As I headed to Davenport there was a beautiful Orange sky. That made the trip worth it all by itself.

We started at Whale City Bakery and had a decent pack for winter hash, even if it was in Davenport. Not a large pack, just decent. I recall a pack of about 10, plus 2 hares. I heard at least person went to the Roadhouse first and realized they were in the wrong place. Most huddled inside to keep warm, but a group of dog owners convened outside.

As Whale City Bakery closed at 7:00, your hares, myself (Hare #170) and the soon to be named Just Haley (hare #1) left around 6:35. First, a map of the trail, then a hares eye view of the trial:

After one short flat block, the pack encountered a small wall, around 3 feet high, which lead to a hill, on a promised flat hash. At the top of the hill was a back check. The plan was the Eagles would find the back check and Turkeys would not even need to climb the wall. However, it was so early on, Just Foot Pussy, Steamy Baanoreah and Dung Fu Grip helped the Turkeys up the wall.

Back down the wall, I assume the pack went East and soon found marks. A hook around a block with the church (pack did you see it in the dark?), then to what was basically the end of town and another back check. Returning to the previous intersection, apparently the Eagles immediately found trail to their left, and encountered yet another back check. Returning to that intersection again, they went the only way left and found true trail.

This led to a check at Highway 1. Did anyone check into the darkness away from town? I suspect not. There was a false across the street which lead almost back to the start. True trail was a dirt trail across the street from the check which lead to the railroad tracks.

There was a witchy way at the railroad tracks pointing either direction on the tracks. The basic intention being, don’t check over the cliff. Did anyone check into the darkness away from town? I suspect not.

From here, it was zig zag along the cliffs with a couple more back checks and one check. Finally, through the parking lot where religion would be and back to highway 1. If the pack had looked across the street at the right time in this section they might have spotted a hare.

After a short jaunt on Highway 1, there was the Turkey/Eagle split. Turkeys crossed the street, Eagles continued down Highway 1. A short while later, Eagles went on to a dirt road paralleling Highway 1. Eagles had one check on the dirt road. Did anyone venture into oblivion towards the Ocean? I dunno.

True trail continued on straight, then right at the first intersection. Across Highway 1, across the railroad tracks, through a very small section of shiggy, and on to Cement Plant Rd. A little loop took the Eagles back to Cement Plant Rd and headed back toward towards town, where they rejoined the eagles.

Back along Highway 1, where the hares saw hashers on the side, through a small thicket of trees and to beer check behind the fire station. Most of the Turkeys and Eagles finished close together. One sign of a successful trail. I also heard all the FRB Eagles (Steamy Baahnoreah, Dung Fu Grip, Pawg Patrol and Just Foot Pussy) did all 5 of the back checks. Mission accomplished!

This trail was so easy, that even Puff did the Eagle along with 6 of 9. 6 of 9 said it was first Eagle trail he had ever done. They were the last to finish trail.

It was on back across Highway 1 to a parking lot trail had gone through for religion. For Davenport, it was fine weather. Warmer than I think most expected. Since I had been a hare, Dung Fu took up the mantle as RA. The most important part of religion was naming Just Haley. I was amused to learn about Scibidi Ohio. But in the end, we named her My tits are good enough. She got this name due to her husband’s apparent lack of interest in tits other than hers. Oh, and 6 of 9 also got a 69 hashes patch. It only took him 20+ years to earn it!

After this, back to Santa Cruz for On-On-On for the second week in a row at Upper Crust. A good showing, and not a sausage fest this time.

A few notes on My tits are good enough first haring. Some hares just don’t get it the first time. However, I’ll admit that most do, and so did My tits are good enough. She set the back check at the beginning, and the turkey trail on in by herself. The rest we did together. She was really convinced we were going to be caught – as often new hares are. Of course, we were not. And, I told her, even we were caught, it is no big deal. I firmly believe if you hare enough, and you are never caught, you are not trying hard enough. Then, when we got to the end and no one showed up for 15 minutes, she was worried people were lost. It’s hard to get lost in Davenport. She was also worried about dogs going over a cliff. I assured her, we had veteran hashers tonight – they know what they are doing.

Most likely, this ends my 8 month consecutive streak of haring. February is all spoken for, so unless someone backs out or needs a co-hare, my streak is ending. I’m pleased others are stepping up.

OK, that’s 2 writeup ‘s in a row for me. I want to recruit others, to hear other voices. Will you be next?

