Category Archives: Uncategorized

Hash Trash #706 ‘Flip flopin’ in paridise!’

SCH3 Trash, Uncategorized

Howdey wanker’s! Its Summertime for us locals, so what better place to meet than Pono’s Island Bar and Grille down on Union street. Princess (Di)arrhea and Thmp Thmp as the hares of this debauchery had the theme of a flip flop trail or a van’s style trail. I decided to wear my Teva’s and chose to do the easier flip flop trail, but in case I could have chosen to run the van’s trail (better than flip flops but ya still get the feel).  Now Dirty Dolmas showed up and I decided to support her and walk the flip flop trail, what a disaster that turned out to be, no one knew where they we’re going and DD was so discouraged she gave up and went home. I then proceeded to BC, next time never chit chat with your co-hounds, always find flour on your own so that your never led astray, I mean how did they fuck up and miss the check at Water and Soquel?(see my map)  Anyhow my flipflop trail distance via mapmyrun = ~2.37 miles  and distance for Van’s trail=~3.7    . Shortest trial I’ve done in awhile, it was refreshing to be at beer check before the FRB of Van’s trail. We lingered behind Hind Quarter drank awesome beer in cans provided by the hares, and then all mosied back to Religion, again I was chit chatting with ‘Twat did you say?’ and was following other hounds, not paying attention they led us to River street cinema, WTF? Thats why I was late or DFL back to religion. OK Accuprick was RA, Cuff my Muff his beer bitch. She was so funny placing all the down down glasses on top of the beer trough cooler, good one. Did I mention we had a virgin or 2? Pink Cherry Licker brought her guy pal Josh. Paki Sak from SVH3 broght his virgin Rebecca. Boner malfunction is now considered a FACU, TIM (Today is Monday) from SVH3 visited. Our married parents of one little cutie batootie, Coka Cola and Hairy Potter blessed us with a visit of their beautiful dtr. Micah (hope spelling right).  Ghettoman even showed up last minute too. He always manages to get to start the lastest but manages to get to BC first (with FRB’s) damn them military men, or hey goota luv them. We wanted virgins to show us their goods but dumb jokes they squandered. Somehow Paki Sak was the only hound whom missed BC? We had visit from an official so we made religion short. And the Hares!….         Thanks for letting us slow down a bit, if not a few of us, took it easy this night and drank a few, walked a few, and just took in the sights, smells of our awesomeness SC summertime! Locals rule!

On On you wankerloids’!!

Occasional Rapist

Hash Trash # 700: The M Word Hash on August 24, 2013

Uncategorized

Congratulations dBASED and Occasional Rapist!  Wishing you shiggy- free marital bliss!  May your livers stay strong and your trail go on forever!   It was a hell of a party!  Here’s a recap of the weekend events.

 

 

 

Friday Night:  Bachelorette Pub Crawl

The festivities started the night before with a Harriette bachelorette pub crawl.  Occasional Rapist was adorned in a lighted pink penis ensemble. 

Dirty Dolmas, Hugh Heifer, Princess Di (arrhea), Wet Feral Pussy, Pink Cherry Licker, Just Ciarra and yours truly had a great night!  We met at Dirty Dolma’s house and started with wine, champagne and Hugh Heifer’s famous Jell-O shots.   The bride practiced for her wedding night with pink penis cupcakes.   Once warmed up, the pack headed to the Red Room for blow Job shots.  Thmp-Thmp and TIMMY!! were there to witness this.  Only Princess Di (arrhea) was able to fit the extra-large shot glass around her mouth to drink the shot with no hands.  TIMMY!!! Looked on, horrified that his daughter was part of the entourage.  We picked up Wicked Retahted there too.  He didn’t mind being one of the girls.  The rowdy gals took the beach trolley down to the boardwalk and stopped in Coasters for another drink, before the boardwalk concert.   The bride used one of her Bachelorette game cards to get some guy to buy her a drink.  I had the band talked into being a part of a cute butt contest, but we had to leave to get to the concert.  Glad we didn’t miss the concert.  Eddie Money was great!  Afterwards, the drunken Harreittes stumbled on back downtown and went to Tampico for pitchers of margaritas and food.  Thanks to the husbands for making sure all the lovely ladies got home safely!

