Why I need to hash scribe when puff sends out hash flash emails like that still baffles me, but I am a half-mind so I am often baffled. This week Thmp and Princess (our hares)had some serious backsliders crawl out of the woodworks for them!

The crepe place was poppin’ with hashers many of which I did not recognize. Once we finally managed to head out we hit a speed check immediately…and about a million others along our route. There was a debacle involving one of the speed checks and Pink Cherry Liquor where she went the wrong way and threw the pack off despite her denying the incident or having some sort of story I feel like there were lies thrown around by everyone and placing blame on her is much easier!

Once we got led around here and there for a while like many times before we found dBased off on his own, he didn’t fall for PCL’s tricks and actually ended up on proper trail solving on the speed checks for the pack who fell about 15-20 min behind. We eventually got to JFP and Bacon Queef’s for beer check, tits were shown, pussies were pet, beer was drank and packages were delivered. After all that good stuff we got over to Casa de Puff’s for Religion.

Dung-fu was our religious advisor and the first order of business was to down-down those backsliders! Banana Basher, Broke Bench, Dog Breath, Apple Bobber, Bacon Queef, Pedofiddler (we will get to that), Tits n Game and Moose Turd Pie all got their down downs! Most of them came down with the zika virus in some form, which explains the shrunken brains characteristic of microcephaly they seem to exhibit. Tits n game wasn’t coming because she wasn’t cumming, someone help her out! Moose Turd Pie was in Yosemite frolicking in the forest. Pedofiddler said her name was awful and she demanded a new one, since the hash could not seem to have remembered her muggle name (Even before she had a hash name) the general confusion Jessic-jenn-jang-GENITAL TONGS as named byFingernips emerged and she had a new hash name.

So from here on out she will be known as “Genital Tongs”. We had some visitors as well Michael fuckin Vick (as he put it, “you throw a beer can in the direction of a dog ONE TIME”) and Trashbag Coochie were visiting from Humboldt. I think Broke Bench attempted to sodomize Dog Breath and the plastic chair, rather than be involved just decided it was better to die and it exploded, they got a down down for that.

This is why Puff has so many chairs because when you have hashers over you definitely can’t expect to get your security deposit back. We also had a VIRGIN! Virgin Cassie had a simple but good joke with “How do you make 5 lbs of fat look good?”…You put a nipple on it. Which is factual. PCL got her backcheck scandal down-down. There were some more down-downs given something about dog breath having a flashlight up his ass or something I forget.

We also had beer day celebrations! Thmp and Michael fuckin Vick got their song. Finally the hares! Thmp-thmp and Princess laid a truly shitty trail! It’s the gay chicken team next week with Twisted and Dung-fu leading the way through a shitty trail!

On-on,

Pussy Wood

So what, they were a week late to the game, but that was easily forgotten as the pack was immersed into the Mardi Gras spirit!

The lack of tit and package checks was disappointing, but otherwise a truly amazingly shitty trail! It started with lots of beads and as much beer as the single Santa Cruz Mountain Brewer Bartender could handle! Fingernips is clearly an experienced hasher because she went across the way for a beer and smuggled it easily over to SCMB. The trail was short and shitty, but we somehow made it to the alleyway behind Timmy’s house. Seriously liquor check was hurricanes and then we were suddenly behind Timmy’s house this trail was SHORT, but no complaints here.

Upon arrival at casa de TIMMY! We were greeted with fire, Gumbo and a shitty atmosphere of hashers. We had a quick religion with backsliders and visitors getting shit first: Summers yeast, Fifth hole, Arabian Goggler,  Drink n Squirt and Accu Prick our religious advisor himself with a backsliding beer fairy Cock Throbbin. We had a Virgin Nate who discussed his issues with midget abuse (future name if he makes it to his 5^th hash). I am glad Just Foot Pussy had the balls to complain about the lack of tit and package checks.

I will say that on in was the best part of trail. Homemade gumbo, a big happy birthday fuck you to PCL and LIVE BAND made this hash a special one! If you missed the cajun hash band there is video up on the surf city fb page. Hopefully this trail finds itself on the list of best hashes at AGM!

Also, if you wankers didn’t make it out to the CAN’d red dress yesterday you missed out! Talk about a party! Can’t wait until ours!

On-on,

Pussy Wood

Never thought you would see the day when a scribe was actually waiting on Hash Flash to be up so they could post the Trash did you? Well the apocalypse is here so make sure you get Rat Pussy to help you stock up on your booze for the end of the world! Anywho, here is the short and shitty post for the short and shitty trail.

