Category Archives: Uncategorized

Hash #733

March 22, 2014SCH3 Trash, Uncategorizedpink cherry licker

It was a beautiful Thursday afternoon, and everyone was enjoying the first long evening of the year after the daylight saving time switch. At the swanky Jack O’Neill Lounge in the Dream Inn there was some live music, many couples enjoying a romantic dinner while taking in a panoramic view of the scenic Monterrey Bay, and then in comes a bunch of jackasses in tennis shoes. We must have looked like some sort of drunken softball team in our Betty Ford jerseys. Now you’d think they’d be together enough to know how to run a bar in such a nice place, but do you know what I was charged for my drink? $6.57. I understand there is tax, but if every other bar in the universe can figure out how to charge for drinks in increments of 25 or 50 cents, why can’t they? Now I’m stuck with fucking pennies. Or I can tip 43 cents, but that’s a shitty tip and it’s not the bar tender’s fault that whoever sets the prices doesn’t understand that $6.57 is not an acceptable price for a drink. I might be stretching this point a bit for the sake of my word count as I totally forget I was supposed to write this and I didn’t take any notes. It’s several days late at this point so I shall just write whatever I remember as quickly as I can. Most of this is probably lies because I spent a lot of the night griping about the 57 cents, and didn’t take in much else of what was going on.
From the Dream Inn we took off toward the big round about by Depot Park. There was some mix ups with trail marks from that fantastic trail the week before. Trail materialized up into Neary Lagoon. Neary Lagoon is not actually a lagoon, rather a small lake that is 70% duck shit. We headed out the other side of the park into the Westside, right into the circle streets. D’BASED and Occasional Rapist were either blissfully ignorant of local happenings or wished to see us all shot because they ran us right through the area that had only hours before been the sight of a neighborhood lockdown while the police searched for an unstable gunman. And we didn’t just pass through. We passed by the epicenter of all of this excitement, not once, not twice, but three times as the trail wound back around on itself over and over again.
In the midst of this circle jerking in the Circle Streets, there was a “gurilla” beer check at the Circle Market. I don’t know if this was just too confusing or everyone is just broke, but no one went in. Apparently spelling counts because OR had to drink for this grave error. I hope we don’t apply the same standard to run-ons or starting sentences with contractions, or else I’m in trouble after the hasty ramble.
The trail was thankfully short and we found beer check in Lighthouse Field, just as the sun was setting. After that, we wandered back down Westcliff toward the start. We had religion under the train trestle near the Marine Discovery Center. They were having some sort of party over there and they turned the music up as soon as we started singing.
Religion was filled with lots of stories from Betty Ford. It turned out to be easier to have everyone who didn’t go get up there for a down down. We debuted a few new songs we’d learned down south, but I’ve forgotten then all. Moose Turd Pie brought Virgin Kevin. He told a long, terrible golf joke and then tried to redeem himself by singing a camp song (which he totally fucked up the lyrics to, if you were wondering). Both Deep Stroke and Dog Breath were back after long absences. The air was thick with sexual tension between them. I wonder why those crazy kids can’t work it out and get together. And of course the hares drank for their shitty trail.
I’m sure some other stuff happened too, but I don’t remember and I’m working frantically to get this posted before the next one goes up.

See you Thursday,
PCL

Hash Trash #732

March 12, 2014SCH3 Trash, UncategorizedOcc. Rap.

Hello wanker’s! Top of the humpday to ya. Last week’s trail started at Tampico’s downtown SC. I have no photos to share just yet but wait for Puff to post the hash flash soon. Pink Cherry Licker (PCL) and Fap Jack we’re the hares. It was literally the blind leading the blind. PCL promised us “an easy” trail and that we would “keep a tight schedule” since 9 of us half minds we’re headin’ to Betty Ford Rehab weekend early Friday morning. Let me skip to my trail map, I clocked 5.28 miles and I am a DFL, if it wasn’t for Twat Did You Say and ultimately PCL in the end coming to find us we never have made it to BC. Nuff said? No, we wasted 1-2 miles in the first 30 minutes because Cumcerto should have ran completely across the Broadway bridge as that’s where true trail led too. In a nut shell a giant circle thru the flats, Oceanview park then down the railroad tracks, over the tressel, and thru more side streets. Eventually leading us to BC which was at the southern entrance into Nearys lagoon. http://www.mapmyrun.com/workout/499887217 Wow! 5.28 F_ckin’ miles for a cold beer! Now was there a LC? I can’t remember my Betty Ford mind has gone numb. But there was slide action and merry-go-round opportunity! Religion was at Oswald’s parking garage. Cuff my Muff RA and Dung-fu-grip her cervesa fairy. Backslider noted New Kids on my Cock. Don’t remember any analversaries, and the Hares! dBASED said Fap Jack wants to hare with him and Dung-fu-grip someday. I’m just happy day light savings is here at last!so we can see flour more easily. And for anyone wanting to see what happend at Betty Ford this last weekend check out Shallow Holes flickr photos here http://www.flickr.com/photos/76500969@N02/sets/

