Initially I was excited about Trail 814 since I really only had to travel a mile down the road to get there, then I showed up and did trail. Incredibly wet & shitty!

The pack met up at The Hop Head, the only place in Scotts Valley you can get decent beer, Hares Twisted Fister, The Human Pube and Monthly Friend told us lies, like more lies than they normally tell then took off like their parole officer just walked in.

The pack drank more beer then decided it might be a good idea to do trail, boy were we wrong! We should have just stayed at the DRY bar. Upon leaving the Hop Head trail took us across Scotts Valley Drive and through the Granite Creek Business Park, exiting us onto San Augustine Way then dropping us back down to Scotts Valley Drive via Grace Way and Willis Rd. Scotts Valley Drive is about the most BORING and busiest street in Scotts Valley, sounds like a great place to take people…. for what seemed like 5 miles before giving us a liquor check in the back parking lot of Bailey’s Properties where we were hosted Irish Car Bombs.

Trail leaving liquor check went straight into Carbonera Creek for eagles and across the bridge and parallel to the creek for turkeys. Dung Fu and myself were the only two brave enough to do the eagle trail so I can only share my experience there. We shared berries that were likely pissed on by some random and were practically swimming at some points. Dung Fu had to rescue me from the tendrils of a blackberry plant that grossly interfered with trail. We apparently missed the exit and had to jump the fence into an RV park. We ended up back on SV Drive and were able to pick up trail again. Our swim took so long all turkeys had finsihed and a search and rescue hash team was sent out for us. Ya, hashers saving us… hmmmm…. I think they might be better at the “point and laugh” gig.

We held religion in the parking lot of dBASED’s work again. Accuprink decided to actually show up and was our RA, Cum Fart Zone was out beer fairy. As religion was started someone spotted Waxi Pad slipping in for free beer, he wasn’t there at start of trail. He even brought beer mop along for a visit.

We celebrated Puff the Magic Drag Queen’s 800th time of having the runs, and Shallow Hole trying to catch up with 200 times. We had a virgin someone fooled into coming to the hash, Virgin Julie, who told us a joke. Heard it! We also had a hare snare! Fap Jack and Banana Basher snared The Human Pube on SV Drive. Nice! After a few more down-downs we made our way over to The Hop Head for on-after.

Oh yes, you guys all forgot about trail 812 when poking fun at the scribes…. but don’t fear…. I remembered, and now you shall remember with me.

We started at Woodstock’s Pizza downtown on Front St where we stood way to close to someone’s sweet 16 party and had to migrate away from them to not get parole violations for several of our hashers.

Hares Pink Cheery Liquor and Fap Jack ran off jabbering lies that no one was listening to anyway.

Trail started out taking us down river then crossing us over the SL River on Soquel, where we took a left on Dakota, heading for Gangster… I mean San Lorenzo.. Park. We all made it alive through the park then ran smack into a YBF behind the courthouse. I’m sure we weren’t the only ones who have been in that area thinking how fucked we are. Turns out trail actually went behind Mahajara, the Indian restaurant on Soquel and Riverside where we took the levee trail over to Broadway/Laurel. Going back over the bridge on Laurel towards downtown we had not just a boob check, but a dick check right behind that. We wrapped around the back of downtown on Center then zig-zagged our way to beer near, held on the second floor of the parking garage behind Wells Fargo.

We headed up to the top floor of the parking garage for religion, where we invaded the weekly fencing activities of some Santa Cruz Merry Men and let us not forget the one merry woman who perhaps was not so happy to see us. Who could blame her though when one of us drunkenly punted a bottled water into their area 🙁

Cum Fart Zone was elected as beer fairy, Broke Bench Climbed and jumped off walls, DungFu broke his sunglasses and we learned that Tits N’ Game let us all know it hurts her knees to go down. She was talking about running you pervs….

