By some miracle, El Palomar let us cum back again this year to celebrate AGM and trash their banquet room.  I guess they know they can make a lot of money on alcohol sales.

If only all elections were this easy! It’s been a very emotional week in American politics, but let’s focus on the positive.  Hash politics!  In the Surf City hash world, Half Minds from all walks of life (usually) get along.  WE DON’T CARE about race, color, religion, food preferences or sexual orientation!   All we care about is shitty trails and drinking beer!  It’s a dysfunctional family that seems to work just fine.  Believe it or not, the hash doesn’t run on it’s own.  There are folks who volunteer for mismanagement positions and usually run unopposed.   That was the case again this year.  Pink Cherry Licker and Fap Jack are continuing their 2 year term as GM’s.  I think they did a fabulous job this past year!  It’s not easy to herd a bunch of drunken cats.  We drank a lot of beer, had some great events and stayed out of jail!

Trail was short and shitty and included a tour of San Lorenzo Park, liquor check at Callahan’s and beer check on top of Oswald’s Parking Garage. Religion was inside El Palomar.  Dung Fu Grip was RA.  Nurse Milkacockus, Bacon Queef and Just Foot Pussy were punished for throwing food.  They were actually trying to catch pieces of candy in their mouths.  There were a few Analversaries:  Puff celebrated his 869^th, TIMMY!! celebrated his 550^th, Fap Jack celebrated his 150^th , and Bacon Queef celebrated her 69^th SCH3 hash!  Get a fucking life (especially Puff).  Wicked Retahted was called up for a down down “just because”.  We all drank to celebrate the legalization of pot in California!  The current year’s mismanagement was called up for a down down thank you.  There was another naming!  Just Doug was luck to have his 5th hash land on AGM, when Wankers are extra rowdy and intoxicated!  All I know about him is that he used to hash in Japan, but was never named there.  Well The pack though of a name pretty easily.  And not in the traditional fashion.  It was while we were waiting for Just Doug to arrive at Beer Check.  And from this day forward, he will be forever known as Cold Smegma Kamikaze.  Welcome to the hash!

Awards:

Best Trail: Princess Di(arrhea) and Thmp Thmp for trail through Henry Cowell to observation deck.

Worst Trail: Cum Fartzone and Jizziki’s pre-layed trail through Capitola

Best Theme: Pussy Trail:  Rat Pussy, Pussy Wood and Just Foot Pussy

Biggest Wanker: Hangs Loose (who was not present)

Stupidest Act: Cum Fartzone’s noon pre-lay that upset the paranoid neighbors and set off terror on Next Door.com

Look at Me Award: Tie between Taco Tramp and Hangs Loose.  She accepted the ball gag in his honor.

Election Results:  Year 16 Mismanagement:

GMs: Pink Cherry Licker and Fap Jack

Hash Flash/Cash: Puff the Magic Drag Queen

Onsex: dBASED

Haberdasher: Occasional Rapist

RA’s: Accuprick and Dung Fu Grip

Hare Raiser: Twisted Fister

Social Secretaries: Princess Di (arrhea) and Thmp Thmp

Beer Meister: Rotating position this year.  Please see the GM’s if you want to volunteer for a stint.

Hash Scribe Raiser: Pussy Wood.  Please email her to sign up!  Pblaimont.heart@gmail.com

Why should only a few select individuals have all the fun of writing Hash Trash every week? I’m sure you’re all pretty sick of me after 5 years.  As a typical Half Mind, I forgot when I first volunteered for this job.  After some research, looks like I started being Scribe with Occasional Rapist in 2011.  Damn!  No wonder I was sick of it!  We were both new to the hash at the time and dBASED persuaded us to volunteer.  Anyway, just like Hashers sign up to Hare trails, Hashers can sign up to write Hash Trash for the week.  Pussy Wood will post it for you on the website.  No writing experience necessary!  Every computer has spell check.  Unfortunately it doesn’t recognize weird spelling of hash names.   You don’t even have to be sober to write it!  Some of my best work was under the influence of alcohol.  There are no rules!  You can use whatever format you want.  It will be good to get a different flavor each week.  I only write from the FRB perspective.  I’m sure there’s a lot more drama and debauchery going on further back in the pack.  And this way, there’s not a long term commitment.  Just give it a try and sign up for a week.  I’m not going anywhere.  You’ll still hear from me occasionally. 

