Greetings,

       There will be no thousand word expose of Trail 1159. That does not mean I do not believe it possesses sufficient material for ridicule, it merely indicates I do not find it worthy of consuming that much of my life. This Trash is published merely for our posterity and to serve as a warning to them as to what happens when a gang of hares descends upon an unsuspecting populace and lays waste to all they survey.

This hash began pleasantly enough at Greater Purpose Brewing. The weather cooperated with a balmy temperature and no moisture descending upon us. The Brewery has begun requiring proof of vaccination and this does not refer to your latest injection of penicillin either. This may have been merely a ploy to rid the inside of the building of hashers to allow the regulars to assume their usual positions. Whatever the methodology, it was successful and the pack migrated to the outdoor drinkin’ area.

  While a little behind their announced schedule, our hare quartet imparted Instructions of Trail. We had two Virgin hares, Just Jaime and Just Mike, and two slightly more experienced in Snake Me Anywhere and (current) husband Hand Over Piss. As we’ve all been witness to, frequently three hares will step all over each other’s trail resulting in mass confusion on the part of the hounds. We now know to add even more ‘mass’ to that mass confusion when four hares are involved.

After the passage of the requisite fifteen minute lead time, Circleup for Introductions was convened and the following hounds responded: dBASED, Banana Basher, TIMMY!!, Occasional Rapist, Broke Bench Mountain, Pink Cherry Licker, Dung-fu Grip, Cumz Out My Nose, Fap Jack, Wicked Retahted, Baker’s Dozen’t, Cum You Will Not, Steamy Baanorrhea, Rubik’s Pube, Cold Smegma Kamikaze, Today Is Monday, Dicky Wacker, Yellow Prick Load, Moose Turd Pie, Bestiality Interruptus and Puff the Magic Drag Queen.

Trail took off through the parking lot and through a locals-only hole-in-the-wall entrance to an apartment complex facing Merrill Street where a runner/walker split was viewed. Let’s see what the hares have in store for the runners so we’ll on-left onto Merrill. Merrill ends at 14th Avenue where an on-left is mandatory and brought the gang back to East Cliff Drive. Here we were directed to cross and make another on-left and pass by East Cliff Shopping Village where we began this trip. As Scribe approached the intersection of East Cliff Drive, 17th Avenue and Portola Drive, he encountered Steamy Baanorrhea and dBASED returning back along East Cliff Drive stating they’d encountered false markings just past Sunny Cove Drive. We cursed our hares as false markings should not be used once true trail has been established. This trio took off down Portola Drive. At 18th Avenue, Scribe headed on-right back to East Cliff Drive believing whomever laid that false simply must have continued on. Once I made the on-left back onto East Cliff Drive, I encountered marker. It was later revealed the hares had transformed one of the large white arrows in the bike lane into a hare arrow. Sadly, all dBASED and Steamy recognized was the three lines of flour and mistook such for false markings. Scribe continued along East Cliff Drive, hiding from cars on this (very) narrow and (very) dark section of road until 26th Avenue where an arrow turned him on-left. 26th is even darker and narrower than East Cliff Drive and it was utilized until Portola Drive where marker turned trail on-left.

At least there was a sidewalk to accommodate hounds through here. Trail motored along Portola to 24th Avenue where it turned on-right and went to Felt Street. Felt was taken to Corcoran Avenue where a strange sight was beheld: a marked-out hare arrow! Not sure I’ve ever seen one before. The hare arrow pointing on-left was marked out in favor one of pointing directly across the street. Once there? There was marker turning trail on-left anyway! WTF?!? Corcoran was used until just prior to Portola where marker turned trail on-right onto Alice Street. When Alice terminated at 17th Avenue, Scribe found no marks on-right or on-left so he surrendered and went on-left and back to Greater Purpose for Religion. Scribe found it unsettling no other hashers were at Greater Purpose when he arrived but settled in with a beer anyway. Soon a text arrived from Dung-fu Grip informing me Beer Check was now the site for Religion as well. As I was pretty far from Kinsley Street, I finished my beer and went-the-hell home. 