We also celebrated some odd things. Timmy has had the runs something like 475 times, Hugh Heifer has had them 375 times and Cums out her Nose has had them 225 times. I’m not sure what you guys are eating but maybe less fiber will help? We also celebrated Princess Diarrhea’s 25 hares… girl, it’s called Animal Hording and it’s a real problem. I know people who can help you,

We also had 2 virgins, both compliments of Tits N’ Game! She did a fine job with her virgins as we got flashes from both!

We called up a bunch of other people for a bunch of other crimes too but you can look at the pictures and find out what those are. I have several other hashes to scribe and I don’t want to use up all my funnies too early 🙂

Trail 806 was SCH3’s annual Beat Your Meat charity event, with all proceeds going to Second Harvest Food Bank. Our cheap asses managed to pull together $1,000! Can you believe that? Knowing you guys, I hardly can.

The evening started at the home of Little Anal Annie and Butt Balls in Aptos. Prior to trail we were all warned about one the of dog’s counter surfing and food stealing tactics, so we made sure all out food was out of Dog Breath’s reach before we headed on out. We were gifted with three lovely home brews by visiting Morning Missile, a stout an IPA and an applewiess.

As we set off on trail we immediately entered Nisene Marks and started going downhill (this means you can only go one way from there). So down we descended and rivers we crossed then I hear something up the hill to my left, it’s Dung Fu flying up the side of the mountain. Oh boy, here we go. As we go up I start thinking that this isn’t too bad, until we had to more or less scale the side of the cliff as we are also climbing over tree trunks on a trail that I can’t even call single track… I’m pretty sure it was a deer trail. This was far from the magical hikes and runs I’m used to in Nisene. Trail eventually brought us up onto the fire road where there is car access then back down again before looping up over to Windjammer where we picked up the members of the pack who did the fantastic Windjammer trail. A few of us had a beer prior to hitting up beer check and cheers’d each other celebrating our survival through this gnarly trail.

As the pack headed to beer check a few hashers stopped at Safeway to pick up some ice for Dog Breath, who may have gotten a little tipsy at the 4th of July celebration and did his own fireworks show from his mouth to celebrate.

Once we got to religion, Dog Breath punished us for punishing him by showing us all how quickly his privates could contract into his body by dropped trow as he sat on the bag of ice. We also tried to punish dBase for his (shitty) trail but after Dog Breath’s bare ass sat upon the ice he refused to sit. Broke Bench wasn’t having it and lifted him up and dropped him on the ice, ripping his pants in the process. Here we learned how much dBASED loves the hash since even the back of his boxers say “On On”. Not sure how Snapping Twat wiggled her way out of being put on ice, but she did.

During religion we thanked the homeowners, and especially Butt Balls as he came home from a grueling overseas con-call to a house-full of drunks, called out those who did the Windjammer trail, punished the backsliders and celebrated dBASED’s 650th analversary. Once all the formalities were over we moved onto the eating!

Butt Balls grilled up all the meats and hashers loaded this plates with side dishes while enjoying Morning Missle’s brews. I managed to find the other lonely vegan (who brought the amazing Chao cheeze & veggie burgers so good I saw meat eaters taking second tastings) along with the vegan sausages Dung Fu brought I was in vegan heaven. There was plenty of all types of food to go around that pleased everyone’s tummy.

That about sums it up half-minds. May the hash go in peace! See ya’all for Puff’s 65th Beerthday tonight. If you can’t make it, don’t worry… he won’t know, his mind isn’t too good these days 🙂

First of all, Last Call Norm was originally a Monterey Bay Hasher. My recollection is she started hashing with Monterey Bay in the late 90’s and she definitely got her name there . She was the first Monterrey Bay Hasher to “discover” the Surf City Hash. She discovered the Surf City Hash because she found flour in downtown Santa Cruz and knew it was not from a Monterrey Bay Hash. The interesting thing is that when she first discovered it, she didn’t let anyone else know. As memory serves me (13 1/2 years later) somehow the info got out about a week later and with that the Monterey Bay Hashers started checking out the Surf City Hash soon afterward.

