This week Occasional Rapist and dBASED brought the pack to El Jardin. It was their 2 year Analversary of their hash wedding. And you thought it would never last. For those who were not in attendance, it was a hell of a party at Last Call Norm and Pearl Necklace’s house. There was a trail. Eagles got to go swimming where the San Lorenzo River meets the ocean and terrorize small children on the boardwalk. There was food a keg and dancing to Waxi Pad’s band.

This week we were supposed to wear white.   Dung Fu Grip sported his white Elvis outfit, but a lot of hashers did not get the memo.  Pearl Necklace made it out to the hash this week. My Garmin watch was having technical difficulties, so I didn’t track the entire trail. I estimate it was < 3 miles. We went out the back of the restaurant parking lot, up 7^th Avenue, past Holy Cross Cemetery, to Soquel. We turned right on Soquel and made a left onto a little dirt road that led us around Harbor High School to La Fonda, and up through those neighborhoods.   There was a champagne liquor check in an alley. Trail then lead down Morrissey. We made a little loop and then back up to Fairmount to a beer check at John Franks Park.

Religion was at Occasional’s Mom’s yard. There was a nice spread of cheese and crackers to munch on. Dung Fu grip was RA and Jizziki was Beer Fairy.  The Hares were called up first. Occasional Rapist was presented with a commemorative beer mug to celebrate her 50^th Haring! The only problem was the inscription said the wrong date because a switch made on the Hare calendar. All the party poopers who didn’t wear white were called up for a down down. There were too many of them to count.  Some of the walkers (Fingernips, Pussy Wood, Hugh Heifer and Pearl Necklace. They were probably drinking and getting stoned. Pink Cherry Licker got lost because they were trying to “pull a dBASED” and guessed wrong. Ahhto Bhang Stander got congratulated for getting caught at 2 YBF’s. Dung Fu Grip drank too for being a FRB. Cumfartzone gave a little do it yourself tip for anyone interested in making a cock cage out of the top of a champagne bottle. Pussy Wood drank for being a backslider. She was chasing lizards in France and partying in Vegas and Tahoe. I’m sure there was some Ahhto Bhanging going on. She brought us chocolate with a toy inside. Thmp-Thmp celebrated 25 consecutive Surf City Hashes! Get a life! Snapping Twat showed up at the end. She was too busy drinking elsewhere to do trail.

And the Hares………………

Happy Analversary!

On On,

Shallow Hole

Sinking Ship of Fools

Our Hares this week were Ho to Housewife and Dung Fu Grip. The pack met up at Santa Cruz Mountain Brewery.  They expanded their patio area and now the place is even cooler than before.   We were promised “a surprise” which in the hash world could or could not be a good thing. We were on the west side. We’ve been to the beach. We’ve been through the nasty tunnels of terror. What the hell kind of surprise were we in for? Courtesy Flush showed up at the start and then drove away to apparently do his laundry.

My GPS measured trail at 3 miles. Trail started by going out the back of the building down the Mission Street Extension. There was a check on the corner of Western. Dbased went straight down the Mission Street Extension and found true trail. I checked across Mission and just after the third mark, I found the first YBF. By that time, most of the pack caught up to us. So yes, we followed dBASED and he was on trail! Across the street from the new PCS school construction, there was flour on a little trail to the left. We went through an apartment complex, across the tracks to Antonelli Pond, where we found liquor check of sake bombs hosted by Cock Throbbin. It was then that we saw our “surprise”. It was an inflatable boat! They secured rope across the pond to the other side so hashers could move the boat across the pond. I was one of the FRB’s on the first boat. I’m not sure how many trips back and forth the boat made, but it had a hole in it and started to sink by the end. Several hashers had soggy bottoms, but no one drowned. Non seaworthy hashers just walked around the pond. Trail connected to natural bridges lagoon trail to the beach and up to the parking lot. There was a check in the parking lot. dBASED found a YBF on the butterfly path. True trail went down the hill, out the park exit on to West Cliff. We meandered inland a bit before finding beer check in a parking lot on Delaware.

