Category Archives: SCH3 Trash

Hash Trash # 737 on April 10, 2014

737bridgeOur Hares Ralph-U-Crammed-In and dBASED summoned the pack to Bocci’s Cellar.  dBASED appeared to be in a supporting role this week.  Back slider, Diddler on the Roofie returned!  He claimed that work was interfering with hashing.  Lame excuse dude!  We had a Virgin.  Virgin Don met the hash in Scotts Valley on Conference Road.  He heard us having Religion and came out of his driveway to see what all the ruckus was about.  Someone offered him a beer, and instead of calling the cops, he decided to join us this week.  Banana Basher made his second appearance in the past month!  It was Just Mike’s 6th hash and was up for naming this week.

You heard the story about the tortoise and the hare, right?  Well this is the story of the hare that was the tortoise.  There was not just one, but three hare snarings.  The customary 15 minute lead time was apparently not enough.  Surf City usually does live trails.  However, this was the case where a pre-lay would’ve been the way to go.

The pack followed flour on Encinal Street, and then headed towards Harvey West Park.  We followed flour through the park into the woods.

737fenceThe hares ignored the “closed trail” sign and continued on a single track trail, over a bridge to the end of Meadow road.  There was a big 6 foot chain link fence blocking the exit.  Dung Fu Grip’s first instinct was to climb the fence.  He got yelled at by a neighbor.  Luckily the fence was movable, and hashers got through without climbing it.  During all the fence fiasco, Dung Fu Grip snared the hares.  The guy who yelled at Dung Fu knew Puff, so he didn’t call the cops.  The pack waited a bit to give the hares some time to get away, then proceeded down Meadow road, left on Sheldon Ave, left on Highland.  As the FRB’s were going down the hill, we spotted the hares for the second time.  Everybody hung out waiting for the hares to get away.  The stoners got stoned.  Dog Breath had time to do 25 sit ups.  After about 10 minutes, the pack continued down the hill to High Street, down the trail back to Coral Street.  The trail continued down Coral Street to the railroad tracks to Pioneer Street.  Non-runners, Banana Basher and Wicked Retahted caught Ralph-U-Crammed-In on Pioneer Street.  He handed them the flour and they finished marking the trail to Beer Check at the end of Pioneer Street.

Religion was at the usual spot on Pioneer Street by the railroad tracks.  Accuprick was RA and Shiny Snail Trail was Beer Fairy.  Diddler on the Roofie was called up for being a backslider.  Broke Bench Mountain was called up for not doing trail.  He’s been dieting and did a “real run” to burn more calories.  Watch out!  He may turn into a racist!  Dog Breath made some false accusations.  What else is new?  Shiny Snail Trail, Occasional Rapist and Yours Truly were called up to perform the African Donkey Dick Dance we made up on trail.  Virgin Don said we all made him cum and sang a song.  Welcome to the hash.  Second Cumming was called up for thinking today was Easter Sunday.  Accuprick reoriented her to time and place.  Dung Fu Grip, Cumcerto and Yours Truly were called up for snaring the hares.  Thmp-Thmp was rewarded for chivalry on trail.  He helped hashers and Nippleless Butt over a fence.  Just Carolyn was called up for being a sissy.  She got cramps and couldn’t finish trail.  She met up with Banana Basher and Wicked Retahted in the cemetery and told incriminating stories about Shiny Snail Trail.  Finger Nips was called up to tell the pack about some type of weed she smoked that gave her a 2 hour orgasm.  Hot Damn!  Hugh Heifer, Princess Di (arrhea) and Thmp-Thmp represented Surf City at Silicone Valley’s Red Dress Run last weekend and lived to tell about it.

737namingWe had a successful .  He will be forever known as Hertz Indianus!  Welcome to the hash!

