Dung Fu Grip and Fap Jack brought the pack to the Golf Club Drive entrance to Pogonip for this week’s trail. A pretty good size pack showed up, not knowing what horrors awaited them.  There was a large canine contingent as well.  We were pretty sure to get our shiggy fix, lots of hills and possibly run through some homeless encampments.  My Fucking Precious, who was missing since 2009, made her second hash in the past month.  Way to go!  Synphomaniac was visiting from Germany.  Dr Kraut, a part time Santa Cruz resident and founder of the Penn State Hash, showed up.  Genital Thongs brought a Virgin named Marty.

The Eagle trail was 5.49 miles according to my GPS. The Turkey was shorter, but not sure the distance. The first check led the pack to a single track trail to the left.  dBASED headed out in a different direction on his own quest to ambush the hares.  He was not seen again.  There was a margarita check in the woods, pretty soon after trail began.  There was a Turkey/Eagle split.  The Eagles were treated to a long on up a huge hill, only to find a nice view, and a long back check 9!  Those bastards!  Ho to Housewife, Cock Throbbin, Symphomaniac and I took selfies on a bench and waited for the rest of the Eagles to arrive.  We didn’t want to deprive them of the lovely panoramic view.  Trail went back down the hill to a trail on the left, and continued to beer check at Santa Cruz’s version of Stonehenge.  Dung Fu Grip was waiting at beer check when we arrived, then headed out to set the rest of the trail.  As a group of us were going back down the hill, Cock Throbbin almost got taken out by one of the dogs who crashed into her leg.  Luckily she wasn’t hurt.  Then we ran into a bunch of lost Turkeys who couldn’t find beer check.  As they were wandering around, they snared the hare as he was heading away from beer check.  They told us the direction he went.  There was another liquor check at the abandoned Lost Boys house.

It was dark before we got back to the start. Religion was back at the start.  Dung Fu did double duty and was also RA.  Hugh Heifer was Beer Fairy.  First we heard the tale of the lost Turkeys (Puff the Magic Drag Queen, Vaginal Repair Kit, Cum Fartzone and Fingernips).  They made it out alive! dBASED was punished for missing trail.  He was on a mission to snare the Hares and did apparently ambush Dung Fu Grip somewhere on trail.  Way to go!  Pink Cherry Licker drank for making Twat Did You Say go up a big hill.  She left before religion started.  Hugh drank for not showing her tits at the boob check.  Virgin Marty was welcomed to the hash and mooned the pack.  There was a canine naming.  Vaginal Repair Kit’s dog Just Charlie was named Two Fuck Chuck!  Deadliest Snatch celebrated her 69^th Surf City Hash!  Get a life!  Six of Nine was found on trail in a homeless camp and came to religion for free beer.  And last but not least, the Hares………….

Happy Birthday Dung Fu, Fuck You!

On On,

Shallow Hole

This year’s Beat Your Meat was held at Drill Me’s house in Scotts Valley.

Somehow dBASED talked his dentist into hosting the event.  I’m sure it’s a decision that she surely regrets by now.  Drill Me used to hash with Monterey Bay, and hasn’t hashed in the 15 years since Surf City H3 has been in existence.  dBASED said she put a lot of work into clearing trails on her property for the event.  She has a gorgeous property with friendly horses off of Vine Hill.  The event was a huge success!  We raised over $800 bucks for Second Harvest Food Bank!  Yay!  We really are a legitimate nonprofit organization and not a bunch of drunks who don’t care!

dBASED and Drill Me were the hares. The Eagle trail was less than 2 miles on my GPS.  And it was all up hill.  My calves were burning like hell.  Damn you hares!  There was a decomposed skunk carcass on trail, but we did not encounter any live animals.

The potluck was awesome and Accuprick and Butt Balls cooked up all the meat and meat alternatives. Instead of their fancy gas grills, they managed to cook everything on 2 small charcoal grills.  The food took a little longer to cook so hashers mingled around the grills salivating, and patiently waiting for their meat to cook.  Dog Breath was caught trying to steal Timmy’s steak, but gave it back (with a few bites missing).   He’s a typical dog that steals food from little kids and handicapped people.