Saturday:  The M Word Hash

Hashers were instructed to wear white and arrived at Pearl Necklace and Last Call Norm’s house at 2:30.  The back yard looked awesome!  Shiny Snail Trail and Diddler on the Roofie worked hard on all the decorations.   Waxi Pad and the band were setting up, the keg was tapped, and the party was underway.

The hares left at 3:30.  There were 3 trails.  dBASED was the hare of the eagle trail (with help from Hot Wheels).  Occasional Rapist was the hare for the turkey trail, and Pink Cherry Licker was the hare for the chicken trail.  All 3 trails started out going in the same direction, through Seabright neighborhoods, and then split off.  I can’t speak for hashers who did the chicken trail or the turkey trail, but I’m going to take a wild guess that they were drier and happier than the hashers who were stupid enough to do the dBASED eagle trail.  I was one of those stupid hashers.  The trail lead down to Seabright Beach along the sand then came to a water crossing.  This was no ordinary creek or stream.  This was the point where the San Lorenzo River went into the Ocean and the water was chest deep.

The families on the beach got a real freak show when they saw a guy in a white dress (Virgin bobby from Can’d Hash), me in my tutu, Just Ciarra in her rainbow undies and Shiny Snail Trail coming out of the water with a big penis drawn on her shirt, and “on in” written on her butt.  Diddler on the Roofie found out that his Lifeproof iPhone case was REALLY waterproof and survived the journey!  I’m so glad I spent the 80 bucks on that case!  I was smart enough to not take any valuables on this trail.  Hashers had to wander around the crowded boardwalk looking for trail.  There were no marks, so some of us left the boardwalk and started looking for trail outside the gates.  Luckily we found flour and the rest of the eagles at a check in front of Ideal Bar.  Some hashers got stuck running all the way down the Wharf to find an YBF!  It seemed like the hare was more concerned with leaving the YBF than making any more marks at the check near Ideal Bar.  No one could find any flour going in any other direction.  Someone saw an arrow for the turkey trail across the street, and everyone decided to follow that down Pacific Avenue.  We totally lost trail around the circle.  Wet and disgusted, the pack started heading in the direction of downtown. 

Just by chance, a couple of hashers ran up the Front Street hill and found flour on 3rd Street.  Halla-fucking-lujah!  The trail continued along 3rd Street, and turned left on Cliff Street and went down the steps, along the river levee, across the Riverside Bridge, to San Lorenzo Boulevard, up Broadway, to beer check at an apartment complex.

Hashers returned to food and more beer, before Religion.  Pearl Necklace was RA and Hugh Heifer was his Beer Fairy.  Pearl called up all the virgins.  There was virgin Mike and Virgin Robin from NY, Virgin Cindy, the Maid of Dishonor, Virgin Bobby from Can’d Hash, and Virgin Janet.  Next, all the visitors.  E=MC Fucked, Vote for Pedro, Just Jonathan, and Mr Wiggley.   Several hashers were punished for Racism.  Diddler on the Roofie claimed “to win” when he arrived at beer check.  TIMMY!! wore a Wharf to Wharf shirt, and Virgin Bobby changed into a Team in Training shirt.

There was a brief change in RA to Stickless from Silicone Valley to celebrate some Analversaries.  Drinks Like a Bitch for #90, Terminator for #195, Shit Faced for #370, and Wet Hairs for #500!  Get a life!

Then the RA changed to Mr. Wiggley from Can’d Hash who brought up all the Monterey hashers, Boner Malfunction, Virgin Bobby and Just Jonathan.

