All posts by shallowhole

Hash Trash # 846: Zombie Jesus Hash on March 24, 2016

SCH3 Trash

zombiejesusOur Hares this week were Pussy Wood and Electric Labia Land.  They chose the Parish Pub on the West Side for the start location. Hashers received their holy communion with pints of beer. dBASED had black chalk and put “ashes” on our foreheads.  I know, we’re all probably going to hell.  I’ve been scarred by the proverbial Catholic Guilt.  That guilt is so powerful, it stays with you forever man.  Banana Basher made a rare appearance.  He got a free pass since he’s in his wife’s good graces at the moment.   Broke Bench Mountain brought a Virgin named Patrick.  I didn’t catch his story.   We had 2 visitors, String Cheese and Pabst Smear from Oregon H3.  Hangs Loose brought Poon Doggie’s little sister Butters, an extremely846hares energetic golden retriever puppy that gave Courtesy Flush a run for his money.  Dog Breath showed up late and freaked out a lady in the Safeway parking lot who saw him changing his pants.

Trail was short little jaunt of < 2 miles. It was kind of a blur since Courtesy Flush and I had the wolf pack with us.  We got to do an Easter egg hunt at the circle church.  There was candy and booze in the plastic eggs.  846eggs 846checkHope no little kids found the leftover ones with booze in them!  The whole pack (except for Dung Fu Grip) missed a liquor check with wine and “Jesus”.  There was a check on Mission.   Dung Fu Grip 846beerchecksearched left.   We didn’t hear anything from him.  dBASED and Achy Breaky Snatch searched down Mission Street.  They yelled “On On” and the whole pack followed them.  Beer check was on the beach at Mitchell Cove (AKA the stinky beach).   When Dung Fu Grip finally showed up at beer check, he started telling tales of drinking wine with Jesus.  I thought he might have been trippin.  Was there something funny inside those eggs?  Him and Dog Breath baptized themselves in the icy cold Pacific.  Even the dogs weren’t stupid enough to follow them into the water.

Religion was inside the Habitat Restore. Dung Fu Grip was RA and Vaginal Repair Kit was Beer Fairy.   Dung Fu Grip had everybody drink for missing the liquor check.   There was no one there for the boob check.  Cumfart Zone showed her boobs.   Pussy Wood and Rat Pussy were congratulated on having the most hits on the flicker page.  Apparently our page has something like 2 million hits.  All those folks searching for porn must be pretty disappointed when they get misdirected to our website.  Visitors String Cheese and Pabst Smear were welcomed to the hash.  Thmp-Thmp celebrated his 225th and Dog Breath celebrated his 275th Surf City Hash.  Get a life!  846VRKVaginal Repair Kit spilled beer and had to mop it up with his shirt.  At least he cleans up after himself!  Cums out my Nose, Wicked Retahted, Shameless Butt Plug, Banana Basher, and Bareback Unicrack drank for not doing trail.  Virgin Patrick told a joke and was welcomed to the hash.  Deadliest Snatch was pissed off at her significant other Rat Pussy for drawing a huge dick on their driveway the previous week and leaving it there for the neighbor’s kids to see it.  They were kind of pissed off.846haresreligion  Fap Jack accused Rat Pussy of wearing new shoes, but the accusation was false.  And last but not least, the Hares……………….

Hope the place wasn’t too much of a mess when we left.   This old photo of Dung Fu is so classic, I had to post it again because it went with the theme.

822jesusOn On,

Shallow Hole

Hash Trash # 844 on 3/10/16

SCH3 Trash

844haresThis week’s hash was the Betty Ford Prelube Hash. GM’s Pink Cherry Licker and Fap Jack promised a short trail and did not disappoint.  A bunch of wankers had to get up early to drive to Palm Springs. We started at Tampico downtown. How short was it?  I got < 2 miles.  It was so short that I didn’t break a sweat.  Poon Doggie wasn’t even tired!  A significant portion of the mileage was a very mean YBF down the entire wharf!  I was ¾ of the way down when the FRB’s came back and proclaimed the bad news.  After all, we ALL know it’s a dead end!  Why did Dung Fu Grip, Ho to Housewife, Steamy Baanorrhea, yours truly and several others fall for the evil trick?  We thought there might be a beer or liquor check.  Them!  Them!  Fuck Them!  Beer Check was replaced by a Mojito Check and was located in the little park near the entrance of Neary Lagoon.844beercheck