Accuprick was RA and Pink Cherry Licker was Beer Fairy. Visitors- Arabian Goggler, Piss Pyle, BMX, Just Matt, Spreads in the Sheets, Gay for Pay, eh?, Tipper in the Slipper were welcomed to the hash with a down down.  Waxi Pad and Snapping Twat drank for being backsliders.  Hugh Heifer and Cumfart Zone drank for somehow getting lost on the turkey trail.  Stoners!  They did manage to find their way back and hit the beer check.  Pink Cherry Licker also got lost.   She apparently texted she couldn’t find beer check.  It was just up the road from the house on the same street. Princess Di (arrhea) and Occasional Rapist couldn’t handle the difficult trail, so they turned back.  Extra money was raised by Tits and Game and Cumfart Zone for bouncing on the trampoline topless.  Virgin Matt flashed front and back.  Tits and Game made him cum!  Yellow Prick Load celebrated his 25^th Surf City hash!  It took years, but he made it!  Accuprick said he was the bastard who named him in Silicone Valley.  He got his name because he liked to wear yellow, was skinny and looked like a banana.  He even has his own song called “Swallow the yellow prick load”!  Fap jack took off early, but then got blamed for not doing a good job of getting the grills started  for Butt Balls when he went to the beer check.   Goggler was his stunt drinker.  Dog Breath was punished for stealing Timmy’s steak.  Jizziki got the award for the best meat.  It was marinated in his “special sauce”.  I had some and it was really good.  So tender it melted in your mouth.   And last but not least, the Hares……………….

On On,

Shallow Hole

Ho to Housewife and Occasional Rapist’s Beerthday Aloha Hash

It’s Gemini season, and all the coolest hashers are celebrating birthdays! Ho to Housewife and Occasional Rapist brought the pack back to Pleasure Point to the Corner Pocket for a Hawaiian themed hash.  Personally I’ve never been in that bar before.  There was the smell of cigarettes, but nothing shadier than the other dive bars in Santa Cruz.  The news was reporting some kind of shooting and police activity in the area, but luckily we did not see anything of the sort.

I got 4.69 miles on the Eagle trail. We went left on Portola, right on 24^th with a little zig zagging to 17 th Avenue.  Not sure where the Eagle trail started, but dBASED had plenty of time to write “Pre Lay” next to almost every mark.  There are no rules in the hash, remember?  dBASED is one of the main reasons that Hares pre-lay anyway.  He’s the only hasher who purposely goes out on trail with the intention of catching the Hares.  I guess if you hash for that many years in the same area it gets pretty boring and you need to find ways to amuse yourself.   Trail went through Shoreline Middle School and Simkins Swim Center parking lots to the little dirt trails.  There was a crappy section of railroad tracks complete with broken glass and a bum.  Before exiting the tracks onto 7^th Avenue, there was a big pile of white stuff that resembled flour. It looked like the Pillsbury Dough Boy got murdered there.  There was a loop around the harbor and Cock Throbbin and I got to listen to a little bit of music from the Crows Nest Beach Party.  Trail along the ocean, along East Cliff Drive.  That hill is one of my least favorite spots along the Wharf to Wharf r*ce course.  There was a little zig zagging around to Sunny Cove beach.  Fap Jack was guarding the liquor check, yummy Pina Coladas on the steps down to the beach.  We crossed the beach and went up to the road again.  We ended up back on East Cliff and through some Catholic silent retreat convent run by nuns.  And they say Nuns have to take an oath of poverty!  I wouldn’t mind living in an ocean front convent.  I don’t think I would like the silent part though.  Beer check was on 20^th at the end of the road.  Someone saw Puff almost running by and directed him to beer check.  My guess is the DFL drank the rest of the liquor check and then stumbled the rest of the way.

