Paul’s Place,

Or so it was when your Scribe first darkened the door thereof decades ago. Then a morph into Ye Olde Watering Hole. Now Mission West. One thing, though, has remained constant: a sketchy clientele. This tradition continued with the gathering of the group as per the request of our hare-pair, that being TIMMY!! and Flours For Anal Bum. These two are so deserving of this place, birds of a feather one may say. Allow me to illustrate my premise.

The herd soon outgrew the interior of this venerable establishment and motored to the outdoor drinkin’ area. A number of tables were commandeered. However, one harriette required a table to herself. That would be Hareless who opted to bring a book to read. Scribe will leave it to you to attempt to comprehend the implications and possible consequences of her action. Bizarre does not even begin to explain such an activity. Or her, for that matter. As for we normal hashers, chatting and swilling was more the order of the day. We were graced with a visitation from a traveler, Slurpee Seconds from Las Vegas and her traveling companion, Virgin Ryan, from Marina. Hopefully he can copulate with Oral D and Jersey Lunchbox and visit with us again. Virgin Zoe showed just in time for a quick Chalk Talk and then it was off to Circleup for Introductions. Just Katie made an appearance and was actually on time for a change. While Scribe should likely avoid mentioning this well-known troublemaker but Penis Is Good For Me parked his traveling home on Delaware Avenue for the first time in months and regaled(repulsed?) the pack with (supposed) jokes collected from his travels around the world. (Also known as Flight to Avoid Prosecution) This sets the players in place for this week’s tragedy in one act.

The hares, in a stoke of luck, imparted Instructions of Trail almost exactly at our advertised 6:33 time. This would later prove beneficial due to two lost sheep which threw the entire hash behind schedule. More on those two jokers later. TIMMY!!, as senior hare (and is he EVER a senior) delivered Instructions which were exactly as disjointed and uninformative as one would expect from someone of TIMMY’s years and deteriorated state of mind. Flours stood there speechless. Hares away.

Now it was time for dBASED to conduct not one but two Chalk Talk classes. Virgin Ryan attended the first accompanied by Slurpee Seconds. Just as this class was dismissed Virgin Zoe appeared and the training session was repeated. Meanwhile we other hounds settled bar tabs and consulted GPS on our phones wondering what dire-erection this trail may take. Many of us soon realized that as TIMMY’s thought processes are no longer linear, at least in the conventional sense, we soon abandoned this exercise and resigned ourselves to our fate. Now dBASED called for Circleup for Introductions. The result of this was voices from: Steamy Baanorrhea, Hareless(minus the book), Occasional Rapist, Cum,U Will Not!, Slurpee Seconds, Virgin Ryan, Snake Me Anywhere, Clearly Not A Hooker, Rubik’s Pube, Pink Cherry Licker, Circle Gherkin’, Just Katie, Virgin Zoe, Jersey Lunchbox, Oral D and Puff the Magic Drag Queen. Our canine contingency this week was Junk Puncher, Spot’d Dick and Swamp Rat. Pack out.

A check on the sidewalk behind the bar was soon solved and it was on-right to Swift Street. Another check there was soon eliminated and it was on-left past Humble Sea Brewing and yet another check was encountered at the pedestrian walk beside the railroad tracks. The FRBs eliminated this and we were directed on-right. Let’s fast forward to the west side Antonelli Pond. Mercifully, the missing and/or rotten planks forming the train trestle over the pond have been replaced so we did not risk life and limb to make this crossing. Once back on terra firma, it was on-left beside the pond to Delaware Avenue and a check solved there pointed the pod on-right.

It was obvious Long Marine Lab and it’s adjacent environs were on our map. That was fine with us but it was the fact the hares felt it necessary to tour the entire friggin’ place was unacceptable. We were not allowed the first on-left but rather we covered every square kilometer of the grounds.

We circled around the entire complex before entering De Anza Point Mobile Home Park through a coded gate that we have never found to be locked. We meandered through the park until there WAS no more park and exited through a heavy always-locked gate and onto the hillside above Natural Bridges State Park. Which, in all honesty, should be renamed Natural Bridge State Park as only one of the original three still form a bridge. On-down onto the beach we dropped and then plodded through the only medium we dislike more than the accursed railroad tracks: SAND!! Once across the beach it was on-up to the parking lot and then back on-down into the Monarch butterfly reserve. Once there we performed an on-up of the opposite shore and then(finally) encountered the Turkey/Eagle split. The eagles went on-right and exited the Park and then made an on-left onto Swanton Boulevard to Delaware and on-left there. The Turkeys continued through a field and then eventually made an on-right and came to Delaware. After rejoining both contingencies on Delaware, the troops took the trail beside what was originally a Texas Instruments building, now commandeered by UCSC, and soon found the hare-pair residing beside Antonelli Pond slurping away on Beer Check beer.

