Well seeing as everyone seemed to be under the weather from a variety of hypothesized causes: Wicked’s blunt? The chip bowl at AGM? Sharing drinks and god knows what other personal items? It was only fitting we should have a keg of “Weather Pattern” from Discretion at the start (which we tapped by beer check).

An attempt was made at having half minds bring their own cup. I tried to remind myself and sadly fell amongst the group that completely forgot, which was quite a few. We started at Ocean View Park with Cheek n Dong visiting from Slut H3 and our very own Fap Jack as the hares. I think the overwhelming theme of the trail was “YBF”. Things slid down the hill from the start in a playground (YBF#1) and under the bridge amongst a plethora of hobos (YBF#2) who actually had some kind words of encouragement. Dung-fu, Rat Pussy and I decided to stop with the FRB shit for a minute and enjoy a playground on trail.

I may have kept Dung-Fu from fathering children (you’re welcome humanity) by getting off the see-saw first and giving him a bit of a slam in the balls, sorry! Quickly after that there was YBF #3 by the boardwalk. We made it across the train track bridge near the boardwalk onto east cliff and after solving a check on seabright followed our way onto the beach. We then quickly went back up and had our beer check at point loma and then over to the santa cruz museum amphitheatre for religion. I was Beer Fairy for the first time! The first wankers to drink were those that didn’t get sick followed by my down-down for slamming dung-fu’s balls complete with a re-enactment of the entire scene. Complaints from AGM included PCL and FapJack’s sobriety (sad!) and FapJack cursing Fingernips pipe (also sad). Occasional Rapist and Pedofiddler were amongst the many to get words of encouragement from the hobos under the San Lorenzo river bridges and courtesy flush got a down-down for backsliding, what is new? The hares then proceeded to drink for the obnoxious amount of YBF’s and just for being hares.

Frankly I missed how things wound up going from there to an agreement that chef’s should drink and finally that lesbian’s needed a down down (of which there are MANY in the hash, more than I previously thought that’s for sure!). Cumfart Zone finally gave a sad attempt to explain how you tickle the prostate with her voice nearly gone so we cut that short. And on that note, the pack finally made it’s way over to Seabright for (mediocre) food and drink at on-after. Hopefully people are feeling better by this weekend for the variety of hash festivities!

On-on,

Pussy Wood

Trail 829 was held on a Friday this year, due to Thanksgiving. We all showed up WAY TOO EARLY at The Med in Aptos for a daylight trail. I saw crusty eyes, hungover faces and round bellies all from the day before. Why did we hash so effing early you ask? Because some hash animals were heading down to Paso Robles for North-South, a bi-annual hash event. Wait, does that mean twice a year or every other year? Whatever…. No one reads this shit anyway.

Hares Twisted Fister and Thmp-Thmp took off and the pack soon followed. They started us out on the tracks and then zig-zagging through the neighborshoods before dropping us down on Seacliff Beach by the RVs. There may have been an uncapped false, but I’m not pointing any fingers. Ok, I am… and there WERE uncapped falses. We stayed along the water, dodging tourists before going up the stairs right before crossing the bridge to Rio Del Mar.

Once at the top of the stairs, we were taken almost directly to Casa de Accuprick for beer near where we were fed hot peppers like candy and a little debauchery happened in the shed. If you didn’t make it into the shed, better luck next time asshole. Dog Breath was the only hasher dumb enough to pop a handful of peppers into his mouth, he was gifted an array of habaneros and serranos to light up his mouth, He quickly reached for a beer, but not before he turned bright red and almost puked.

We left Accu’s and headed to religion back behind The Med where our awesome near beer wagon was parked, courtesy of Deadliest Snatch and Rat Pussy. Since we normally hash in the evenings many of us had not seen, or noticed our old-school beer-mobile. Every hasher wanted to take their picture with that beast. Thank GOODNESS California does a smog check, I bet that thing barely passed!

Down-downs were given for stupid acts on trail. Of course, Dog Breath was awarded one for his pepper eating. We kept him up there for another down down for his 250th hash and he shared the spot light with PCL who celebrated her 150th Surf City hash. We also had two visitors, LCD PoundFist’em and Just Zach, from Portland, Maine.

A bunch of half-minds were in a hurry to get down south for the tapping of the kegs so we wrapped it up and sent them on their way.

Let’s relive Halloween one more time, because really… if you live in Santa Cruz County you’re obligated to love Halloween.

We started out at The Red, where the normal decor of the place would frighten most mortals. They threw a few more cobwebs onto the wall and a few pumpkins just to make people think this place isn’t oddly decorated year round. Hashers invaded and wearing some clever costumes I might add. Deadliest Snatch and Rat Pussy stole the show with their on point Ron Burgundy and Veronica Corningstone costumes. Steamy was a clever pothead, I know.. sounds weird…. and PCL’s ass lit up in her firefly costume. We had pirates and vampires and Tinkerbell too, just too many to name.