On Out,

Shallow Hole

Happy Beerthday Twisted Fister!

This week’s hash started at Aptos Street BBQ.   The place was pretty hopping for a Thursday night and even had a band of promising young musicians.  I was stuck in the usual HWY 1 rush hour traffic jam, so I didn’t get to hear them.  They have a good beer selection there, but only one bartender so I waited in line for a bit to get a beverage.

The Hares were Twisted Fister, Princess Di (arrhea) and Thmp-Thmp.   Trail was 2.98 miles according to my GPS.  There was a Turkey/Eagle split as promised.  The Eagles went into the darkness of Nisene Marks State Park.  It was a bit spooky, but I did not fear.  I had a bright flashlight and was accompanied by Poon Doggie.   There was a liquor check of some kind of bloody Mary shit that I did not try.  Trail went off the fire road on one of the single track trails to the left.  We were almost a mile in when the FRB’s yelled “YBF!!!!”.  Those bastards!  So everyone turned around and went back to the T/E split and followed the Turkey trail down Spreckles Drive into Rio del Mar.  There was another liquor check under a bridge but the Turkeys drank it all, so the Eagles were out of luck.  Trail turned onto Moosehead Drive and went all the way up to the railroad tracks.  Railroad tracks are extra fun at night!  Poon Doggie was not digging the tracks.  Beer check was a LONG way down the tracks.

Religion was at the humble abode of Princess and Thmp-Thmp, just a short walk down the tracks. They live on a golf course so I assumed we were on the proverbial right side of the tracks.  Dung Fu Grip and Accuprick were RA and Beer Dick Fairy.  The Hares were called up first to do penis shots for Twisted Fister’s birthday.  They all got sufficiently creamed.  There were 2 Analversaries:  Broke Bench Mountain for his 269^th and Cock Throbbin for her 50th SCH3 hash.   Broke Bench Mountain accused Hangs Loose of being obnoxiously yelling “On On” every few minutes, which is a great way of pissing off the neighbors.  Way to go!  We had a naming!  It was Just Kassie’s 5^th hash.   She’s a physical Therapist and made some comment about patients getting erections on a previous hash, so she was named Errection Derailer.

Welcome to the hash!  And last but not least, the Hares……………………………

On On,

Shallow Hole

Anal Halloweenie Hash on 10/27/16

Our Hares for this ghoulish evening were Thmp Thmp and Princess Di (arrhea). It was a chilly rainy night and the Hares thought to buy a bunch of rain ponchos for the hash.  You guys rock!  They said cum to the Blue Lagoon dressed in a hash name inspired costume or whatever the hell you wanted to be.  There were some pretty cool costumes.  Thmp Thmp was a squirrel with tire tracks on it and Princess was a Pepto-Bismol pink nurse.  Steamy Bhaanorrhea had a blow up sheep on his head that apparently was pretty difficult to find. Pussy Wood was the crazy cat lady.  Timmy!!! had a wheelchair and dressed as himself.  Pink Cherry Licker had a pink cherry outfit.  Dung Fu Grip had an Asian inspired costume.  Slonad wore fluorescent orange with rabbit ears.  Puff was “Puff”.  Big surprise.  dBASED made a good Wayne’s World character.  Occasional Rapist and cums Out My Nose had a kitty vibe going on.  Just Mishi had a cool Princess Leia costume and had her dog Just Roxy in a costume she was not thrilled to be wearing.  Broke Bench Mountain didn’t wear his costume because he didn’t want to ruin it.  Jizziki wore a panda costume because he couldn’t figure out how to come as a load of cum.  Hugh Heifer was a cow.  Bakers Doesn’t was a mutant baker.  That was all I remembered.  I googled Shallow Hole and all I got was images of dirt, so I made up a pink tiger ensemble that would keep me warm.