Things seemed to be progressing nicely, the walkers came on-in, almost en masse, followed by the Eagles. While preparing to on-in for Religion, it was noted Cum,U Will not! and Occasional Rapist were not in attendance. A phone call from them to Steamy revealed the fact they were lost. Or was it stoned? Probably both really. They said they didn’t even know where they’d BEEN, let alone where they WERE at the moment but were pretty sure they were on trail. More time passed and they called again saying they’d found the Turkey/Eagle split. It was now full-on dark so Steamy dispatched himself to retrieve the wayward Turkeys. Upon their arrival, they were handed drinks and told to keep walking.

The pack adjourned from Beer Check and reassembled themselves behind Upper Crust Pizza just as last week. Once in some semblance of order, Pink Cherry Licker unveiled her Religion machine. Here’s a sampling of this action: The RA herself was awarded a down-down for claiming to see the hares pre-laying trail, she was then informed it was 6:40 and they were on trail; Penis Is Good For Me for refusing to turn and view Hooker’s breasts; Jersey and Gherkin’ for a hare snare; dBASED for making the lame nomination that Hooker’s dog, Bukkake, responds to a woman’s breasts; Penis as a visitor; Virgin Zoe was welcomed(Virgin Ryan had fled in terror); Steamy for also stopping on trail when dBASED said, Junk Puncher, stop!; Penis for telling a joke both loud and lousy; Flours for thanking TIMMY!! for ‘teaching her things'(Who knew the olde man still had it in him?); Cum,U Will Not! and Occasional for becoming lost and Steamy for rescuing them and Gherkin’ for lowering himself upon bended knee in front of Zoe…and only tying her shoe(though I noted his eyes were turned upwards the entire time). And that did it… No. The hares. We appreciated the view from the coastal bluffs but next time lay a shorter trail or tell the pack to bring flashlights. This Hash is over. On-on-on bounced back and forth between the Taco Truck behind Mission West and Upper Crust Pizza.

The preceding was a factual accounting of actual events though possibly not as they actually occurred. One should never allow the facts to stand in the way of a good story. Do not allow the profound to become the enemy of the interesting.

A Scribe’s sole purpose is to provide entertainment to their kennel mates. Whether or not they are successful in this endeavor remains a subject open to debate.

I chose not to complicate this Hash Trash with facts thereby allowing me to extract almost any end I desired. It was with this motive in mind I recounted the events that comprised Hash Twelve-62.

By Special Appointment of His Royal Majesty ‘G’, this Hash Trash has been compiled and printed by permission of no one other than the author at Santa Cruz, Ca., or elsewhere if need be, on this, the twentieth day of August in the year of our Hash two-thousand twenty-three.

Submitted with all respect due,

Puff

the

Magic Drag Queen

Surf City H3 Scribe

Steamy Dung,

Pretty much what we were subjected to on the evening of 10 August. Steamy Baanorrhea and Dung-Fu Grip promised us views unparalleled in Surf City history. Every time some hare makes such audacious claims I immediately discount the possibility that they will deliver on this promise. Well, I must admit there were some unprecedented sights on this trail. I’ve never seen so much cow shit in my life!! Now, the rest of the story.

The hare-pair requested the pack’s presence at Mission Gardens on Grandview Street. Immediately, the misnomers began. Traverse this street and you will easily see there’s NOTHING to see! There is no grand view, only ugly eighties apartment buildings(in need of serious maintenance). As for the Mission Garden moniker, we’re miles from the Mission and the ‘Garden’ is a expanse of (now brown) grass with no accoutrements normally associated with a park. So, trail has not even been initiated and already the lies proliferate. When Scribe arrived, the hares were already lollygagging on the grass, drinking heavily and chuckling over their trail. This is never taken as a good sign and in this case proved evil omen.

The pack assembled slowly and took up residence on the curb in the parking lot. Our GMs are world-traveling again, reputedly visiting bars in the Seattle area. In what was possibly the highlight of this trail, last week’s hideous hares, that being Pink Cherry Licker and her criminal accomplice Hareless(no longer) opted not to show snout this week so we were not forced to recollect the terrors of that trail. However, the downside here is that pack size was rather small. This can become problematic when a check is encountered but in the final analysis this trail proved, much like our hares, pretty damn simple.

