Hash Trash # 957 The 80’s

March 22, 2018Uncategorizedcfzone

We relived the horror of the 1980’s exercise craze thanks to our exuberant hares, CumYouWill Not, Shallow Hole and a newbie hare named……..Just Liberty.

Although the outfits were fantastic the trail was less than stellar. In fact the trail was so bad that most of the pack were left wandering in the drizzle.

CumFartZone arrived late to witness this madness….the pack looked like lost bees trying desperately to find the QUEEN BEE. They were buzzing around in all directions, desperately wailing. “RU??” It seemed that the trail simply went cold….which it did….and will be explained later on in this diatribe.

CumFartZone decided she would have no part in this frantic search and merely called her buddy with a similar name, CYWN, Cum for short, and was expertly directed right smack into the pack of hares. She happily joined the leaders and felt safe and secure knowing she was on the right track. After hearing that the hares practically got attacked from the gargantuan sentry of the trailer park, CFZ called some of her other buddies to warn them and to direct them back to the proper trail. In addition to being an 80’s workout icon she is also a helpful girl scout and responsible Red Cross disaster responder! If you ever need an extra flashlight, some duct tape or a breath mint, she’s your go to gal.

As the pack showed up at Beer Check, the story of the trailer park ogre was retold. Each time it sounded more and more sinister and those hares were lucky to escape with their lives and with their flour intact. The mean trailer park monster would not let them finish laying a trail and demanded their hasty retreat.

With no way to alert the hapless hounds, the hares went on their merry way and left the pack to wander and wonder….WHY Oh WHY do we subject ourselves to this misery each and every week? Well….basically it comes down to beer and loneliness. Without these festive Thursday evenings what would we do….stay home and play tiddlywinks?

Back to the pack……..and the tales.

Apparently CuntJungle couldn’t be bothered with trail and decided to do some geocaching. Alrighty then…..maybe we should start a tiddlywinks club.

Most of the pack missed the jump rope check…however the ever obedient Thump Thump and Bakers Dozen’t did what they were told.

Dog Breath…who claims to be proficient at hashing…..and may even hare Monterey Can’d next hash ( now rescheduled for March 24)….got to the RR tracks and thought he saw a pack arrow. NOPE…..another hasher fooled by those pesky PG&E arrows. Vaginal had the same issue at hash #955. Maybe somethings in the water….or they need new glasses! Or less alcohol!

At religion, held at the beach, on and near logs…..we gave the HashShit back to Curtesy Flush as he confessed he has become quite attached to it.

Just Andrea seemed enthralled by all of the hash antics, including hiding flour in the dark.

Backsliders included CuntJungle….who is now back with our kennel for the next 2 months after trying to defect to the east coast but was caught in thunder snow and decided she was safer back in earthquake country. Just Liberty was a welcome addition after a long hiatus and even tried her hand at haring….thankfully with 2 experienced hares….well….maybe one experienced hare( Shallow Hole) and 1 overly exuberant hare( CumYouWillNot). We also had Just Sean and Steamy B who has been dearly missed.

We had a momentous naming and now have SKID RACER joining the ranks. This poor chap actually shared that he had to use his race bib in lieu of toilet paper. That’s what happens when you are a Raci*t. That’s what all those energy drinks, electrolytes and GU can do to your intestines….they make you go while on the go!Often without warning. Boo Hoo Poo Poo. Hopefully Skid Racer will adjust his diet on hash night so that we do not ever have to endure his defecating antics in person.

Thanks again to our hares for a fun costume themed hash. Loved the music and the outfits.

Until next time,

On On On,

CumFartZone

Hash Trash #955

March 9, 2018Uncategorizedcfzone

TUTU’s abound for Occasional’s Obsession with the calendar date of February 22…aka 2/22……aka tutu. Get it? Some of us did and a few did not.

Some ran downtown at the last minute to purchase a tutu as to not be left out of the festivities. Others begged, borrowed and stole some tutu’s. And the rest already had a closet full of them so their only dilemma was to choose a color and a style that would be fitting for this auspicious date!

FapJack(one of those tutu collectors) was so gracious to loan his virginal white one to Vaginal Repair Kit who had just sworn to me that he would not be caught dead in a tutu! He just got over his fear of dressing like a woman last year to done the required Red Dress for the fundraising hash. And now the public humiliation of yet again marching around Santa Cruz in some disturbing outfit. Do I dare tell him we have to wear a kilt in a few weeks!

