All posts by dbased

Hash 934: Last Minute Lazy hash

October 30, 2017Uncategorizeddbased

Since most of the pack is away…..the mice will play! Come to Capitola to see the full moon rise….and I don’t mean we will be dropping trou…..well maybe we will….cause you never know around here. We will scamper around this quaint and colorful village by the sea, leave our droppings and annoy my neighbors! I might even have some tasty snacks to entice you to cum out and play.

That was the hash invite. I guess all that electrical stim did something to my naughty bits and made me sign up to be a last minute co-hare with Pinky. Why do I get myself in these predicaments? I just can’t say no…especially if they beg!

So a few of us outcasts showed up at the Brit. Wicked rode his bike over from the Point but forgot his bike lock….so I climbed the dreaded Capitola stairs yet again to bring him a bike lock. He is forever indebted to me. My thighs were throbbing from those stairs. Maybe a massage is in order rather than a lame thank you note.

Two lonely FACU members showed up as their pack also abandoned them for some stupid event called InterAm in Phoenix. Dual Tools and Shanhainey quickly bonded with their orphaned Surf City brothers and sisters. Somehow we managed to assemble a small pack for the evenings festivities. Cum You Will Not and Jizz were also happy for the company from over the hill.

Steamy Baanorrhea rose to the occasion and offered to hare the Eagle trail. He even had his emergency kit of flour in the car which made him the official 3rd co-hare.

For a last minute hash we assembled about 18 half minds to play hide and seek.

Pink and CumFartZone quickly mapped out a route….and Steamy ran off on his own and almost got arrested at the Capitola Police Station with his 2 overflowing water bottles filled with a mysterious white powder. He also just escaped a hare snare as well at that location. He diverted his path and went on his merry way. Lucky guy.

Meanwhile Pinky did some sort of a loop around the village hoping to reconnect the second part of the trail with CumFartZone’s trail. She got a little sideways but reconnected at the entrance to Depot Hill where all three trails finally converged. Talk about a cluster fuck! CFZ got hopelessly lost in her own hood as she attempted to point out all the charming features such as the rising moon and the large bird sculptures made out of shells. While she was flailing around several hashers snared her but she went giggling off into the darkness once again.

At beer check we were joined by three foreigners who quickly discovered that they could score free beer by just merely practicing their strange accents. I think Real Boring Bitch had something to do with their appearance. If nothing else they provided us some great entertainment at Religion.

Poolside religion is always interesting and Dog Breath always manages to get wet. Thankfully he left his undies on as to keep my neighbors from calling the cops….again!!

The virgins were visiting from Sweden. One told a terrible joke about ribbon benches ( I think he meant benches with wooden slates) in which a naked guys penis and balls are pulled through the ribbons/slates. I can say no more, as the joke was really gross.

The second bloke sang The Saints Come Marching In in Swedish, and the third dude sang a Swedish military song about keeping Sweden white. Hmmm how timely and racist! Perfect for Santa Cruz. We just laughed and smiled politely as they swigged more of our beer.

On to our official business….Bakers Dozen’t had 25 CONSECUTIVE hashes and he got Pinky’s “Toser” necklace. That’s another story for another day. I am not really sure what that necklace is all about. Maybe she will tell you next time.

Real Boring Bitch was on his phone trying to show the Swedish guys a picture of IHOP – the visiting hasher with the artificial leg.

There was talk about nominating some new folks for some old jobs….we need a Beer Meister or two.

Step up to the plate and volunteer for a good cause.

Elections aka erections will be NOV 9 at El Palomar.

The party continued at the Brit for more food and more beer and laughs.

All in all a good shitty last minute lost in Capitola Hash.

On On On,

CumFartZone

Hash 933: Short and Shitty (whats new?)

October 30, 2017Uncategorizeddbased

Another short shitty last minute trail by Pink Cherry Licker.

We started at Takara Sushi, near the mall.

Everyone without dogs ended up inside of target, where yellow sticky notes were used instead of chalk or flour.

Very clever except that once we got into the mall the little yellow sticky notes disappeared. Not sure if the janitor swept them up or some snot nosed kid grabbed them.