Religion was on top of Oswald’s Parking Garage. Dung Fu Grip was RA.  Rat Pussy was Beer Fairy.  First down down was to all the hashers (Hugh Heifer, Occasional Rapist, dBASED, Puff the Magic Drag Queen, Hangs Loose and Poon Doggie) who braved the rain last weekend to attend Silicon Valley’s 1000th Hash.  Steamy Baanorrhea, Ho to Housewife, and Dung Fu 844jizzGrip drank for doing the entire YBF.  At least the guys were treated to a boob check, so it wasn’t a total loss.  Twat Did You Say? drank for not leaving the bar.  Hangs Loose drank for convincing some muggles to follow him down the pier.  He promised them beer.  They took off soon after because he lied.   Puff the Magic Drag Queen celebrated his 769th CONSECUTIVE Surf City hash!  Seriously dude, get a844cumfartzone life!  Jizziki celebrated his 60th birthday with a beer and terrible rendition of Happy Birthday Hash Song.   Cumfart Zone got called out for wearing new shoes.  You can tell form her expression that she really enjoyed drinking out of her shoe.  Will people ever learn?  Damn Halfminds!

844.shpdOn On,

Shallow Hole

Hash Trash # 839 on 2/4/16: Beware! Hares in Training!

Uncategorized

839barThis week, Ho to Housewife popped not one, but 2 Hare cherries! Whoo Hoo!  They don’t call her Ho for nothing!  She was in charge of training Rat Pussy and Deadliest Snatch how to lay their first trail.  They chose the Blue Lounge on Seabright as their start location.  They actually had a welcome sign for us.  Pretty cool considering hashers are more likely to get banned from bars.  You could tell from the looks on the Hares’ faces that the 839harespressure was on.  Princess also looked like she had her doubts.  It is a little nerve wracking to be a Hare,  but think of it as an adventure!  We had a Virgin this week.  Virgin Thomas recently moved here from Montana.  His sister from Idaho made him cum!  At least she told him about the hash and to check it out.

So how did the new Hares fair? Trail was shitty of course, but there were no major disasters.  No one died or got lost on trail.  The eagle trail was 4.52 miles according to my GPS. I don’t know how long the turkey was.  I was feeling bad ass running with the wolf dog, Chewy “AKA Poon Doggie”.  That guy has a lot of energy and Hangs Loose is too out of shape to run with him anymore.  We ran out of the bar and took off at blistering speed down the sidewalk.   We went up Seabright, took a left and headed toward East Cliff Drive.  There was a liquor check in Ocean View Park.  Tasted like a Screwdriver.  There was a little confusion finding the marks leading out of the park, but someone yelled “On On” and we continued down Ocean View Avenue.   A bunch of hashers were stopped at a corner for no reason.  Then I realized it was a boob check!  Trail turned right on Windham and continued for several blocks.  We started seeing dBASED’s initials at checks.  He shortcutted and was ahead of the pack.  He actually guessed right at a bunch of checks and even went back to one check to mark the correct way!  We ended up going through 839beercheckFredrick Street Park.  At the bottom of the stairs, there was a package check and the turkey-eagle split.  The eagles went left through the harbor and exited out Brommer Street.  It was then that Courtesy Flush caught up with the pack.  There was a muddy shiggy section in back of Simpkins Park and a shitty trek down the railroad tracks to 7th Avenue.  There was a liquor check in the bushes but Courtesy Flush and I couldn’t find it.  Today is Monday later said it was there and we didn’t see it.  Oh well.  Trail continued down 7th, to Eaton, across the Murry Street Bridge and back down to the harbor.  Beer check was near the lighthouse.

Religion was on Seabright Beach. It was getting pretty cold.  Luckily there was an839virgin abandoned fire, so hash quickly took it over.  Dung Fu Grip was RA and Fingernips was Beer Fairy.  dBASED got a congratulatory down down for staying on trail.  This past week, Thmp-Thmp was informed of an accusation against the hash.  Slonad said a guy was accusing several hashers of harassing him.  Apparently TIMMY!!! knocked his cart over in a a grocery store! LOL.  He’s knocked over his fair share of martini glasses.  He get tipsy, but I highly doubt he’s a shopping cart tipper.   Hugh Heifer followed the guy home.  That part I can believe.  And there was more to the story, but I forgot.  Courtesy Flush and Bareback Unicrack drank for showing up late to the hash.  Just Tim was accused of stealing someone’s Christmas decoration from their yard.  It’s Februray, and they 839endshouldn’t still have their Christmas decorations up anyway.  Virgin Thomas disappointed the pack with a lame joke.  Puff celebrated his 825th Hash!  Get a life!  And last but not least, the Hares………………

