This week our Hares, Princess Di (arrhea) and her partner in crime Thmp-Thmp, promised a trail full of champagne wishes and caviar dreams.   Instead of an episode of Lifestyles of the Rich and Famous, this was more like Lifestyles of the Drunk and Demented.  This ship of fools docked at Brady’s Yacht Club on Seabright Ave.  The usual suspects were there.  Dung Fu Grip got a job in Santa Cruz, so he’s officially a Surf City Hasher now.  It was nice to see Banana Basher made it to the hash again this week!  Shiny Snail Trail brought a Virgin!  Virgin Adam had no idea what he was getting into!   I’m guessing he may have been bribed with sexual favors.  Twat did you Say?  was there.  She doesn’t have class anymore, so she has no excuse not to come to the hash.   In case you were wondering, Deep Stroke hasn’t left town yet.  The RV is in the shop again.  She did take a little trip on her bike from San Francisco to LA.  She rode over 500 miles for charity.  Now that’s what you call a racist!

The Hares promised beer, liquor, a Turkey- Eagle split and they sailed away.  The pack circled up out the back door, then headed out.  The trail wandered around Seabright neighborhoods, through Fredrick Street Park, down a steep embankment to the Harbor.  The trail headed left, went around the end of the harbor and up the stairs near the RV camping area.  At the top of the stairs, we found a bottle of champagne!   No caviar though.   It was too high class for Hugh Heifer, so she didn’t have any.  Not a big surprise.  The flour lead us in the direction of  7^th ave, toward the ocean.

Somewhere along the way, Shiny Snail Trail spotted a big, heavy wicker chair on the side of the road that was left out for trash.  She decided to pick it up and carry it for the rest of the trail.  I bet her arms were sore for a few days.  After some confusing checks, the pack made their way back to the Harbor by the Crow’s Nest.   It was then we figured out where the Turkey- Eagle split was.  Turkeys could take the water taxi to the other side and Eagles could run around.

Beer check was at a nice spot overlooking the beach.  Waxi Pad left the Crow’s Nest beach party and found trail and made it to beer check.  The non-runners were already there.  Pink Cherry Licker is getting pretty good at short cutting, because she always seems to find her way to the booze.

Religion was held at the Santa Cruz Museum of Natural History.  dBASED was RA, and wanted to use the outdoor  amphitheater for religion.  As usual, he was his own Beer Fairy.  TIMMY!!! got the first down down for losing the hash shit and never recovering it.  Pink Cherry Licker told a story about being propositioned by a lesbian at the bar right in front of her Dad.  She turned her down.  Occasional Rapist and Shiny Snail trail drank for taking a “pee check” together.

There were a few Analversaries this week.  Deep Stroke celebrated her 69^th Surf City Hash, Wicked Retahted drank for surviving 50 hashes and newbie Cumcerto celebrated her 25^th hash.  Deep Stroke and Cumcerto drank again for forgetting to take off their hats.  Wicked has been through this so many times that he knows the drill and removed his hat before taking his down down.  The Hares were called up for providing champagne, which was too “high class” for the hash.  They said it cost 4 bucks and it wax expired!

Virgin Adam was called up and welcomed to the hash.   Shiny Snail trail made him cum!  He told the worst joke ever.  Slonad and Wicked Retahted were chastised for being backsliders.  Shiny Snail Trail was called up for “show and tell” with her wicker chair.  And last but not least, the Hares……………………………..

Announcements:

July 4, 2013:  Make sure you exercise your freedom to drink and to start your Fourth of July Holiday by showing up at the hash tomorrow at 11:00 am!  We’re not starting at a bar this week.  The address is 313 Pestana Ave., Santa Cruz, CA 95065.  Princess Di (arrhea) and Cumcerto are promising us weenies!

Mark your calendars for Wharf to Barf, July 25-28^th.  Yes Wankers, this is the Anal Surf City event that includes lots of beer, Prelube hash Thursday, pub crawl on Friday night, Hash BBQ with Waxi Pad’s band on Saturday and another hash Sunday afternoon.   Pay up by July 4^th before the price goes up!  Wharf to Barf info and rego: https://www.sch3.net/wharf-to-barf/

August 24, 2113 at 2:30 pm.  The M Word Run:  Occasional Rapist and dBASED’s hash wedding (or intervention if you want to talk her out of the real wedding) at Last Call Norm’s House, 520 Soquel Ave, Santa Cruz https://www.sch3.net/mword/mwordrun.pdf

On On,

Shallow Hole

The Poet & Patriot Irish Pub was a fitting start location for this year’s Green Dress Run.  Walking over to the bar in my very green outfit, I got some strange looks, and propositioned by a self-proclaimed leprechaun.  Maybe after a few drinks, I would’ve entertained the thought, but he was just another Santa Cruz bum.  When a lady asked, “Isn’t it too early to celebrate St Patrick’s Day?”  My response was “it is never too early to start drinking!”

Once at the bar, hashers started filtering in with all kinds of green attire.   The Hares, Princess O’ Di (arrhea) and her partner in crime Thmp-Thmp, brought festive green “flare” for those not green enough.

The Hares told the pack to “follow the rainbow”, which turned out to be marshmallows from Lucky Charms cereal on all the checks.  Porter the dog was particularly happy about that.   I wonder how many cereal boxes they had to go through to pick out all those marshmallows.  And since that cereal contains 3 teaspoons of sugar per cup, I hope they made dentist appointments too!

