The hash this week fell perfectly on a holiday white people love to culturally appropriate by drinking margaritas!

Our hares Hugh Heifer and Ho to Housewife (quite the alliteration there!) started us out at Tampico which is unfortunately on its death bed and scheduled to close this month. Quite the pack showed up for this particular hash and plenty of tequila was imbibed. As I was waiting for my drink I was standing at the bar next to Wicked Retahted. He was rather inebriated and told me to come closer so he could whisper in my ear “You’re the prettiest girl in the hash….except for me!” and proceeded to do one of his giggle and hair flips that I know you can all picture right now. It was amazing.

The pack got going and we were first led down towards the wharf, we hit a pretty solid YBF on second street and then carried on up west cliff and through the neighborhoods. Except for Cumfart Zone, Vaginal Repair Kit, Bacon Queef, Occasional Rapist and Tits n game who decided to short cut straight to beer check! Those of us who didn’t skip out went through the neighborhoods and were led through lighthouse park (we completely missed the turkey eagle split!) We saw a pack arrow so perhaps someone led us astray.

Who knows! Either way I ended up on turkey, apparently eagle was a solid 3 miles longer (sheesh!) and I was very appreciative of the bathroom stop which a hare had written “you’re welcome!” outside of. We made it down to an overlook by Cowell’s for beer check which had a lovely view of the sunset over Santa Cruz.

We then meandered on back to Religion at the top of the Oswald’s parking structure. I shared Wicked’s hilarity which he was not even there to get a down down for. Finger nips fucked up a song, not once, but twice! and she had to drink for it. Rat Pussy and Just Foot Pussy were called “Putas” by a bunch of kids outside of a church, that’s pretty awesome. Our short-cutters got their justice. Gator bait Shallow Hole got to drink for backsliding from Louisiana all this time. Occasional and New kids also got to drink for backsliding. Bareback got a down down for being late and her man Courtesy Flush got a down down for putting the “ass” in “class” mooning us all from Hugh Heifers truck window. Overall a pretty shitty trail as expected and we made our hares drink for it!

On on,

Pussy Wood

This week’s hash was very entertaining all things considered. Our hares Puff and TIMMY!! Got things started at the davenport roadhouse.

Right off the bat we had trouble solving a few checks and I may have made the mistake of following the virgin (Virgin Dusty) through a swamp instead of taking the easy way around from the liquor check. Other than having quite the wind going it was a lovely start along the coast. We then got back up onto the 1 and headed north on that for a bit looking for flour. We were led across the railroad tracks into the residential little davenport neighborhood. NOTE: The hares told us before trail started that we should ignore any “private property” and “no trespassing” signs. I think those wankers set us up…just keep reading to know what I mean because this is where things got interesting. As we made our way down a dried up ravine we started getting yelled at by a perturbed ass-clown.

This little guy started yelling at us that we were on private property and that there were “Signs everywhere” (we saw no such signs upon our exit, merely a bus stop and street sign sooooo) Anywho, he threatened us profusely that he would call the sheriff if we continued on our path and when dBased tried to very politely and calmly reason with him asking for a better way around he just kept yelling at us to get the fuck out. We left and in the process he still felt he needed to get his tiny dick into his tiny truck and drive down to the start of the path (seriously like 20 meters long he could have walked up to us if he wasn’t such a weenie) to harass us some more and make sure we left.

He called the local “National security” HA! National security was a lady with a poodle dog in her little truck which proceeded to follow us as well. So we went back to the road and hoped we could pick up trail down the road. We did find trail, and some hashers went to see where it went and the national security lady started honking at them and yelling at them to GET OUT OF THERE! HEY! YOU! STOP!  (I guess that little patch of forest was private property too) so the hashers ran through and met up with us on the road while the lady continued yelling into a now empty forest. She clearly learned we were too large a group to fuck with and merely followed us at a respectful distance after that.

After that bit of excitement we were led through the cute little neighborhood behind whale city and such and finally onto the beach area across from start where we had beer check but with the insane winds we decided “fuck that” and had a quick religion at the railroad tracks.

First order of business was for those who had been yelled at by either tiny dick guy or poodle national security lady to drink…so that was everyone! Although only dung-fu, accuprick, occasional and dBased actually got the real yelling from the national security lady I believe. Accuprick also felt I deserved a down-down for leading people on about some hot wet beaver pics (link here, you won’t regret it, just click it: (https://www.buzzfeed.com/katangus/ooh-baby-thats-what-i-like?utm_term=4ldqpgp&bffbmain#4ldqpgp) We had a virgin and he delivered for the harriettes! We got full frontal and some ass too, hopefully he had a good birthday on Friday! Lastly we yelled at the hares for their shitty trail.