 

 

 

 

 

 

And last but not least, The Hares………………………

737hares

 

 

 

 

 

On On,

Shallow Hole

Hash #735 The Bridges of Santa Cruz County

13521790725_63f064fa16_bLast week we met at the end of some road in Scott’s Valley. We jammed out to Electric Labia Land’s mini speaker and did our best to drain the trough before the trail began. Some folks we hadn’t seen in awhile showed up, Cum Lord, Slownad, The Human Pube, Shiny Snail Trail (with her mom, Virgin Carolyn), Achy Breaky Snatch, Fucked -Overfest, and three visitors who were taking a class in Monterey, Virgin Maxine, Virgin Chris, and Cock Chaser (known to his virgins as Cock Follower).
We headed down a dirt path, into the woods.13521422003_95a59a6418_b After coming back from a false, we climbed up a horrible muddy hill before discovering that trail actually went down an easy little road. That was the end of the trail being easy as we headed up and down, up and down, on a trail that wound around through the woods. We crossed a creek several times, avoided poison oak, and tried not to fall in the mud.
13521090653_faefe2efb5_bWe passed many points of interest, marked by numbers. Unfortunately, our hares, D’BASED and Occasional Rapist, failed to hand out the trail guide. I did some research and here are some of the things you could have seen. 19- Chinese Redwood: There are three species of redwood tree. This is a dawn redwood, indigenous to China. 18 -The Lover’s Trees: If you look up at these two tree they form the shape of a heart. 17: This tree was burnt in a fire in the 70’s. You can see how the middle of the tree has been consumed by fire, and the bark still survives. 16-Poison Oak Glen: Why not have a frolic? 15-Look carefully and you can see symbols carved into this tree by hobos in the 1930’s. Most of them were driven out of these parts after the Great Hobo Uprising of 1941. 14- Harry Love’s Grove: This grove was a favorite spot of Captain Harry Love, head of the first law enforcement agency in California and name sake of Love Creek. He kept a man’s head in a jar on his desk. 13- See that tree? No you don’t, because it has a cloak of invisibility. 12 – It’s that plant from Little Shop of Horrors, feed him, Seymour! 11- This tree is very tall. 10- This tree is very tall, but not quite as tall as number 11. 9 – General Hooker’s Tree: Civil War soldiers used to pick up prostitutes at this tree. Not during the war, because that wasn’t fought here, but later probably. 8- Stargate: Pretty self explanatory, it’s a portal to ancient Egypt or something. 7- Tanbark Oak: The Ohlone Indians ate the acorns from this tree. But don’t try them without cooking them first or they are poison! Aren’t you glad you have a pamphlet to tell you what is poisonous? It would be irresponsible to sent people out into the woods without this pamphlet. 6 – This is a good place to hide in the event of some sort of zombie plague. 5- Haunted Campsite. 4 – There is no 4. 3 – This tree was saved from loggers by some fairies. They made a movie about it called Furn Gully.
After going past all of the numbered tress (which you are now well versed in) we found ourselves in some sort of amazing Christian summer camp. There was a fantastic ropes course hanging from the trees. I’m surprised Dung Fu Grip wasn’t up there immediately. Actually, I don’t know that he wasn’t because I was miles behind by that point, but I didn’t hear about it and he doesn’t have any plunging related injuries so I assume it didn’t happen. But we all wanted to.
We finally found ourselves in the perfect13520071565_41d2952bff_b setting for a horror movie, a summer camp in the off season at night. But it was really nice. They have a water slide and fancy outdoor lighting. And Canoes. We circle jerked around there for awhile, crossing many, many bridges,

 

 

 

13517955544_b6ed8d0223_b

13517814734_6f53b680a6_bbefore finally making it to beer check, back near that awful muddy hill.
Religion was back at the start. Timmy was RA and I was his beer fairy. We had three Virgins. Virgin Maxine told a joke, Virgin Chris showed us his butt, and Virgin Caroline showed us her tits. People drank for other things. A good time was had by all. On on on was at Salsa’s, home of the Giant Burrito!