Our hares for the evening were Occasional Rapist and Shallow Hole, who dressed as two black cats, ready to stealthily evade the pack. Trail took us immediately onto Pacific, where we were on display in all of our stupidity and ridiculous costumes for mortals to run and hide their children from. Watch out mom and dad, you don’t want your kids to grow up to be a hasher. A check took us back down Walnut and across the backside of downtown before dropping us back down onto Mission. There was a check at the clock tower that took us over to River Street. We turned off on Mora, where LC was marked near the railroad tracks. I was with dBased and Dung Fu, looking up and down the tracks for LC, we had just about given up and we see Finger Nips getting out of her truck. She said she saw us, but thought dBased was a little boy at first. Well, we got our grapefruit tasting LC and then headed up the hill to a path that ran us to the pedestrian path at High St. where there was a boob check. I flashed Dung Fu and he punched the chain-link fence in excitement, then later drank a down down for blood on trail. We came down Storey and found Beer Check hosted at the home of Dirty Dolmas.

Once the entire pack trickled in, and it took a while…. we headed back to the parking garage across from The Red for religion. Steamy Ba-a-anorhea was named beer fairy, in honor of his very Santa Cruz pothead costume. Twat Did you Say and Silicon Valley H3’s Elvis were given down downs for not wearing costumes.Both Occasional Rapist and Electric Labia were given down downs for thinking I was wearing a Flash costume. I wonder if they figured out my costume yet. Shallow joined them because “when one hare drinks, all the hares drink”! Myself, Ho to Housewife, was given a down down for not going back to kick a check. Ya ya ya….. dBased was called for running 7 miles pre-hash and given a down down for that. Peddofiddler was in costume as a racist for Halloween so she was also given a down down. Wicked and Flip Flop on the Rocks were given down downs for being the first hashers to beer check. Woot woot FRBs! If you could mark those checks next time that would be great, thanks. Rewind back to the check I didn’t kick, Dung Fu went in the opposite direction of myself and dBased and ended up in the cemetary by Harvey West. He saw some people and thought that he saw the hares. Luckily he figured out it wasn’t them before he jumped out from behind a gravestone and scared them dead on the spot. We had several backsliders that night; Twisted Fister, The Human Pube, Steamy Ba-a-anorhea and Just Foot Pussy. All given down downs.

We even had a virgin for Halloween, it was like the Halloween spirits were spoiling us, giving us a virgin to sacrifice… but not before Virgin Skyler gave us girls a good flash! Ok, we will spare you… this time!

A crap ton of guys were given down downs for being visitors, Ron Burgundy and Veronica Corningstone, otherwise known as Rat Pussy and Deadliest Snatch won the cosume contest and given down downs as their awesome prize!

And lastly, but not least… the hares! We will never forgive that they ran out of beer, but we will drink with them anyway!

May the Hash Go in Peace!

As a pre-Halloween treat, Princess Di(arrhea) and Thmp-Thmp brought the hash to the Jury Room to visit their demon spawn Psycho Baby. I know you guys thought that Princess and Thmp-Thmp didn’t have any kids.  Well you are wrong.  It was a big secret until 3 years ago at Wharf to Barf when they told the evil tail of Psych Baby.  One night, Princess had a nightmare about being held captive by the devil.  A week or so later, she woke up in the middle of the night with a really bad stomach ache.  She thought she might have gotten food poisoning from some bad Mexican food.   She went into the bathroom, and instead of a dump, Psycho Baby came out.  She screamed in horror!  What the fuck was it?  It kind of looked like a baby but it was a nasty green color.  She wanted to flush, but Thmp-Thmp was intrigued.  They tried to take care of it for a while, but it was a mean little bastard with sharp teeth.  It wouldn’t eat regular human food.  It seemed to like beer though.  They tried to lock it up, but it would get out in the house in the middle of the night and hunt for blood.  Cats went missing and a golfer died there under “mysterious circumstances”.  When it started killing all the squirrels in the neighborhood, Thmp-Thmp got pissed off and decided that’s it, they had to get rid of it.  So one night, they took him to a seedy part of town and dropped him off at the Jury Room.  He’s been there ever since.  He preys on drunken degenerates that frequent the establishment.  So every once in a while we go visit him.  We recently found out that there are more Psycho Babies out there in the world.  We met a couple of hashers from Omaha Nebraska who brought their little demon to IAH Portland this year.

It was a dead trail this week, which means the hares pre-laid the trail. It was a 3 mile A to B trail basically a straight shot on Ocean Street Extension, past the cemetery, all the way out to beer check in the woods near Paradise Park Masonic Club.  The Masons are supposed to be a secret society.  If that’s not creepy enough, the woods around that area are supposed to be haunted by the white lady ghost.  It was a dark trail, but aside from some barking dogs, we didn’t encounter any ghosts.  The Hares made a circle on the ground with lights to mark the area and brought snacks.

We had religion in the same area. Accuprick was RA.  Hugh Heifer was Beer Fairy.  dBASED was praised for actually staying on trail.  Rat Pussy and Deadliest Snatch celebrated their 25^th Surf City Hash.  Get a life!  Ho to Housewife drank for having a cock problem.  She was trying to find a home for a rooster at the animal shelter.  Twat Did You Say? drank too.  Apparently her cat is an asshole.  Puff drank for being old and demented and forgetting songs.  There were a bunch of backsliders.  Twat Did You Say?, Accuprick, TIMMY!, Shallow Hole, Fucked Over Fest, Shameless Butt Plug, and Hugh Heifer.  Pedofiddler and Fap Jack were punished for taking the liquor check before the DFL’s got there.  Wicked Retahted drank for actually doing the entire trail!  And last but not least, the Hares……………….

On On,

Shallow Hole