Our Hash scribets have had had a perfect system of recently. They schedule Occasional Rapist when she is either on vacation or about to head out on vacation, so I get to do it instead. Last time Occasional Rapist was scheduled to be the scribe she was working from Las Vegas. This time she was headed to Rotan Honduras for a scuba diving trip in less than 36 hours after the Hash. I’m supposed to be getting some compensation for being her replacement, but it has not happened yet.
During this past Thursday’s Hash it had completely slipped my mind I was the scribe. I was reminded from Honduras on Sunday I had agreed. So, anything I write now must have been really noteworthy. Occasional Rapist misadventures in Honduras seem much more interesting right now, but you’ll have to ask her about those when she gets back. I am also interested to hear about our adventurers to Bay to Blackout. I am sure those details will be forthcoming soon as well.
Hash 743 started from the hotel bar of The Dream Inn called Jack Oneil’s lounge. The Dream Inn will always be memorable for me as it’s where I consummated my current marriage. Of course it is quite nice, so I’ll probably never have an occasion to spend another night there.
This area of Santa Cruz is turning into a popular hashing spot of recent. Of course we had just been by here last Saturday for The Red Dress run. Hash 733 also started at Jack Oneils and Hash 732 went close by. Hash 744, The Big Lebowski, this next Thursday is in the neighborhood as well. I am happy to report that at least hash 745 will be not be in the vicinity. It will be in Scotts Valley.
Today’s Hash was supposed to be set by Achy Breaky Snatch and step dad New Kids on My Cock. She informed me that since she signed up, he job hours have changed and she has to work 4:30 – 12:30, so will not be seeing us for a while. Twisted Fisted filled in as a stunt hare.
As I sat at the bar next to Cumz out my Nose at the start, she informed me she had spotted the hares pre-laying. Their comment was, it is fucking hot! Is not the temperature the same for the pack as for hares, or did the hares think there is a dramatic temperature shift between when the hares leave and when the pack leaves? While the hares were worried about the temperature, apparently the one thing they did not take into consideration was the tide.
While trail seemed to be commonly observed as a cluster fuck by the pack, I missed the fucked up part. There was a check in front of the wharf and a long ass false to Neptune’s Kingdom at the Boardwalk. I suspected the hares really meant Back Checked, so I headed up Cliff Street, then left on 2nd. I figured to hit trail somewhere by Depot Park. At Depot Park, I saw Hashers retreating on the railroad tracks. In my mind, this left one option open to the hares – take West Cliff Drive and return via Neary Lagoon. So, I took Neary Lagoon to where I had been the host for the hurricane check outside of Neary Lagoon for The Red Dress Run. No marks there, so I stuck my tail between my legs and took Bay back towards West Cliff, figuring to find trail somewhere along the way.
Back to West Cliff, and I still found no trail, so I headed back towards the last known mark and found where disaster had struck. I found pack marks towards the beach and Thmp-Thmp retreating. Apparently, there was a liquor check down a ways, and trail was supposed to continue on and up the stairs. However, the tide had come up since the hares were there, and the trail was impassible. That is, unless you are Puff. If memory serves me right, the last time a hare tried this technique, was Cockiss with Hash 100. On that day around 12 years ago, Puff wrote:
If we had the feet of a mountain goat, we might, and I mean might, just be able to scratch and paw our way up the rocks used as a breakwater. I’m not swimming to the stairs at Lighthouse Point so I’ve no option really. By holding on to the hound in front and forming a human chain, eventually all hounds reassembled on West Cliff Drive and continued westward ..
On this day, Puff decided if he had done it 12 years ago, he could do it again, and scrambled down the rocks to the stairs. All others retreated and looped around to West Cliff.
From there is was a fairly uneventful trail. There was a back check 7 and back check 11 though from our villainous hares along the way though. The trail looped through the neighbors, through Lighthouse Field to a liquor check (Whisky) across West Cliff and a back check 11 which Shallow Hole and I found. Shallow Hole and I grabbed the Whisky knowing no one else from the pack would come there. Beer check was soon discovered in the trees in Lighthouse Field.
Rumor has it, beer check was inhabited by numerous mosquitoes. However, I have been in many places in the world where many people have been attacked by mosquitoes and I have felt none. So, I noticed none.
Eventually, we reconvened under the railroad tracks across from the start for religion. RA number 1, Accuprick, was not there. RA number 2, Dung Fu Grip, showed his snout at the end but had not done trail. So, RA number 3, Timmy was elected and he elected Finger Nips as his beer fairy.
Pink Cherry Licker got her 69th Hash patch and she appeared to pickled pink about it.
We had one Virgin in Virgin Andrew. He’d heard about the Hash via friends in DC and found our local Kennel on the Internet. He told some lame joke.
He had travelers from afar (Lake Tahoe) in Dickens Chickens and Cheek and Dong. Cheeck and Dong has an interesting memory. He thinks his hash count should be around 25, but in fact, it is 4.
The On-On-On was a South Beach Pizza. May the Hash go in Peace!
