Last Thursday brought us out to Monty’s in Felton, the bar that most refer to as “that bar across from Henry Cowell, right?” where we ran another shitty trail and helped Hugh Heifer pre-game for her beerthday which actually fell on Saturday, the same day as our Red Dress Run. Hashers filled the inside of Monty’s while all the “normal folk” rolled their eyes and started to slink into the back of the bar. The clock rolled around to 6:45, our hares not only hadn’t taken off yet, but they couldn’t be found. Someone said, “the hares are outside smoking a joint”, so of course the party moved outdoors to a slightly drizzling setting. As much as we need the rain, it would be great if it could not rain on hashing nights.

After much booze and other inibriators, the hares decided it was time to go lay their shitty trail which we soon found out they took quite literally. As we entered Henry Cowell we immediately started playing hop-scotch over huge piles of horse shit. It’s time like these where I wonder why there isn’t a clean up after your horse ordinance, similar to that of dogs. But I digress, let’s get back to the issue at hand.

There was a turkey/eagle split that I think took the turkeys directly back to the beer. The eagles got some nice trail running in with their game of hop-scotch before ending at one of the Felton covered bridges.

Once we got kicked out of beer check we headed on for religion. I guess someone thought we were trespassing. We were just hanging out, man. No dis-respect, man. Land is a gift to be enjoyed by all and ownership of such a thing is a human construct. I digress, yet again…..

Subsequently, we headed to religion which was appropriately held in a church parking lot. What a better place to celebrate our beliefs and rejoice in our blessings! Unfortunately, the church did not agree. They found the celebration of our beliefs to be rude and disturbing and quickly kicked us out although not before we got a few celebrations in. First, we shunned all those who ran the relay the weekend before, who could easily be spotted in their kilts. Snapping Twat, Shallow Hole, Occasional Rapist, dBASED and Dung-Fu Grip were all part of this catastrophic event and were given a down-down.

dBASED tried to call out Thmp-Thmp for confusing the word deer with tits (one track mind?) but don’t you know we made dBASED take a down-down too, just for fun 🙂

Next up we had a new face, Virgin Raquel, who did us a little song and dance. Perhaps it’s dancing that this church didn’t like since right after this is when we were booted from the area.

Back to Monty’s we go, where they take all kinds… sort of like the hash. We resumed religion in the patio area for the naming of Just Pauline and Just Dan.

Just Pauline is a grad student who studies lizards and gets really excited on trail for free wood! Since she’s a student she is broke and to make money she crochets pussy hats. Gentlemen, this is not a hat you want to get for your wife’s pussy but maybe something to keep your feline warm in the winter, cause cats are always in the market for hats. I know the cats I’ve had refuse to even wear a collar, let alone a hat. With this information we sent Just Pauline into the corner to discuss her name. The pack has given her the name “Pussy Wood”.

Next up we have Just Dan, who is also a grad student (I think, I could also be making that up) who studies inner tide fish with names like Clit Fish…. at least that’s what we heard. He has also traveled the world and has explored his sexual deviancy on trains around the world. Hugh volunteered to take Just Dan away while we discussed his name and asked him if he wanted to wait in her truck, since it’s her beerthday and all. Unfortunately, the pack was quick to decide on a name for Just Dan and they didn’t make it past the picnic tables before we called them back. From now on Just Dan will be known as Transcuntnanal.

And the hares! While Cum Lord couldn’t be found for religion, Hugh took in all the glory of her shitty trail. And while in this photo she appears to be barely standing I have a feeling this woman is just getting warmed up.

No one could say where this week’s trail is going to be and while yesterday I saw the announcement for trail 798, I’m still hoping someone will announce trail 797.

May the hash go in peace,
Ho to Housewife

As we received the trail announcement for Trail 792 we all pondered what these speed checks Dung Fu could be talking about. Was he bringing his junkie friends? No need since trail was in Pogonip, Santa Cruz’s most junkie friendly area.

As I arrived to trail start the cars were already stacking up at the entrance and as I approached I could hear the sound of a fiddle being played. I suppose this is better than some dueling banjos as we approach this wooded area.