After allotting extra time for straggling hounds, the hares finally admitted only this minuscule number of hashers really wanted to hash this trail so Instructions of Trail were delivered. A Turkey/Eagle split was promised as was a Liquor Check. The latter was appreciated far more than the former. Hares away.

The next fifteen were pleasant. Well, when compared to what we anticipated being dumped on us after their expiration anyway. Upon the allotment’s passage, acting-GM dBASED called for Circleup for Introductions which resulted in responses from: TIMMY!!, Cum,U Will Not!, Flours For Anal Bum, Occasional Rapist, Jersey Lunchbox, Circle Gherkin’, Clearly Not A Hooker, Snake Me Anywhere and Puff the Magic Drag Queen. Our small canine contingency consisted of Spot’d Dick, Junk Puncher and Bukkake. Pack out.

The Turkey/Eagle split was conveniently located at the street, Eagles on-left while Turkeys were herded on-right. The Eagles were headed on-up into Arroyo Seco Canyon. Enjoy! We Turkeys traipsed along Grandview to an on-right onto Beachview Avenue. This was yet another incorrect labeling which is apparently inherent in this area. One cannot come close to seeing a beach from here. Beachview curves on-left and brought us to Western Drive where, and we could smell this one a mile away, on-right to undertake a steep on-up. And so we did. No rejoicing either. Once mercifully completed, we were rewarded with Liquor Check.

After concluding business here, we continued motivating along Western until Meder Street where we were joined by the Eagles from on-right and were pointed on-left. It then became obvious Moore Creek Preserve was our destination. We have not traversed these trails in quite a while. We were soon to be reminded why we avoid this area.

Let’s fast forward along the dreary length of Meder and enter Moore Creek. We went on-right onto East Meadow Trail and then on-left onto Moore Creek Trail. This led the litter on-down to Moore Creek and then on-up into a cow pasture that had seen recent bovine occupation, if you get my meaning. Yes, it was meadow muffin mania through this section of trail. Eventually it was on-left onto Prairie View Trail. It was more of being IN a prairie than merely viewing one though. This would eventually dump us onto the side of California Highway 1 where we were coerced into crossing. Just across it was on-left onto Mission Street and not long after that the BN mark was observed and on-up a small hill we discovered the hares quietly sitting on the cooler awaiting our arrival. We then began an extended break waiting for the walkers. Finally a phone call highlighted our dilemma.

Remember our stint with Prairie View Trail? It seems that when the walkers arrived the sun was vanishing and the view was spectacular. Stellar enough they decided to stop and watch. They fell asleep. No, just kiddin’. They DID, however, spend an inordinate amount of time watching the sunset before resuming trail. When they arrived at Beer Check, they were met on the street by Dung-Fu Grip, handed a beer and told to continue motivating as it was getting late. We motivated back to Point A but, considering the darkness and the proximity to nearby apartments, Religion was moved to the parking lot behind Upper Crust Pizza which was to be the site of on-on-on anyway.

Once completely reassembled, dBASED assumed the role of Religious Adviser and here’s is a sampling of the injustices he unleashed on the pack this night: the walkers taking pictures on trail and delaying the Hash; backsliders were punished; dBASED for running right past Liquor Check; Gherkin’ and Jersey for Chivalry on Trail, they waited for dBASED to put Junk Puncher’s harness on him. This Hash is…oops, NOT over. The hare-pair. They were told we appreciated the views, just find a more acceptable way to get us there next time. This Hash is over.

On-on-on was right next door at Upper Crust Pizza and almost everyone attended.

The preceding was a factual accounting of actual events though possibly not as they actually occurred. One should never allow the facts to stand in the way of a good story. Do not allow the profound to become the enemy of the interesting.

A Scribe’s sole purpose is to provide entertainment to their kennel mates. Whether or not they are successful in this endeavor is still a subject open to debate.

I chose not to complicate this Hash Trash with facts thereby allowing me to extract almost any end i desired. It was with this motive in mind I recounted the events that comprised Hash Twelve-61.

By Special appointment of His Royal Majesty ‘G’, this Hash Trash has been compiled and printed by permission of no one other than the author at Santa Cruz, Ca., or elsewhere if need be, on this, the fourteenth day of August in the year of our Hash two-thousand twenty-three.