We started things off a Steel Bonnet brewing in Scotts Valley, a nicer establishment than I suppose a lot of the pack is used to but we were behaved for the most part. We didn’t get far before we hit our first speed check…and then another…and another until we finally made our way into a park. The frogs were so loud we couldn’t hear the people up ahead and Brokebench did one of his high-pitched horror movie screams and the frogs got shut down it was impressive. The same jokester also made a star wars joke with a trashcan lid (see photo)

. Ultimately we just got circle jerked to beer check. I was the first to find beer check and it was just Hugh huddled in the dark with her little red wagon filled with beer who looked at me and said “SHHHH SIT DOWN WITH ME AND BE QUIET” so we creeped in the dark until the rest of the Turkey pack arrived. Since eagle trail was longer we just waited for a while until we saw the first headlamps over the hill at which point some worked REALLY hard to shut us the fuck up so we could creep in the dark and make the eagles go out of the way before making it to beer check. We were quiet for a quite a while not counting the various burps and farts. Turkey trail was only just over a mile, the eagles got taken up and around and SHOULD have had to circle jerk but Shallow had to wise up and yell “HEY GUYS THERE IS A SHORTCUT!” What a buzzkill! Honestly shit didn’t get too weird on trail other than what I already described, it was short. I can tell you it was in fact, a shitty trail, no really, Chewie took a shit the size of an infant and Princess later stepped in what she described as a “greasy” shit (ewwww), someone’s dog is getting into the bacon grease!

Then it was time for religion in the business park nearby the start. Probably the most shocking tale from trail was that 6 of 9 ACTUALLY PAID! Shocker! (not that kind of shocker) He also got his 50^th hash patch. Steamy Baanorrhea and I got our 25 hash patches, and accuprick reached 200 (get a life!). This week also came with quite a few backsliders, Princess, Brokebench, Hangs Loose, Thmp, Slownad and our RA, Accuprick. At some point some muggles walked by and the song went from hash-worthy to Thmp singing “row row row your boat…” but Hangs Loose clearly didn’t get why there was a switch because he proceeded to continue with “gently up my ass”. That’s one place to park a boat I suppose. Shallow got her down down for ruining the Turkeys fun and her man Waxi Pad got his for showing up only to start and religion. Finally the hares! Thanks for the short and shitty trail Hugh Heifer and dBased, but I think next time I’d rather sit here on my computer drinking a beer than run your shitty trail.

On On,

Pussy Wood

Honestly, this trail had potential to go wrong in so many ways, and shockingly, it did not! Is this an omen for this new year of hashing? I hope not, trails that work out fine are harder to talk shit on, which is my job.

This week’s trail was a pick up hash, getting creative for the new year! Also it was a 1 pm on a Friday and having some sunlight for our hash was a nice change. Our first two hare’s and overall organizers Pink Cherry Liquor and Princess Diarrhea set up a variety of checkpoints with a “TN” aka “Treasure Near” and the first person to arrive at the TN became the hare for the next leg of trail. The treasure was booze obviously.

We started at Santa Cruz Mountain Brewery, where people could not decide whether it was too hot inside or too cold outside but after a solid alcohol layer most of the pack found themselves outside. Drinking was had, Hangs Loose and his dire wolf Poon Doggy (Chewie) were very popular amongst everyone in the brewery. Then it was time for hares to be off!

The first leg of trail led us over to swift and mission, across the road and up in the direction of the bike trail where the first treasure of cheap champagne was found.

AhhtoBahng Ständer was the finder of the first treasure and led us on a short but checked trail over by the small bike park off western and mission, here we found some mimosa to wash down the plain old champagne from the first check. Dung-fu then led us over to Antonelli pond although not before having a back check of 4 marks leading some of the FRB’s rather far. Boner Malfunction clearly could not read the “No Dumping” sign as he dropped trou just underneath it on this leg of the trail. We were then led on a smaller trail around the apartment complex and over the railroad tracks (Scary!).

We found treasure there with a bloody mary concoction. Thmp-thmp and Twisted Fister took trail over from there leaving Toilet Baby with Dung-fu, a good plan in case we could not follow their trail and we needed her to pick up their scent. They led us over to and through natural bridges where we drank a white wine next to the restrooms…maybe it really was just piss collected there. Ho to Housewife and Shallow Hole then took us through the neighborhoods where some hares had to wait for a man and some kids to pass by before they could show off their goods.

Apparently a similar incident happened when some harriettes scared off some teenage boys with their tits at a boob check, perhaps hashing when it is light out isn’t really for us after all as it scares the locals. Finally we made it to West Cliff and over the edge of a cliff where beer was awaiting us and we were able to relax and enjoy the waves.

From beer check we made our way over to Religion which was in the Re-store on the westside thanks to Dung-Fu. First up for down-downs were the harriettes who scared those teens with their tits, Cumcerto, Anal Fullcum, Pink Cherry Liquor, and Achy Breaky Snatch.

Naturally the package check boys were to follow for their down downs (AhhtoBahng, Boner Malfunction, Dual Tools and Saigon Sally). Then Saigon Sally called me out for drunk scribing (whatever, how else am I supposed to get through this shit?). I then had to drink again because I took a picture of Boner Malfunction breaking the rules and dumping *see photo*. Visitors then had to drink, Ahhhtobahng, Saigon Sally, Hangs Loose, Paki-sack, Dual tools up my ass, Anal Fullcum, and Boner Malfunction. Hangs loose and snapping twat were at the same interhash in 2001 and had to drink for being old? I missed that. I did not miss it because I was sleeping, however, that was dBased and he had to drink. As usual those who made the mistake of following dBased, Trans-Cunt-n-Anal, Cumfart zone and

Twisted fister had to drink, possibly to forget that they made such an obviously huge mistake. And the Hares! The many many hares, you can go up and read about who they were in the beginning of this post, I am lazy and this trash is long enough. Next week is the GLOW hash people! Bring out your glow sticks (take a moment on that euphemism).