Us half-minds crowd around TIMMY!!!s beer truck and notice there are new faces among us. First we meet Virgin Jennifer who as it turns out, was the player of the fiddler and entertained us again at religion with a ballad of domestic abuse. A true hasher in the making. Next we meet Virgin Pauline and Virgin Dan who couldn’t decide if he was a virgin or not. Turns out no one made them come, they are all self-motivators and possibly a little masochistic.

Dung Fu is spotted coming out of Pogonip from finishing up his pre-lay and quickly jumps into the explanation of a speed check. I still don’t get it, but it has lots of arrows in directions you may go and one is right.

Before we can ask any questions, Dung Fu is back out to solo hare the trail and the rest of us slug our beers and poke for at each other. Once the pack is unleashed we quickly come up on a speed check, first found by Courtesy Flush, who somehow managed to do trail without a stop at a local taqueria that night. Turns out the correct direction to go was up! Up and up and up we went and just when you thought you might go down trail a bit, we went up some more. Almost to the top of our trail we came across 3 mountain bikers by the goldfish (koi?) pond who were nice (smart) enough to not drink the horrible concoction Dung Fu stashed for our liquor check.

Finally we made our way to the top of our hash trail and then we started going down, which was welcomed at first but soon presented twisted ankles and sore knees. We passed the old clubhouse which was used in the filming of our most famous local movie, The Lost Boys. As we waited for everyone to finish we realized we lost a virgin. Some CAN’D guys went back out onto trail to try to find her as it was getting dark. Luckily, Occasional Rapist found her playing her fiddle back at the start of trail so we all headed onto religion which was held in the culdasac of a street behind Bocci’s.

I can’t remember much about religion, except that we got a ballad from Virgin Jennifer and two jokes I couldn’t hear from Virgin Pauline and Virgin Dan, probably heard them before anyway…. the pack finished up on-on-on at Bocci’s which I heard was hosting their heavy metal night.

On-On Half-minds
Ho to Housewife

I will make this short and fucked (just like trail) but not without a little treat for all of those who comment to me how much they love my writing style and can’t wait to read my hash all they time, so I will start with telling you that we all met up at the Aptos St BBQ in Aptos which is the second location of the Mission St BBQ in Santa Cruz, a popular place for locals and visitors alike and then after we all met up and had a few beers Twisted took off to finish his pre-laid trail, but not without ditching his dog with Thmp-Thmp because managing a pre-lay and a dog is a lot for any half mind and then after we all thought it was long enough the pack took off and we stumbled across our first check which was at the entrance to Nisene Marks, it was quickly solved (or so we thought) and the entire pack started to run down hill on Spreckles heading towards the water, we passed street after street after street until in the distance we saw the two FRB’s, Dung Fu Grip and Cock Throbbin turn around to face us and this is when we knew we were in trouble, the entire pack had to turn around since they found a nice little YBF (You’ve Been Fisted) and so as we are running back I see thmp-thmp and our visitor Clownmydia from Portland, Oregon chatting it up with a couple of guys who were smoking something which apparently turned into the first guerilla beer check on trail and so we all go up this hill, or at least all of us expect TIMMY!!! who believed the mis-guiding street signs and went off trail but luckily wondered back onto trail somewhere; so up the hill we go back to Soquel Drive and find ourselves back at the first check where there are now new marks at leading us towards Nisene Marks and so the pack follows the marks and there is Twisted with his shit eating grin laughing at all of us for running up and down Spreckles when true trail was really only about three-quarters of a mile long, I overheard Finger Nips call him a genius (which she was later given a down-down for) and I soon learned of a second guerilla beer check which transpired in front of the home of Just Kate and Just Jackson who claim they forgot hashing is on Thursday nights despite the email and Facebook invitations they receive, but at least they are kind and share beer with the people who read their email before sending it directly to the trash folder; so after a little fun and games we headed off to religion where we celebrated the arrival of a new virgin, Mirit and her dog Mosey who haven’t seen seen since and maybe this is because the beer fairy, Cock Throbbin didn’t give her a big enough pour, we had one backslider that evening, New Kids on My Cock and then the pack was drunk and out of control so things were wrapped up and a bunch of the group headed back to Aptos BBQ to grab some munchins and libations before calling it an evening and that’s about all there was folks!

Run-On-On,
Ho to Housewife