Trail 998 celebrated our anal Friday after Thanksgiving shit show… Oh, I mean trail. We started day drinking at a respectable time of 1pm this year at the home of Steamy Baanorrhea. I hope everyone saw the huge boa hanging out in his living room. Rumor is, that boa was once the pet of his Mom and was lost in her car for six months after a car accident only to resurface one day while she was out driving. Glad he didn’t decide to come out one day while she was getting her car serviced!

Trail set out quickly to Cabrillo College where both eagles and turkeys climbed the hill up to the Horticulture Center. Upon reaching the summit, we were rewarded with a slippery slope which ended in an LC pit of Fire… Ball. After warming our insides with a swig of cinnamon death, we went down the muddy trail and along a small trail before hitting the turkey eagle split. Eagle was a muddy climb in the trails above Cabrillo then a crazy paved descent along Vienna Drive.

We reunited with the turkeys at the base of Cabrillo where we made our way back over Soquel Dr to the other side of trail where we found our next LC. Rumor has it that it was a pumpkin Kahlua mixture but I decided to skip this one, because it looked like pureed baby shit. We quickly made our way back to Steamy’s house, where we filled ourselves with beer, foods and the remains of the LC’s.

Once we reached a state of shit show, we decided it would be a good time to try to have religion. Little by little we got our drunk asses over to a nice little patch of grass that we really would have appreciated had the weather been warmer.

Dung Fu was our RA for the afternoon and also managed to be his own beer fairy. Down downs were given to our visitors, Missile Anus, Dual Tools Worm and Shanghiney for making the best move of their week and joining us for our Friday hash. Princess Diarrhea and Pink Cherry Licker were both given down downs for missing an LC. After reaching the Horticulture Center, they took one look at the trails and said “fuck this shit”. Not a bad call. PCL and Accuprick are really trying hard to get us all to learn the lyrics to the new SCH3 song “Number 45”. Hey, all I know is the chorus so far but we’re getting there! Myself (H2H), Dung Fu and Puff the Magic Drag Queen were all given a down down for slipping and falling on trail. Sorry about the mud on the fireball bottle, I had to wipe my hands on something! When it came time for backsliders to take their down downs, we included Occasional Rapist in the shame, since she tried to call up Organ Grinder, who wasn’t even there. How much of your LC did you have, girl?

Lastly, our hares Steamy Baanorrhea and Occasional Rapist were brought up and chided for their shitty, shitty trail.

On on on went over to Manuel’s, where we drank and ate and drank to our cold little heart’s pleasure.

Next week will be hash 999 from 99 bottles. Our hares will be Dung Fu & Baker’s Doesn’t. I’m sure they have fantastic, terrible things in store for us. Don’t miss it! All the cool kids are going.

Hash # 974

Hares: Cum You Will Not & Ho to Housewife
Start Humble Sea Brewery

Precarious crossing with precious cargo.Slowslow going…but we all made it safely across thanks to Curtesy Flush calmly guiding us over the narrow crumbling

The birds have it all figure out.

Much deserved beer check after the death defying trail.

Best sunsets here…so they say. These wankers are only interested in more beer.

Broke Bench still doesn’t get it that the Bash/Bike Hash was months ago. But he manages to rock that smug pose.

Visitors from Hawaii…not interested in our lousy sunsets.

Just Casey sucking up to Religious Adviser Accuprick. This is  her fifth hash but not with us, so she remains the property of the FHAC-U hash. They get to name her but maybe we can give them some intel.

Happy Hares and a well deserved Down Down.

hash 973

Death march disguised as a little outing.

Last minute emergency instructions on how to survive this annual death march. Oh never mind….no meeting at all….just trying get another cold one.

Hippie Chick Hugh determined to carry on despite finding out that all grass is not created equal!

Shallow leads the way showing what a great leader can do to motivate their pack when beer is nearby.

Here they come running.

Before Beer Check.

After beer check…..happy campers!