Religion was at the Habitat Restore where Dung Fu Grip works. Hashers circled up on a bunch of toilets (and some chairs). Accuprick was RA and Cumcerto was Beer fairy. Most hashers would consider it an honor to be beer fairy. But from the look on her face, Cumcerto was not thrilled about it. Courtesy Flush was called up for not doing trail. I guess her really was doing laundry and was afraid the homeless folks would steal his shit so he stayed there and waited for it for it to be done. Broke bench Mountain was called up for dog abuse. Poor Porter is getting old and he had to stay in the car while we were on trail. Just Evan was called out for trading stocks or more likely surfing for porn on his cell phone during circle.  A bunch of hashers were called up for not going on the boat. Just Evan was called up again for being a backslider. He warned the pack that the porn sites never charge just a dollar. Good to know. There were 2 Analversaries. Ho to Housewife celebrated her 50^th and Banana Basher celebrated his 650^th SCH3 hash! Get a life! There was the tail of deflate gate. Shady Curtains was on the boat with 3 Harriettes when the boat was sinking.  They were going down, and butts got wet!  Hopefully no one got a yeast infection. dBASED got called out for shoving a beer in Pink Cherry Licker’s teeth. Cumberto got mauled by a big Minnie Mouse courtesy of Broke Bench Mountain. And last but not least, the Hares……………….

On On,

Shallow Hole

Puff’s 65th Beerthday Hash

This week the Hares Puff the Magic Drag Queen and Dung Fu Grip summoned the pack to Bocci’s Cellar. It was a very special hash this week to celebrate Puff’s 65^th birthday! Puff may be eligible for Medicare, but I don’t think he’s retiring from the hash any time soon. In fact he seems to be going strong!  According to the hash count, Puff has 793 Surf City Hashes under his belt. He’s currently at 732 consecutive hashes. The last time he missed a hash was 3/14/02. What’s his secret to staying young? You’ll have to ask him. He’s vegetarian, collects dragon figurines, drinks a lot of beer, and loves wearing his stylish OP corduroy shorts. Here’s to brother hasher, brother hasher, brother hasher……

We had a virgin this week. Virgin Laree said Rod Lover told her about the hash. She seemed to fit right in. Six of Nine saw her and immediately started hitting on her. But then again, he hits on everybody.  Hash Flash this week is courtesy of Ho to Housewife. I have a sneaking suspicion that Puff didn’t post all the pictures she took.

Puff’s heart must still be in good shape. According to my GPS, it was a challenging, hilly 4.21 mile trail. But then again, he could’ve paid off his co-hare Dung Fu Grip to lay most of it. We did not tour heroin hill, but we did the indigenous people of Harvey West Park.  Trail headed down Coral Street past Costco. There was a check on Evergreen Street. All the FRB’s got caught by the YBF up the bike path that leads to High Street. They came back down the hill, cursing the Hares the whole way. We passed the cemetery. Someone found flour in Wagoner Grove, so we went up the trail to the steps. There was a liquor check on the trail. It was some kind of nasty flavored vodka, that I kept tasting over and over the rest of the trail. We exited the park and went out Meadow Road, went right on Spring, left on Rockridge Lane, through a little trail and around a townhouse complex and eventually up to Pogonip. There were some lovely views from the top of the hill. Thankfully, there was only one way to go but down! We descended down and out of the park on to Encinal Street. Beer check was at the end of Pioneer Street by the Goodwill.  Cock Throbbin didn’t do trail but made an appearance at beer check after 2 months to prove she’s still alive. She’s been traveling and has been nursing a foot injury.

Religion was at the other end of Pioneer Street. Accuprick was RA and appointed Suck Cockran as Beer Fairy. We started out with birthday cake and a song for Puff. Suck Cockran drank for “not seeing” liquor check. Cock Throbbin, Tits and Game and Hooker on Kronix, Bitch drank for being backsliders. A bunch of hashers, Hugh Heifer, Six of Nine, Fap Jack, Pink Cherry Licker, Twat Did You Say? and Princess Di (arrhea) drank for not going up the big hill. Dog Breath drank for showing up late to the hash. Virgin Laree told a joke and was welcomed to the hash. We had a naming. Just Tom is a kinky chef and was named Jizziki. Welcome to the hash! Groucho Cocks showed up late and drank for being a backslider. Twat Did You Say? was called up to tell a story about how the puppy she was watching ate her vibrator! Puff was given a book about Santa Cruz (in case he forgets), and Dung Fu Grip got a patch for Haring 25 trails. And last but not least the Hares…………….