But some of us….Occasional, Jizz and CumFartZone were left to our own devices and a bad sense of direction.

Nevertheless Occasional was adamant that she heard from Wicked that there was flour outside the mall, perhaps on 38th so off we went. CFZ put out a distress call to UrineCider and he responded that the pack was nearby. Thankfully we all reunited like a bad 80’s song.

It seemed that it got rather dark quickly and the sea of flashlights finally led us up to Brommer park for Beer Check and Religion. It’s like a BOGO…..buy one, get one.

Lately we have been choosing that option…the combo plan. This was perhaps the shortest distance so far between stops.

We chastised the backsliders…..like SixONine who broke some ribs and was down and out for a bit…so what else is new? CourtesyFlush, Cunt Jungle also have been remiss in their attendance. Lame excuses about snuggling with pussy….but who can blame them.

We had a visitor from down south….Gorilla Whorefair. We had folks running from warrants and towards some Red Trolley beer. I think he is planning on relocating to our neck of the woods with his lovely spouse.

Wicked remembered his friend and surf icon, Lars, who recently departed this earthly plane.

Cum You Will Not was a very good girl and got an A for boob check. Accuprick noted that she hides her famous red lipstick between those beautiful mounds of rounds. That’s his words not mine. I think Jizz was also in on this action. There was some confusion about birdshit on the RR tracks being mistaken for hash marks.

Accu needs to back of the green stuff.

Cheek and Dong created some gorilla tit checks. There is always one in every crowd.

All in all….a dark shitty trail and a burrito to boot!

On On On,

CumFartZone

Hash 932: Mawwiage

October 30, 2017Uncategorizeddbased

Holy Sweet Matrimony, Wedded Bliss and all that Crap.

So DBased and Occasional tied the knot four years ago in some secret ceremony.Since none of us were invited to the actual wedding they decided to let us all in on their extreme love drunk escapades by re-enacting their honeymoon by inviting all of us to trudge around in the darkness searching for some cheap champagne and a confetti condom. We all wore headlamps as a show of solidarity to DB for his valiant effort to find the hole. I am sure that there was some sort of Geocache type prize in there. You know he likes to go on wild goose chases and sign his name on a tiny scraps of paper as proof of his finds. Most likely he tattooed his name down there so he can gaze upon his precious treasure every day!! I think he may be a bit obsessed with that game. Then again he is also obsessed with Hashing too. I think there is a pattern here.

Anywho……..We all gathered in force to celebrate the momentous anniversary but first had to decipher some navigational way points in order to find the start.

Gosh darn this game thing can be a bit annoying. My Uber driver was less than thrilled.

Can’t just give us an address…….NO Sir…that would be too easy for us half-minds. Gotta make us work for our beer. Speaking of beer…..it was stuck in traffic………along with most of us. So much for living in a sleepy little beach town.

Once we all managed to find the start off we went…..through the woods and over sandy hills. We were treated to a most spectacular sunset and a few stopped for photo ops.

Back on trail we found the dreaded railroad tracks again….however we were pleasantly surprised to find them needle and litter free. Capitola sure does know how to discourage the riff raff.

Beer check was staged at a lovely little overlook and the champagne was flowing, along with Dbased’s little sweet nothings which he kept whispering to his glowing bride.

I just envy them….such a perfect couple!! And he is so so affectionate. Too much PDA is never a bad thing with them.

Back at religion we officially celebrated their anniversary to the tune of El Camino….which seemed appropriate at the time.

We also celebrated the year’s Beer Meisters: Thump Thump, Princess, Just Foot Pussy and Bacon Q and I think Broke Back and Cums was mentioned as well. Sorry but I was a bit too looped from all the bubbly to take accurate notes.

Then they called me up there for something….I have no clue why but I gladly drank some of the shitty beer just to be a good sport.

Pinky screamed on trail – actually it was on the RR tracks just after we left Beer Check. We thought it may have been Occasional getting some in the bushes but sadly it was just a huge rat running for his life, away from the Hashers.

So Rat Pussy and Pinky got a down down.

Shallow Hole celebrated a mere 269 hashes…Get a Life.