On On,

Shallow Hole

Hash Trash # 836 on 1/14/16: Wet and Wicked Witchy Ways

Uncategorized

836hareDung Fu Grip summoned the pack to the Crepe Place for this week’s hash. It was a dark rainy night, but a good number of brave hashers came out ready to get wet.  Who doesn’t like to get wet?  We’re not going to melt, right?  All the fair weather hashers stayed home and missed all the fun.  Pussies!  Dung Fu Grip was recently back in Michigan and said he was inspired to try out new trail markings on us.  He tried to give the pack instructions, but I’m not sure anyone was listening.  We are a bunch of halfminds, remember?

The rain was coming down pretty steady when the pack headed out. There were marks leading toward Seabright, so everyone staggered in that direction.  It went right down Seabright, right on Effey Street, left on Cayuga, right on Broadway, left on Pennsylvania to Windham.  And then everything went to shit.  My Garmin map shows that I ran up and down Windham at least 4 times, trying to solve a check on a corner near Seabright 836packand Windham.  A bunch of hashers scoured the area, but no luck.  We figured the marks got washed away.  I can attest to the fact that dBASED was actually on trail, and trying to solve the check.  But the fancy new trail marks proved to be too complicated for the halfminds of Surf City. After a while, we were cold and got tired of sloshing around in the puddles.  We decided to abandon hope and turned back.  Pink Cherry Licker called the Hare to tell him we were lost.  We all went to Religion at Dung Fu’s house.  My GPS measured trail at 2.72 miles, but not sure how long it was supposed to be.

836DSpenisThank God for a covered carport and hot vegan buttered rum. Could’ve fooled me.  It tasted like butter.  Ho to Housewife and I brought dry clothes, so we were pretty happy.  The inflatable penis from Betty Ford 2 years ago made an appearance!  Dung Fu was also RA for the evening.  Talk about multi-tasking.  Fap Jack was Beer Fairy.  Dung Fu said he tried to do an “anti-rain” dance, but it didn’t work.  I guess not.  dBASED got called up for something.  Ho to Housewife celebrated her 69th Surf City Hash!  Get a life!  Hugh Heifer drank836harereligion for being a backslider.  Courtesy Flush got called up since he did not stop for a burrito on trail.  Bacon Queef drank for skipping trail.  She claimed to have shin splints.  Ya, right.  Muggle Kevin was welcomed to the hash.  Thank you for passing out the hot buttered rum!  And last but not least, the Hare……………

On On,

Shallow Hole

Hash Trash #833: Anal Christmas Picture Hash on Wednesday 12/23/15

SCH3 Trash

833wolfDue to the Christmas holiday, the hash was on a Wednesday this week. While some of us were otherwise engaged, a good size pack that showed up.  It’s been a Surf City tradition for dBASED and Occasional Rapist and family host the Anal Christmas Picture Hash.   It works a little differently.  The trail is not marked with chalk and flour.  The hares drive around to different locations and hand out pictures of a location the pack must go.  Sound like a no brainer, right?   It’s usually a family affair, because it takes a family of hares to pull off this gig.  This year, the hares were Mom, Herpie Handcock, Little Spit, dBASED and Occasional Rapist.  Hot Wheels was MIA.  Courtesy Flush showed up all decked out in a Santa costume and brought his girlfriend Just Sasha.  I hope she likes burritos!  Dung Fu Grip brought Virgin Jess.  The newly single Hangs Loose brought his wolf pack with him.  Chewy is pretty popular with the Harriettes and usually gets a lot of attention.  Beastiality is best!  Piss Pyle and BMX 833littlespitwere in town and joined in on the festivities.

You know the saying, a picture says 1000 words. Ya, right.  This week, the picture said “fuck you”, “get lost assholes”.  This hash requires intricate planning to make sure all the picture exchanges are timed perfectly.  dBASED usually does a pretty good job.  But in true hash fashion, trail turned out to be a clusterfuck.  Trail went horrifically wrong at the first picture exchange.  Little Spit gave out the wrong picture.  You can tell833picture from the demonic look on her face in this picture that she was up to no good.   She is a teenager you know.  The pack skipped 2 stops and went to Bangkok West to find no hares to greet them.  After waiting a long while, they gave up and went back to the start.  Beer Check was at Steamy Baanorrhea’s house.  Somehow everyone got there.

