Soquel Circle Jerk led by Thump Thump and Pinky.

They billed this as a “GRUELING ROMP THROUGH SOQUEL”. In order to be fully prepared they actually ran and researched the trail, rather than having Pinky make it up on the fly as she has done in the past (remember the last Blue Lagoon start?)

In addition they touted the wondrous wildlife around town, and they didn’t mean us hashers. They were enthralled by the sights and sounds of nature. While scouting this hash they saw: a squirrel with a mouth full of nuts, a rat, a wood duck, and a great blue heron. And they was before the Molly kicked in!

We all met at JJ’s….a very dog unfriendly venue for future reference. Do not ever attempt to bring your pet into this establishment. The bartender apparently is not fond of dogs at “his bar” and admonished us more than once for our gross oversight. Guess the whole pack needs to leave, not just the 4 legged ones!

To make up for the mean dog hating bartender it turns out that the drinks at JJ’s are pretty cheap…just like our women….so it ended up being a wild night in Soquel.

We we warned about the impending rain and thus most were dressed appropriately in their rubber slickers. Some folks have that as their fetish….seriously it is a real thing. But since the rain held us they stashed their sexually stimulating gear in the car.

As you can see, once we left the comfort of JJ’s we became hopelessly lost. Strong drinks and misleading chalk marks had the pack confused. Or perhaps we were still reeling from the NO DOG fiasco.

Once we gathered our communal forces we found the correct path to enlightenment and figured out how to cross the street….well all except one…there is always one. This time Ho to Housewife got caught in the middle of the street, the light turned green and the cars were headed right for her. She became frozen, unable to move back to the safety of either side of the road. Perhaps this squirrel like behavior was what Thump as referring to when he said there was wildlife on the trail. Thankfully our screaming, yelling and whistle blowing jarred her back to reality and she made a run for it.

Safely back with the pack she followed demurely behind, obeying all traffic signals from now on.

Speaking of behinds….once again Cum You Will Not’s dog did his usual crap on trail….and not to be outdone, Short Stack performed a double shit on trail.

At religion, Rat Pussy got called out for wearing a kilt. St Patty’s was last week…..get a calendar dude.

  Cunt Jungle got a 25 hash patch and is damn proud of it. We welcomed back Gorilla Whorefare, newly transplanted from Long Beach, and long lost BeachCummer. She showed us her special starfish. And TestiCoil brought us all pizza. What a fun night!

On On On,

CumFartZone

Despite the rain we had an amazing turnout. We started at The Parish House in Aptos.  It was quite lively inside. Hangsloose decided to stay warm and dry and hold down the fort while we raced around in the rain. Shallow took her old friend Chewy out for a stroll. Nothing like a huge stinky wet dog to nuzzle you after the run.

After a few checks we actually found trail along with an epic LC which was hosted by the lovely Princess Di. She was serving hot Irish coffee and Shamrock shakes, which were delicious. People lingered hoping to get seconds.

But alas they were off quick again like a leprechaun and after a few circle jerks of sorts we ended up at the home of Little Anal Annie and ButtBalls.

Actually they forbade us into their home and thus we were relegated to the garage. But who’s complaining….it offered shelter from the storm, cold beer, and corned beef sandwiches….which I simply eyed from across the room.

By the time I got to the other side of the packed garage all the sandwiches had been snarfed up. The crowd was rowdy and unruly.

Accuprick and ButtBalls did RA duties and long lost Snake Me Anywhere played Beer Fairy.

Analversaries began with Vaginal Repair Kit with 50…he’s the one who said 2 years ago that he wasn’t that into hashing!! Maybe we should call him the recalcitrant hasher instead of Vag.

Little Anal Annie received a whooping 250, Jizziki racked up 100 and CumFartZone made it to 125. Yippie Skippie.

DBased got called up by ButtBalls for not controlling his out of control dog, aptly named JUNK PUNCHER. Go figure?

Lots of Backsliders including Vaginal Repair Kit, New Kids on My Cock, Banana Basher, Johnny Cockring, Ho To Housewife, Slownad, No Poles, Little Anal Annie…

We had another naming…this time it was newly named Skid racers friend. She offered up so many tidbits that it was almost too hard to choose but in the end we settled on the name of ORGAN GRINDER.

We also had prizes for this special St Patty’s hash.

Drunkest went to Cold Smegma Kamakzi….another no brainer.

Sexiest costume went to Organ Grinder….also our newly named hasher!