See you all at the Red Room for the Lamp Shade Run!
PCL

# 734 Green Dress Hash on March 20, 2014

greenhares1This week, our Hares Banana Basher and Cuff my Muff brought the pack to Beer Thirty Bottle Shop & Pour House.  This cool new watering hole in Soquel features good beer, large outdoor area and a fenced doggie play yard.  The hash proved that green is the new black and it’s never too late to celebrate St Patrick’s Day.  Whether you’re Irish or not, it’s an excuse to drink.  Hashers never need an excuse to drink.  And St Patrick chased the snakes out of Ireland.  He’s a pretty cool dude in my book.  A few folks showed up at the bar, but didn’t do trail.  There was Ruby Red, Suck Cockran, and my lazy ass husband Waxi Pad.

greenpackTrail was 2.36 miles according to my GPS.  It went down Porter St, through the back door of JJ’s, out the front door of JJ’s and out to Soquel drive.  We crossed the street to Center St for a brief liquor check of Jameson.  Then continued back to Soquel, up the hill to Capitola Ave, where the FRB’s found a back check that said Bellevue.  The bastards made the pack turn around and run a half mile before they found Bellevue.  Shortly after that, there was a Beer Check at Lions Park.greenbeer

Religion was in the parking lot across from the bar.  Accuprick was RA and appointed Butt Balls his Beer Fairy.  The first down down was awarded to the hashers who did not wear green.  The 2 Virgins, Kathy and Paul showed up in street clothes.  Wicked Retahted demonstrated how to do a proper down down.  He’s had a lot of practice.  There were 2 Analversaries.

greencoolerBanana Basher was honored for his 100th haring.  He was awarded a Surf City cooler filled with PBR!  Whoo Hoo!  You think he would’ve come up with a better trail with all of that experience!  Cuff my Muff celebrated her 175th Surf City Hash.  Get a life!   Virgins Kathy and Paul told shitty jokes.  Backsliders, Barstool Bush and Twinkle Tush made them cum.  Speaking of backsliders, Barstool bush didn’t know where she’s been.  Twinkle Tush has been hiding out under a bar stool.  Butt Balls blamed the Japanese for why he hasn’t been cuming to the hash.  Bailas con Burros blamed Banana Basher for why she hasn’t been hashing.  The pack sang a sad rendition of Happy birthday to Just Lynette.  Dung Fu Grip was accused by dBASED of chivalry on trail.  He rescued the virgins.  They almost got lost at the back check.  dBASED also drank.  There was shit on trail.  Cuff my Muff kicked the shit on the sidewalk.  Twat Did You Say? either stepped in the shit or accused Accuprick of shitting on the sidewalk.  Electric Labia Land was called up for no apparent reason.  Accuprick dropped a beer bottle on the ground and drank it like a shotgun.  And last but not least, the Hares………….greenhares

