Those of you who did not make the trek over the hill missed out on a great day!  Here’s a recap of what went down!

It was a lovely afternoon in Sunnyvale.  The kegs were tapped and hashers were socializing in a shady corner of the picnic area.  There was a group of people setting up pink tablecloths and decorations next to us.  Oh crap!  We were sharing the picnic area with 100 people having a christening party!  Apparently they shelled out the bucks to reserve the area.  Suckin’ Up Spouse later confessed that the hash did not reserve a picnic area.

I already fulfilled my exercise quota for the day, so I did not do trail.  Waxi Pad and I were much happier sitting in the shade drinking beer.  Thmp-Thmp was my eye witness reporter and gave me the low down.  Suckin’ Up Spouse and Butt Balls were Hares.  Butt Balls claimed he was injured, so Cums With Instructions served as stunt hare.  Trail pretty much sucked. Big surprise!  True Trail was hard to find at the first check.  The hares took the pack down some busy streets to a bar called Blue Bonnet.   It was hotter than hell in there!  Everybody was gathering around the only air conditioning vent in the bar in order to cool down. Trail bee lined it back along a culvert/water way. When the pack got to street or railroad crossings there was a fence on either side and most of them had holes for us to slip through.  At one point dBASED went through one fence then crossed 4 sets of railroad tracks and came running back saying we needed to go under the tracks via with pipe because there was no hole in the other fence.  Anyone who knows dBASED, knows to be leery when he gives you directions on trail.  Thmp-Thmp saw a huge hole in the fence and they went through the hole.  The pack had to climb the last fence.  Everybody made it over fine, but Summer’s Yeast kept saying, “I better not rip my $75 Lu Lu Lemon’s”.  What ever! She’s a new Harriette, so I will give her some advice.  NEVER wear expensive clothes to a hash!  It’s very likely that you will tear your clothes, or get dirt, mud, or blood on them.  After the fence, the pack split up, some took true trail, while others (Thmp-Thmp) said “fuck that shit” and went straight back to the park.  Religion was held in the bleachers.  Suckin’ Up Spouse was RA.  He rambled on for hours and hours while we baked in the hot sun.  There was a big spread of food ready for us when it was over.

Then it was time to play ball!  In Sloshball, you pitch to your own team.  Butt Balls did an awesome job as our pitcher.   Harriettes can choose to flash to get on first base.  The other rule is that when you get to second base, you must NOT cross the line without chugging a beer.   This rule was strictly enforced.  Team Simon G String recruited some young athletic virgins, and out of town hashers (like Cums with Instructions), to play for their team.  Since I can’t play softball, I elected to cheer and pour beer at second base with Ram Pam, GAS, and other Harriettes.  Just Robin also opted for second base.  I was warned to watch out for shady behavior.  In a past year, the ladies spiked the beers with vodka and got the opposing team wasted.  There was a pretty good view from second base.  There was cold beer and shade.  There was only one near miss when a ball came straight at us.  No one spilled their beer.

It was a close game!  The Simon G String young studs seemed to be making most of the defensive plays in left field.  It was a hard fought battle, but our team came through in the end!  We won 12 to 11.    Tits and Game won MVP!  She did a great job at first base!  Twisted Fister played short stop and caught a lot of balls flying at his face.   He also kept getting called out for clapping every time one of the male virgins showed us a little booty.  Timmy had to look away every time Pink Cherry Licker was up to bat, as he knew she wasn’t going to bat because she didn’t have a bat in her hand.  Princess Di (arrhea) was catcher, but then realized it was more fun on second base.  Summer’s Yeast tried to bat once, but then came to the conclusion that she was better off flashing.  She did have some issues with the second base rule.  I almost had to tackle her at the end because she was close to crossing the line.  It was a pretty fair game.  There was only one argument with the umpires about a call.  I was drinking and didn’t know what it was about.  Thmp-Thmp played one inning and relied heavily on his shit talking skills to help our team win.  Paki Sack got least valuable player.  Stick to cricket dude!

After the game, there was a trophy presentation.  Suckin’ Up Spouse announced that since they did not spend money to rent the picnic area, they had $300 bucks to spend at the bar!  I’m sure those who stayed the night had a great time!