Religion was at Wicked Retahted’s house. The pack was greeted with a bonfire and Island music.  The Hares cooked up a big Hawaiian feast and it was awesome!  Accuprick was RA and Just Shay was beer Fairy.  My Little Bony drank for not remembering a song (he did the Wanker trail).  Project Cumway and Just Foot Pussy drank for being backsliders.  Wicked was serenaded with the retard song.  A bunch of wankers (Wicked, Just Walter, Fingernips, Cumfart Zone, My Little Bony, Rod Lover and Just Shay, etc) drank for not making the liquor check.   Puff drank for almost missing beer check.  Rod Lover celebrated his 150^th and Pink Cherry Licker celebrated her 175^th Surf city hash!  Get a life!  There was a naming!  It was Just Emily’s 5th hash.  There was plenty of material to work with.  It was a close call between “Taco Tramp” and “Shut the Fuck Up!”.  Taco Tramp won out.  She thinks Taco Bell is “sex food”.  Welcome to the hash!  Virgin Dee told a lame joke.  Taco Tramp made her cum.  And last but not least, the Birthday Hares………..

Happy Birthday, Fuck You!

On On,

Shallow Hole

New Kids On My Cock and Fap Jack lured the pack to Callahan’s this week with promises of shitty 3+ mile Turkey, 6+ mile Eagle trails and a keg.   They got the shitty trail right.  Trail started out the back door of the bar, down May Street.  The first check was a particularly tricky one on the corner of Hubbard and Market.  The FRB’s were treated to running up the big hill on Berkeley Way to find a false trail.  Then to another false trail along the Branciforte Creek trail.  I started out running with my BFF (big furry friend) Poon Doggie, but was soon rejected.  When he saw his Daddy on trail, he stopped in the middle of the path and told me in dog language that he preferred to go with him.  I think I need to start bringing him treats.  True trail went straight on Market, to Curtis, around that neighborhood, through a little dirt trail in back of an apartment complex.  There was a LC that was written upside down, so it took a few half minds to figure out what it was.  We got a bottle of fireball.  Yay!  Trail continued through a new housing development of cookie cutter homes 5 feet away from each other, back out to Market Street towards Branciforte Drive.  The Eagles headed up the big dirt hill into Delaveaga Park.  I was with dBASED at this point.  The FRB’s, Dung Fu Grip, Fucked Over Fest and Achy Breaky Snatch were up ahead of us.   After we got to the top of the hill, the trail cut off to the right on a single track trail.  There was another liquor check, but we couldn’t find it.  There was poison oak and picker bushes everywhere so we didn’t search that hard.   I’m sure it wasn’t worth it anyway.  We followed trail up through the golf course, down Upper Park Road, and left on Delaveaga Park Drive.  At the end of the road, we ran into one of the Hares.  New Kids made it clear that he was done with trail and we didn’t snare him.  He was out there at the end of the road laying a back check.  So we played the back check game, turned around and found trail again on Elk Street.  Beer Check was a Pinky and Fap’s place on Rooney Street.  I got only 3.44 miles, but Dung Fu also ran Eagle and got > 6 miles.  Somehow we missed part of trail.

Religion was in the back room at Callahan’s and was pretty much a shit show. The keg didn’t last very long, but lack of alcohol  didn’t keep hashers from getting loud and obnoxious.  There was a futon, so Pinky, Achy Breaky Snatch and I got to put our feet up, relax and enjoy the drunken escapade.  I tried NOT to think about what cooties were on the futon or what nastiness has gone on there in the past.  I took a shower as soon as I got home.  Dung Fu grip and Accuprick were Co-RA’s for the evening.  Just Emily, Just Shay and Just Mars sang “the pants song”.  Not sure if they made it up or if it was an actual song.  There was a long an boisterous version of Alouette with Cumfart Zone acting out the parts.  Virgin Clarity bailed so Just Emily did her stunt down down.  Steamy Baanorrhea and New Kids drank for blood on trail.  The local flower lady came in the bar and interrupted Religion.  She wasn’t going away, so the festivities stopped while a few hashers bought flowers from her.  There was a long version of Chicago.  Bareback Unicrack drank for not doing trail, and Courtesy Flush drank for arriving late and trying to find trail on his bike.  And the Hares…………..

On On,

Shallow Hole