I was informed there was Beer Check. I did not find such.

I was informed there was Religion. I did not find such.    

By Special Appointment of His Royal Majesty ‘G’, this Hash Trash has been compiled and printed by permission of no one other than the author, at Santa Cruz, Ca., or elsewhere if need be, on this, the twenty-eighth day of October in the year of our Hash two-thousand twenty-one.

Submitted with all respect due,

Puff

the

Magic Drag Queen

Acting Scribe

Surf City H3

Salutations,

       But no salvation…from Ho to Housewife, Princess Di(arrhea) and Thmp-Thmp and their convoluted conception of trail-laying.

       We (foolishly) allowed ourselves to be lulled into a sense of complacency by clustering at old favorite The Crepe Place. AKA the creepy place in Hash parlance. It’s rather dark and the front room has had a stage added for live music performances. Diners are immediately ushered into the back room or the outdoor dining area in an effort to minimize their interaction with hashers. While management seems happy with our burgeoning bar bill, they do not wish to alienate the mortals that come here to sup.

       For the most part, we ignored anyone other than our own and busied ourselves with socializing or watching the Giants-Dodgers baseball game.

After the passage of sufficient time, co-hares Ho to Housewife and Thmp-Thmp delivered their usual useless version of Instructions of Trail. Not that it matters anyway though, they were as usual universally ignored.

After everyone finished their drink, a call for Circleup for Introductions was issued and responding barks were heard from the following hounds: Dung-fu Grip, Occasional Rapist, Wicked Retahted, Steamy Baanorrhea, dBASED, Snake Me Anywhere, TIMMY!!, Dicky Wacker, Broke Bench Mountain, Cumz Out My Nose, Leaky Rubber, Hugh Heifer, My Little Bony, Cum You Will Not, Testacoil, Bestiality Interruptus, Cold Smegma Kamikaze, Pink Cherry Licker, Baker’s Dozen’t, Courtesy Flush and Puff the Magic Drag Queen.

The first check, upon which we had circled, proved problematic. Hounds headed towards Seabright, across Soquel Avenue and toward Cayuga as well. Marker was found towards and beyond Cayuga eventually. A back check mark at Pennsylvania made the clan reverse course. Broke Bench Mountain crossed Soquel in search of marker or at the very least, a quick shot at One-Double-Oh-Seven Club. Cold Smegma Kamikaze and Puff found flour between an office and an apartment building and followed it down a driveway and then on-right to Pennsylvania. Our first circle-jerk of the evening and it portended of things to come.

Sadly for them, Kamikaze and Puff did not see the on-right off Pennsylvania and went to Broadway before deciding they’d missed something. This is the last we’ll see of these two losers until Liquor Check. Good-bye….

More observant hounds saw flour on-right off Pennsylvania and went down a driveway and through a business parking lot and we circle-jerked back to Soquel within sight of where we started. Here we were directed to on-left along Soquel and use the crosswalk over to the defunct Tony & Alba’s Pizza. Hounds farther back were able to risk life and limb if they were so inclined and shortcut across Soquel. Many did and, luckily, all survived. Once safely across, we traversed the Whole Foods parking lot to North Branciforte Avenue and executed and on-right and began a long, boring stretch of macadam. A check at Water Street was soon solved and the litter pranced across Water and continued along North Branciforte. Prepare yourself, evil is headed your way.

Marker made members on-left onto Berkeley Way and this was soon followed by an on-right onto Berkeley Court. (Court being a place these hares should be taken) The locals have wisely blocked the roadway from Berkeley Court to Dahlia Street allowing only pedestrians ingress and egress. When Dahlia intersects with Linden Street, an on-left onto Linden was indicated. At the next intersection, that with Rose Street, the pack was turned on-right, back to North Branciforte and on-left just as we had prior to this very long circle-jerk. Thanks, hares.