On on,

Pussy Wood

The Bash (Bike-Hash) was exactly how everyone should have wanted to spend their Sunday Funday! We started at Brommer park, admiring each others sweet rides (creative cardboard cup holders, cheetah print accessories, and every other creative way to carry ones beverage through the bumpy ride that was the day). We hung out at Brommer park for a while, people tossing dollar bills to the bottom of dung-fu’s backpack for his eclectic beer selection he brought for thirsty wankers. We took off what felt like hours after arriving because our hare had been gone for so long. We were led around over to the liquor store at the corner of 41^st and Portola to pick up some booze. We had trouble finding trail from there and caused some traffic cluster fucks. Whatever. We then wandered through the neighborhoods before finding ourselves on the road that leads down to the capitola wharf and we stopped to enjoy our purchases and look at the surfers. From there we went down opal and along east cliff for a while and through those neighborhoods, then going through a path (that one with the swing that leads along the swamp area, I don’t know the name) where we had to put our bikes to the test (road bikes and beach cruisers being used as mountain bikes). We then had a surprise pause because it was pretty and continued our drinking. PCL’s wine bag got some serious abuse throughout the day, getting slapped and sipped by everyone (read that as dirty as you like). We then picked up from there and headed to Kong’s where everyone was obsessed with their egg rolls and apparently they were going to close soon (sad!) We obtained more booze and some of us were tired of waiting for egg rolls so we went on ahead.

We arrived behind twin lakes, again putting the skills of our non-mountain bikes to the test. This was a beautiful scene. Some of us were quite tipsy by that point, mustaches were made, there was frolicking, and other weird shit.

Some of us were cold with the wind that picked up by the end of the day and starving due to only drinking all day so we ditched religion but based on the photographic evidence here is what happened: PCL got a down down for her tour de Franzia antics.

Apparently Courtesy Flush and Hugh Heifer used technology and trail and got down downs for that. Bareback Unicrack and Courtesy Flush got busted for showing up halfway through trail and doing some autohashing. And our awesome Bash hare dung-fu got his, thanks Dung-Fu for inspiring us to have more Bashes in the future (and in my case buy a bike!)!

On on,

Pussy Wood

Hello Voyeurs,
TIMMY! & Puff MDQ here. It is with great pleasure we announce that Trail 851 will begin from the Davenport Roadhouse with Religion nearby. There’s a parking lot directly across Highway 1 so large that even Hugh Heifer will be able to park without hitting anything. All bets are off though when she goes to leave. You will remain on the first tier of the coastal steppe which also means you will encounter copious quantities of poison oak and impressive stands of stinging nettles. So dig out a set of socks knee-high, or you will cry. TIMMY! & Puff will have Technu available for you after Religion…for a nominal fee. Trail may make the three mile mark but only if the hares get lost. Bring all the four-legged hounds you can find but remember they cannot enter the Roadhouse. The Roadhouse has an adequate beer selection, lots of wine choices and a hard alcohol bar too. I can’t imagine what else you’d need to know. Everything else is the standard pack of lies that hares have always used.
On-out,
TIMMY!
Puff MDQ

Last week’s trail was our anal lampshade hash, which started at Callahan’s on Water. Unfortunately, I didn’t see any anal lampshades… it appeared most hashers opted to wear them on their heads. The crowd at Callahan’s really had no idea what to do with us and I even saw some of them taking pictures of us, I hope we made it to someone’s snapchat or instagram with some clever captioning. #didtheyshowupdrunk hopefully they can do better than myself.

Our hares for the evening were Occassional Rapist and Shallow Hole, who said trail would be short but left out the part about the 1 mile YBF to start things off. As we were running the YBF I kept hearing dBASED saying that he was pretty sure we were on a YBF, but who listens to dBASED? He’s been oddly correct about trail recently. I don’t want to say that we might want to start listening to him, but…..

Once we reversed ourselves from the YBF along the levee path near Branciforte we crossed back over Water to the Medical Buildings across from Sake then reconnected with the levee near Ocean. Next we had to get across Ocean, which proves difficult even with a cross-walk. We have been feeling the tourists presence the last few weeks with Spring Break in full swing, so Ocean was jammed back with half-drunk and sun soaked tourists looking at their phones as we tried to cross. We all somehow made it! After the death crossing we hooked back up with the levee that took us back to River Street Lighting on Soquel where we take our traditional photo.