Then Pearl Necklace took over again.  He brought up Puff the Magic Drag Queen for doing 626 of Surf City’s 700 hashes.  Get a life!  Occasional rapist was called up.  TIMMY!!! begged her not to do it!  Next were some words about dBASED.  Pearl brought up the fact that he’s always brought his kids to the hash, and that’s considered either a good thing, or child abuse, depending on who you ask.  Last Call Norm brought up the time when Hot Wheels was still in his stroller and dBASED dumped him down a hill.  Luckily he was strapped in!  Stickless mentioned the fact that dBASED lost his GPS and Stickless found it at a geocache.  dBASED also lost his other kid, Little Spit at a Monterey hash.  The kid had to knock on a stranger’s door to get help.  Fingernips was supposed to watch her.  So never ask Fingernips to watch your kids!  Shiny Snail Trail told how she despised dBASED for snaring her the first time she hared with Accuprick.  She changed her mind 3 weeks ago, when she hared again with yours truly and dBASED was DFL!  What a great birthday present for her birthday hash!

Then the wedding!  Pearl Necklace presided over the ceremony.  Occasional Rapist and dBASED exchanged a really hilarious set of vows.  I heard dBASED promise to not bust Occasional Rapist’s beer checks when she hares.  I’m not sure if he agreed to the vow about following trail.  Pink Cherry Licker caught the bouquet.

 

The rest of the afternoon was spent dancing up a storm to music from Waxi’s band, Premature E-Jamulation.

Thanks to our hosts, Pearl Necklace and Last Call Norm for welcoming us to their home!  Thanks to dBASED and Occasional Rapist for a great time!  You succeeded in making our panties wet.  May the hash get a piece!

On On,

Shallow Hole

Hash Trash #703, “Beat Yur Meat”

Uncategorized

We ll hello wanker’s! Today is the drinking day! Thank god! Last week we gathered at Butt Ball and Little Anal Annie’s fine casa for our 13th, yes 13th anual-Beat Yur Meat festivities! We had a good turnout from neighboring kennels, some Just’s (Vivian) and one virgin (name?)that I know of. Trail ran about 3.59 miles (for me anyhow)  depending on who you are. Who doesn’t like to hash in Nisene?, lot’s of poison oak, but avoidable-like aids. We had beer check at the bottom-est spot in Nisene by a bridge and creek. Accuprick led us half-minds in the infamous “day of the week” hashing song, most made it to BC, we had several wanker’s decide that the Windjammer made a better gorilla check and stayed there. According to Puff we did raise a fine sum for Second Harvest food bank! So here here to all of us. Lot’s of hasher’s brought tastey side dishes to share. Pussy Toupe donated a 5 gallon keg of microbrew and it barely made it to the start, empty by the time we left for trail, thanks again to Pussy and Pixie.  Hares Cockiss and Little Anal Annie led us on a circle jerk trail. Trail back to start from BC was hell , we thought we’d never return, more than a mile straight up.  We had a hare raiser Ska Skank show of her tits for most of religion, she has been working hard at haring lately. Six o’ nine brought a virgin but left her on trail to fend for herself, Dog Breathe was her hasher in not so shiney armour and drove her home. What a guy. Butt balls and Cockiss played co-RA’s for a bit, as Butt Balls caressed his table, he called up Tommy Hilfingerher to be beer fairy. She is still visting from LAH3. We had visitor down downs, and yes Six o’ nine somehow made it in that group?why? for free beer. Gorilla check wanker’s whom didn’t bother to even step foot in Nisene=Princess, Twisted, TIMMY!, Banana, Cuff, Rhoids, Pixie (probably missed some). Waxi and Boner Mal. got down down for missing trail and any BC, really? Cockiss got his 69th anal-versary with SCH3! Way to go, they he and Ram Pam (thank you maaam) came all the way from Paso Robles to beat their meat with us! Thanks to the Master chef’s Butt Balls and Accu and anyone else that beat our meats that night! Ok and the hares….Cockiss and Little anal Annie!