Next up is the infamous Wharf to Barf Weekend!  It’s your chance to go on a 4 day bender with your best drinking buddies!

It all starts this Thursday 7/23/15 for Hash # 808, Prelude in FU-Major.  Ho to Housewife, Dung Fu Grip and Yours Truly will be Haring a most excellent trail starting at Uncommon Brewers in the Sash Mill.  They’re in # 40 towards the back next to Pacific Cookie.  They don’t have a regular tasting room, but will be open just for us!  Alec will be pouring $5 pints (cash only).  Some of their beers have a high alcohol content, so you’ll get your money’s worth for sure!

On On,

Shallow Hole

The Anal Fourth of July Weenie Roast!

And what’s more patriotic than drinking at the VFW?  Princess Di (arrhea) and Thmp-Thmp went all out and rented the picnic area in back of the VFW in Santa Cruz for this week’s hash.  They don’t allow outside alcohol, so we had to go inside and buy pitchers, but they were only $8.75.  The poor old guy bartending was getting quite a workout pouring beer.  There were only 2 other patrons in the bar besides hashers.  Not exactly the most happening place in town.   The last time I drank at a VFW was in the 80’s.  I was an underage college student.  We went to our friend’s house for the weekend and her Dad let us go drinking with him at the VFW.  Beers were only 35 cents!   Even broke college students could get pretty shitfaced on that price!  Accuprick was busy practicing his kinesiology taping technique.  We had some visitors from CAN’D hash this week.  Dildo Shaggins, Ahhhto Bahng Stander.   Shady Curtains is more of a backslider than a visitor.   He was hashing with us pretty regularly, but we haven’t seen him for a while.   He said he was too busy studying Russian to hash.

My GPS measured trail at 2.13 miles.  It was a little loop that went down Rodriguez, to 7^th Avenue, around to Capitola Road, back across Rodriguez, to Paul Minnie Avenue to beer check in a parking lot on Bostwick lane.  Nothing too exciting.  Dildo Shaggins not only looked like a hobbit, but he ran barefoot the entire trail.  We found out that Dung Fu Grip knew Dildo Shaggins from Lansing, Michigan and was the hasher who named Dung Fu.  Small hash world.   Accuprick said he saw some druggies.  I guess you see more scenery when you walk.    I tried like hell to get dirt on Just Stephanie for her naming.  It was like pulling teeth!  We knew she works at a bait shop.  The only thing I got was that she was shacking up with Rat Pussy, they have a bunch of pets and pineapple makes her throw up,

Religion was back at the VFW.  Accuprick was RA and Six of Nine was Beer Fairy.  Shady Curtains, Accuprick and Twat Did You Say? drank for being backsliders.   Rat Pussy was punished for dropping a beer bottle on the ground at beer check.  Alcohol abuse!  Dildo Shaggins and Ahhhto Bahng Stander were called up for a welcome to the hash down down.  Dung Fu Grip also drank because Dildo Shaggins was his “hash daddy” responsible for his name.  Occasional Rapist, Twat Did You Say? and TIMMY!!! drank for all wearing matching beer socks.  Dung Fu grip and Just Foot Pussy had matching haircuts.  Shady Curtains got blamed for some mystery W written in chalk.  Bacon Queef and Dung Fu Grip drank for using peoples mortal names at the hash.  There were 2 Analversaries.  Stub Rub celebrated his 25^th and Princess Di (arrhea) celebrated her 175^th SCH3 hash!  Get a life!   Shady Curtains was accused of chivalry on trail.  Apparently while out on trail, he came across a nurse pushing a crazy guy in a wheelchair.  The guy in the wheelchair started freaking out and Shady Curtains had to subdue him.  Sorry I missed that!  Snapping Twat drank for autohashing (again).  This is becoming a pattern with her.  She was drinking margaritas at some other bar.   And the Hares……  Thmp-Thmp got a patch for haring 25 trails.    We took a break from Religion to eat a bunch of weenies, coleslaw, and more beer.   After everyone was sufficiently stuffed, Religion resumed for the very important job of naming Just Stephanie.  After much deliberating, she will forever be known as Deadliest Snatch!  Welcome to the hash!