At beer check, we happened upon a homeless woman who was very interested in our lampshades… but mostly in our Manischewitz. She also tried to tell a joke, I didn’t find that it made sense or was very funny…. I am willing to laugh at myself, but only if it’s actually funny.

Back onto the levee we go and drop down Broadway into downtown. Running on Pacific is usually a pain in the butt, unless you have the pleasure of having Poon Doggy as your escort. I had the pleasure of running with this massive fur baby this week and people were literally jumping out of the way, parents were scooping up their children and the elderly were white-knuckling their walkers in hopes they wouldn’t get taken out by this guy. So, all the way down Pacific we go until we hit River Street and make a left towards highway 1. Right before the highway 1 cross-over we make a right onto Josephone Street where we found beer check.

As we are enjoying our cold beer in lampshades we see a child in a window who is waving at us. I bet he will grow up to be a hasher now. Not before long we were nicely asked by a parent to move it along, as we were keeping her child awake. Poor kid has to go to bed when the sun hasn’t set? I guess mom and dad need a break too. So, we walked down the levee to religion at the River St garage where we managed to not completely piss off the sword fighters this time.

RA for the evening was Dung Fu and his beer fairy was played by Genital Tongs. A few of us were called up for not wearing a lampshade, which included myself, Princess and Thmp (they did have lampshade shirts with A Christmas Story theme) and Genital Tongs. We also celebrated a miracle, Wicked made it to beer check! I think he even did trail! He can usually be found back at the bar or grabbing some dinner while the rest of us fools actually do trail.

Vaginal Repair Kit and CumFart Zone were given down-downs for sex on trail. I celebrated my 75th hash, I should really get a life. We sang Happy Birthday (fuck you) to Genital Tongs who survived another trip around the sun and of course, our hares were chided for another shitty trail.

As the pack dispersed Hangs Loose was nowhere to be found and his fur baby Poon Doggy was starting to wonder what crazy lady he was going to end up going home with that night. (I feel like that’s not too strange of a feeling for a hasher). Luckily, Shallow Hole and Hugh came up with the idea to call the number on Poon Doggy’s tag which immediately connected them to his human. Who would have thought that two Deadhead hippies would be so clever?

This week’s trail will start at Monty’s in Felton and have us in pursuit of Hugh Heifer and Genital Tongs. Check the page for more info.

May the Hash go in Peace!

On-on,
Ho to Housewife

This week’s hash was brought to us by Hugh Heifer and Pussy Galore who decided the pack had gone about playing games too long and needed to be punished with a fuck load of checks.

All the checks. It wasn’t so much the amount either but that each check had 1-2 flour puffs going in every direction so we couldn’t just get away with looking one or two directions. Checks that were almost always kicked in the wrong direction first before being corrected (actually let’s be real nobody corrected them). Checks that led us up and down and all around. So. Many. Checks.

With that rant out of the way, I can actually talk about other things, not that there is really anything else to talk about for this trail. We started out from Monty’s log cabin in Felton, I really like that place with their cool outdoor back patio, cheap drinks, and dart board that is definitely not hung at regulation height, turns out 6 inches makes a hell of a difference…

After the hares were off we gave their slow asses plenty of time to fuck with us. Trail was beautiful through Henry Cowell by where the train runs through. I think we heard something about a pastor convention going on in the facility by the train tracks but we decided to keep our sinner selves away from trouble and kept on going without harassing them. We finally got to beer check in the same place we had it last year at this time and had religion in the parking lot of Mountain Community Resources.

Timmy was our RA and wanted to get

that shit over with so it was quick and dirty and we didn’t get to name the many pups that showed up, Butters needs a name (I suggested “Slip n slide”) and Vaginal Repair Kit’s pup Charlie as well (My vote is for Suck on my Cocker Spaniel) we can’t let the fact that he is a COCKer spaniel go ignored! But alas Timmy veto’d our idea for that so perhaps next time.

The backsliders got theirs BarebackUnicrack, Trans-Cunt-n-Anal, Cum Lord and Pussy Galore (but when one hare drinks…). Trans-cunt-n-anal managed to make it to 25 hashes despite being a lazy bastard.

Virgin Tully brought to us by Tits-n-Game showed off his goods to the hornyharriettes. Finally we got some announcements, Wharf-to-Barf will have the theme “Jam out with your Clam out” and seems there will be a hook up at Kiva, but make sure to get hammered ahead of time as they don’t allow booze. Red dress announcements also made, make sure you sign up on the facebook event page! It will start at Callahan’s this time around!

Finally Religion was finished and we headed to on after at Cowboys which was a pretty cool joint! A lot of the crew went and it was a good time as always with you wankers.

On on,

Pussy Wood