St Patrick may have driven all the snakes out of Ireland, but even HIS luck wouldn’t have been enough to follow this trail without getting lost a few times!  I think the Hares lost a few extra brain cells at the Betty Ford Hash weekend.  They seemed a bit out of sorts.  So did Twat did you Say?, who also attended Betty Ford.  But her excuse was that she was just stoned.

The trail lead down the alley, to Pacific Avenue.  After solving a check on Pacific Avenue, the pack followed chalk and flour up to the campus of Santa Cruz High School.  Nice example for the teenage marching band members who saw a bunch of old drunken freaks in green dresses running around their campus yelling. 

There was a check on California Street.  Plastic Pussy charged down the hill and quickly yelled “On, On”.   However, he was stopped in his tracks by a YBF.  The pack trudged back up the damn hill and we headed towards Mission Street.   When we got to McDonalds, there was a mark that said “Shake Check”.  Princess was in the back with a pitcher of whiskey spiked Shamrock Shakes!  Damn they were good!  But happiness soon turned to disgust when it started to get dark and we found ourselves at a difficult check on Bay Ave.  No flour to be found in any direction.  I had a shamrock hallucination and thought a white piece of paper was flour.   Then there was a check that lead to another check.   WTF?  The pack ended up on Mission St again, went in the wrong direction at first, turned back and Just Eyvand found flour on the other side of the street at the corner of Mission and Bay.  It was darker at that point and some hashers forgot to bring flashlights.  The darkness and lack of flour made it difficult to follow trail.  At another particularly difficult check, Cumcerto committed the mortal crime of not going far enough down the road in search of flour.  If she went a little farther, she would’ve found flour.  After about 15 minutes, someone figured that out and the pack made its way back to Mission St (again), and finally headed back downtown.  Beer check was located on the street in back of the Center St Grill restaurant.  Luckily the Hares had plenty of beer, and Irish Car Bomb Jello Shots.

Religion was on the top of Oswald parking garage.   Just Christine and Just Eyvand got lost on trail, so they stopped at a gas station for the bathroom and then went for pizza.  They showed up at Religion.  TIMMY!!! was RA, Schlong Division was Beer Fairy.  Backsliders Pussy Galore and Cum Lord got a down down.  Non-Runners Great Barrier Queef, My Little Bony, Cumz out my Nose, Pussy Galore left their bar stools long enough to join the festivities and drink some warm beer.  Cumcerto was punished for getting the directions left and right mixed up.  TIMMY!!! and Pink Cherry Licker had a tender father daughter moment.  She served as his stylist and gave him a dress to wear.  Awwww.

We had a naming.  Just Eyvand was christened into the hash with the name of Twisted Fister!  Welcome to the hash!  Deep Stroke was punished for her racism.  She won!  I think she short cutted.  And Slonad was also called out for wearing a running shirt.  And last but not least, the Hares………………………………………….  

See you Thursday at the Rush Inn for another disasterous trail by TIMMY!!!

On On,

Shallow Hole

All you pussies that skipped last week’s hash because you were too afraid to go out in the rain, missed the trail of the century!   NOT!  But go out and buy a fucking rain coat and waterproof hat for Christ sake!    You won’t melt.

It was a dark, rainy night.  A small pack of regulars assembled at JJ’s Saloon in Soquel.  Our Hare Pair, Cuff my Muff and Occasional Rapist said they mixed the flour with oatmeal so it wouldn’t wash away, promised beer and liquor, and then they were off.  Hashers reluctantly circled up behind the bar.  Some folks got a free show from Dog Breath, who was in his underwear changing his pants in the parking lot.  Our GM, TIMMY!!  was so horrified, that we skipped introductions, and the pack was off.  Trail lead right on Soquel drive.  After a confusing check on the corner of Soquel and Main Street was solved, the pack headed on Main St, left on Bridge St and over the little pedestrian bridge.  We soon stumbled upon the first liquor check, a big bottle of Absolut vodka!  Whoo Hoo! 

The trail then lead out to Soquel San Jose Road.  There was another confusing check, but flour was finally found near the restrooms,  in Anna Jean Cummings Park, AKA Blue Balls Park.  The next part was up hill.  But at least there was another liquor check, cheap vodka this time.  The trail continued through the dark muddy trails behind Soquel High School.  When we got back to civilization, we found ourselves at the corner of Soquel Drive and 41^st Avenue, and towards the Safeway parking lot.  Trail lead behind the stores.  We got a tip from a couple dock workers a Home Depot, who spotted the Hares earlier.   After meandering through the parking lot of an apartment complex and through some neighborhoods, beer check was found in a parking lot.

Religion was in the back of JJ’s parking lot.  It was probably one of the shortest religions in history.  Pink Cherry Licker was Beer Fairy.  TIMMY!!! got chastised for peeing on trail.  Accuprick drank for getting attacked by a stick.  Puff the Magic Drag Queen was congratulated on 11 years without missing a hash!  Get a life!  And the Hares…………………..

Thanks to daylight savings time, this was our last hash in the dark for a while.  Whoo Hoo!

See all you wankers this week at The Poet and the Patriot for this year’s Green dress Hash!  The Hares Thmp-Thmp and Princess Di (arrhea), have requested that hashers wear a green dress, skirt or kilt.  Hopefully we’ll have the luck of the Irish and no one will get arrested for public intoxication.

On On,

Shallow Hole