Why I need to hash scribe when puff sends out hash flash emails like that still baffles me, but I am a half-mind so I am often baffled. This week Thmp and Princess (our hares)had some serious backsliders crawl out of the woodworks for them!

The crepe place was poppin’ with hashers many of which I did not recognize. Once we finally managed to head out we hit a speed check immediately…and about a million others along our route. There was a debacle involving one of the speed checks and Pink Cherry Liquor where she went the wrong way and threw the pack off despite her denying the incident or having some sort of story I feel like there were lies thrown around by everyone and placing blame on her is much easier!

Once we got led around here and there for a while like many times before we found dBased off on his own, he didn’t fall for PCL’s tricks and actually ended up on proper trail solving on the speed checks for the pack who fell about 15-20 min behind. We eventually got to JFP and Bacon Queef’s for beer check, tits were shown, pussies were pet, beer was drank and packages were delivered. After all that good stuff we got over to Casa de Puff’s for Religion.

Dung-fu was our religious advisor and the first order of business was to down-down those backsliders! Banana Basher, Broke Bench, Dog Breath, Apple Bobber, Bacon Queef, Pedofiddler (we will get to that), Tits n Game and Moose Turd Pie all got their down downs! Most of them came down with the zika virus in some form, which explains the shrunken brains characteristic of microcephaly they seem to exhibit. Tits n game wasn’t coming because she wasn’t cumming, someone help her out! Moose Turd Pie was in Yosemite frolicking in the forest. Pedofiddler said her name was awful and she demanded a new one, since the hash could not seem to have remembered her muggle name (Even before she had a hash name) the general confusion Jessic-jenn-jang-GENITAL TONGS as named byFingernips emerged and she had a new hash name.

So from here on out she will be known as “Genital Tongs”. We had some visitors as well Michael fuckin Vick (as he put it, “you throw a beer can in the direction of a dog ONE TIME”) and Trashbag Coochie were visiting from Humboldt. I think Broke Bench attempted to sodomize Dog Breath and the plastic chair, rather than be involved just decided it was better to die and it exploded, they got a down down for that.

This is why Puff has so many chairs because when you have hashers over you definitely can’t expect to get your security deposit back. We also had a VIRGIN! Virgin Cassie had a simple but good joke with “How do you make 5 lbs of fat look good?”…You put a nipple on it. Which is factual. PCL got her backcheck scandal down-down. There were some more down-downs given something about dog breath having a flashlight up his ass or something I forget.

We also had beer day celebrations! Thmp and Michael fuckin Vick got their song. Finally the hares! Thmp-thmp and Princess laid a truly shitty trail! It’s the gay chicken team next week with Twisted and Dung-fu leading the way through a shitty trail!

On-on,

Pussy Wood

So what, they were a week late to the game, but that was easily forgotten as the pack was immersed into the Mardi Gras spirit!

The lack of tit and package checks was disappointing, but otherwise a truly amazingly shitty trail! It started with lots of beads and as much beer as the single Santa Cruz Mountain Brewer Bartender could handle! Fingernips is clearly an experienced hasher because she went across the way for a beer and smuggled it easily over to SCMB. The trail was short and shitty, but we somehow made it to the alleyway behind Timmy’s house. Seriously liquor check was hurricanes and then we were suddenly behind Timmy’s house this trail was SHORT, but no complaints here.

Upon arrival at casa de TIMMY! We were greeted with fire, Gumbo and a shitty atmosphere of hashers. We had a quick religion with backsliders and visitors getting shit first: Summers yeast, Fifth hole, Arabian Goggler,  Drink n Squirt and Accu Prick our religious advisor himself with a backsliding beer fairy Cock Throbbin. We had a Virgin Nate who discussed his issues with midget abuse (future name if he makes it to his 5^th hash). I am glad Just Foot Pussy had the balls to complain about the lack of tit and package checks.

I will say that on in was the best part of trail. Homemade gumbo, a big happy birthday fuck you to PCL and LIVE BAND made this hash a special one! If you missed the cajun hash band there is video up on the surf city fb page. Hopefully this trail finds itself on the list of best hashes at AGM!

Also, if you wankers didn’t make it out to the CAN’d red dress yesterday you missed out! Talk about a party! Can’t wait until ours!

On-on,

Pussy Wood

This week, Ho to Housewife popped not one, but 2 Hare cherries! Whoo Hoo!  They don’t call her Ho for nothing!  She was in charge of training Rat Pussy and Deadliest Snatch how to lay their first trail.  They chose the Blue Lounge on Seabright as their start location.  They actually had a welcome sign for us.  Pretty cool considering hashers are more likely to get banned from bars.  You could tell from the looks on the Hares’ faces that the pressure was on.  Princess also looked like she had her doubts.  It is a little nerve wracking to be a Hare,  but think of it as an adventure!  We had a Virgin this week.  Virgin Thomas recently moved here from Montana.  His sister from Idaho made him cum!  At least she told him about the hash and to check it out.