Submitted with all respect due,

Puff

the

Magic Drag Queen

Surf City H3 Scribe

Let’s move on,

To another starting point. It appears our hare-pair accepted the website for Felton Music Hall as gospel truth and did not check to insure it’s accuracy. It was NOT open at 6PM as it reputedly would be so upon their arrival, the hares moved the start to Monty’s Log Cabin. So, trail ‘began’ with a half mile addition from a semi-respectable venue to a well known den of denizens. Not an especially auspicious beginning, shall we say. Once there, an extended period of waiting was initiated in an effort to connect with as many lost hounds as possible. While such action meant more to the hares than the pack, it provided early arrivers with an excellent excuse to secure a second libation. This provided us with a completely different perspective pertaining to the impending trail. When the hares decided they’d snared as poor half-minds as they could, Pink Cherry Licker delivered Instructions of Trail claiming Turkey was approximately three miles and Eagle an incredible six! In this mountainous terrain and heat?!? Good luck, Eagles! Hares out.

Fifteen minutes of our lives were expended chatting, drinkin’, paying bar tabs and drinkin’. GMs Cumz Out My Nose and Broke Bench Mountain, finally have found us, then called for Circelup for Introductions and heard from: dBASED, Baker’s Dozen’t, Rubik’s Pube, TIMMY!!, Steamy Baanorrhea, Dung-Fu Grip, Oral D, Clearly Not A Hooker, Jersey Lunchbox, Driponya, Circle Gherkin’, Just Katie and Puff the Magic Drag Queen. This week was a slim canine contingency as one section of trail was an area dogs were prohibited from. This did not deter Cumz and Broke Bench though, Scratch and Sniff accompanied them. Pack out.

Trail proceeded back towards town along dangerous California Highway 9 but mercifully soon made an on-left onto Laurel Drive followed by the next available on-right, Gushee Street. Just past Hihn Street we were directed on-left into a small park area. We have held Religion here once. The walkway brings you back to Gushee very quickly and we continued until reaching Felton Empire Road. There it was directly across to Cooper Street to an on-left onto Farmer Street followed by an on-left onto Ashley Street. This would take us past the Felton Cemetery where Liquor Check awaited unsuspecting hounds.

We continued along Ashley and then made an on-right onto Blair Street. When Blair ends, an on-left is dictated onto Love Street which one block later ends at Felton Empire. Thanks to the moving of our starting point, we’ve already passed the one mile mark. Not a very promising beginning for a trail reputedly of only three and six miles for the Turkeys and Eagles respectively.

At Felton Empire and on-right initiated the incredibly dangerous undertaking of traversing on-up all the way to the entrance to the Fall Creek Unit of Henry Cowell Redwoods State Park. We have been here a number of times before so we knew what to expect: a long and winding trail bordered by beautiful Fall Creek and redwoods and poison oak sufficient to insure you did not stray far from said trail. Through the parking lot we went and plunged on-down Fall Creek Trail. At the two mile mark of trail, Fall Creek Trail forks. Here was the first major dilemma of trail. Apparently, the hare-pair had (foolishly) placed the Turkey/Eagle split in the middle of trail to insure no one would miss it. Well, no one DID. Sadly though, that also includes any mortals who just happened to be on this trail on a beautiful, warm Summer evening…and there were plenty of them. Enough in fact to partially obliterate the marks. The only remaining remnants were what appeared to be a ‘T’ and an arrow pointing on-right. Circle Gherkin’ remained at the check to direct traffic while FRBs had dispersed in both directions.Those that went on-right soon returned claiming to have found no marker. Those that went on-left never returned. It was soon decided on-left was Eagle and on-right Turkey. The Eagles proceeded along Fall Creek Trail and then on-right on Ridge Trail. The Turkeys went on-right and then on-left onto High School Trail. The Eagles would rejoin them along this trail and the entire mob proceeded to an outdoor amphitheater at San Lorenzo Valley High School where the hares were encountered lounging. The most fervent activity here was not the usual slurping of libation but the fending off of mosquitoes. While a scenic location for Beer Check it proved more advantageous for the local vermin than the pack. The poor FRBs struggled along the six mile trail, including a formidable hill, and were quite a distance behind the Turkeys.

Once the hapless Eagles had recovered sufficiently to amble again, the on-in to Religion was initiated. This was another mile and a half added to trail length, thank you. This was to the current abode of Hareless. Once there, Dung-Fu Grip fired up his Religion machine. Here’s a sampling of down-downs issued this evening: Timmy!! for finding the only pile of dog poop for miles around, Dung-Fu for shedding blood on trail, Baker’s Dozen’t for relaying a sizeable section of trail rubbed out by passing mortals and backsliders were justifiably punished. This Hash…oh. The accursed hare-pair. Everyone appreciated the scenic jaunt through a redwood forest, just not so damn much of it next time please. This Hash is over.

