This last thursdays hash was just a circle jerk around town by our lazy hares New Kids on My Cock, HangsLoose and dBased. We started off at the Food Lounge where we were the only customers!

Trail was relatively straight forward from there around town until we found ourselves at the turkey eagle split where Turkeys found themselves at a rather far YBF. We could not recall the last check (we are still convinced it did not exist but New Kids claims it existed…lies!) I thought TIMMY was going to blow his lid he was so pissed at that. The Turkeys decision was to turn the fuck around and head over to Pono for a drink but miraculously we came upon trail coming down water street which led us right into the Rush Inn for beer check! We enjoyed a few pitchers there before making it over to religion on top of the cedar and locust street parking garage.

Rat Pussy stepped in as RA as it was a relatively small pack that night and we were lacking our usual RA’s and he chose Trans-Cunt-n-Anal as his beer fairy. The first tale from the trail which I rather enjoyed was Steamy Baaahnorhea’s discovery of a bag of shit on trail which he referred to as “salsa and tortilla chip” and Genital Tongs said the real liquor check was apparently hidden under the ass of a homeless lady – which Steamy confirmed was true with his “pornographic memory”.

dBased ended up getting a down down for that as he is apparently the one who placed the liquor check there for the homeless lady for “boofing” (look that up on urban dictionary). I am frankly rather glad I did not do Eagle, it seemed to be a shit show…literally. Genital Tongs also called herself out for blood on trail as she apparently started her period on trail. Turkeys did not even get a chance to find the liquor check because the trail was such a disaster! We were then able to move on to far more depressing affairs, like the fact that Puff hit 800 consecutive hashes, I mean shit! Get a life man!

We discussed some upcoming announcements, Fog City RDR happened on Saturday, PCL can no longer go on the Aids ride so feel free to go but the organizer has dropped out! We then sang happy birthday to our useless hares!

On-on

Pussy Wood

My first hash back after running around France and it sure was shitty!

Got things started off at Severino’s where the average age is 85 I would argue as I passed the lady with the eye patch and oxygen tank on the way to the bathroom. After taking the classyness of the joint down a couple notches we got things started. Our hares Accuprick, Little Anal Annie and Butt Balls were our hares. We went up to Soquel and crossed the road and got confused a bunch before finding trail leading us up to a trail into Nisene Marks.

We wandered around in the woods a bit but trail was short and sweet like this trash (my favorite) and we found beer check in a nice open area down below. PCL was running around marking people with chalky handprints and Dung fu was feeling cocky with his water gun. We left beer check and headed out and back in the direction of Severino’s to have Religion in the parking lot of the offices next door. Dung fu was our religious advisor and threatened people with his cock (scary stuff!). Vaginal Repair Kit was first up for blood on trail!

We had a couple of backsliders including myself (my bad). Broke Bench and Cumz out my Nose autohashed (lazy bastards!). There was an AWFUL singing of a new pirate song, the lyrics were wrong and it was bad, going to have to have a re-do on that and Courtesy Flush who printed them out was given a down down for the awful typos and trusting the internet. And of course, the hares got what they deserved! On on on was at Burger and things I am sure got out of hand there as well.

On on,

Pussy Wood

Pink Cherry Licker and Fap Jack brought the pack to the swanky Jack Oneill Lounge at the Dream Inn for their White Dress Hash celebrating their upcoming wedding. A large pack assembled for the occasion dawning white dresses and tu-tu’s.   Ho to Housewife, Cock Throbbin and I met earlier to get a quick run on West Cliff.  We quickly spotted the pre-laid flour trail and followed it all the way out to the lighthouse.  Then we saw a back check 23 (I think.  It was definitely over 20).  So we turned around and counted the marks.  They went almost back to the start.  Then posed the dilemma.  What do we do?  After some discussion, we decided to keep silent.  We did not sabotage the Hares and we kept our mouths shut.   dBASED also ran before the hash, but that’s another story.  He decided to run 8 miles from his house in Soquel to the Dream Inn.

I ended up getting 3.83 miles on the Eagle trail. I was accompanied by Poon Doggie.  Yes, I ran an extra 2 miles by following trail to the back check at the lighthouse and back.  It’s not bad scenery. Ho to Housewife and Cock Throbbin decided to “dBASED it” and do their own version of trail. The back check lead to Gharkey Street, and out to Bay Street.  There was a fish hook mark. The FRB’s Dung Fu Grip, Achy Breaky Snatch and Just Foot Pussy found it first.   When Deadliest Snatch and I approached, Dung Fu Grip was laying on the ground acting like he was poisoned by the evil liquor check.  We passed by and they followed directions and brought it back to the DFL’s.  Trail went down California Street, Right on Laurel.  Poon Doggie took a big shit, but his leash was equipped with bags and I properly disposed of it in the trash can.  Trail continued right on Chestnut and ended up at beer check on the Wharf.  I did not see the “no dogs” sign and took Poon Doggie on the wharf.  A security guard passed us and didn’t say a word because we looked so bad ass!  A bunch of hashers with dogs did not go on the wharf and were in the little parking lot across from the Dream Inn.