Hash Trash # 956

March 9, 2018Uncategorizedcfzone

We started at Santa Cruz Mountain Brewery. Quite a lively crowd gathered and the excitement was building for Timmy’s trail. He promised a short boring trail if it rained. Note to self….it did not rain and trail was still boring…although I am not sure I would call it short.

We did take a lovely jaunt along West Cliff Dr, where the clouds played hide and seek with the moon as it rose over Monterey Bay. The air was crisp and the rain thankfully held off till much later in the evening.

Beer check was held in a deserted parking lot and the waylaid walkers were certainly overjoyed to be reunited with the pack.

At religion Bakers Dozen’t takes on the the RA role. He is getting quite good at this.

Dbased called out Cold Smegma Kamikazi, who is usually a bit off, seemed utterly confounded with the additional confusion caused by those mysterious painted arrows…that are sometimes placed by utility company workers….not hashers.

Pink Cherry Licker and her walker crew became quite lost on trail. PCL thought she had the trail all figured out…cause Mrs Timmy gave her a veiled clue, which PCL apparently incorrectly interpreted. Thus she….and CumFartZone, Jizz, Cum You Will Not and Occasional Rapist wandered aimlessly in search of beer check….but what else is new!

FapJack was of no help whatsoever despite 69 frantic phone calls and text messages to him.

Those who decided not to do trail were Broke Bench Mountain and Fap Jack. Both are nursing injuries and chronic pain but really they are just nursing their 12 packs.

Timmy laid a wonderful trail…with a few checks and more….the more being a large bottle of Mexican fire water.

Cum you will not lovingly placed the bottle in Jizziki’s backpack….and when the wandering became too much, she would make him stop so that she could take a big slug of it. That bottle was like precious water in the Sahara. In fact so precious that Just Foot Pussy followed it to ensure it made it back to religion.

Timmy, thinking ahead for once, held religion on the site of the west side farmers market, a lovely place with shelter from the rain.

Luckily the rain never came.

Don’t you just love a thoughtful Hare?

Thanks Timmy!!!

On On On,

CumFartZone

Hash Trash #954

February 22, 2018Uncategorizedcfzone

Pink Cherry Lickers Birthday Bash was totally disorganized but at least it was a live haring. No Pre Lay involved. But at the last minute, she did pull Just Foot Pussy into this fiasco.

When I talked to her the afternoon of the hash she was driving around haphazardly looking for a spot to place the beer for beer check. That’s a tall order in downtown Santa Cruz as the bums have the run of every scrap of pavement, every bush, every patch of grass. It’s not easy to hide beer in this town and keep it safe from prying eyes and hungry mouths.

We gathered at the Blue Lagoon and a few stragglers wandered in just as we were getting ready to circle up.

Vaginal Repair kit made an appearance….but he is still not ready to walk miles and miles and miles after his back surgery.

And Wicked is getting ready for his hip surgery, so he handed over the hashshit before the pack headed out. The new recipient is now Real Boring Bitch. He embraced his new walking stick with unbridled enthusiasm by trying to pass it off to others.

Apparently upon leaving the safety of the Blue Lagoon…it was difficult to find trail from the first check. They were searching and scouting for the next mark….any mark, any sign of life that could put the pack back on true trail.

After 20 minutes spent fending off homeless, druggies and nutjobs….they found trail again.

Trail went across the river and down the river levee, and back to soquel av. There was a check by Indian restaurant and Lamp store There was police activity by the hindquarter grill, but luckily no hashers were involved….this time.

We took the stairs in back of the rush inn up to beer check in the vacant lot near the mission. Occasional encountered a crazy homeless guy that freaked her out. Maybe we should start carrying pepper spray, duct tape and a one size fits all straight jacket!

On the way back from beer check we saw a semi-conscious homeless guy laying on the sidewalk in front of the Mexican restaurant at the bottom of the stairs. The ambulance came for him as we headed out.

It’s just life in downtown Santa Cruz.

BUT…maybe it’s time to start exploring some other neighborhoods in this big county.

Religion found us at our fav garage….again!

We finally named Just Tia…..who will now be known as Rubik’s Pube.

It only took 6 hashes…but that’s how we roll.

Welcome to the pack.

On On On

CumFartZone

Hash Trash#953 Stupor Bowl

February 16, 2018Uncategorizedcfzone

We had an amazing turnout for this momentous hash.