On-on-on was at Taqueria Vallarta.

The preceding was a factual accounting of actual events though possibly not as they actually occurred. One should never allow the facts to stand in the way of a good story. Do not allow the profound to become the enemy of the interesting.

A Scribe’s sole purpose is to provide entertainment to their kennel mates. Whether or not they are successful in this endeavor is still a subject open to debate.

I chose not to complicate this Hash Trash with facts thereby allowing me to extract almost any end I desired. It was with this motive in mind I recounted the events that comprised Hash Twelve-60.

By Special Appointment of His Royal Majesty ‘G’, this Hash Trash has been compiled and printed by permission of no one other than the author at Santa Cruz, Ca., or elsewhere if need be, on this, the sixth day of August in the year of our Hash two-thousand twenty-three.

Submitted with all respect due,

Puff

the

Magic Drag Queen

Surf City H3 Scribe

We ranged far from home at the Rangeside Bar,

But did not feel ‘home on the range’ with Occasional Rapist and dBASED clubbing us with their hard wood. Scribe wishes he had gone to the driving range rather than being driven to the edge of extinction by this hare-pair. I do not include my friend Junk Puncher in the same clan as the dastardly-duo of humanoids. Here’s what the other two did to the pack.

The Rangeside Bar is a great place, sunny most of the time and has libations a-plenty to satisfy even the most discriminating palate. True to it’s reputation, the sun was out and the livin’ was easy high atop the hill housing DeLaveaga Golf Course, Driving Range and Disc Golf Course. Between the drinks and Dr. Midnight cookies, everyone seemed quite complacent. This is the usual ploy by hares not completely convinced their trail will prove acceptable.

Believing the pack had consumed sufficient alcohol, co-hares Occasional Rapist and dBASED(with Junk Puncher hiding behind them) delivered Instructions of Trail. It almost appeared the one hare did not know what the other was going to do or that they had two separate trails in mind. In the final analysis, it may HAVE been better if these two hares had not attempted to coordinate their respective trails. Hares away.

The next fifteen was spent finishing drinks, settling bar tabs and attempting to finish off the Dr. Midnight cookies. We were unsuccessful in the latter endeavor but TIMMY!! ‘volunteered’ to stash the uneaten cookies in his backpack. How magnanimous of him! After the passage of the fifteen, in the absence of our GMs, Pink Cherry Licker called for Circleup for Introductions and consequently heard from: Flours For Anal Bum, Cum,U Will Not!, Steamy Baanorrhea, TIMMY!, Oral D, Clearly Not a Hooker and Puff the Magic Drag Queen. This minuscule mob denotes the severe lack of faith the flock has in these two hares. Our lone canine companion was Spot’d Dick as Junk Puncher was co-haring. Pack out.

Trail progressed on-out to Upper Park Road and on-right all the way to Brookwood Drive and there it was on-left and (way) on-up to Hole 27 on the Disc Golf Course, colloquially called Top of the World. After a brief respite, the gang soldiered on and were directed on-left and on-down to La Corona Trail and on-left at that juncture. La Corona continues and then continues a lot more. There was only one interesting aspect and that was the word ‘look’ laid in flour along trail. It pointed up the side of the hill.

After the above was viewed, La Corona led us on as it had previously. Eventually it was on-left onto Wizard Hat followed by a quick on-left onto Enchanted Trail followed by an equally quick on-right onto DeLaveaga Upper Loop Trail. Mercifully soon, an on-left yielded into a parking lot opposite the clubhouse and it was here we encountered the hares chugging Beer Check beer.

After sufficient recuperation time, Pink Cherry Licker began Religion. Here’s a sampling of down-downs issued this evening: Cum,U Will Not! for falling down the hill leaving W2B Sunday; Cum,U Will Not! for finding a Yoda walking stick which was more fit for Gandalf; Oral D for not attending W2B in favor of a long weekend of unbridled sexual activity(!); a group of harriettes that followed PCL on trail; the Eagles were honored; TIMMY!! and Puff simply for being so damned old and analversaries were recognized. Oh. Hares. We loved the start location but let’s skip trail next time. This Hash is over. On-on-on was at Taqueria Santa Cruz conveniently located directly across the street from the One-Double-Oh-Seven.

The preceding was a factual accounting of actual events though possibly not as they actually occurred. One should never allow the facts to stand in the way of a good story. Do not allow the profound to become the enemy of the interesting.

A Scribe’s sole purpose is to provide entertainment to their kennel mates. whether or not they are successful in this endeavor is still a subject open to debate.