A few folks thought it would fun to shortcut, not once…but twice. That would most likely be Thump Thump and Princess – those clever and sometimes clueless ex GM’s. Somehow they also managed to be FRB’s and then DFL’s. Perhaps all the love in the air also drove them to get a piece on trail.

In addition to a piece or two on trail there was also PEE on trail…MR JFP! SoPizzOnYa and ShitOnYa….In Russian that means I love you….again in keeping with the theme of the evening. I just love romance.

Virgin Carla wowed us with a a joke so memorable that I actually remembered it.

What is the difference between a G-Spot and a Golf Ball?

A man will actually look for a golf ball!!!!!

Oh yeah…go ahead and laugh.

And so here is to that elusive G-Spot…..Make sure the batteries in your headlamps are fresh and toast one or twelve to the happy couple and hapless hares….DBased and Occasional Rapist.

Thanks for the mammories you crazy couple.

Sweet ON ON ON’s…..

CumFartZone.

Hash 931: Nautical Nonsense

October 26, 2017Uncategorizeddbased

A perfect day for sailing into the end of summer with a nautical themed hash. Sadly, only one person got the memo…..that would be the Princess. She was resplendent in her blue and white striped yachting attire with matching captains hat. The rest of the ruffians were in their usual tired, tattered and smelly running rags. Princess and Cum You Will Not are in a race for the years best dressed hasher.

As folks milled about the Blue Lagoon, the hares made a beeline for the front door to check on their pre-laid trail.

At the appointed time the pack took off….Luckily Vag spotted them earlier trying to lay a false….so he knew which direction we should head. Vag saved the day and hours of wandering aimlessly.

Thankfully it was an easy trail. I missed last week but I heard it was brutal. So the pack was in a good mood as we meandered through lovely neighborhoods, chatting among ourselves.

After about 2 easy miles, we did cum upon a rather large 69 strategically placed at the home of Bacon Queef and Just Foot Pussy. We also combined our creative juices to draw encouraging and racy messages to JFP & his sexy wifey. He later made us a thank you video.

Most of the pack backtracked to the start….and then onto the beer check location.

Turns out that Jizz had no idea what the “69” meant….Imagine that! He still is pretty virginal.

So he follows blindly follows Princess hoping to be clued in on the magical meaning of “69”. And then magically Puff shows up out of nowhere and joins this merry band. They all manage to show up at Beer Check DFL.

We were told that Religion would be at Seabright Beach….but technically we never made it onto the beach. Instead we walked a mere 20 steps to the end of the overlook parking lot to engage in Religion.

Bakers and DBased led the evenings proceedings.

A few folks missed the LC….like Wicked and Flip Flop. But most did not – including TestaCoil and Real Boring Bitch cause they won’t pass up free booze no matter how horrid it tastes.

We recognized people who can’t count to 69. There was mention of Timmy and his special needs.

And Project Cumway was called out for something…..maybe it was also 69 related.

Snake Me Anywhere had to be different and drink wine instead of beer because her standards are low.

Seems she fits right in with this crowd.

Princess, Jizz and Puff got a down down for holding hands, skipping into beer check and for chivalry on trail.

How sweet.

Backsliders were Ska Skank, Wicked, Project Cumway…but there was a lot of complaining about too much head on the beer. It is always something with this crowd. Can’t please everyone.

Dbased lost his precious headlamp but CumFart found it and thus we sang him the Vagina song.

We had an auspicious analversary….Princess logged in at a whooping 269 hashes. AMAZING.

Maybe now she will share the secret of “69” with Mr Jizz.

We cheered our Hares, Pink Cherry Licker and Thump Thump and then we went off in search of more beer and pizza.

On On On

CumFartZone

Hash 929: Chrome Dome Dumb

September 13, 2017Uncategorizeddbased

We started at Moe’s Alley and should have stayed there for the music rather than subject ourselves to another shitty trail.

But seriously it was a blissful trail…only a few measly miles compared to our recent death marches. Apparently the Eagle trail wankers were treated to some cold, frosty delicious drink called a mudslide. I suppose it was worth it as the turkeys got nothing except some twisted ankles and a lot of complaining from a few disgruntled walkers.