833soupReligion was back at Casa De dBASED. Tensions were quickly calmed by beer and hot food.  When the pack was sufficiently fed, religion commenced in the back yard.  Dung Fu Grip was RA and Dog Breath was Beer Fairy.  Pink Cherry Licker took a down down for the team, since no scribes showed up, and was kind enough to take notes.  Chill out bitches!  We’re professionals.  We’ll get er done!  Hangs Loose, Piss Pyle and BMX drank for being backsliders.   There were several Analversaries this week.  Courtesy Flush and Jizziki833virgin celebrated their 25th Surf City hash.  Princess Di(arrhea) celebrated her 200th and Dog Breath celebrated his 269th Surf City hash.  Get a life!  Virgin Jess thrilled the pack with a song.  833namingHeard it!  There was a naming!  Just Shasha doesn’t come often, but apparently made it to 5 hashes and was up for naming.  From this day forward, she will be forever known as Bareback Unicrack!  Congratulations and welcome to the hash!  Paki Sack drank for being a visitor.  And last but not least, the hares!  At least most of them.  You can tell from the look on dBASED’s face that he was not pleased.  Looks like 833hareshe’s thinking about taking back all of Little Spit’s Christmas gifts.  Maybe some coal in her stocking?

On On,

Shallow Hole

 

Hash Trash # 831: Anal Krampus Hash on 12/10/15

SCH3 Past Trash

831krampusWe can thank Dung Fu Grip for intruding the legend of Krampus to the hash. Ironically, this year there was a Krampus movie out in theaters.  A bunch of hashers went to see the movie before the hash.  Krampus is “bad Santa” and goes around scaring the crap out of little children to make them behave.  This year Dung Fu Grip chose to start the hash at Brady’s Yacht Club on Seabright.  A bunch of hashers came dressed for the occasion.  Princess Di(arrhea) and Thmp-Thmp wore matching Krampus T-shirts.  How cute!  A bunch of hashers had horns on their head.  It seems like the Brady’s crowd never really knows what to make of the hashers.  We pile into the bar and get in the way of people playing pool at the pool table.  We had 2 831barvisitors from Portland H3, America’s Next Cock Model and Masengal.  Neither of which went to Portland Interam 2015.

Trail was 3.8 miles according to my GPS. Trail got off to a shitty start.  It was dark and raining and the marks were getting washed away.  It went left out the front door of the bar and across the street at the corner of Seabright and Murray, but then we lost trail by the Pacific Climbing Gym.  Ho to Housewife found flour on the railroad tracks, so we all followed her.  There was a check on the other side of the bridge that was particularly difficult to solve.  We fucked around down831visitors by the harbor until someone found marks in the direction of the Crow’s Nest.  We seemed to lose trail again. Flour looks like sand.  A few of the FRB’s went all the way down East Cliff, but had to turn around because someone found trail on 6th Avenue.  Trail went right on Bonnie Street, left on 9th Avenue, right on 8th Avenue, left on Eaton and right on 7th Ave to Brommer back down to the harbor.  There was a liquor check and a Turkey-Eagle split.  The Eagle went down 831boatto the woods, and considering the weather, we decided “fuck this shit” and we followed the Turkey.  It was a very pleasant trip through the harbor because a lot of boats were still lit up from the lighted boat parade the week before.  Beer check was at the lighthouse.  The waves pretty big, and were smashing into the rocks, but luckily no hashers got washed away.

Religion was at the Museum of Natural 831beercheckHistory. They have a cute little outdoor amphitheater.  However we’ve gotten kicked out of her more than once by the cops.  Accuprick was RA and kept religion kind of short.  Hashers were singing very quietly, not to disrupt the neighbors.  Luckily, no cops arrived.  Visitor Masingal was Beer Fairy.  Her and America’s Next Cock Model from Portland H3 were welcomed to the hash.  Today is Monday was presented a patch for his 25th Surf City 831hareHash.  I got a down down for my stupidity of driving over 17 to work without my contacts in and having to wear 2 pairs of glasses all day to see the computer.  Ho to Housewife drank for professing her joys of being vegan to all who would hear.  Thmp-Thmp got lost and ended up snaring the hare and helped to lay the last part of trail.  And last but not least, the Hare…………….

On On,

Shallow Hole