I chose not to complicate this Hash Trash with facts thereby allowing me to extract almost any end I desired. It was with this motive in mind i recounted the events that comprised Hash Twelve-59.

By Special Appointment of His Royal Majesty ‘G’, this Hash Trash has been compiled and printed by permission of no one other that the author at Santa Cruz, Ca., or elsewhere if need be, on this, the third day of August in the year of our Hash two-thousand twenty-three.

Submitted with all respect due,

Puff

the

Magic Drag Queen.

Sunday, Funday,

And Wharf to Barf begins to wind down, something many of us have begun personally as well. Three days of hashing can tax even the most vigorous amongst us and when you stack a fourth upon it…well, certainly no good can come of such. There is substantial proof supporting that assertion and, sadly, I find it necessary for me to throw it at you. Here goes…

Festivities began at 7AM at the abode of Bailas Con Burros and Banana Basher. Their driveway filled with staggering zombie hashers questing for doughnuts and other sweets plus, but of course, some hair of the dog to wake them up for the final day of Wharf to Barf. That will soon prove to have not been an especially wise decision for more than a few of them. Around 7:45 those that intended to attend BS H3 #8 departed down Cayuga on a collision course with Brady’s Yacht Club and especially the bar contained therein. Upon our arrival, the bar was utilized as it should be and then the party moved to the outdoor drinkin’ area as time for the racists to appear approached. The eight o’clock hour arrived and phones were viewed for a live video feed of the the FRBs leaving the Boardwalk and powering in our direction.

In a few shakes of a lamb’s tail, the assembled throng farther down Seabright were heard to cheer as the leaders crested the hill on East Cliff Drive and thundered up Seabright at a blistering rate of speed. They passed quickly followed by a smattering of people, cognizant by this point in time they were outgunned by the leaders. There was then a brief lull, an occasional runner, but mostly quiet. A few minutes later a 2.5 on the Richter was felt as a herd of sixteen thousand approached. It was quite a while until they all passed this point, some intermittently walking by now, around the one and three-quarter mile mark. Their passage completed, the pack migrated along behind them to Johnny’s Harborside where we encountered a lonely Fap Jack whom could do nothing more than watch his business pass by. After a brief interlude here(for drinks!) the gang took to the streets again following course. A brief stop at Starbuck’s was followed by more traipsing which eventually brought the brood to the corner of 30th Avenue and Calla Drive. Many of you are now chanting Wicked Retahted, Wicked Retahted! However, we were directly across Calla at the home of Circle Gherkin’ and Just Meghan. Upon our arrival, Just Meghan announced she was going whale watching. (Anything to avoid us, I assume!) Gherkin’ joined us though and we soon exited for Brommer Street Park and the next hash on today’s agenda, Surf City hash Twelve-58.

Once there the BS H3 hashers joined the Surf City hashers and merged into one big kennel. After partaking of some munchies, hare Broke Bench Mountain delivered Instructions of Trail and claimed trail was short, flat and fast. I believe most hounds deemed it otherwise. Hare away.

Fifteen later co-GM Cumz Out My Nose called for Circleup for Introductions resulting hearing from: Hareless, Banana Basher, Bailas Con Burros, Dung-Fu Grip, Circle Gherkin’, Bacon Queef, Just Foot Pussy, Cum,U Will Not!, dBASED, Steamy Baanorrhea, Shallow Hole, Pink Cherry Licker, Princess Di(arrhea), Thmp-Thmp, Carlos Danger, Snake Me Anywhere, Flours For Anal Bum, Hugh Heifer, Got Wood?, Sperm Donor, Ho to Housewife, Waxi-pad, Pink Cherry Licker, Baker’s Dozen’t, Virgin Mike and Puff the Magic Drag Queen. Our canine contingency was ably represented by Scratch and Sniff, Bitey McFuck-You, Spot’d Dick, Esperanza and Shitty Cat. Pack out.

Trail crossed 30th Avenue and trespassed through the private property of an apartment complex. Mercifully, no residents took notice of us. Once to Brommer Street it was on-left to Thompson Avenue and on-right there until Thompson ends at the railroad tracks. There it was on-right back to 30th Avenue. Once back to Brommer it was on-left and then on-left and on-up into an illegal pump track we have visited many times before.