Big thanks are due to:

Our GM’s and most excellent organizers – Princess Di (arrhea) and Thmp-Thmp

Twisted Fister – Team Captain for Over the Hill Drunks

Butt Balls – Organizer, team co-captain, equipment lugger

Lil Anal Annie – Hash Hash (food)

Suckin’ Up Spouse – Organizer, hare and RA

Cums With Instructions – Stunt hare

Nothing Interesting – Beermeister

Morning Missile- Organizer and BREWMASTER (He made all the beer!), but he was traveling and not present at the event

DuHHH – Hash cash

…and thanks to all of the Simon G-Strings for being such gracious hosts and losers.

It was a great group effort on everybody’s part.  I’m looking forward to next year!

On On,

Shallow Hole

This week the pack met up at the UCSC West remote parking lot.  We were at the mercy of TIMMY!!! and Pink Cherry Licker.  Surf City doesn’t hash at UCSC campus very often.  We’re suspects on their most wanted list since the infamous anthrax scare incident last September.    The cops drove through the parking lot a few times, but didn’t stop.  Aside from the usual Surf City suspects, we had one visitor.   Under Mother Fucker was the lone representative of the Can’d Hash.  Cum Pumper took a break from school and made the trek over the hill.  The weather this evening was splendid and everyone was in a particularly “cheerful” mood.  Accuprick was in a particularly cheerful mood.  He is now officially retired!  Congratulations you lucky bastard!  Cheerleading camp was taking place on campus and we could hear echoes of perky teenagers in the distance.  Puff The Magic Drag Queen was wishing he had a better zoom lens on his camera.  Mortal Enema was reminiscing of her days at cheer camp.  I was a band/drama geek and only went to band camp. It was held at our high school, so I didn’t get to travel anywhere.

It was a shiggylicious trail with some amazing views.  According to my GPS, it was a 4.2 mile loop.  We traversed through the forest, drank fireball whiskey, dodged huge piles of cow poop, ran with the deer through fields, climbed over a couple fences, crossed a log bridge over a dried up stream, saw an abandoned lime kiln, and were rewarded with beer!  Dung Fu Grip, Cum Pumper and I were the FRB’s.  Thmp-Thmp was a short cutter and arrived at beer check before the FRB’s.  dBASED ran 6.5 miles and who the fuck knows where he went.  When he didn’t show up at beer check, no one was worried.  He’s like a homing pigeon, he always finds his way.  Sure enough, we found him back at the start.

Religion was held in the woods next to the parking lot.   Accuprick was RA, and Mortal Enema was beer Fairy.  It was her first time and she started by trying to clean the cups!  LOL!  Just Alex was called up for blood and ticks on trail.  Dbased was punished for not being at the beer/liquor checks.  Hugh Heifer drank for posing for a photo pooping on cow poop.  Ask Princess Di (arrhea) if you want to see it.  It’s too pornographic for the hash trash.  Accuprick celebrated his retirement day!  Under Mother Fucker was welcomed as a visitor.   And last but not least, the Hares……………………..

See you tomorrow for the Wank Yer Doodle Weenie Roast at Brommer Street Park at 30th Ave. & Brommer St. in Santa Cruz.  We’re Americans God damn it!  We may be getting taxed to death, the Supreme Court is banning insurance coverage for contraceptives, but we can still celebrate our freedom to drink beer!  Thmp-Thmp & Princess Diarrhea have promised us weenies.

On On,

Shallow Hole

Puff the Magic Drag Queen and Dung Fu Grip summoned the pack to the Crepe Place.  AKA the Creepy Place.  Since Puff was haring, Princess Di (arrhea) did hash cash and Fingernips was guest hash flasher.  Banana Basher made it out this week.  Hell, the bar is only a few blocks from his house!  I hear he rarely leaves his man cave these days.  His drinking buddy Apple Bobber showed up in his work duds.

There was some breakage and spillage at the bar.  TIMMY!!! was drinking his usual martini, knocked over his drink and broke the glass (for the nineteenth time)!  There was no blood drawn, but I would still classify that as alcohol abuse! 