North Branciforte was traversed until Keystone Avenue where we were pointed on-right followed by an on-left onto Poplar Avenue which quickly gave to an on-right onto Parnell Street. One block later we were directed on-right onto Harrison Avenue and to Melrose Avenue and on-left. When Melrose collides with Morrissey Boulevard, a sorry sight was seen: Courtesy Flush splay-legged on the sidewalk, much as would a common wino, being mimicked by Testacoil’s faithful canine companion Rex. Between gulps of air, Courtesy Flush exclaimed he’s was waiting on Testacoil to arrive with transportation for Rex who had developed bleeding paws on trail. Where was Bestiality Interruptus when you needed him? Drinking somewhere no doubt. When Testacoil arrived, Rex was gingerly placed in the makeshift ambulance and the now-recovered Courtesy Flush took off in pursuit of the pack.     

Melrose was utilized until San Juan Avenue where an on-right was made which brought us back to Soquel Avenue, the street on which this fiasco began oh-so-long-ago. Soquel was used until Mentel Avenue where we were directed on-right. Smelling Arana Gulch in our near future, the pack powered to the entrance where we encountered co-hare Princess Di(arrhea) resting on her haunches and sipping Cinnamon Fireball Whiskey. We joined her.

Trail proceeded through Arana Gulch and then left on Fredrick Street to desecrate the grounds of Star of the Sea Catholic Church. We exited out the rear, so to speak, and onto Effey Street. Effey was abused until Hanover Street where the pod was pointed on-right. Hanover ends at Gault Street where we went directly across to invade the home of Bacon Queef and Just Foot Pussy. 

After our business was concluded here, we sauntered one block to the parking lot behind Lillian’s Italian Kitchen to stage Religion. Here’s a sampling of the down-downs awarded by RA dBASED: Snake Me Anywhere, Dung-fu Grip and Hand Over Piss as backsliders; dBASED for a false accusation against Leaky Rubber, dBASED for successfully, more or less, completing 25 consecutive hashes with us; Dicky Wacker for saying the only reason he fell on trail this week is because someone pushed him from behind; Bestiality Interruptus as a backslider. And that’s about it. Oh, sorry, I forgot the damn hares.

 After the hated hares were roasted, the RA adjourned the pack and many retired to Taqueria Santa Cruz II, conveniently located directly across the street from the One-Double-Oh-Seven Club for some sustenance, be it solid or liquid.

That ends Trail 1158 and this Trash as well.

This was a factual accounting of actual events though possibly not as they actually occurred. One should never allow the facts to stand in the way of a good story.

By Special Appointment of His Royal Majesty ‘G’, this Hash Trash has been compiled and printed by permission of no one other than the author at Santa Cruz, Ca., or elsewhere if need be, on this, the eighteenth days of October in the year of our Hash two-thousand twenty-one.

Submitted with all respect due,

Puff

the

Magic Drag Queen

Acting Scribe Surf City H3 

Yet again,

       Those that forget history are doomed to repeat it. While an old and tired cliche, it rings true for the Surf City kennel this day. Yes, in a replay of last week’s getting clubbed at a golf course, we repeated the same error by allowing dBASED, Occasional Rapist and Cum You Will Not to lead the litter in a bridge-to-nowhere trail tromping.

Beginning from one of the few remaining true dive bars in town, The Asti, colloquially called the Nasty Asti, should have raised the proverbial red flag, we ignored what our brain was warning us of and allowed ourselves to be spirited away to this den of iniquity. In an effort to try and fool ourselves we were not at the Asti, the crew assembled in the outdoor drinkin’ area.

This ploy was minimally successful, especially after ingesting a couple of drinks. We were even able to convince ourselves dBASED’s newly introduced mark, that of treating a circle-jerk as a back check(whatever the hell THAT means) would be a fun and welcome addition to our already-confusing set of trail markings.

However, ignore it as we tried, zero hour arrived, introductions were made and the merry members of this madness motored forth.

A check at the first intersection, Pacific Avenue and Laurel Street, sent Steamy Baanorrhea farther along Pacific but soon to return. On-on was given across Pacific on Laurel and towards the river. A check at Front Street was solved and coerced the clan into crossing Front and traipsing towards the river. Now things began to get mildly convoluted if not downright kinky. Trail turned the troops on-right onto the river levee walkway but then made an immediate on-left and under the bridge. Once out from under the darkened bridge under-crossing, marker had hounds turn on-left and back to the same bridge we’d just been forced under and directly across the street from where we stood two minutes prior. While you may consider this an efficient use of territory, many felt this was a supreme exhibition of lazy-ass hares.