I think this year was the best since we had such a good kennel turnout! Thanks to everyone who came it was a blast! On on to this week’s hash where we’ll start at the new Jack O’Neill lounge located at the lovely Dream Inn hotel at 175 W cliff drive see you all there, dBASED and myself will be the hares we’ll leave by 6:45PM:)

On On Occasional Rapist!

Hash Trash #730

February 27, 2014SCH3 Trash, UncategorizedOcc. Rap.

Cumcerto led us all to the Parish Publick House on Westside of SC. We had a good turnout. We had a virgin, Chip, whom both PCL and Electric Labia Land made cum. We also had a couple Just’s, Mara and Mike whom returned. I was proud of Just Mike as he came to the start after all the hasher’s left and was able to catch up with the pack by BC. Nice job! dBASED and I can recruit! We all know how Cumcerto loves to run, she felt so ambitious as a hare she laid two trails, Turkey and an Eagle! I mean who does that? She’s starting to make us all look bad…nah. Trail led through lovely neighborhoods, through Lighthouse field to West cliff drive. Such a pretty clear night. Around Woodrow Ave. is where the trails split-Eagle trail continued down West cliff and Turkey trail went down the walk path of Bethany curve, both immerged back together on Plateau Ave. at the walking trail path. We then stammered to BC at Garfield park. By my calculations Turkey trail was ~2.5 miles and Eagle per dBASED was ~3.8 miles. We invaded that park like it was our own. Some of the pack decided to use the swing set, slide down the slides, Dung Fu had the highest swing for sure. Now there were some young boys hanging out on the other side of the park where we usually have the BC and slowly made their way to us to bum beers, someone told then off. Hugh had time to proposition them though as only Hugh can (I guess they weren’t 18, LOL). Pack then walked together on to religion which was in the parking lot behind Safeway as usual in this area. Cuff was the RA, Accuprick co-RA, Banana Basher the beer fairy. Lot’s of down down’s had by all (including myself and Achy Breaky “just cause”), our Virgin showed us his right nipple, now cum on, I think if Electric Labia Land wasn’t there he might have shown a little more…Anyhoot, Just Mike did great following trail on his own, that’s a good sign to the hare! I think he’ll cum back again. Canadian Penny Slut also has been joining us more recently, yaay we like it! And the Hare…..

Ok peeps what else to say, but On On and see you wankers tonight at JJ’s in Soquel, let it rain let it rain let it rain, bring it! Prepare to get wet and muddy, bright your light’s!

Occasional Rapist on out

Hash #729

February 21, 2014Uncategorizedpink cherry licker

VD Hash

This week was the VD Hash, brought to us by Occasional Rapist and Shallow Hole. We started out this week at Suda, which is way too swanky for us, so we had to stay outside. Luckily there were heat lamps. It was probably for the best because it was yet another theme run. This week’s theme: pink, red, miniskirts, and kilts. The couple dining in the front window bore the full brunt of our intrusion as Dung Fu Grip stripped down to his red lingerie no more than six inches from their faces with only a thin piece of glass between them. And he didn’t even offer them any of his boob candy. The boob candy seemed pretty popular with everyone else, but somehow I abstained.
Wicked brought another virgin and they, once again, they skipped trail. Paki Sack showed up warning us of a “FHAC-U invasion.” It turned out to be an invasion of just him.
Trail headed out south on Portola, right past Frenchy’s. Maybe that’s where we lost Wicked. He was probably running low on giant dildos and lube so he figured it was a good time to stock up. A few other hashers ventured inside, but when there were no treats for us (ala Deep Stroke’s B-Day Hash) we continued on.

