Hash # 948:  Dark and Stormy, Hot N Ready Hash on January 11, 2018

Despite the name of this hash, the weather was actually clear and very pleasant on the east side of Santa Cruz.  Princess Di (arrhea) and Thmp Thmp summoned the pack to Castaways on Portola.  A bunch of backsliders came out of the woodwork for this hash.  Honeymooners Rat Pussy and Deadliest Snatch left their bedroom for once.  Speaking of honeymooners, Fucked Over Fest has been reclusive since he got married.  Somehow he got a pass to come out to the hash.  My Little Bony left his bar stool at the Double O for the evening.  Occasional Rapist came back from vacationing in Cuba and Twat Did You Say? Was able to get a babysitter for the evening.   Six of Nine showed up and tried to lure Virgin Tia into taking a ride with him.  She declined.

Trail started out he back door (of course), but circled around the front to Portola.  It took a while to get started.  We had to solve a tricky back check on Portola, but we finally found our way.  We toured a lovely trailer court, then ended up going left on 38^th.  There was a long trek down the nasty railroad tracks, only to find a YBF and a boob check.  After that nastiness, we then headed towards Opal Cliffs.  We circled back to 41^st ave and were treated to a circle jerk around Frenchies parking lot.  There was a liquor check on 41^st ave with the best coconut rum I’ve ever had.  I just read that coconut oil helps improve brain function in patients with Alzheimer’s.  I wonder if the same is true for coconut rum?  It’s worth a shot, right?  Trail then continued down 41^st Ave to East Cliff Drive.  But instead of going straight along the ocean, we got detoured inland a couple times before finding beer check at the end of Rockview Drive.  The Hares treated is with Dark and Stormy cocktails and of course beer!  I got 3.58 miles on my GPS.

Religion was back at Wicked Retahted’s house where a bonfire and hot and ready pizza awaited us.  Courtesy Flush was super excited to find Zima in the cooler.  Pink Cherry Licker was also on the Zima bandwagon.  We had a couple Analversaries.  Dog breath celebrated his 325^th and Courtesy Flush celebrated his 75^th Surf City Hash.  Get a life!  Virgin Tia told a lame joke.  Welcome to the hash!  The back slider list was too big to count.  Achy Breaky Snatch and yours truly got some free save the horses shirts that no one else wanted.  Pink Cherry Licker tried to get rid of the Hash Shit, but no luck.  It’s all yours baby!  And last but not least, the Hares…..

On On,

Shallow Hole

Tis the season for the Anal Xmas and Tacky Gift Exchange Hash with FHAC-U.  Worm opened up his house to host this hash for the umpteenth year in a row!  We did not see his wife, who was reportedly hiding out somewhere in the house.   There was a big turn out for the event.  I counted 15 Surf City hashers who made the trek over the hill to Los Gatos.  Pink Cherry Licker drove a bunch of them over in her van.  There was plenty of food and drink to keep everyone jolly.   Puff was a big hit with the canine residents of the house who got a whiff of the treats in his bag, and then wouldn’t leave his side.

Worm and Drink n’ Squirt were the Hares.  It was a clear, but brisk night in the 40’s and only a handful of hashers actually did trail, including myself, dBASED, Achy Breaky Snatch, Courtesy Flush and Puff.  The rest of the pack ate and drank at the house.

The first part of trail was a roughly 2 mile loop around Worm’s hilly neighborhood and back to his house.   We got to warm up for a bit and enjoy a cocktail before heading back out into the cold night.   The second part of trail was a short jaunt to downtown Los Gatos to the Black Watch bar for kamikaze shots.  Downtown Los Gatos was pretty festive with some  nice light displays.  However, the most colorful characters of the night were the hashers.  The locals were quite entertained at the freak show parade.  We stopped a 2 more bars before heading back to the house.  I got 4.59 miles total.

The tacky gift exchange did not disappoint!  Someone got a bag of rocks, someone got a bunch of condoms, Achy Breaky Snatch got a freaky “love kit”.  But the best gift of the night had to go to Pink Cherry Licker!  She chose the biggest box and got a LOG!  Yes, a real log.  Hope they have a fireplace!  

It was a fun night!  A great time was had by all!  Thanks to Worm for hosting!

And last but not least, the Hares, for a shitty trail!

On On,

Shallow Hole

Hash # 943- Anal Toys for Tots Hash on 12/7/17:  Will drink for the children’s sake!

Hashers have few redeeming qualities, but once a year, they will cum out in droves to drink beer on a chilly night to collect toys for needy children.  Instead of 8 bucks, hashers needed to bring a toy to donate.  I remember Banana Basher telling us years ago that doing charity events makes the hash more socially acceptable in the community.  Ha ha!  We tried to tell that to the cops one year and they told us “We should be ashamed of ourselves for collecting toys for charity while drinking alcohol!”   Our Hares were Stub Rub and Steamy Baanorrhea.  We gathered at JJ’s saloon in Soquel dressed in festive holiday attire.  Summer’s Yeast has a Toys for Tots collection box at her salon.  We were allowed inside the salon briefly to drop off the toys, but were ushered out quickly so we didn’t destroy anything.  I guess she’s learned her lesson from previous years.

Trail was a death march.  Not!  It was a whopping 2.23 miles according to my GPS.  We had a short shiggy section down a steep ravine and had to climb up the other side.  We passed through the Soquel High School grounds through the trails.  There was a liquor check.  It was a jug with some kind of white stuff in it, that tasted surprisingly not so bad.   We ended up going down the slide through Blue Balls Park and ended up at beer check at Lion’s Park on Main Street.