Ok Thursdays the drinking day to meet up at the old Watering hole for another night of hashing! Remember Saturday is M word run, so get your whites cleaned. Oh and harriette’s come join us for a night of festivites Friday night Edwardo Dinero at the Boardwalk!

On On

Occ. Rap.

Hash Trash #698 W2W pub crawl

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No one had to actually run on this night but many didn’t realize this and in some cases we almost didn’t recognize each other!, LOL, us hasher’s clean up nice don’t we. We had a fairly good turnout mainly once we got to Reds, the CAN’d hasher’s and Goggler showed up with the Waxi pad and Shallow. We even had Wet Feral Pussy join in and Dirty Dolmas, if we did pass out down down’s that night they’d a had one for major backsliding! Order of bars went something like this, Rush Inn, Reds, 99 bottles, and Rosie Mc Canns’s. Wicked and myself, dBASED and Dirty Dolmas decided to go hear Berlin play at the boardwalk so we got our exercise in (ok not really we took a cab both ways!) hee hee, what you mean we missed the shuttle? Dirty Dolmas or Double Dee as we’ve come to call her now, knew the shuttle was in front of the Del Mar but dbASED mislead us, now why don’t we already know this. Anyhow some tales from the trail over heard was “I have all the dark married men staying with me”, and at the boardwalk “Let me see do I have my shoulder pads on”, ok people. I think everyone tied one on and had good times, on on you half minds.

Occ. Rap.

Hash Trash #697

Uncategorized

Princess Di-arrhea and Thmp Thmp welcomed us half minds to their home on the Seascape golf course. We had several out of towner hasher’s show up one Pussy Toupe whom works for Gordon Beirch (i’m certain that’s spelled wrong) brew company so we had some on tap, nice way to start the weekend of Whar to Barf! Pixilatted Obscenity was there ans was some CAN’d hasher’s, and I might add an old timer Surf city hasher Finger Nips! Was nice to see all of ya. We had 3 potential namings on this night so we all tried to gather incriminating info. for Just Shannon, Just Adam, and Just Trisha.  Trail was 3.41 miles according to my mapmyrun, of course that’s with myself doing slight short cutting at the end.  We had two beer checks! Running threw neighborhood’s of mansion sized houses, little shiggy of Sumner, and trail down to the beer can beach at a wierd building (what is in there anyway?) which to me looks like a bathroom from the beach. We then circled back down Townsend to Rio Del mar and then down to the railroad tracks by their house for last beer check. There was a mixture of FRB, and walkers and DFL’s, but with all the back checks, YBF’s we managed to all stay in close. Religion was on the side of the golf course by this time though it was getting dark so excuse me for my poor scratchy notes. Accu. was RA with Pixie as beer fairy; First down down was for Finger Nips staying away from surf city for too long, then Pixie for backsliding and being a past RA,  Just Vivian whom Bloody Wanker made her cum for a false ball ACCU-sation as it was not her first haring ever. Shiney snail trail got a down down for reporting Mr. Face “Hey Twisted Balls” they both drank (ok what ever that was), Fifth down down was for the vegatarians whom did not partake in Accupricks delicioso Meat balls he made, Hugh and Puff.  Cuff made her 150th Annalversary with SCH3!, get a life! Something about Shiney snail trail and dBASED for being short cutting lover’s? Then Ghetto for giving us a false accusation of thinking he is leaving us or CAN”d hash. YBF fucker’s: Slonad, Shallow, Ghetto, Dungfu, Dog Breathe, Shiney, Just Adam. Chick piss at beer check #1 went to Cuff and Shiney (yes we saw you), and then to the namings, since it was so dark and late already we decided to only name Just Adam, and after much half-minded diliberations we came up with “Diddler on the Roofie”, welcome to the hash dude! And last but least Hugh Hef. got herself a 50th consecutive SCH3 annoncement, is she the new Puff? Ok on out next up is the pub crawl trash.

Occ. Rap.