It turned out to be a pretty straight shot down through the Opal Cliffs neighborhood and then right back again. I think there was some circle jerk on the railroad tracks, but as a DFL, I got to skip all of that. The majority of the way back was along the beach, with a beautiful view of the ocean and the starry sky. There was a kiss check! Hugh Heifer pulled her pants down and told Broke Bench and Fap Jack to kiss her ass. Fap Jack decided to wait there for me instead. Awwwwww.
There was a lot of going away from the water and then going back toward it again. Somewhere in a dark alley there was a champagne check. How romantic.
Somewhere along the way trail went through the backyard of Virgin Alice. She and her boyfriend, Virgin Ryan, were just returning from a run and Paki and Thmp Thmp convinced them to join us. I wonder if they knew what they were getting into.
We lost a few people when we were near Wicked’s house and it became apparent that the trail continued. But for those of us that made it all the way to beer check down at Pleasure Point, there was a beautiful check waiting for us with candlelight and cock-shaped cupcakes. They were a little smushed, and I hear this was Wicked’s fault for not helping to carry them down. Squished or not, everyone got their pick of black or white cock with their beer.
We heading on in to Wicked Retahted’s backyard where there was a fire and pizza waiting for us. It was very tasty pizza. Dung Fu Grip chose Princess Di as his beer fairy because she was already wearing a tiara. Virgin Lannette (Wicked Retahted made her come) sang “Yellow Submarine.” Virgin Alice showed her butt! Virgin Ryan told a joke about whales, but all the interruptions messed up the timing and then no one laughed. So he also showed his butt. I wonder if that’s how they thought their evening would go.

On On,
PCL

Hash 726

February 1, 2014Uncategorizedpink cherry licker

Hash 726 started off at the Creepy Place once again. Puff was haring with Dung Fu Grip (Resident Back Check Bitch). We knew that religion would be at their house, but beer check would not. With Puff setting trail, Thmp Thmp took over as Hash Flash but was willing to put in the absolute minimal effort. This meant hanging the camera around his neck and pressing the button at random intervals. As a result we have a series of pictures at that most flattering angle of looking up from bellybutton height.

We headed out south on Soquel Avenue where we found a series of checks and back checks with no particular relationship to one another. Somehow we sorted our way through that mess into several construction sites and almost down to Capitola Road. A back check sent us down an ally and into the Seabright neighborhood. We headed down toward Arroyo Gultch. I was trembling, for this is where I once met my most dangerous nemesis, a ferocious snake (or a twig connected to some fishing line caught on my shoe, depending on how you look at it). Luckily we all had our flashlights, except for Phyllis Driller who reports to have excellent night vision.
As we made our way down into the Harbor, the FRBs followed what I hear was a particularly diabolical YBF up into some shiggy. Maybe up a mountain? I don’t know. I’m not a fucking FRB. All I know is that all of us doing a comfortable pace found the little space in the fence that headed toward Oceanview park. We could hear echoes of “R U?” coming from Timmy in the Harbor bellow, but no matter how many time we said “On On,” he didn’t seem to hear us. It was his favorite part of the trail.
We went up through the park where Phyllis decided to peace out. I guess using all of that night vision was taxing on the body. She went on for dinner. The rest of us persevered back into the neighborhood to find beer check. All we knew was that it was definitely not at Puff’s house. Timmy caught up and bitched a lot.
We found beer check, it was……..at Puff’s House. Or rather on the other side of Hugh’s Truck in Puff’s driveway. But we couldn’t be mad about the technicality because awaiting us at religion was a buffet of veggies, cheese, bread, and chocolate cheese cake. Yummy yummy cheese cake.

There were down downs. We sang some silly songs. It was Twat’s birthday. dBASED had returned from the 3rd world. We all got to sit in lawn chairs.

After religion some people headed over to 007 and ran into some familiar faces.

The stoners never made it out of the driveway.

On On,
Pink Cherry Licker

Hash Trash # 707: Anthrax Scare at UCSC

September 15, 2013Uncategorizedshallowhole

Santa Cruz Sentinel Headline reads: Anthrax Scare at UCSC Just a False Alarm. Surf City H3 Causing Mayhem on Campus.