Most Obnoxious – and the winner is……………wait for it……..bet you can’t guess…….oh never mind……….it was DBASED!

And best costume went to Johnny Cockring, who came in his Celtic finest. well not literally….get your mind out of the gutter. He was dapperly dressed.

Thank you to our hares Butt Balls, Accuprick, Princess Diarrhea, Thmp-Thmp  for this festive event….and to all who came out to honor the Saint.

More beer and grub was found back at Parish House along with Hangsloose.

We continued the party, played some shuffleboard and bonded with new friends.

In Parting I leave you with these Irish/Celtic blessings:

On On ON

CumFartZone

Maith thú
(This very common and short Irish blessing is easy to use and pronounced Maw hoo)      Good luck to you

and my favorite:

Go n-eirí an t-ádh leat.
(Literally meaning ‘That luck may rise with you’, this short Irish blessing is pronouncedGuh nye-ree on taw laht.)

May you escape the gallows, avoid distress, and be as healthy as a trout.
****

We relived the horror of the 1980’s exercise craze thanks to our exuberant hares, CumYouWill Not, Shallow Hole and a newbie hare named……..Just Liberty.

Although the outfits were fantastic the trail was less than stellar. In fact the trail was so bad that most of the pack were left wandering in the drizzle.

CumFartZone arrived late to witness this madness….the pack looked like lost bees trying desperately to find the QUEEN BEE. They were buzzing around in all directions, desperately wailing. “RU??” It seemed that the trail simply went cold….which it did….and will be explained later on in this diatribe.

CumFartZone decided she would have no part in this frantic search and merely called her buddy with a similar name, CYWN, Cum for short, and was expertly directed right smack into the pack of hares.  She happily joined the leaders and felt safe and secure knowing she was on the right track.  After hearing that the hares practically got attacked from the gargantuan sentry of the trailer park, CFZ called some of her other buddies to warn them and to direct them back to the proper trail. In addition to being an 80’s workout icon she is also a helpful girl scout and responsible Red Cross disaster responder! If you ever need an extra flashlight, some duct tape or a breath mint, she’s your go to gal.

As the pack showed up at Beer Check, the story of the trailer park ogre was retold. Each time it sounded more and more sinister and those hares were lucky to escape with their lives and with their flour intact. The mean trailer park monster would not let them finish laying a trail and demanded their hasty retreat.

With no way to alert the hapless hounds, the hares went on their merry way and left the pack to wander and wonder….WHY Oh WHY do we subject ourselves to this misery each and every week?  Well….basically it comes down to beer and loneliness. Without these festive Thursday evenings what would we do….stay home and play tiddlywinks?

Back to the pack……..and the tales.

Apparently CuntJungle couldn’t be bothered with trail and decided to do some geocaching. Alrighty then…..maybe we should start a tiddlywinks club.

Most of the pack missed the jump rope check…however the ever obedient Thump Thump and Bakers Dozen’t did what they were told.

Dog Breath…who claims to be proficient at hashing…..and may even hare Monterey Can’d next hash ( now rescheduled for March 24)….got to the RR tracks and thought he saw a pack arrow. NOPE…..another hasher fooled by those pesky PG&E arrows. Vaginal had the same issue at hash #955. Maybe somethings in the water….or they need new glasses! Or less alcohol!

At religion, held at the beach, on and near logs…..we gave the HashShit back to Curtesy Flush as he confessed he has become quite attached to it.

Just Andrea seemed enthralled by all of the hash antics, including hiding flour in the dark.

Backsliders included CuntJungle….who is now back with our kennel for the next 2 months after trying to defect to the east coast but was caught in thunder snow and decided she was safer back in earthquake country. Just Liberty was a welcome addition after a long hiatus and even tried her hand at haring….thankfully with 2 experienced hares….well….maybe one experienced hare( Shallow Hole) and 1 overly exuberant hare( CumYouWillNot). We also had Just Sean and Steamy B who has been dearly missed.

We had a momentous naming and now have SKID RACER joining the ranks. This poor chap actually shared that he had to use his race bib in lieu of toilet paper. That’s what happens when you are a Raci*t. That’s what all those energy drinks, electrolytes and GU can do to your intestines….they make you go while on the go!Often without warning. Boo Hoo Poo Poo. Hopefully Skid Racer will adjust his diet on hash night so that we do not ever have to endure his defecating antics in person.

Thanks again to our hares for a fun costume themed hash. Loved the music and the outfits.

Until next time,

On On On,

CumFartZone