were promised (it was actually just a plain old two-pronged check).

This led to poor Cumcerto and Puff being led on a false trail for likely too long before reuniting with the pack. Luckily for them the larger turkey group continually fucked up the proper trail so they were able to catch up. Pedofiddler marked trail wrong TWICE (she got her deserved down-downs) and visitor Apple bobber helped her in this by following a random runner (NOT a hasher) at the corner of Logan and Seaview and leading the whole pack astray. Somehow, however, everyone managed to make it to another liquor check (and finally beer check) and the second eagle split led the three brave souls willing to do it (puff, pedofiddler and cumcerto) on a much longer journey that I don’t know the details of.

Religion was a whole other bout of fuck-ups. Dung-fu made a convincing spectacle as a Jesus impersonator. For tales on trail we discovered our visitor apple bobber shed blood on trail (also his 69^th hash), puff almost killed a cat apparently, and summers yeast got a down down for some reason I missed (get over it I am not perfect). Dung-fu was thrilled that anyone ran his eagle trail since apparently this same trail happened before with no takers last year (apparently he does not learn his lesson). Let’s also give awful husband award to Just Foot Pussy who decided his wedding ring was already old and shitty enough to open beer bottles with (sorry Bacon Queef). And on that note Princess made it clear you wankers need to bring whistles and openers. When I was a “just” Accuprick called me out for asking people “do you have a thing?” [bottle opener was implied, or so I thought] so bring your own thing.

Some final announcements were made that next week is dress to the 69’s! Dress like its prom night and maybe you will get lucky! Also AGM is Nov 12^th and its $25 at The Palomar. Finally the religion was just about done when dBased decided to leave his car (After sitting in it like a creeper for 15 minutes) and join the pack, obviously that warranted a down-down.

And saving the best for last, the karaoke at on-after was epic. Some solid singing and dancing all around. PCL perfected love shack, Electric labia land managed to find the longest song in the song book and everyone knew their place when it came to back-up dancers. Highlight: PCL knocked Electric labia down to the ground in a 4 person mosh pit brought about by Just foot pussy’s song choice, she is okay (other than PTSD that will surely come from the incident).  I cannot wait to see what insanity next week’s hash will bring!

On-on,

Pussy Wood

While I would love to plead the fifth hole on this trail and never discuss it again, I have unfortunately made it my duty to share it with you all.

The hares Pink Cherry Liquor, Fap Jack and Dung-fu got things started at Callahan’s, a very classy establishment that we then tarnished with our half-assed formal attire.

The cheap (and stiff!) drinks and that Santa Cruz incense smell was a great place to pre-lube while also affixing fake mustaches, playing an awful game of pool and chit chatting.

All was well until the pack had to actually attempt trail. Right off the bat dBased was gone into the night leading the whole pack in the wrong direction and we only got back on trail thanks to Thmp (that should have been a chivalry on trail down-down).

Once back on trail we went walking along the poorly lit path and ended up on Branciforte. After a frogger-like cross of the road we were led through a neighborhood to PCL and

FapJack’s home for the classiest Liquor Check this hash has likely ever seen. Tiny martini glasses with gin or vodka and olives to top! It’s a shame Puff and dBased didn’t make it to this stop. We carried on trail back over to the seabright area. As the pack came out of an alley at San Juan and Parnell dBased appeared out of the darkness (who knows where he was, we would love to see the GPS trail of where he was the entire hash).  Princess mentioned we likely passed by the home of a woman who had given shit to her for being a hasher on a previous trail with our indecent and apparently difficult to remove chalk markings (perhaps next time trail leads by there we could sing her a hash song, possibly the one that goes “fuck you” a lot). Finally after a substantial amount of walking, where the most exciting thing to happen was Bacon Queef yelling “Penis”as a church service was getting out, we arrived at the home of Dung-fu for beer check where the classiness of the appetizers was cancelled out by the shittiest beer ever (Simpler Times).

Soon after the pack wandered over to Casa de Puff for Religion.

Religion went a little something like this. Puff and Virgin Kevin were called out for their lack of fancy attire (although the in-n-out Hawaiian shirt on Virgin Kevin was pretty slick). Puff and dBased (shocker) didn’t make liquor check and got down downs for that (their loss!). We found out Timmy was apparently ditched at SJC, let’s pray for his safe return.  Rat Pussy got not one, but TWO chivalry down-downs for bartending and purple dicks. The backsliders gave some excuses about their lack of hashes, Herpes Handcock was in a coma from excessive masturbation and Courtesy Flush tried to give some long excuse that I think boiled down to being too busy eating burritos to hash. Bacon Queef got her down-down for scaring church-goers with her love of “PENIS!” and she felt like calling Thmp out for excessive urination on trail. Then it was time to sacrifice virgins and we found out there was incest among Virgin Kevin and his sister Just Jo because she made him cum. Both Virgin Kevin and Virgin Sasha’s jokes fell on deaf ears as everyone was focused on seeing some intimate body parts, but alas none were to be seen. We also had a naming!

Just Maureen will now be known as “Fifth Hole” from here on out because when we asked her what her favorite sex position was she said she wanted to “take the fifth” but being the half-minds we are we could not figure out what the fifth hole was that she enjoyed taking it in!

In conclusion, we definitely put the “ass” in “class” with this hash wankers.

On-on,

Pussy Wood