On On,

Shallow Hole

Hash #733

13154570024_5aa237a9e1_kIt was a beautiful Thursday afternoon, and everyone was enjoying the first long evening of the year after the daylight saving time switch. At the swanky Jack O’Neill Lounge in the Dream Inn there was some live music, many couples enjoying a romantic dinner while taking in a panoramic view of the scenic Monterrey Bay, and then in comes a bunch of jackasses in tennis shoes. We must have looked like some sort of drunken softball team in our Betty Ford jerseys. Now you’d think they’d be together enough to know how to run a bar in such a nice place, but do you know what I was charged for my drink? $6.57. I understand there is tax, but if every other bar in the universe can figure out how to charge for drinks in increments of 25 or 50 cents, why can’t they? Now I’m stuck with fucking pennies. Or I can tip 43 cents, but that’s a shitty tip and it’s not the bar tender’s fault that whoever sets the prices doesn’t understand that $6.57 is not an acceptable price for a drink. I might be stretching this point a bit for the sake of my word count as I totally forget I was supposed to write this and I didn’t take any notes. It’s several days late at this point so I shall just write whatever I remember as quickly as I can. Most of this is probably lies because I spent a lot of the night griping about the 57 cents, and didn’t take in much else of what was going on.
13154336923_1e761a04a0_kFrom the Dream Inn we took off toward the big round about by Depot Park. There was some mix ups with trail marks from that fantastic trail the week before. Trail materialized up into Neary Lagoon. Neary Lagoon is not actually a lagoon, rather a small lake that is 70% duck shit. 13154327433_4804981d1d_kWe headed out the other side of the park into the Westside, right into the circle streets. D’BASED and Occasional Rapist were either blissfully ignorant of local happenings or wished to see us all shot because they ran us right through the area that had only hours before been the sight of a neighborhood lockdown while the police searched for an unstable gunman. And we didn’t just pass through. We passed by the epicenter of all of this excitement, not once, not twice, but three times as the trail wound back around on itself over and over again.
In the midst of this circle jerking in the Circle Streets, there was a “gurilla” beer check at the Circle Market. I don’t know if this was just too confusing or everyone is just broke, but no one went in. Apparently spelling counts because OR had to drink for this grave error. I hope we don’t apply the same standard to run-ons or starting sentences with contractions, or else I’m in trouble after the hasty ramble.
13154284103_340eba3961_kThe trail was thankfully short and we found beer check in Lighthouse Field, just as the sun was setting. After that, we wandered back down Westcliff toward the start. We had religion under the train trestle near the Marine Discovery Center. They were having some sort of party over there and they turned the music up as soon as we started singing.13154400384_095a3d996c_k
Religion was filled with lots of stories from Betty Ford. It turned out to be easier to have everyone who didn’t go get up there for a down down. We debuted a few new songs we’d learned down south, but I’ve forgotten then all. Moose Turd Pie brought Virgin Kevin. He told a long, terrible golf joke and then tried to redeem himself by singing a camp song (which he totally fucked up the lyrics to, if you were wondering). Both Deep Stroke and Dog Breath were back after long absences. The air was thick with sexual tension between them. I wonder why those crazy kids can’t work it out and get together. And of cours13154294114_4401cf7112_ke the hares drank for their shitty trail.13154366234_c4bab94a84_k
I’m sure some other stuff happened too, but I don’t remember and I’m working frantically to get this posted before the next one goes up.

See you Thursday,
PCL

Hash Trash #732

Hello wanker’s! Top of the humpday to ya. Last week’s trail started at Tampico’s downtown SC.  I have no photos to share just yet but wait for Puff to post the hash flash soon. Pink Cherry Licker (PCL) and Fap Jack we’re the hares. It was literally the blind leading the blind.  PCL promised us “an easy” trail and that we would “keep a tight schedule” since 9 of us half minds we’re headin’ to Betty Ford Rehab weekend early Friday morning. Let me skip to my trail map, I clocked 5.28 miles and I am a DFL, if it wasn’t for Twat Did You Say and ultimately PCL in the end coming to find us we never have made it to BC. Nuff said? No, we wasted 1-2 miles in the first 30 minutes because Cumcerto should have ran completely across the Broadway bridge as that’s where true trail led too.  In a nut shell a giant circle thru the flats, Oceanview park then down the railroad tracks, over the tressel, and thru more side streets. Eventually leading us to BC which was at the southern entrance into Nearys lagoon. http://www.mapmyrun.com/workout/499887217  Wow! 5.28 F_ckin’ miles for a cold beer! Now was there a LC? I can’t remember my Betty Ford mind has gone numb. But there was slide action and merry-go-round opportunity! Religion was at Oswald’s parking garage. Cuff my Muff RA and Dung-fu-grip her cervesa fairy. Backslider noted New Kids on my Cock. Don’t remember any analversaries, and the Hares! dBASED said Fap Jack wants to hare with him and Dung-fu-grip someday. I’m just happy day light savings is here at last!so we can see flour more easily.  And for anyone wanting to see what happend at Betty Ford this last weekend check out Shallow Holes flickr photos here http://www.flickr.com/photos/76500969@N02/sets/

I think this year was the best since we had such a good kennel turnout! Thanks to everyone who came it was a blast! On on to this week’s hash where we’ll start at the new Jack O’Neill lounge located at the lovely Dream Inn hotel at 175 W cliff drive see you all there, dBASED and myself will be the hares we’ll leave by 6:45PM:)

On On Occasional Rapist!