Trail was 1.69 miles according to the Hares, but was slightly more if you ran the checks. I got 1.77 and Dung Fu Grip got 2 miles.  It was pretty rainy so I was happy to have a short trail.  We did a jaunt around downtown, then up past the High School to Mission and down the steps to Chestnut.  There was a liquor check on the steps.  It was some kind of creamy stuff and Dung Fu had a plastic dick and was doing dick shots for everyone.  Puff got a load of cum all over his face!  Wish someone got a photo of that one!  Beer check was at the parking garage on Cedar Street.  The Hares brought a bunch of cookies and candy in addition to beer.  The security guards drove by a couple times and didn’t seem to care.

Religion was held on top of Oswald”s garage. The rain had subsided by then but it was still cold.  Our RA was Dung Fu Grip and he was so inspired that he took off his pants and did his duties in a thong.  Pink Cherry Licker was Beer Fairy.  For the evening, down downs were offered in either a black or white dick.  Two new drinking vessels were broken in.  Rat Pussy broke in the Flabongo and Puff broke in the Drag-on.  Beware of the Flabongo.  It has a hole in the ass and it pees!  Slonad got a patch for 50 hashes.  And it only took 6 years!  Timmy!!! got brought up for his escapades on trail.  The wheelchair proved to be a problem.  Jizziki was pushing him for a while but kept bumping into things.  Then Timmy!!! got out and was pushing it himself and fell.  But in true hasher style, he didn’t remember that he fell.  Super Taco Tramp pulled a Courtesy Flush and stopped to get a taco on trail.  We had a naming!  Just Mishi is apparently a big Star Wars fan and was named “Cum You Shall Not”.  Hugh Heifer and Yours Truly got called up as backsliders.  Puff bought us candy and stuffed beavers at Marini’s to bribe us to stay!  How sweet!  Dung Fu Grip won best costume.  Wicked Retahted, Occasional Rapist, Cums Out My Nose, Broke Bench Mountain and Finger Nips drank for not doing trail.  And last but not least, the Hares……………….

On On,

Shallow Hole (and my beaver, who on closer inspection is really a dog named Duke)

dBASED and Cum Fartzone summoned the pack to New Bohemia Brewing on 41st Ave in Capitola for this week’s hash.  Since I did not attend, this hash trash is based on pure fiction, pictures, a Garmin map and one eyewitness report.  I’m running a marathon in a week and I am paranoid about getting sick, hurt, or poison oak.  Last time dBASED hared, he took the eagles bushwacking through a poison oak grove.  Then there was that super shiggy trail in Aptos a while back where we had to climb through a creek bed.  Occasional Rapist and Cums Out My Nose decided to skip the hash and take a painting class.  Nice turtles ladies!

The Eagle trail was about 4 miles and went down 41st Avenue into the Jewel box.  Harriettes ogling at young guys with no shirts on playing soccer in Jade Street Park.  They staggered across 47th and shortcut through the trailer park to 49th.  There was a liquor check in a small park above the railroad tracks.  Trail continued down the trail along the tracks.  Turkeys went down the steps and left on Wharf Road, Eagles went across the train trestle.  Puff got separated from the pack by trying to get around the train trestle.  They continued along the tracks all the way to Monterey Avenue, left onto Bay.  There was some circle jerking around the neighborhood before going right on Riverview Drive and into Perry Park, across the bridges and up to Wharf Road where the Eagles rejoined the Turkeys.  Trail went right on Wharf Road a short distance, crossed the street into some woods & did a steep on-up into the backside of the Toyota dealer on Auto Plaza Dr. and went left on 41st and behind the businesses.  Not sure where beer check was since my eye witness lost trail at that point and went straight to religion across from New Bohemia.  I suspect there was beer at beer check.

Timmy was RA.  Genital Thongs complimented Dog Breath for doing a good job marking trail.  Jizziki celebrated his 50th SCH3 hash!  Get a life!  Dog Breath got another down down for going back and trying to find Puff who was lost on trail.   Luckily Puff is alive and well.  And last but not least, the Hares………..

On On,

Shallow Hole