On On,

Shallow Hole

Occasional Rapist and Ho to Housewife’s Beerthday Hash!

This week, the birthday Harriettes ruled.  How lucky were they  to have the same birthday and on a Thursday!  There was a Hawaiian theme.  The pack met at the New Bohemia Brewing Company on 41^st Ave.  What a cool new place!  They have great beer and I’m sure we’ll be back.  Hashers dressed in Hawaiian garb convened upstairs.   Waxi Pad and his friend Andrew were already 3 beers in when I arrived.  His friend thought we were a strange cult, so they opted for the Crow’s Nest beach party instead of trail.   Fingernips was downstairs most of the time because she was flirting with men at the bar.  Aside from hashers, there was a large party sitting at a table and 3 dreadlock stoned hippie guys sitting on a couch.  Apparently one of them was behind me when I went to go to the restroom.  He obviously wasn’t paying attention and tried to follow me into the bathroom.  I shut the door in his face by mistake.  I might have given him a bloody nose because he was holding his hands over his nose.   Luckily the pack was about to leave.

The pack circled up out back and headed out.  My GPS logged trail at 3 miles and meandered through the jewel box, down to the Capitola Wharf and followed the ocean up Opal Cliff Drive to East Cliff Drive.  There were 2 Blue Hawaiian liquor checks.  Yum!  There was a hare snare on East Cliff.  The FRB’s caught up with the hares.  It was rumored that if the hares write “beer near” then it’s not a hare snare.  However, the pack quickly shot down that theory at religion.  There are no rules in the hash.  Beer check was at the beach down the stairs at East Cliff and 34^th Avenue.

Religion was at Wicked Retahted’s house.  There was a bonfire waiting for the pack to arrive.  Dirty Dolmas was in the house heating up pizza, when she came out asking for a fire extinguisher.  Not sure what happened, but the house didn’t catch fire and the pack was served homemade pizza!  Dung Fu Grip was RA, and Fingernips was Beer Fairy.  First down down was awarded for Dung Fu’s hare snare.  There was almost a second hare snare.  Puff was taking a photo of the ocean up the stairs near the second liquor check.  The hares had to hide from him so he wouldn’t see them.  Occasional Rapist hid behind a garbage can and Ho to Housewife hid behind a car (with people in it).  Luckily Puff is old and probably going deaf and blind, so he did not spot the hares.   Hashers punished for missing the liquor checks (and trail in general) were Flip Flops on the Rocks, Just Walter and Just Larry.  They said they went back to Wicked’s house to start the bonfire.  Dog Breath called out Just Stephanie for wearing a r*cist shirt.  Dog Breath drank because it was only a Fleet Feet shirt, not a race shirt.  Fucked Over Fest drank for bragging about being FRB.  He drank a large amount of the first liquor check waiting for the pack to arrive.  The pack sang happy birthday to Ho to Housewife, Occasional rapist, Cumcerto and Just Walter.  Fuck you!  Pink Cherry Licker celebrated her 125^th and Occasional Rapist celebrated her 200^th Surf City Hash!  Get a life!  Snapping Twat arrived late and got called out for auto hashing to beer check.  Dog Breath called out the hares for littering with leftover chalk on trail.  We had a visitor.  Symphomaniac was visiting from Berlin and in town for a wedding.  Waxi Pad showed up just in time for a down down.  I drank too for being distracted by conversation and singing him a repeat song.  Waxi spent all night trying to convince his friend Andrew that we were not a weird cult.  When they showed up at religion and he saw the bonfire and the singing, he was a little freaked out.  Let’s face it.  Hashing is not for everyone.  I don’t think he’ll be back.  And last but not least, the Hares………………..

The Hares ended the celebration with cupcakes and champagne.  Right on!

On On,

Shallow Hole