I think this place will be well visited over the summer! Before they left, they asked if everyone knew about STFU, and what it stood for (they are notorious for this now). Trail started out on Main street. Right away we had to climb a hill, which luckily for us was the only real hard part of trail. I noticed this is where Fap Jack, PCL, and Electric Labia Land decided to turn around. We then traversed through towards Capitola Ave. and crossed the street bridge over into Capitola parts. Trail then led us through a very private upscale mobile home park, the Brookvale Terrace, this is where we saw STFU chalk markings. This was a surprising well managed park, I’m not one to want to live in a mobile home park but if I had to, this definitely would be the one! Trail led down the oasis Brookvale creek, and then up another hill, but well paved I might add. Then we worked our way to a very private cool little park nestled in between 3 streets, a triangle shaped park, at Cortez st., Columbus Dr., and Sir Francis Ave.’s. This is where we found a potted Cactus Pinata 
hanging from the biggest tree! By the time the DFL’s approached we witnessed Deep Stroke swinging away at the pinata like she was on a war path! Out flew a mini bar and Toostie Lolly-pops! There was tequila, rum, schnaaps, and hot fire flavored mini liquor bottles. A Hasher’s dream! We hung out awhile to give the hares some time to head out. It was funny as there we’re kids and parents hanging out on the playground near us and once they saw what flew out of the Pinata they left mysteriously? Trail then headed on out towards Monterrey Ave. towards Bay Ave. Beer Check happended in a parking lot off Bay at (
Twisted Fister! We had to make religion run fast as a cop pulled up shortly after we started, lucky for us the cop was looking for a “Domestic Abuse call” and when he heard we we’re there gathering after our friendly “run”, I do not believe he even stepped foot into the park! Yaay. Noted down downs; Backsliders: Diddler on the Roofie and Shiny Snail Trail, Slonad? Also Twisted celebrated a down down for his 50th Surf City hash with us! Dung-Fu Grip drank for doing his 25th consecutive hash with us! Get a life get a life get a life life life…
The Hares had a date with Santa Cruz Warriors and nothing was going to deter them. I honestly thought we might head straight to Kaiser stadium, have a beer check close by, and the hares would abandon us. Instead, the hares ran us in a 1.5 mile loop with beer check across the street from their house. They fooled a few, including me, by having beer check at some patio area instead of in the back parking lot.
I think what she really meant was 10. That happens when you Hash once a year. Before you go berating the length of this trail, I want to you to know the length of this trail was typical in old Surf City Hash days. Most of the trails we do these might have resulted in hare dismemberment. After the hares caught their breath, and soon after the pack arrived, they were off to see the Warriors. The Hasher who had the hardest time catching their breath was Nippleless Butt. He looked like had run 10 miles in the heat of the day. He did not recover unless Hugh Heffer offered him a dog bowl of water at religion.
The highlight of trail was when My Little Bony saw a horrific car accident and was forced to relieve his horrified eyes at the 007. This caused him to miss the beer check. Amazingly, no one else saw the car accident. He was rewarded for chivalry as well as being a backslider at religion.
This weeks’s anniversary was Timmy for his 420th hash, only a week or so after 4/20.
The trio of hares for this hash, Pink Cherry Licker (PCL), Shallow Hole and Twisted Fister had us start at the Red Room downtown. By the time the hares had left for trail, the bar was packed! It was a great turnout, and most hasher’s did don some type of head gear that represented some type of lampshade. Wet Fereal Pussy was the most creative, and it fit her name (and her profession). Lot’s of people got creative in their style of decor. We had 4 new virgins: Aaron, Nancy, Marisol and Jeremiah! It was nice to see a few backslider’s also like Finger Nips, New Kids on my Cock, Hairy Potter and Choka Cola! Trail proceeded down the Pacific Mall by New Leaf and then toward’s the levee, on the far side down Soquel toward’s–you guessed Riverside Lighting & Electric, for our anal 
Lampshade Photo Check. We had instructions at each check where a small lampshade cup type thing had written instructions of what to do. At the photo check there was red plastic dixie cups that we’re passed out. Why? I got excited, I thought wow already we get a drink treat. But alas we just carried the damn thing. Running with a lampshade can be challenging to say the least, so many of us wanker’s did the walking thing. We headed toward’s San Lorenzo park down by the courthouse, past over Water and continued on the Levee until close to the Prison where we had Liquor Check. There was a 
giant ass Sky Vodka Bottle, and the first thing I thought was, I wish there was juice to chase it with. I mean what was all the fuss about wasting a red plastic cup anyhow? We can just swig from the bottle like we always do. Well in the end there was juice (what kind we’ll never know) but apparently we didn’t read the instructions enough or the chalk signs, as well before LC there was chalk signage telling us where the juice was (in a bush?). We then proceeded towards the Sash Mill, and up over the foot bridge over Hwy 1 (by Holy Cross Church). Once we crossed the bridge we realized BC must be near as we thought oh PCL lives close by! Sure enough that is where BC was! We all gathered in the dark in her yard drinking into merriment in our lampshade get-ups. I measured ~ 2.5 miles, 
with Just Daniel, many names we’re offered but in the end we chose, “Giant ASexual”! As it was discovered he likes the Giants and the A’s! Welcome to hash my man. Unfortunately (or maybe its good thing) Just Mike’s naming was shelved, too much information to name two in one night we like to take our sweet time! Next up the Virgins! Aaron said a joke I think, Nancy sang some song? Marisol told a joke too, but funniest thing of all was Jeremiah whom added “What is orange in the front, hairy in the back, and beautiful all over?” Then he dropped his drawers and showed us his orange cloth and white ass! LOL, a hasher is born. And the Hares! Thanks for the fun! On on we went to Woodfire Pizza where we made so much noise at our table we almost got kicked out, Trivia was going on, LOL, shhhhit.