 

Hash Trash # 731, JJ’s February 27, 2014

731barSlippery Slope on a Rope

This Week, Twisted Fister and Dung Fu Grip brought the pack to JJ’s Saloon in Soquel.  It had been raining nonstop for 2 days.  Luckily the rain stopped in time for the hash.  Dog Breath returned from working in the red light district in Thailand.  Beware single Harriettes!  He may have brought back some microscopic souvenirs!  Tiny Whiny Bitch showed up.  He was visiting from Colorado and showed up late, but was able to catch up with the DFL’s.

The pack circled up in back of the bar, and took off in usual lackadaisical fashion in search of flour.  We went through the side alley out to Soquel and almost tripped over a car bumper in the sidewalk.  It belonged to some schmuck who was exchanging accident information with another guy.  There was a check on the corner of Soquel and Main.  After checking 2 wrong directions, someone finally solved the check and went right on Main, left on E Walnut and back out to Soquel.  Achy Breaky Snatch solved the next check and took us right on Capitola Ave.  We went quite a ways down Capitola Ave until trail turned right on Hill for only about a block, then went left on Lawrence.  After a confusing check, and a YBF, the pack crossed the street and went down Oak, which lead to the trail in back of Nob Hill that cut across to Wharf Road.  The pack was getting thirsty!  Some reminisced about a past trail where there was a tequila check and the hares almost got caught by the cops.

731vodkaThere was a liquor check under a bridge on Wharf Rd.  The bottle of vodka had a combination lock on it.  After a couple hashers tried to get the top off, Dog Breath finally figured it out.  Trail continued all the way back to Soquel.  After crossing the street, we spotted the fence that the Hares warned us about.  It was a small wooden fence that lead to a steep slippery slope down a hill.  The 731ropeHares were thoughtful enough to put a rope to hang on to as hashers repelled down the hill.  To my knowledge, everyone made it down alive.  Trail continued along a wet, creek bed.  Princess Di(arrhea) found a tampon.  Cumcerto almost got stuck in quick sand.   There was photographic evidence showing that Occasional Rapist and Tiny Whiny Bitch lost trail, but found another fence to climb.  The overachievers decided one fence wasn’t good enough and climbed a 6 foot chain link fence.  Not sure where it was, but they didn’t make it to beer check.  Cumcerto and I climbed up the other side of the creek bed and ended up on the trails in back of Soquel High School.  There was a check at the bottom of a hill.  We proceeded to follow trail up the hill.  Beer check was at the top of the hill.  Thmp-Thmp and some other lazy fuckers refused to go up the hill.  They eventually found beer check.  dBASED was trying to catch the Hares, but no one saw him on trail.  He did make it to beer check. 731beercheck

Religion was in back of JJ’s.  Accuprick was RA and appointed yours truly Beer Fairy.  Backsliders, Dog Breath and Finger Nips were called up first.  Dog Breath was in Asia and Finger nips was moving.  Next was Analversaries.  Canadian Penny Slut celebrated her 25th Surf City Hash.  That’s almost as bad as Slonad.  Her first hash was my first hash.  It was January 20, 2011!  Dung Fu Grip celebrated his 10th Haring.  Broke Bench Mountain celebrated 220 hashes.  Get a life!  Occasional Rapist and Tiny Whiny Bitch got lost and went the wrong way.  They were so traumatized, they were back at the bar.  dBASED did her down down.  Achy Breaky Snatch was called up for her lewd behavior at the Can’d Hash.  She flashed the hot military guys, but not Surf City hashers.  Thmp-Thmp, Just Mike, Fap Jack were called up for trying to short cut going up the big hill to beer check.  Tiny Whiny Bitch was visiting from Colorado and got called up for a down down.  Pink Cherry Licker accused Accuprick and Wicked Retahted of having an Abbot and Costello Bromance.  Hugh Heifer and Me were called up for being Deadhead hippies.  Twisted Fister was chastised for whining about how he had to avoid the cops at Blue balls Park and carry heavy cooler of beer up the hill to beer check.  And last but not least, The Hares…………..731hares

Next hash will be Thursday March 6 th.  Prelube to Betty Ford Hash Weekend!  Meet at Tampico, where we will be following the slow and the blind.  Pink Cherry Licker and Fap Jack promised a shitty trail!

On On,

Shallow Hole