We then proceeded to take the bridge to the other side but as soon as the crossing was completed an on-left was indicated pointing the pod back onto the river levee walkway and then another immediate on-left and under the bridge to emerge pointed towards the Boardwalk. The cloverleaf confusion made a few hounds dizzy. I mean that literally, not figuratively.  We ambled along the levee to Riverside Avenue where we crossed under the Riverside bridge and, needless to say, turned on-left and back up to the bridge where we were directed to cross the street and on-left onto the bridge to cross the river once again. Once back on solid ground, an on-left put us on the other side of Riverside where, and you can probably see this one coming, on-left and on-under yet another bridge and back onto the river levee walkway again. I did not know the walkway was this damn long.
 

Now we began the torturous on-up of Beach Hill via Third Street. We’ve spent so much time under bridges this evening, the street lights were almost blinding. Once atop the crest, trail proceeded to make an on-left onto Main Street and past the abode of Dicky Wacker who wisely chose not to join us on this fiasco. Someone blew their whistle as we passed his place and we saw all the lights go off in a flagrant attempt to convince us he was not home. We continued on, we’ve always wished to ignore Dicky Wacker anyway.

Once we reached Second Street, we were directed on-right all the way to Pacific Avenue where this folly began oh-so-long ago. A slight on-left was performed here and then on-up the steps to West Cliff Drive and across the Howe truss bridge(another damn bridge) and then on-left onto Beach Street. As we neared Pacific Avenue(again) we were directed on-left into a parking lot and, but of course, under the bridge we just crossed and into Depot Park.

This was NOT a ‘walk in the park’ though. Once through the park and (again) back to Pacific Avenue, we turned on-left onto Center Street and, mercifully, on-left again prior to passing the police station. It was then across a field and the tracks and onto Jenne Street. Here was the highlight of this trail.

Once past the set of tall Hallowe’en decorations, an on-right on Blackburn yielded to on-left onto Neary followed by an on-right onto Felix which brought us to the Turkey/Eagle split at Laurel. Very few wished to deal with the Laurel Street hill so an on-right was made onto Laurel. A few blocks later, an arrow pointed the pod on-left onto Myrtle Street and, even more welcome, was the fact this was soon followed by the BN mark. So, beside the Santa Cruz High athletic field which was still hosting an event, the hares hosted Beer Check. 

After the straggling Eagle hare dBASED arrived followed by the few Eagle hounds, the pack adjourned to the abandoned section of Laurel Street Extension behind Wheel Works/Tires Plus to convene Religion.

Here’s a sampling of the down-downs awarded by Religious Adviser dBASED: TIMMY!! for not doing trail, Pretty Fly for a Pi Guy, Cuntjungle, Ho to Housewife and Chippin’ Ballz as backsliders, Baker’s Dozen’t for attempting to explain his thoughts on what comprises a circle-jerk, Rubik’s Pube for water abuse and Hugh Heifer for returning to the scene of her very first Hash, that being The Asti. Oh, yeah. The accursed hares. They were sternly told there was to be no ‘three-peat’ for haring.

After the dismissal of the pack, a number traipsed up Front Street to Woodstock’s Pizza for on-on-on. I have it on good authority TIMMY!! and Six of Nine opted for Abbott Square instead.

That concluded Trail 1157 and this Trash as well.

This was a factual accounting of actual events though possibly not as they actually occurred. One should never allow the facts to stand in the way of a good story.

By Special Appointment of His Royal Majesty ‘G’, this Hash Trash has been compiled and printed by permission of no one other than the author at Santa Cruz, Ca., or elsewhere if need be, on this, the fourteenth day of October in the year of our Hash two-thousand twenty-one.

Submitted with all respect due,

Puff

the

Magic Drag Queen

Acting Scribe

Surf City H3