There was very bright fire and we sacrificed 2 virgins. Read on to learn what happened on this day.

Our hares were Dung Fu Grip, Chalking Hazard and Sloppy Swappy. Dung Fu Grip was a last minute replacement for Pink Cherry Licker – who was sick. 2 inexperienced hares and experienced fill in hare. What could go wrong?

First, I want to say the smartest hasher at this hash was Hareless. She gave up trail when she realized how long it had to be. I don’t know where she gave up, but I met her going the wrong way on Mission Street. There she gave some sort of direction of where it went to Natural Bridges drive and ended up on Delaware. So, I surmise she gave up somewhere around Delaware.

As bad trails go, this trail was not so bad. However, I do have it currently ranked as the worst trail of the year. The bar is not too low yet though. Dung Fu Grip was part of hares that got worst trail of year last year. Is he going for 2 years in a row?

A key element to a bad trail is getting a significant portion of pack lost, or at least nearly killing at least one person. While the virgins did not make it to the end, I presume that was due to fatigue, cold or possible hooking up (more on this conspiracy theory later). The part that made the trail bad was mostly the length. The hares promised 2.5 miles for the turkeys and 4 for the Eagles. I’m not sure how the hares measured this trail. I’m inclined to think it was with Pooh Sticks. For future hares here is a good suggestion – use your feet in combination with an electronic measuring device – like Strava.

While I don’t know how far the Turkeys went, some discussion was that it was significantly longer. Myself, Steamy Baanoreah and Just Haley all measured around 5.5 to the beer check for the Eagle. It was about 3/4 mile back to start, for a total of around 6.3 A challenging down hill in the dark also lead to a feeling of a bad trail.

As good trails go, this trail generally sucked. While there were plenty of marks, its distance and difficulty lead to it sucking. A long YBF didn’t help.

I gave the chalk talk to the virgins – Liz and Sebastian. Just Brock looked on to make sure he had not forgotten anything. Just Brock had made Virgin Sebastian come and amazingly, I made Virgin Liz come! I didn’t really this until I asked her who made her come, and she said “Apparently, it was you”. I had briefly met Liz at a run Monday night and convinced her to try us out.

Now, on to blow by blow description of what happened on trial. First, a map:

Circle up was in the parking lot of Mission West. We went through Mission West and encountered a promised Turkey/Eagle Split. I was with Virgin Liz and she said “Which one should I take?” I said she wanted to run, so I said she should take the Eagle. Perhaps this was a mistake. Virgin Sebastian was with Just Brock and they took the Turkey.

Now, I didn’t want Virgin Liz to get lost on her first hash, so I making sure I was staying close her. The first issue with the Eagle trail was a fence above the Arroyo Seco Canyon trail. There was a small opening, and the debate was whether you slither through, or had to climb it. First, Pawg patrol climbed it. Then, Junk Puncher, Virgin Liz and Just Halley slithered through. I tried to slither through, but decided it was not in the cards. So, climb I did. This is when I learned I am not as good at climbing fences as I used to be. It was perilous, but I made it over. This fence reminded of harriet who was named Fuck the Fence years ago for getting taught on with legs on either side of the fence.

From here it was a steep down hill to the canyon and an eventual return to the Turkey trail, about one block the Turkey/Eagle split. Around the corner, at Mission and Swift, the Eagles encountered a check that had flour kicked forward and a Timmy arrow to the right. Steamy Bahnoreah said “Timmy never gets it right”, and we proceeded forward. Several blocks later, myself, Just Liz, Steamy Bahnoreah, Pawg Patrol and Virgin Liz encounter a YBF. It was so far from the check and because two of the 3 hares were very inexperienced, most of us surmised it was really a back check. So, Steamy Bahnoreah and myself checked various possibilities. Virgin Liz watched us check – I think with amazement and trepidation. I can’t remember when Paug Patrol did. Apparently, Just Halley believed it as she disappeared into the night, not to be seen beer check.

With our tails between our legs, our group of Eagles returned to check and found someone had written YBF towards the YBF. I believe that was Just Halley. It was now a long slog down Mission street.

Not far down Mission, we encountered Just Brock and Virigin Sebastian. Just Liz decided to walk with them. She said she was hungry. I made sure she was OK and continued on trail. This was the last sighting of these 3 on trail. Virgin Sacrifice completed. Did Virgin Liz decide Virgin Sebastian and Just Brock were here best offerings and go from there? Or, was it cold/fatigue/hunger? Hopefully, one of these 3 will show their face in the future and we find out what their fate was.