Hash Trash 695

SCH3 Trash, Uncategorized

Trail 695 was neither short nor sweet. But that’s nothing a little shortcutting couldn’t fix! Word on the street was that dBASED was haring a trail that had been previously aborted due to “high water levels”. The unlucky pack got a second chance at soaking their socks this week. We gathered up at Aptos St. BBQ where they had a specially-dedicated beertender just for us! I can tell you now that was our favorite thing about trail right there.

dBASED made his announcements before heading off: #1 – a free M-Word Hash rego was out there for the finding. Watch for a dead animal skull along trail in order to claim the prize. Such a romantic symbol of everlasting love! #2 – there’s a SURPRISE!!! I suppose dipping your toes in ice water could be considered surprising, even though we were all expecting it. We know to actually dread any of dBASED’s surprises, because they’re never a good thing. Wise Banana Basher and Cuff My Muff were bailing trail to hang at the Windjammer. If we had any sense at all, we would have joined them.

We circled up and headed out. It was nice to see Monthly Friend had returned ahead of cycle with The Human Pube after her most unfortunate naming on 4th of July. Our plan was to casually walk trail together, but I soon realized Cumcerto was missing from the pack and went back to look for her. This caused me to get so far behind, there was no choice but to shortcut if I was supposed to get through this thing walking. Don’t know much about where real trail went, but for those who care, it was something like…Aptos BBQ –> RR trax –> Rio Del Mar Blvd. –> Rio Del Mar Flats –> Seacliff Beach stairs –> RR trax –> Aptos Village Soccer Field –> wading through Aptos Creek –> Aptos Village Park beer check!

Beer check was in a quiet grove in the park near the creek. Hashers were comparing notes about the creek slogging and their wet feet. There was a rumor the water was taint-deep, but there didn’t seem to be any dripping shorts around. The best thing about beer check was that dBASED provided enough beer this time. That almost never happens. It’s like he knows we’re likely to avoid showing up for his trails. Or he hopes we all die out there and never make it to beer check. He does what he can to try and make that happen. Good thing there was enough beer while we had a “fun” game to play: Whose Dog Just Shitted? Was it Cumz Like a Dog’s or Occasional Rapist’s??? We couldn’t quite ID it by stench alone.

Religion was held behind that old apple barn/antique mall by the post office. It was there that I realized I paid dearly in karma for my shortcutting ways by losing my really cool Fisher Space Pen along the way. If anybody found it, PLEASE bring it back home to Planet Princess! I mooched a pen from fellow scribette Shallow Hole and got back to playing religion reporter. Accuprick RA’d and Fudgina was beer fairy. Cuff, Fudge and Brokebench Mountain didn’t make it to beer check, but they were drunk anyway (as per usual). Backslider Banana had his first doctor-OK’d beer in many months…ah, sweet nectar. The sneaky bastards who hadn’t paid their hash cash–Just Adam, Ghettoman and Cumcerto–were forced to cough up the cash and drink down the shitty beer. We all learned that Fudge and Brokebench were reform schoolmates in their delinquent years. All wankers with dry shoes drank. Shiny Snail Trail (with bouncy Pippi Longstocking braids) was wearing a shocker shirt and Cuff was wearing a Save Second Base breast cancer awareness shirt. Timmy!!! didn’t know what second base is. But he does know what the shocker is. Makes us wonder if he has a reputation for hitting triples with the ladies. We ate cupcakes and cursed the birthdays of Cuff and hare dBASED before we let him know exactly how much we thought his trail sucked.

On on on was back at Aptos St. BBQ once dBASED persuaded them to stay open for us by promising at least 10 people would order food for their drunk bellies. Just Adam gets a special award for taking Pippi Longdrinking home. He’s up for naming soon, so perhaps we can reward him by giving him a name he can truly be ashamed of.

Next hash will start at the Crepe Place. But you probably know all about it and then some from Puff the Magic Drag Queen’s super duper superfluous trail announcement below. Expect his trail to be even longer than his ramblings.

On-on,

Princess Di(arrhea)