So how did the new Hares fair? Trail was shitty of course, but there were no major disasters.  No one died or got lost on trail.  The eagle trail was 4.52 miles according to my GPS. I don’t know how long the turkey was.  I was feeling bad ass running with the wolf dog, Chewy “AKA Poon Doggie”.  That guy has a lot of energy and Hangs Loose is too out of shape to run with him anymore.  We ran out of the bar and took off at blistering speed down the sidewalk.   We went up Seabright, took a left and headed toward East Cliff Drive.  There was a liquor check in Ocean View Park.  Tasted like a Screwdriver.  There was a little confusion finding the marks leading out of the park, but someone yelled “On On” and we continued down Ocean View Avenue.   A bunch of hashers were stopped at a corner for no reason.  Then I realized it was a boob check!  Trail turned right on Windham and continued for several blocks.  We started seeing dBASED’s initials at checks.  He shortcutted and was ahead of the pack.  He actually guessed right at a bunch of checks and even went back to one check to mark the correct way!  We ended up going through Fredrick Street Park.  At the bottom of the stairs, there was a package check and the turkey-eagle split.  The eagles went left through the harbor and exited out Brommer Street.  It was then that Courtesy Flush caught up with the pack.  There was a muddy shiggy section in back of Simpkins Park and a shitty trek down the railroad tracks to 7^th Avenue.  There was a liquor check in the bushes but Courtesy Flush and I couldn’t find it.  Today is Monday later said it was there and we didn’t see it.  Oh well.  Trail continued down 7^th, to Eaton, across the Murry Street Bridge and back down to the harbor.  Beer check was near the lighthouse.

Religion was on Seabright Beach. It was getting pretty cold.  Luckily there was an abandoned fire, so hash quickly took it over.  Dung Fu Grip was RA and Fingernips was Beer Fairy.  dBASED got a congratulatory down down for staying on trail.  This past week, Thmp-Thmp was informed of an accusation against the hash.  Slonad said a guy was accusing several hashers of harassing him.  Apparently TIMMY!!! knocked his cart over in a a grocery store! LOL.  He’s knocked over his fair share of martini glasses.  He get tipsy, but I highly doubt he’s a shopping cart tipper.   Hugh Heifer followed the guy home.  That part I can believe.  And there was more to the story, but I forgot.  Courtesy Flush and Bareback Unicrack drank for showing up late to the hash.  Just Tim was accused of stealing someone’s Christmas decoration from their yard.  It’s Februray, and they shouldn’t still have their Christmas decorations up anyway.  Virgin Thomas disappointed the pack with a lame joke.  Puff celebrated his 825^th Hash!  Get a life!  And last but not least, the Hares………………

On On,

Shallow Hole

This past Thursday’s trail brought the pack out to The Over the Hill Gang Saloon. I had never been here, never really had a draw for me. I arrived alongside Shallow Hole and as we were walking through their swinging doors in the front several hashers were coming outside. I said “Oh, are we late?”, I assumed they were going to circle up. Turns out they were going outside because they couldn’t handle the cigarette smoke inside. This bar never left 1850. Smoke filled room, roulette table off to the side and what appeared to be an empty gun rack. Booze, gambling and guns.. seems reasonable.

Our hares for the evening were dBased and Virgin Hare Courtesy Flush, who decided he should dress as Abe Linclon. Perhaps he was trying to dress as a man of the times so that he would fit in with the bar décor. I will tell you that by the end of trail I did wanted to put a bullet in his head….

Trail started out heading towards 41st on Portola but quickly jerked us behind the shopping center where Castaway’s is. Apparently trail went back in the neighborhoods where we would have had to jump a fence (had trail been clearly marked). Unfortunately, most of the pack completely missed this section and just played chicken with the cars in the parking lot and crossing back onto Portola before hitting a (what seemed) very early Liquor Check behind Frenchy’s: Santa Cruz’s finest adult store. The Liquor also turned out to be nasty ass bum wine.

We took 41st down to East Cliff where we went straight for a very long time before having to risk our lives jumping rocks and walkways with waves pounding into the rocks 5 feet away from us and of course it was pitch dark. We got pretty turned around on E Cliff in the Moran Lake area all the while dodging cars in the fog….cause there was no sidewalk….. We took 25th and 26th back up to Portola then down 30th, where we had to run through a false, then took the butterfly, I mean shitty mud walk down to the beach where we were greeted with a warm fire, beer and smores.

Religion was held at Wicked’s house, who always supplies lots of chairs for our hasher asses and a great fire to keep us warm. He also played David Bowie all night, in tribute to the man. Accuprick was our religious advisor for the evening and TransCuntnanal was our beer fairy. First order was to punish those who skipped trail and just showed up for the end, Wicked and Bareback Unicrack drank for their sin. We celebrated Just Foot Pussy’s 50th Surf City hash, get a life dude. Hangs Loose doesn’t learn and was given a down down for wearing a Boston Marathon jacket to the hash, the most racist of all races!

There was a large group of hashers who received their happi coats and were given a down down to help break it in. We also had a virgin, Virgin Tim, who CumFartZone made cum. Virgin Tim wasted no time and gave us a flash and a little jiggle at the same time.