Religion was in back of JJ’s.  Accuprick was RA.  Deadliest Snatch was Beer Fairy.  Princess Diarrhea, Wicked Retahted, Rat Pussy and My Little Bony got called out for not doing trail.  There were a couple Analversaries.  Summer’s Yeast celebrated her 50th and Baker’s Dozen’t celebrated his 75th Surf City hash!  Get a life!  A bunch of hashers drank for not carrying a bottle opener.  Hashers always need to be prepared folks!  Pussy Galore drank for being a back slider.  She’s been hanging out in Bangkok these days.  Testicoil brought a goat’s foot with him.  Not sure why.  Said he bought it at a flea market and his wife chases him around the house with it.  Nice foreplay.  Must turn him on since they are expecting.  Timmy got called out for not bringing the hash shit with him.  Give him a break.  He has dementia.  And last but not least, the Hares……………..

Once again, S H I- T T Y- T-R-A-I-L!

On On,

Shallow Hole

By some miracle, El Palomar let us cum back again this year to celebrate AGM and trash their banquet room.  I guess they know they can make a lot of money on alcohol sales.

If only all elections were this easy! It’s been a very emotional week in American politics, but let’s focus on the positive.  Hash politics!  In the Surf City hash world, Half Minds from all walks of life (usually) get along.  WE DON’T CARE about race, color, religion, food preferences or sexual orientation!   All we care about is shitty trails and drinking beer!  It’s a dysfunctional family that seems to work just fine.  Believe it or not, the hash doesn’t run on it’s own.  There are folks who volunteer for mismanagement positions and usually run unopposed.   That was the case again this year.  Pink Cherry Licker and Fap Jack are continuing their 2 year term as GM’s.  I think they did a fabulous job this past year!  It’s not easy to herd a bunch of drunken cats.  We drank a lot of beer, had some great events and stayed out of jail!

Trail was short and shitty and included a tour of San Lorenzo Park, liquor check at Callahan’s and beer check on top of Oswald’s Parking Garage. Religion was inside El Palomar.  Dung Fu Grip was RA.  Nurse Milkacockus, Bacon Queef and Just Foot Pussy were punished for throwing food.  They were actually trying to catch pieces of candy in their mouths.  There were a few Analversaries:  Puff celebrated his 869^th, TIMMY!! celebrated his 550^th, Fap Jack celebrated his 150^th , and Bacon Queef celebrated her 69^th SCH3 hash!  Get a fucking life (especially Puff).  Wicked Retahted was called up for a down down “just because”.  We all drank to celebrate the legalization of pot in California!  The current year’s mismanagement was called up for a down down thank you.  There was another naming!  Just Doug was luck to have his 5th hash land on AGM, when Wankers are extra rowdy and intoxicated!  All I know about him is that he used to hash in Japan, but was never named there.  Well The pack though of a name pretty easily.  And not in the traditional fashion.  It was while we were waiting for Just Doug to arrive at Beer Check.  And from this day forward, he will be forever known as Cold Smegma Kamikaze.  Welcome to the hash!

Awards:

Best Trail: Princess Di(arrhea) and Thmp Thmp for trail through Henry Cowell to observation deck.

Worst Trail: Cum Fartzone and Jizziki’s pre-layed trail through Capitola

Best Theme: Pussy Trail:  Rat Pussy, Pussy Wood and Just Foot Pussy

Biggest Wanker: Hangs Loose (who was not present)

Stupidest Act: Cum Fartzone’s noon pre-lay that upset the paranoid neighbors and set off terror on Next Door.com

Look at Me Award: Tie between Taco Tramp and Hangs Loose.  She accepted the ball gag in his honor.

Election Results:  Year 16 Mismanagement:

GMs: Pink Cherry Licker and Fap Jack

Hash Flash/Cash: Puff the Magic Drag Queen

Onsex: dBASED

Haberdasher: Occasional Rapist

RA’s: Accuprick and Dung Fu Grip

Hare Raiser: Twisted Fister

Social Secretaries: Princess Di (arrhea) and Thmp Thmp

Beer Meister: Rotating position this year.  Please see the GM’s if you want to volunteer for a stint.

Hash Scribe Raiser: Pussy Wood.  Please email her to sign up!  Pblaimont.heart@gmail.com

Why should only a few select individuals have all the fun of writing Hash Trash every week? I’m sure you’re all pretty sick of me after 5 years.  As a typical Half Mind, I forgot when I first volunteered for this job.  After some research, looks like I started being Scribe with Occasional Rapist in 2011.  Damn!  No wonder I was sick of it!  We were both new to the hash at the time and dBASED persuaded us to volunteer.  Anyway, just like Hashers sign up to Hare trails, Hashers can sign up to write Hash Trash for the week.  Pussy Wood will post it for you on the website.  No writing experience necessary!  Every computer has spell check.  Unfortunately it doesn’t recognize weird spelling of hash names.   You don’t even have to be sober to write it!  Some of my best work was under the influence of alcohol.  There are no rules!  You can use whatever format you want.  It will be good to get a different flavor each week.  I only write from the FRB perspective.  I’m sure there’s a lot more drama and debauchery going on further back in the pack.  And this way, there’s not a long term commitment.  Just give it a try and sign up for a week.  I’m not going anywhere.  You’ll still hear from me occasionally. 

On Out,

Shallow Hole