Plastic Pussy resurfaced after a year!  You think he would have a good excuse.  He said he was just being lazy.  We had a Virgin this week!  Virgin Travis was “sponsored” by Just Jeremiah and Just Marisol.  I’m sure the bar was thrilled to get rid of us when the pack left.

Trail started out simple enough.  There were no checks initially.  We went left out the front door of the bar, left on Cayuga Street.  There was a check 1 block down.  I’m assuming that this is the place where we lost the “non runners”.  On On was called going left down Hanover, then left down an alley.  We meandered around neighborhood streets until we ended up on Soquel Avenue.  Trail headed right down Capitola Road to 7^th avenue.  We finally ended up going down by the Harbor, down a shiggy hill to a bum wine check.  Then we had to cross the big log across the water to get to the other side.  Last time we did that, it was at night.  This was definitely better than pitch dark at night.  Dung Fu later said he was listening to Jewish Folk Music and that’s what inspired him to buy the Manischewitz wine.  TIMMY!!! is half Jewish and drinking it reminded him of happy memories of Passover at Aunt Ethyl and Uncle Morty’s house.  I can only claim Jewish by insemination.  La Heim!

Trail continued through Arena Gulch up a hill.  Then we went down through some shiggy and had to slide down a steep hill on our asses.  There was a turkey eagle split.  TIMMY!!! took the turkey trail.  I was on the eagle and met up with Diddler on the Roofie and Thmp-Thmp.  We climbed up a hill through some massive shiggy that included picker bushes and PO.  Lesson learned.  Wear shiggy socks because you never know where the damn Hares will go next.  The turkeys and eagles met back up again at the top.  We were at Fredrick Street Park.  It seemed like it took the same time for TIMMY!!! to meet back up with us again.  We were on Harbor and saw evidence of a “Hare Snare”.  We ran through a church parking lot, through a school and meandered our way to Seabright to beer check and religion at Puff’s house.  My watch said 3.85 miles.

Accuprick was RA and appointed Twat do you Say? the beer fairy because she went to her school’s graduation and was dressed in a pretty pink dress.  No one could find the crown, so she wore Dung Fu’s unicorn hat.  Poor Nippless Butt’s feet were bleeding for some unknown reason.  Otherwise he appeared fine.  Since there was dog blood in the circle, Dog Breath was called up for a down down.  Twisted Fister had blood on trail, so he drank too.  Wankers who didn’t do trail were called up next.  Just Chip, Wicked Retahted, Banana Basher and Apple Bobber all were looking mighty lit and drank a down down.  Wicked stayed there to receive a gift, a Retard Hasher shirt from Accuprick.  If the shoe fits……..  Moose Turd Pie accused the hares of a crime. The eagle trail was shorter than the turkey.  That from a guy who showed up to hash in jeans and street clothes.  He wants it longer and harder!  Plastic Pussy was called up for being a backslider.  He said he was out running drunk by himself and ended up getting arrested and sent to jail!  Well now that you’re back, you can run drunk with 20 other people.  There’s safety in numbers.  Dog Breath, Mothers Little Felcher and Moose Turd Pie snared a hare- Puff.  Give the old man a break!  Dung Fu ran through a group of church camp children to avoid being snared.  There were a few Analveraries.  Moose Turd Pie celebrated his 5^th Surf City Hash!  Diddler on the Roofie and Fap Jack celebrated 25 hashes.  Occasional Rapist celebrated 150 hashes!  Get a life!  Virgin Travis was called up.  Just Jeremiah made him cum.  He told a joke and showed us a tattoo on his ass cheek.  Nice!  TIMMY!!! was called up for breaking a glass at the bar.  He will now be drinking from a TIMMMY!!! Tippy cup.  Fap Jack was called up because he celebrated his 30^th birthday this past week.  Happy Birthday, fuck you!  dBASED was called up for being “too red”.  He got a sunburn on his head.  Congratulations to Hot Wheels who graduated high school this week!  And last but not least, the Hares…………………………..

This week we will be convening at the Aloha Grille on Portola Drive for Occasional Rapist’s Aloha Birthday hash, and their pre-lube for SDH3 RDR!  See you there!

On On,

Shallow Hole