A smaller pack than usual assembled at the remote parking lot # 150 on the UCSC campus this week. I’m guessing that Dung Fu Grip is getting a reputation as a Hare that lays long trails and the lazy bastards stayed home. No complaints from me. Everyone knows I’m a Racist. Ghetto Man, Just John and Free Little Willie made the trek from Monterey. Hugh Heifer feigned a back injury and Cuff my Muff stayed back with her. School was not in session and there was barely anyone around.

The pack was warned ahead of time to bring flashlights. Some hashers forgot. My batteries in my headlamp were dead, so Twisted Fister lent me a flashlight. Kick ass flashlight I must add. It was purchased from Slonad. It was really bright. I need to get one of those! Maybe he could come to the hash and have a flashlight truck show. The trail was mostly on dirt trails around campus. There was a rum and coke check and 2 beer checks. It got dark pretty quickly, and it was pitch dark in the woods. It was pretty scary. Shiny Snail Trail was afraid of encountering a mountain lion or Bigfoot. I just ran faster to keep up with the military guys. Ghetto Man looks like he could wrestle a mountain lion with his bare hands and win. After exiting the woods, the trail went through part of campus. We went through a campground on campus that is actually part of student housing. The last beer check was in the woods a short distance from the start. My GPS measured trail at 4.89 miles.

Religion was in the woods next to the parking lot where we started. dBASED was RA and Twat did you Say? was Beer Fairy. The first down downs were given to hashers who drew blood on trail. dBASED fell while it was still daylight. Diddler on the Roofie scraped up his knees pretty badly. He cleaned off the wounds with beer. Broke Bench twisted his ankle, but no blood. Next, hashers who didn’t make all 3 checks were punished. Cuff my Muff, Hugh Heifer, The Human Pube, and Twisted Fister. Shiny Snail Trail drank for being scared on trail, and for “getting wet between the legs with back sweat”. Princess Di (arrhea) drank for having “thick honey buns”. Lucky Thmp-Thmp! Shiny Snail Trail interrupted dBASED to say something, but then forgot what she was going to say. Half mind! Twisted Fister was brought up again because he forgot he was at all 3 checks. Another half mind! He stayed there to celebrate the Analversary of his 25^th Surf City hash. Get a life! Shiny Snail Trail FINALLY remembered what she was going to say. She observed a woman on a bike who “looked like a lesbian” asking Deep Stroke and I if we were lost. She claimed the lesbian was trying to hit on us. And last but not least, the Hare…………………

If you want to know his excuse for the shitty trail, Dung Fu Grip confessed at beer check that he scouted trail at 3am the night before on his bike and didn’t know how long it was. He did not say if he was sober or not, but denied being high on LSD at the time. The hash ended in peace. Aside from one police car sighting before the hash started, it was an uneventful night.

Apparently the mayhem began the next morning when there was an emergency response called because of “mysterious white powder” on Heller Drive. We know this because of a nasty email post to the yahoo group by Harriette and UCSC Biological Safety Officer, Dr. Nappy Headed Ho. The incident involved police, a fire engine, the Director of EH&S and Dir. Nappy.

I suspect that this was reported by some paranoid stoner dude on his way home from a party. Maybe this is how it went down.

Stoner called the campus security office said “Hey man, there’s some mysterious white powder on Heller Drive. It could be anthrax”

Police, fire trucks, and numerous campus personnel arrive to the scene. They start taking pictures and take samples for chemical analysis. The speculation begins…….

Hasher says, “Everybody calm down, it’s just flour. Not anthrax. You know the stuff you bake with?”

Stoner says “Ya man, I just got baked. Wow’d ya know?”

Hasher says “It’s made from wheat, and you bake cake with it.”

Stoner says “No thanks dude, I’m gluten free.”

Hasher says “It’s just flour and it won’t harm the environment.”

Stoner says “Is it organic free range? Will it poison the banana slugs?”

Hasher says “No, It’s nontoxic and won’t harm the banana slugs.”

Stoner says “But what about those strange markings on the ground. They’re freaky dude. What do they mean? They could’ve been put there by terrorists, devil worshipers or aliens.”

Hasher says “It’s just sidewalk chalk that little kids use. They were put there by a running club and They’re directions that tell people where to go.”

Stoner says “But where are they going? I don’t know dude. My mind is blown. I got to go back to my room and get my space together before class.”

Guess we won’t be hashing there again anytime soon!

On On,

Shallow Hole

Surf City Hash House Harriers

A drinking club with a running problem in Santa Cruz