Somewhere near the old Wriggly Building we encountered Hareless going the wrong direction with instructions on where trail went. She was abandoning ship. Trail went down Natural Bridges Dr, to the railroad tracks, then along Nearly Lagoon and finally to Delaware – which is the last location Hareless had told us about.

Trail went right on Delaware, which means the next section of trail was pretty much determined. Through the UCSC Coastal Science Campus, through the mobile home park, and down to Natural Bridges. I was with Pawg Patrol through this section. We passed Baby Y.O.D A and Rubricks Pube in Campus. We passed Broke Bench Mountain and 6 of 9 in the mobile home park.

Pawg Patrol and I had been curious about what happened to Just Halley and Pawg Patrol had tried to call her numerous times. In the mobile home park, she final reached her. Just Halley said “I’m with Puff and it’s treacherous”. We soon encountered treacherous, or the hill of death. In the dark, it rather just looked like a cliff with flour on it. Pawg Control went “Just Ollie is not going down that”. I did not plan to either. So, we took easier slope I knew about to the right.

As went down the hill into Natural Bridges, we could see the flames, 20 miles away, at the battery fire in Moss Landing. During everyone got emergency messages on their phones altering them that wind was not blowing our way and all was currently safe. However, be on the lookout for changing conditions.

From here, a cut through Natural Bridges State park, and a zig zag to Derby Park – not far from where the accursed earlier YBF had been. Here we learned Timmy had caught the hares when entering the mobile park. Where were the virgins? Eventually, Dung Fu Grip ran trail backwards. He did not encounter them or hear any cries from help. I heard from someone say that they saw Virgin Sebastian and Just Brock back at the bar. However, I was one of the first back and I did not see them.

The first down down was trying to figure out how the hares measured this trail. The rest, who cares?

On-On-On at Upper Crust Pizza. Numerous hashers attended, but it was a sausage fest.

Before I discuss the wonders of hash 1332, I need to write something I’ve wanted to write for a long time. That is, why I think even having a scribe is important and how I think it should work. First, I want to say Puff has been doing a great job, but it is not the job I personally envision. If you want to see some titles of old good hash trashes click here. Sadly, all the links there appear to no longer work, but you can get idea of what used to happen.

I do think that creating a good weekly hash trash is generally hard work. That’s because it is hard to say something new each week. Read on for how I think this can be solved.

Now, I want to discuss how the hash trash worked when I started hashing. No, not with Surf City, but with the Long Beach Hash. Before the internet. Before most people had email (I had it). Heck, a lot of people did not even have a computer. And, of course, some of you were not born. The Long Beach Hash weekly PRINTED a two page, 2 sided newsletter. The first thing there was the trash from the previous hash. When you arrived at a hash, one of the first things you did was pick up the hash trash and find out what someone thought about last weeks hash. If you didn’t show up, the trash would be sent via US Mail for the first 2 or 3 weeks you did not show up. Other than a writeup from the previous hash, the hash trash also contained where the next hash was, the hareline, announcements, and maybe some jokes (if there was space for it).

Hares were expected to recruit a scribe. Typically, when a hare started setting a trail, they would be asked who their scribe was. Often, hares and scribes swapped for each other. IOW, if you scribe for me when I am a hare, I will scribe for you when you are a hare. While this scenario would solve what I want – it is not what I propose. I propose the job of our hash scribe is to recruit scribes, upload what they have written to the web site, and harass anyone who says they will do and they do not. Scribing should be like haring – everyone should do it every once in a while. If you have to be the scribe once every 3 months, it should not be too big a deal. Funny is good, but a different voice (other than Puff!) is great. Trash’s just need to be original in my book. 

One of my favorite trash’s of all time went like this:. Step 1, wake up from hang over (the hash was on a Sunday morning) and look at clock. Step 2, look at last week’s hash trash and see who the hares were and where it was. Step 3, if the hares were the Bator Brothers (think of Dung Fu X2 and no Turkey trail) – go back to sleep or fuck the hasher you met last night one more time. This was all done with the aid of hand drawn pictures (no one had digital cameras).