After concluding our business here it was back across Brommer to the Park for a face feed followed by Religion. There was a sufficient quantity of remaining meat and veggie burgers plus munchies to satisfy even the most discriminating pallet amongst us. Then Pink Cherry Licker and Dung-Fu Grip acquired an area to act as their altar and cranked up their Religion machine. Here’s a sampling of the results: Everyone that completed all 4 days of W2B; Baker’s for garnering the Watermelon Head Award, Bacon Queef and Puff for helping Baker’s transport the Award to the park today; Virgin Mike was welcomed; racists were punished, those that were attending their first W2B; Broke Bench auctioned off his nipple tape; Flours for unintentionally meeting the pack on trail at last year’s W2B for her first Hash, backsliders were punished. It was then Dung-Fu asked if there was any other Hash business to attend to. ( I suggest fastening your seat belt and using both hands on your drink, the ride gets a little dicey now!) Hareless said, Yes, she believed it should be known Dung-Fu dipped his dick in glitter!My first thought was that I didn’t care in the least where Dung-Fu dips his dick. Please keep the details of the wanderings of your massive member within the confines of your clothing. This sentiment was immediately followed by the rhetorical query as to how Hareless would be in possession of such knowledge, seemingly highly private and personal. I then began to wonder what other perversities these two deviates commonly engage in. I became fearful of even fantasizing about such though. Such thoughts were curtailed by watching as Dung-Fu, eyes locked on Hareless and hers staring somewhat lower, slowly dropped trou to verify his nether region did indeed sparkle with glitter. Was this dousing of the dick, Dung-Fu’s divining rod, a post-coitus ritual these two libertines routinely observe? While I do not wish to attain the answer, I must say I find the possible permutations truly intriguing! (Stop holding your breath now and remove your hand from between your legs!) Next on the agenda was thanks being conveyed to all those that made W2B so a raging success and then lastly was the condemnation of the hare for a trail far too long for the Hangover Hash. This Hash is over. (Except for your expanding fantasies)

(Ed. note: Dung-Fu was the first to leave, some clean-up to be performed prior to reporting for work at Steel Bonnet? Where’s Hareless?!?)

The preceding was a factual accounting of actual events though possibly not as they actually occurred. One should never allow the facts to stand in the way of a good story. Do not allow the profound to become the enemy of the interesting.

A Scribe’s sole purpose is to provide entertainment to their kennel mates. Whether or not they are successful in this endeavor remains a subject open to debate.

I chose not to complicate this Hash Trash with facts thereby allowing me to extract almost ant end I desired. It was with this motive in mine I recounted the events that comprised Breakfast Shots H3 Hash Eight and Surf City H3 Hash Twelve-58.

By Special Appointment of His Royal Majesty ‘G’, this Hash Trash has been compiled and printed by permission of no one other than the author at Santa Cruz, Ca., or elsewhere if need be, on this, the thirty-first day of July in the year of our Hash two-thousand twenty-three.

Submitted with all respect due,

Puff

the

Magic Drag Queen

Surf City H3 Scribe

Wharf to Barf Saturday,

Arguably the highlight of our four day extravaganza. However, sadly, today’s hare-pair, that being the dynamic(dastardly?) duo of Dung-Fu Grip and Baker’s Dozen’t insured that this day and it’s trail will soon be forgotten and no one will remember them by next year’s W2B. You may be thinking, Hey, wait! I’ve heard Scribe contend it is not possible to lay a poor trail through a Redwood forest. You are correct, I did utter such. As you now know though, these two heroes (heathens?) were adroitly able to avoid the nearby Redwoods and show us only huge hills, ankle-snapping roots and rocks, impressive plots of poison oak, open fields and, for the coup-de-grace, meet in a friggin’ cemetery for Beer Check. Not an especially enticing lineup of attractions, is it? Let’s piece together the pieces though and view the tapestry they created for us.

We had obtained Buckeye picnic area in Harvey West Park. I’m certain the person securing the reservation gave the club description as Running Club rather than saying Hash Club. We have had a number of encounters with the Powers the Be in City government over the past two-plus decades and we always come away with the short( and shitty) end of the stick. But today we are here and happy for it. The weather is spectacular even if a tad warm for we Cruzans. We spread our belongings around the entire area and illegally brought every canine we could secure to maximize the barking, fighting and playing to which we could be subjected.

We had thirty-plus half-minds in attendance, a large enough pack to have a few FRB’s but not so many trouble-makers as to attract unwanted attention. Accoutrements were donned as appropriate as the gang awaited Instructions of Trail. Sufficiently far beyond the advertised hares-out time to be perturbing, co-hares Dung-Fu Grip and Baker’s Dozen’t delivered Instructions of Trail detailing what terror might befall us today during our visit to Sleeparound Camp. There was a disgruntled spirit within the surrounding wood. A Hasher who became lost on a shitty trail and died before being found by the trail sweepers. In an act of retribution, he now diligently pursues all Hashers he sees and slays them thinking they are the hares that condemned him to his lonely existence. Hares away.