On On On was pack’s will, my ass went home.

Ho to Housewife

Never thought you would see the day when a scribe was actually waiting on Hash Flash to be up so they could post the Trash did you? Well the apocalypse is here so make sure you get Rat Pussy to help you stock up on your booze for the end of the world! Anywho, here is the short and shitty post for the short and shitty trail.

We started things off a Steel Bonnet brewing in Scotts Valley, a nicer establishment than I suppose a lot of the pack is used to but we were behaved for the most part. We didn’t get far before we hit our first speed check…and then another…and another until we finally made our way into a park. The frogs were so loud we couldn’t hear the people up ahead and Brokebench did one of his high-pitched horror movie screams and the frogs got shut down it was impressive. The same jokester also made a star wars joke with a trashcan lid (see photo)

. Ultimately we just got circle jerked to beer check. I was the first to find beer check and it was just Hugh huddled in the dark with her little red wagon filled with beer who looked at me and said “SHHHH SIT DOWN WITH ME AND BE QUIET” so we creeped in the dark until the rest of the Turkey pack arrived. Since eagle trail was longer we just waited for a while until we saw the first headlamps over the hill at which point some worked REALLY hard to shut us the fuck up so we could creep in the dark and make the eagles go out of the way before making it to beer check. We were quiet for a quite a while not counting the various burps and farts. Turkey trail was only just over a mile, the eagles got taken up and around and SHOULD have had to circle jerk but Shallow had to wise up and yell “HEY GUYS THERE IS A SHORTCUT!” What a buzzkill! Honestly shit didn’t get too weird on trail other than what I already described, it was short. I can tell you it was in fact, a shitty trail, no really, Chewie took a shit the size of an infant and Princess later stepped in what she described as a “greasy” shit (ewwww), someone’s dog is getting into the bacon grease!

Then it was time for religion in the business park nearby the start. Probably the most shocking tale from trail was that 6 of 9 ACTUALLY PAID! Shocker! (not that kind of shocker) He also got his 50^th hash patch. Steamy Baanorrhea and I got our 25 hash patches, and accuprick reached 200 (get a life!). This week also came with quite a few backsliders, Princess, Brokebench, Hangs Loose, Thmp, Slownad and our RA, Accuprick. At some point some muggles walked by and the song went from hash-worthy to Thmp singing “row row row your boat…” but Hangs Loose clearly didn’t get why there was a switch because he proceeded to continue with “gently up my ass”. That’s one place to park a boat I suppose. Shallow got her down down for ruining the Turkeys fun and her man Waxi Pad got his for showing up only to start and religion. Finally the hares! Thanks for the short and shitty trail Hugh Heifer and dBased, but I think next time I’d rather sit here on my computer drinking a beer than run your shitty trail.

On On,

Pussy Wood

Dung Fu Grip summoned the pack to the Crepe Place for this week’s hash. It was a dark rainy night, but a good number of brave hashers came out ready to get wet.  Who doesn’t like to get wet?  We’re not going to melt, right?  All the fair weather hashers stayed home and missed all the fun.  Pussies!  Dung Fu Grip was recently back in Michigan and said he was inspired to try out new trail markings on us.  He tried to give the pack instructions, but I’m not sure anyone was listening.  We are a bunch of halfminds, remember?

The rain was coming down pretty steady when the pack headed out. There were marks leading toward Seabright, so everyone staggered in that direction.  It went right down Seabright, right on Effey Street, left on Cayuga, right on Broadway, left on Pennsylvania to Windham.  And then everything went to shit.  My Garmin map shows that I ran up and down Windham at least 4 times, trying to solve a check on a corner near Seabright and Windham.  A bunch of hashers scoured the area, but no luck.  We figured the marks got washed away.  I can attest to the fact that dBASED was actually on trail, and trying to solve the check.  But the fancy new trail marks proved to be too complicated for the halfminds of Surf City. After a while, we were cold and got tired of sloshing around in the puddles.  We decided to abandon hope and turned back.  Pink Cherry Licker called the Hare to tell him we were lost.  We all went to Religion at Dung Fu’s house.  My GPS measured trail at 2.72 miles, but not sure how long it was supposed to be.

Thank God for a covered carport and hot vegan buttered rum. Could’ve fooled me.  It tasted like butter.  Ho to Housewife and I brought dry clothes, so we were pretty happy.  The inflatable penis from Betty Ford 2 years ago made an appearance!  Dung Fu was also RA for the evening.  Talk about multi-tasking.  Fap Jack was Beer Fairy.  Dung Fu said he tried to do an “anti-rain” dance, but it didn’t work.  I guess not.  dBASED got called up for something.  Ho to Housewife celebrated her 69^th Surf City Hash!  Get a life!  Hugh Heifer drank for being a backslider.  Courtesy Flush got called up since he did not stop for a burrito on trail.  Bacon Queef drank for skipping trail.  She claimed to have shin splints.  Ya, right.  Muggle Kevin was welcomed to the hash.  Thank you for passing out the hot buttered rum!  And last but not least, the Hare……………

On On,

Shallow Hole