In case you don’t know how she got her name, here is the story. At that time, she had her name on the wall at 99 Bottles something like 40 times. 99 beers gets your name on the wall once. 9 X 99 gets you a bar stool. 25 X 99 gets you a brick. Go check it out. She has had a brick at 99 Bottles in downtown Santa Cruz forever. Anyway, besides all those times being on the wall at 99 Bottles, her last name is Peterson – like Norm in Cheers. So, Last Call Norm.

I have many fond memories of events with Last Call Norm. Here are a few.

I convinced her to run the Calistoga to Napa relay TWICE. I think she hated it in the middle of night each time. I was never in her van.  She even bought a vehicle specifically designed as the perfect relay vehicle. It was not too long, had beds and a toilet. One year we had 2 teams, some from Southern California and I convinced her to let a crop of strangers spend the night the night before.

She hated driving over bridges. She could not keep her eyes open.

The inauguration of her rec room. If you’ve been there, there is a narrow stairway up to the top level. Hashers were appointed the task of trying to get a couch to the rec room. Many engineers tried. All failed that evening.  If you ever go the rec room, look for the couch and wonder how it ever got there.

The animal house New Years party at her house in Surf City Hash year 2.. It was a joint Surf City/Monterey Bay event. I was not there, but I got numerous reports of an orgy that happened in what is now  Pearl’s “train” room. Because I was the GM of the Monterey Bay Hash, I apologized for the actions of Hashers, even though I was not there.  This was last time she has an over night party in her house for Hashers.

Surf City Hash 32 where she I got Hashers to go through tunnels at the Fish Hook. Read about it here: http://web.archive.org/web/20031027095908/https://sch3.net/ht_0032.htm#Trash

She was the Beer Meister for the Monterey Bay Hash and had a room pretty much dedicated to being the Beer Meister.

She was the first Surf City Hasher to arrive at the start in a cab.

If I have my history right, she was the Surf City GM from 2006-2008. During her tenure we passed bylaws and officially became a non-profit. It should be noted that work is now null and void.

The year I got divorced (2004-2005), I asked if I could spend half my nights in a spare bedroom at her house and she accepted. I might still have a key to her house!

Her wedding to Pearl Necklace. Not a numbered hash run, but quite an event.

Surf City Hash 700 where Occasional Rapist and I had our hash wedding at her house.

Wharf to Barf was originally a Monterey Bay Hash event (even before my time) that was Sunday only. We started at Neary Lagoon (with a giant condom) and walked along the railroad tracks to the start. I think running with the giant condom is how she discovered the hash. The next year and all years thereafter, Wharf to Wharf Racist started at her house instead.

Her kids did baby sitting for me for a period of time. At Hot Wheels 3 year old birthday party, when Little Spit was 2 weeks old, somehow I got word they wanted to come to the birthday party (which included a bounce house).  Last Call Norm had memories of her teen age children going to a birthday party for 3 year olds. I think we had a Monterey Bay Hash that day too.

Her kids have Hash names of Brave Fart and Fast Balls. They did many Hashes in the early years of the Surf City Hash.

Monterey Bay Hash 300. The Hash starts on the East side of Henry Cowell and ends on the West side of Henry Cowell. It crosses the San Lorenzo river 3 times. Last Call Norm falls and hits her head on a rock and gets blood everywhere. Brave Fart is 9 at time and doing the run with her and rather freaks out (as you would expect a 9 year old to do when her mom’s face is covered in blood). At the end the Hash, I get reports “Last Call Norm has fallen in the river”. Well, it’s a long way from where I am to where she is. I have an off duty Fireman with me (No Fucking Response) who at one point advises I call 911, which I do. They eventually arrive, they take all my vital statistics and hers, and she refuses services. Today, I’m amazed no fines were levied. Perhaps that’s because we didn’t mention beer.

So, here’s to you Last Call Norm. You were true blue!