The next fifteen, or so, were devoted to an increased level of drinking due to 1) fear trail would be shitty, 2) the temperature everyone’s phone kept telling them it was and 3) fear trail would be shitty. Finally co-GMs Cumz Out My Nose and Broke Bench Mountain called for Circleup for Introductions which resulted in hearing from:Occasional Rapist, TIMMY!!, Hareless, Gary the Shit Stain, Bailas Con Burros, Missile Anus, Banana Basher, Bacon Queef, Just Foot Pussy, Worm, Cum,U Will Not!, dBASED, Steamy Baanorrhea, Shallow Hole, Pink Cherry Licker, 32 Ring Circus, Princess Di(arrhea), Thmp-Thmp, Dual Tools up My Ass, Shanghiney, Waxi-pad, Pumpin’ Uglies, DogBreath, Sticky Dick and Puff the Magic Drag Queen. We had a nice size canine contingency today: Spot’d Dick, Junk Puncher, Bitey McFuck-You and Scratch and Sniff. Pack out.

Trail proceeded along the edge of the picnic area and circled on-right through Friendship Garden Picnic area and then began an on-up into the outer reaches of Pogonip via Harvey West Trail. At the Turkey/Eagle split, the Eagles continued on-up towards UCSC campus. In this heat?!? No, thanks. Scribe will gobble today. Turkeys continued on Harvey West Trail and then on-left onto Lookout Trail to Spring Trail and on-left there. Man, was it ever hot through this open space. Of course, there was no BN in sight. Spring Trail was used until Hagar Drive where an on-left was indicated onto Hagar Court. There is a locals-only path to Limestone Lane we used next followed by another locals-only path to Quarry Lane. It was on-right at Quarry Lane then on-left onto Spring Street followed one block later by an on-right onto Meadow Road.

Not far along Meadow the Turkeys caught the sole surviving Walker, Pink Cherry Licker. PCL said all the other Walkers gave up on trail long ago and she was tired and lonely. PCL joined the Turkeys for the remainder of trail. Trail, as I’m certain you have already ascertained, took Meadow and then went on-down into Wagner Grove.

Once back to the start we noticed arrows pointed us on-right towards Evergreen Cemetery. We entered the cemetery and took the ADA walkway to Glory Path and were turned on-right and on-up to the area in front of the Heath crypt. There were found our hares and a number of short-cutters sucking away on Beer Check beer. We hung around the graves for a while before heading back to the picnic site for Religion and food. The face feed came first. The French fries were salvaged by Broke Bench. It seems the deep fryer loaned by Fap Jack had a hole in it! That makes it incredibly difficult to use. Aluminum pans were pressed into service and were made to suffice.

After hashers had eaten everything is sight, Dung-Fu Grip and Pink Cherry Licker seized a picnic table as an altar and started punishing hashers. Here’s a summary of down-downs issued this day: backsliders were punished, those that made horror movie jokes, those that honored the slasher theme for the day, TIMMY!! for blood on trail, Baker’s Dozen’t for extreme intoxication on the pub crawl last night, those that gave up on trail, those that cooked today were honored, Virgin Ryan was welcomed, Watermelon head nominees: DogBreath, Fap Jack, Arabian Goggler and Baker’s Dozen’t, Baker’s Dozen’t won the award, analversaries, Steamy Baanorrhea for taking over the pub crawl when Clearly Not A Hooker fell ill and lastly, the accursed hares, Dung-Fu Grip and his criminal accomplice Baker’s Dozen’t. Nice Beer Check location but little was mentioned about trail itself. This Hash is over.

The preceding was a factual accounting of actual events though possibly not as they actually occurred. One should never allow the facts to stand in the way of a good story. Do not allow the profound to become the enemy of the interesting.

A Scribe’s sole purpose is to provide entertainment to their kennel mates. Whether or not they are successful in this endeavor remains a subject open to debate.

I chose not to complicate this Hash Trash with facts thereby allowing me to extract almost any end I desired. It was with this motive in mind that I recounted the events that comprised Hash Twelve-57, Wharf to Barf Saturday.

By Special Appointment of His Royal Majesty ‘G’, this Hash Trash has been compiled and printed by permission of no one other than the author at Santa Cruz, Ca., or elsewhere if need be, on this, the twenty-eighth day of July in the year of our Hash two-thousand twenty-three.

Submitted with all respect due,

Puff

the

Magic Drag Queen

Surf City H3 Scribe