Another favorite hash trash is one I wrote for a hash I did not attend! The year I was the On-Sec for Long Beach, my most prolific author was Doggie Style. She was very good 99% of time. One week she fucked up and didn’t get me the write-up before my deadline. So, I made something up and every third sentence was Fuck You Doggie Style. Most people appreciated my humor. However, I did get a pie in the face for it (I knew it was coming) and the person in charge of mailing the hash trash considered it pornography and tore off the cover page with the write up before sending it in the mail.

I printed that newsletter every week for a year. I got writeups in all sorts of ways. Hand written. Printed. On floppy disk. Rarely via email – because only a couple people had it. It was a lot of work putting it all together, but I didn’t have to be original, which I thought was harder. So, our hash scribe’s job would be a lot easier, as everyone has email. (However, no one has floppy disks!)  They wouldn’t have to print it, and getting it done by the next hash wouldn’t be a requirement. When I was printing newsletters each week, I believe I did do my fair share of scribing. So, the hash scribe likely would do this as well.

So, what do you think? Would everyone be willing to scribe periodically for the benefit of all? Or, are you you all just a bunch of lazy bastards and prefer to have Puff just do his thing?

–

Now, on to the glory of this week’s hash. It started at Woodhouse at Blending and Brewing. Was the small turn out due to last week’s AGM, the third hash in a row in the same area (trail went past portions the past 2 weeks trail), the recent cold weather, or fear of another dBASED haring? Take your pick.

Here’s a picture of last week’s hash as done by Steamy Baanoreah:

Highlights of trail: 

• Thru the Mission district and over the Highway 1 bridge
• Down the locust street steps
• Around City Hall
• Up Green street and to the other side of the mission
• Down the steep steps of the mission
• Down the river levy to the government center bridge (where Jersey Lunch Box caught the hares)
• Back up the river levy, across the pedestrian bridge next to highway 1.
• Once across the bridge, turkeys went into the parking lot and the beer check The Eagles did a loop in Harvey West which included the bike path, railroad tracks, a trek through the Costco parking lot, before returning back to the bike path. The Eagles once again caught up with dBASED a little bit before returning to the bike path and returning to the Turkey Trail.

Along the way, a homeless person swung at co-hare Courtesy Flush and missed. Courtesy Flush was worried about homeless people and their dogs accosting hashers, but this never happened, The first Turkey (Broke Bench) finished near when the first Eagles finished. The remaining Turkeys finished together and the remaining Eagle (Steamy Baanorhea) finished last.

And now the part you have been waiting for. The beginning of the reign as RA of dBASED.

Serving a second non consecutive term where previously I did not receive a majority of the vote and this time I did, I believe I have received a mandate from the hash. I will do what I have promised – give down downs to hounds without whistles and hares who do not cap their falses. I will reward those who are loyal to me by making them beer fairy and vilify my opponents, such as those who talk during region. Sadly, I cannot lower taxes.

I shall not abdicate my role as RA due to large crowds, haring, drunkenness, or general malaise as my predecessors have done. I shall attempt to repeat the motions of previous esteemed RA’s such as Butt Balls and Accuprick and perhaps even Banana Basher and Timmy!

As we began religion, I noticed everyone had formed a tight circle before I had even requested it. Surely my aura must be magnificent! Everyone was reminded to bring a whistle to future hashes or absorb my wrath. FRB and DFL were honored. I got a 1150 run patch. The hares were punished for being caught. 6 of 9 was honored not having his cohort (the homeless) attack hashers. 

Before the hash had started, I asked the Woodhouse how late the kitchen would be open. They told me 9:00. Sadly, even when we arrived at 8:30, it was closed. Timmy, Puff and 6 of 9 stayed to drink, others went out in the wilds of Santa Cruz in search of nourishment.

So, there we were, gathering for Hash 1277 at Wino by the Sea, led by hares Cum You Will Not and Baker’s Dozen’t. The start of the trail was as elusive as a cat in a laser show, leading some brave souls to nearly take an unexpected polar plunge in their birthday suits. Turns out, the trail was firmly on land, and the hashers were saved from a chilly swim. Crisis averted! The beer check at the lighthouse turned into a high-stakes safety meeting, with hashers dancing on the edge of disaster. Some narrowly dodged an impromptu swim, proving once again that hashers are a group with a talent for turning simple tasks into extreme sports. Religion was back on the wharf where hashers were serenaded by Just Polly and the dance floor witnessed a hash wide twerkfest.

On on!

-IHOP