The divine Santa Cruz banana slug….moved out of harms way. Afterall it is our founders namesake.

Fireball wannabe whiskey????

too cheap and can’t afford the real stuff. That’s how we roll.

Up a creek without a paddle, a flashlight or more beer.

Fearless hare Timmy!!! pontificating pointlessly.

Vrigin Katie gets the last laugh as she fails to show a body part.

Look who crawled out from under a rock….Six O Nine. Thought his van was broken down….Never mind….no time for a War and Peace novel.

Pinky left her phone in the Uber. Cumz offered to be helpful. That’s what we are all about. And Hugh Heiffer got some quality time with her herd of cows in the pasture. Is everybody Happy??

On  On On,

CumFartZone

Hash 972….Gemini Birthdays continue…will this month ever end?

Occasional Rapist and Ho to Housewife getting psyched up for their big haring tonight. Occasional is deep in meditation and prayer…or maybe she just needs to release a little gas. It’s been a wild birthday month for these two.

A lovely backyard crowd.

Bakers delivers the chalk talk to Virgin  Emily.  Class is in session.

The sisters learn that the beers we buy are NOT twist off.

Bacon Queff takes matters into her own hands and manages to effortlessly open that darn beer bottle.

Emily has a history lesson overlooking the beach formerly known as “China Beach”, but she still seems to be a bit geographically challenged.

Beer check in the dreaded Poison Oak. Chivalry on trail as Shallow carries her new pooch.

Vag and Twister…..our resident backsliders, along with Steamy and Bacon Q.

Cum you will not gets yet another down down for failing to properly potty train her dogs. 

CumFartZone also had chivalry before trail for loaning CumYouWillNot an extra pair of trail shoes as hashing in flip flops is frowned upon. And she also gets to demonstrate the fine art of whistle blowing. Now please don’t get any ideas…..

Hippie – the rotating Beer Meister – complained of sand in the hash cups. GROSS. Please wash the crystal goblets for the hash royalty.

Analversaries – Cumz out My Nose celebrates her mega 275 hashes while Cum You Will Not squeaks by with 75 hashes…most of them in full costumes.

Puff was spotted wearing NEW SHOES!

Shallow inciting the crowd to sign up for wharf to barf. Get yer tickets and drink for 4 days in a row.

On On On

CumFartZone

This week we  celebrated the twin birthdays of Occasional Rapist and Ho to Housewife. Giddy Up Girlfriends.

And we didn’t have to hitch up the ponies cause the gals kept them close to their sweet spots.

And amazingly the Hippie traded in her tie-dye for some turn of the century woman of the evening attire. Guess they let the hookers off duty early tonight.

Some people got the costume memo and others felt that simply tying on a red handkerchief would suffice. Thankfully Cunt Jungle can pull it off.

Bakers Dozen’t rocked the fringe. Bet he had to get his 60’s swede jacket out of the mothballs.

Nevertheless he is styling…almost as much as when he is in his chef’s coat.

Need to be extra careful when rounding the corner…one false move would land you in the cactus patch. OUCH!!

Beer check at sunset overlooking the Bay is always a hit. Still….note the kilt at the “Cowboy” themed hash. They say kilts are so versatile.

Back at the “MT Bar” aka Wicked’s back yard, things heated up, especially around the fire pit.

Taco Tramp got called up for not doing trail, cause “she works for jerks”. Well, better late than never especially when you show up in sweats AND cowboy boots.

Then we had a naming for Just Evan. Now known as Jeppetophile.

Hash Analversieries included the ever so droll and witty Thump Thump with 325 and Accuprick racked up a mere 275. Get a Life~

Thank you Wicked for hosting us again.

On On On

CumFartZone

Hash #970  Shallow and Fap’s Birthday Trail! GEMINI daydreams and nightmares by the twin troublemakers.

Snake me anywhere and Twat did you say had bathroom issues. Guess one of them needed a tampon but the other one wasn’t sure where to put it?? Anatomy lesson anyone?