Religion was under the bridge. The cleaned it up and put lights down there so the usual degenerates were not present.  Dung Fu was RA.  Cock Throbbin, Ho to Housewife and dBASED were called out for running before the hash and short cutting trail.  Dog Breath ran past the beer check and had to be apprehended by the Hares of the wharf.  Occasional Rapist, Vaginal Repair Kit, Hugh Heifer drank because their dogs pooped on trail.  Courtesy Flush, Giant Asexual, Hugh Heifer, Occasional Rapist and Bareback Unicrack drank for making a burrito stop on trail.  Vaginal Repair Kit was called up for picking a fight with a car who almost ran him over.  Giant Asexual drank for being a backslider.  Best costume nominees were Bacon Queef, New Kids on my Cock, Shallow Hole and Pink Cherry Licker.  Pink Cherry Licker and New Kids on my Cock had a blow up strap on cock fight for the award, and New Kids emerged as the winner.  Fucked Over Fest tried out his act for America’s Got Talent and tried to stack 2 beer bottles on Cock Throbbin’s head.  He did not succeed.  I hear beer is good for your hair.  Dung Fu celebrated his 169^th Surf City Hash!  Get a life!  And last but not least, the Hares…………..

Congratulations Pinky and Fap! You guys make such a cute couple.  Wishing you many years of love and happy trails!  xoxo

On On,

Shallow Hole

How old is Puff? He’s old enough to be a member of AARP, to collect Medicare, but still young enough to still set a trail (with the help of Dung Fu Grip’s young speedy legs).   He’s old enough to have survived 849 (and 787 consecutive) Surf City hashes since 12/28/2000.  Get a life!  So is running and drinking beer the secret to a long healthy life?  Who knows, but it seems to be working for Puff.  His complexion is not yellow, so his liver must be holding up pretty well.  I don’t see him retiring from hashing any time soon.

The pack met on the side of HWY 1 at Wilder Ranch State Park. It was a foggy evening and there was a pretty strong head wind (who said head?) on the coastal bluff trail. There was a turkey and eagle trail.  Both trails were a loop around the coastal bluff trail.  The turkey trail was 2.8 miles and was the shorter loop.  There was a cool liquor check in the fern grotto.  Thmp-Thmp and Rat Pussy explored the cave a bit because there was flour in there.  But they turned around when they hit a dead end and used condoms.  Turkeys passed the farm house, crossed the tracks and headed to beer check on the outskirts of the parking lot.  The eagle trail was a larger loop, around 6 miles, crossed the beach, continued down the trail and came back around through a farm along the railroad tracks.  Only 4 hashers did the eagle (dBASED, Dog Breath, Steamy Baahnorrhea and yours truly).   There was another liquor check on the edge of a cliff.  I tried the shit and it was nasty!  I was lucky enough to carry Puff’s very large and bulky camera, and felt obligated to take numerous pictures of birds, tractors and other scenery.  Dear Puff, you really need to get a new hash camera.  I’m sure there are nice, pocket sized, point and shoot cameras at a reasonable price.  I was so busy taking pictures, the rest of the eagles took off and I was the official DFL.

Religion already started by the time I got there. Accuprick and Butt Balls were RA’s.  Just Foot Pussy was called up for making loud mating calls along trail.  A couple of Harriettes (including his wife) recognized the mating calls from a distance.  How’s that for animal magnetism?  In honor of Puff’s birthday, we heard stories of the olden days of Surf City.  Puff apparently had his own Circle of Jealousy and group called the Friends of Puff.  When Puff was Hash Scribe, he used to post a trivia question and if someone got it right, they would get a free hash.  These were the days of no google, so I’m sure it wasn’t easy to find the answers.  dBASED said he would try to solve the trivia questions to get free hashes.  I got a down down for being DFL and drank with the other 3 brave eagles who ran the 10K.  Just Dee was called up for having strep throat.  We met Virgin Daniel.  Taco Tramp made him cum!  He choked and told the worst joke ever.  Other hashers had to tell a joke for him.  Courtesy Flush and Bareback Unicrack were called up for wearing cute matching jackets.   Accuprick drank for not showing up at the hash the week before.  He claimed to be driving around and unable to find the start location on Graham Hill Road. And last but not least, the Hares…………………..

On On,

Shallow Hole