Wankers in their natural habitat, the back of a shitty bar

I am not sure what these whiners want out of a hash….a custom air conditioned stretch limo with unlimited beverages and a servant to wipe their ass when they have to take a crap? Grow some balls people otherwise stay home munching cheese doodles and chips from the comfort of your lazyboy.

There was a lovely beer check at the home of stub rub and summer’s yeast plus an opportunity to share in the coveted mudslide libation and use the indoor plumbing.

At Religion, which was preceded over by our infamous Accuprick, we welcomed yet another virgin, Pedro, from Argentina. He showed us his ass…no big deal, but thankfully we were spared a lousy joke.

We had some backsliders…such as TestaCoil, Steamy B and Stub Rub. Just Foot Pussy, playing the beer meister and jokester role, tried to pull the cooler from underneath CumFartZone’s ass just as she was settling in to scribe.

Luckily she has quick reflexes and a medical emergency was diverted. Dog Breath had blood on trail as did Just Foot Pussy…we are calling his injury “wounded knee” in honor of his heritage. Perhaps we should carry a first aid kit on trail. Some lucky wankers got to hear and see owls. See, it pays to do trail and not sneak off early. Many thanks to Steamy and Stub for a wonderful trail. I especially liked the crackling of the power lines above my head.

On On On

Cumfartzone

Hash 930: Dogbreaths revenge

October 30, 2017Uncategorizeddbased

*NOTE: The entirety of this trash is copy-paste from Puff’s flickr photo captions of this trail.

First Responders Today Is Monday, Dual Tools, TIMMY!!, Princess Di(arrhea) and Jizziki unabashedly raided the beer trough with impunity. Due to the Fear Level, only a small pack assembled at Wilder Ranch for another Dog Breath-Baker’s Dozen’t Death March. Co-hare Baker’s Dozen’t mentally concocts the lies he wishes to mislead the pack with for Instructions of Trail. As hares Baker’s Dozen’t and Dog Breath prepared to deliver Instructions of Trail, I noted the heft of their flour bags. I fear even the Turkey’s are in for a visit to mortal Hades this evening!

Eagle Trail hare Dog Breath tells us about the beautiful scenery and history we will see. I fear some of us may become part OF history while attempting this trail. Virgins Obe and Paul listened intently as dBASED explained the marks they may see along trail. As this turned out to be a major Shiggy Fest, they saw little other than flour and, after a hell of a long time, the BN. The most dangerous creature we encountered this evening was our hare-pair. Cum You Will Not and Princess Di(arrhea) were no doubt humming the Beatles’ tune, The Long and Winding Road before reaching the promised waterfall. A few more hundred degree days and it will fade into history though.

The remnants of a large lime kiln were seen, with an LC mark. Sadly, all the Eagles were shorted here as one of the Turkey hounds absconded with the Jagermeister! Stay tuned though, this thieving dog, which turned out to be Cum-you-will-not will be punished during Religion.

Virgin Obe sang a song for Joke, Song or Body Part. Here we see him serenading us with a drinking song from his native Norway. Someone recorded this tune and translated it via a computer program. According to the translation, Obe found us repulsive, foolish and large scale drunkards. Thank you, Obe!! Dual Tools(Up My Ass) and Today Is Monday served the role of ambassadors from the FHAC-U H3. Just an excuse for a free beer knowing these two jokers though. And the hares… Baker’s Dozen’t and Dog Breath. Trail scenery was beautiful but an ATV would have been a vastly superior means of conveyance though. On-on-on was held at Burger.

The vast majority of the pack hit the bar first thing. Yeah, it was a long 5 minute drive here from Religion, I can understand how everyone got so damned thirsty after such a long time without a drink!

On on,

Mostly Puff the Magic Drag Queen, copy-pasted by the worst scribe in SCH3 history Pussy Wood

Surf City Hash House Harriers

A drinking club with a running problem in Santa Cruz

All posts by dbased

Hash 934: Last Minute Lazy hash

Hash 933: Short and Shitty (whats new?)

Hash 932: Mawwiage

Hash 931: Nautical Nonsense

Hash 929: Chrome Dome Dumb

Hash 930: Dogbreaths revenge