It was Sunday Funday Extraordinaire.

The Wax home became a West Coast Eagles headquarters festooned with balloons, napkins and lots of swag.

Shallow and Waxi are serious about rooting for their home team.

Fly Eagles Fly.

The gang arrived in force with coolers of food and drink. Serious grilling, sauteing, blending and baking took place.

Amazing Philly Cheese steaks were cooked and assembled by Just Foot Pussy, Bacon Queef and Shallow Hole.

These folks are serious about their meat.

The hares, DBased and Cold Smegma Kamakazi laid quite the circuitous trail. We had to navigate the brutal hills of the neighborhood as well as trespass onto a construction site. Occasional and Junk Puncher came back covered in mud, while the rest of us merely walked a few yards to the right and left, totally avoiding the muck. Some folks are a tad too focused on following the flour to notice alternative routes.

Apparently JustFootPussy and Taco Tramp were also stymied by the mud….but especially Taco who wore the most inappropriate footwear ever…..UGGGGGHHHH Boots to a hash??!!

For some odd reason the Turkey/Eagle split was 50 feet from BeerCheck….and Puff decides to go the extra mile…or three….and do the Eagle….thus missing Beer Check entirely.

CumFartZone almost missed it as well because she stopped at a yard sale and then had to schlep her treasures in a new little wheelie up a hill in the hot sun. Not sure it was a bargain by then.

Princess tapped out after BeerCheck and called an Uber to take her and her lazy friends back to the Super Bowl Party.

Back at party Central things were in full force.

Religion was lively….with Cold Smegma being called out for taking a deuce in someone’s front yard? What the hell?? Wasn’t there a YouTube video of this nonsense going around? Do you have to copy everything you see online????

Apparently this took place during the scouting of the trail with Cold Smegma Kamakazi learning from the most eloquent and talented DBased. What do we wankers get out of all of this…..a Doubly Shitty Trail, Of Course.

We had quite a few backsliders….and we had to say see ya later to yet another hasher who is moving out of the state… fond farewell to Project Cumway. She promises to start a new hash in Grand Junction, Colorado.

Hash Trash # 952 Tropical Adventure

February 14, 2018Uncategorizedcfzone

It was a magical evening thanks to the hares, TestiCoil and Bareback Unicrack.

They went out of their way to ensure that most of us got the dress code memo…..wear a festive Hawaiian shirt…or else!

We started at the Pocket….that little nondescript bar on Portola, next to Curtesy Flushes favorite Chinese joint. Yes, he occasionally deviates from the standard burrito fare.

The crowd was lively and excited that the trail was technically a short one. A mere 2.2 miles for the turkeys….a walk in the park but the extra .2 is what makes it a challenging trail. Just like the marathon….TWENTY SIX POINT TWO Friggin miles….on my feet for hours and hours for some lousy medal and a technical t-shirt. Here we only get cheap beer.

And the Eagle trail was an exhausting 3 point 5! Whew.

Since I managed to get me some shin splints from the Stupor Bowl hash – madly running down the hills to catch the pack – I decided to grab some food at above referenced Chinese place and meet the pack at Beer Check.

Thus satisfying my craving for sodium overload

and saving my ligaments from further damage!

When I met up with the pack for Beer Check there was lots of talk of how nicely marked the trail was! Nobody got lost, including Puff.

We all walked back to Wicked’s house for Religion and to show off our festive attire.

We had some nibbles as we settled in for the show. Accuprick once again delighted us with his RA skills.

He immediately called up those who did not sport a Hawaiian shirt….Curtesy Flush, Summers yeast, Broke Bench, Timmy and Apple Bobber, Today is Monday and Virgin Russel.

Then he had all of us perform a whistle check and a few folks left their gear at home….Bakers D, Hugh Heiffer, Curtesy Flush.

Wicked missed the Liquor Check and Beer Check so he is the proud owner of the Hashshit….AGAIN!!

Backsliders: Apple Bobber showed up out of the blue, and we were also blessed with a hearty rendition of Today is Monday….in honor of the man of the same name.

We tried to name Just Tia but the pack was not cooperating….so we will have another go at it next week.

On On On – CumFartZone

Surf City Hash House Harriers

A drinking club with a running problem in Santa Cruz

Hash Trash # 957 The 80’s

Hash Trash #955

Hash Trash # 956

Hash Trash #954

Hash Trash#953 Stupor Bowl

Hash Trash # 952 Tropical Adventure