The hash finally made its way back over to Santa Cruz Mountain Brewery even though I think it was supposed to be West End. Many stayed quite late drinking and shooting the breeze, it was a long hash and a shitty one for sure!

All that said, I would like to end this post with a quote from Dung-fu our RA, who said at the end of religion that this hash was “The human centipede of ass pain” I doubt many of us would argue that.

On-on,

Pussy Wood

This week the hash really had balls! Lots and lots of balls!

Balls for the children to kick and juggle! The annual toys for tots was upon us and the hares, Summer’s yeast, Stub Rub and Fifth hole got the party started at JJ’s where Finger Nips was sharing her willie warmers with the crowd, in this cold weather I hope they can handle the shrinkage!

After some drinks and some group pictures that even managed to get the elusive Puff who stays behind the camera, we wandered over to Redz and dropped off the toys. Then trail really started, leading us pretty quickly to a YBF at main and soquel. Once we got back on trail we wandered through a nice neighborhood and had a Liquor Check in the dark forest and we almost ended up in a river! A  hare arrow from Dung Fu looked a lot like “JPF” and we thought Just Foot Pussy forgot his own name (not entirely surprising). We carried on through neighborhoods before finally making it back to Redz where the party really got started!

Shout out to Summers Yeast for letting us do beer check and religion in her salon and tarnish the fine establishment! The cheese, crackers and various other snacks were great!

Religion was a shit show. Poor dung-fu could not quiet our loud asses!

Shady Curtains was our beer fairy since he is leaving to Narnia soon *insert going back into the closet joke here*  and we will miss him dearly! Hugh Heifer got a down down for abandoning her coat in a bowling alley at North-South but she will get it back in due time. Ho to Housewife and Dog Breath were given down downs for playing in puddles.

We also had a Virgin! Virgin Phil who Accuprick picked up at JJ’s, a fellow rugby player. He fit right in with his song knowledge, turns out Rugby playing and hashing go hand in hand! He also reminded me of the awful performance given by Russel Crowe in Les Miserables the movie. We also discovered he lost his virginity in an el camino. Virgin Phil also serenaded Wicked Rehtaded and the other lazy bastards who didn’t run trail!

Just Foot Pussy bled on trail and

Fifth hole also earned her first Haring patch!

Dbased got his 669th hash (Get a life!) and Cumfart Zone hit the 25 mark! On-after happened was at Tampico’s and it appears some willie warmer modeling happened. Fhac U is next week and I am sad I will not be seeing you hashers until next year! Happy Fucking Holidaze Wankers!

On-on!

Pussy Wood

Well seeing as everyone seemed to be under the weather from a variety of hypothesized causes: Wicked’s blunt? The chip bowl at AGM? Sharing drinks and god knows what other personal items? It was only fitting we should have a keg of “Weather Pattern” from Discretion at the start (which we tapped by beer check).

An attempt was made at having half minds bring their own cup. I tried to remind myself and sadly fell amongst the group that completely forgot, which was quite a few. We started at Ocean View Park with Cheek n Dong visiting from Slut H3 and our very own Fap Jack as the hares. I think the overwhelming theme of the trail was “YBF”. Things slid down the hill from the start in a playground (YBF#1) and under the bridge amongst a plethora of hobos (YBF#2) who actually had some kind words of encouragement. Dung-fu, Rat Pussy and I decided to stop with the FRB shit for a minute and enjoy a playground on trail.

I may have kept Dung-Fu from fathering children (you’re welcome humanity) by getting off the see-saw first and giving him a bit of a slam in the balls, sorry! Quickly after that there was YBF #3 by the boardwalk. We made it across the train track bridge near the boardwalk onto east cliff and after solving a check on seabright followed our way onto the beach. We then quickly went back up and had our beer check at point loma and then over to the santa cruz museum amphitheatre for religion. I was Beer Fairy for the first time! The first wankers to drink were those that didn’t get sick followed by my down-down for slamming dung-fu’s balls complete with a re-enactment of the entire scene. Complaints from AGM included PCL and FapJack’s sobriety (sad!) and FapJack cursing Fingernips pipe (also sad). Occasional Rapist and Pedofiddler were amongst the many to get words of encouragement from the hobos under the San Lorenzo river bridges and courtesy flush got a down-down for backsliding, what is new? The hares then proceeded to drink for the obnoxious amount of YBF’s and just for being hares.

Frankly I missed how things wound up going from there to an agreement that chef’s should drink and finally that lesbian’s needed a down down (of which there are MANY in the hash, more than I previously thought that’s for sure!). Cumfart Zone finally gave a sad attempt to explain how you tickle the prostate with her voice nearly gone so we cut that short. And on that note, the pack finally made it’s way over to Seabright for (mediocre) food and drink at on-after. Hopefully people are feeling better by this weekend for the variety of hash festivities!

On-on,

Pussy Wood