Banana’s Anthrax Bash!

This week, the hash started from the Crape Place.  Our Hare was none other than hash founder, the infamous Banana Basher.   He may be a semi-retired hasher, but can still lay a shitty trail with the best of them.  It was a smaller pack than usual since several hash “regulars” had already left for Betty Ford.   Many of which are still hung over days later.  I’m sure we’ll see photographic evidence of trail # 790 as soon as Puff the Magic Drag Queen gets around to posting them.   Hope he wasn’t one of the hashers who got heat stroke in Palm Springs in the 100 degree weather.   Mother’s Little Felcher showed up with Just Brook in a stroller.  My Little Bony, New Kids on my Cock and Waxi Pad showed up too.

My GPS measured trail at 2.99 miles.  It started by going down Soquel, then across the street up Morrissey.  We did a loop around that area and came back to Soquel, went across Walgreens parking lot and down to Arena Gulch.  There were a bunch of cows grazing down there so Hugh Heifer got to visit with some of her bovine cousins!   Trail continued across the new bridge to Broadway.  There was a check on the corner of Broadway and Fredrick Streets.  Some hashers thought trail went left down Fredrick Street, so I prematurely kicked the check.  They were wrong.  Trail went actually right on Fredrick Street.  I tried to fix it, but later we found out that dBASED never found beer check because her got lost.  Serves him right, don’t you think?  Beer check was at the Star of the Sea Park.   Banana saw dBASED running around lost and just laughed.   Him.  Him.  Fuck Him…

Religion was back at Puff’s abode.  Dung Fu Grip was RA, and Occasional Rapist was Beer Fairy.  Broke Bench Mountain got called out for wearing new shoes and christened them with shitty beer.  Backsliders Banana Basher, Stub Rub, Summer’s Yeast, My Little Bony and Mother’s Little Felcher were punished with a down down.   Dung Fu Grip was called out for arriving late to the hash and running a 6:30 pace to catch the pack.  That bastard is fast!  He made it to beer check right after the FRB’s.  dBASED drank for not making it to beer check.  He blamed me for fucking him over by marking the check in the wrong direction.  There were many hashers behind him and they figured it out an didn’t get lost.  Fingernips drank for going out for dinner instead of doing trail.  Eyeful Hands from Can’d Hash showed up at religion because he was going to get a ride to Betty Ford.  Banana put out a challenge to all hashers attending Betty Ford.  He offered to buy a case of beer for any Surf City Hasher who passes out in the parking lot (with photographic evidence as proof).  We’ll see if anyone won that challenge!  And the Hares…………………..

And now for the aftermath:  A couple days after the hash, Banana Basher shared a post written in a Santa Cruz neighborhood email group.  Apparently a paranoid resident was upset about the “white powder” in the area and thinks we’re a bunch of sick people poisoning dogs with organophosphate.  They told people to call 911 if they see any more white powder around .   Luckily no cops showed up at Puff’s and there was no anthrax hazmat scare.   Banana posted a reply to try to explain what it was.  It’s only flour man!

Speaking of Hares, we haven’t heard from this week’s Hares.  I didn’t see a trail announcement for this week.   Maybe it’s an April Fool’s joke and they want to keep us guessing.  More likely the Hares are still hung over from Betty Ford.  Word on the street says we will have a trail and Cock Throbbin’ and Dung Fu Grip will announce something soon.

On On,

Shallow Hole

Hash # 787 brought the pack to Pono downtown.  There were high expectations from the hare pair of Ho to Housewife and Cock Throbbin.  Their trail announcement promised not to kill anybody!  I am happy to say that they succeeded in their mission, because I am not aware of any deaths on trail.  Our GM’s Princess Di(arrhea) and Thmp-Thmp made it to the start, but had to ditch the pack to go to someone’s birthday dinner.  Maybe they got a tip that trail would be extra shitty and wanted to bail.  My Garmin clocked trail at 3.17 miles to beer check.  It was a little jaunt around Pono, up to Mission, to Walnut, to California, down Laurel.  There was a mysterious back check 5 that took a little while to solve because the Hares miscounted.  Trail went down California to a liquor check at the entrance to Neary Lagoon.  It was some nasty red stuff in a mason jar that I was unable to identify.  We had the pleasure of a long stretch down the railroad tracks, smelling the stench from the water treatment plant.  The smell even scared away the homeless from the area!  Then we exited by the soccer field and headed up West Cliff to a beer check on the cliff with a lovely view of the wharf and boardwalk.

Religion was held on the top of the parking garage across from Pono.    Accuprick was RA and appointed Just Suzie as Beer Fairy.  Down downs were handed out for Steamy Baahorrhea for not having a beer in circle, 6 of 9 for not singing a song right and auto hashing, Sharticle Physics and Dung Fu Grip for going skinny dipping at beer check.  Luckily we were not subjected to the shrinkage!  Today is Monday was welcomed as a visitor.  Twisted Fister and Waxi Pad drank for being backsliders.  Waxi avoided trail altogether.  Several of us took a bathroom stop at Fap Jack’s restaurant Munch on the way to religion.  Apparently we forgot about Steamy Baanhrrhea, because he came out of the bathroom and he found himself locked in the restaurant without having anyone’s cell phone number.  Luckily he didn’t set off any alarms when he left and got Fap Jack to go lock up the place again.  TIMMY!!!’s drank for forgetting words to a song.  what’s new with that?  He’s old for Christ sake!  And last but not least, the Hares………………………..

This week’s hash # 788 will be our Green Dress Hash!  We will be heading to Malone’s in Scotts Valley.  You lucky wankers will be at the mercy of Yours Truly and Occasional Rapist.  We’re celebrating St Patrick’s Day a little early, but who cares.  There will be a shitty trail and plenty of Irish libations.

On On,

Shallow Hole

Boob checks, boob checks, boob checks with some package checks tossed in.

It was Pink Cherry Licker’s 30^th birthday hash and she celebrated with Mardi Gras beads and boob checks to earn them. Hashers met at Louie’s Cajun Kitchen for some New Orleans flair to start this hash off right. There were mounds of beads and masked hashers eager to throw, and earn, them…hashers are a lot of things, but shy isn’t one of them.

Our hare trio, Pink Cherry Licker, Shallow Hole, and Electric Labia Land, set course from Louie’s. As Hashers slowly spilled out the door a while later, they were lost almost immediately which became a sign of what was to come. This is the hare trio who brought us the Pirate Hash last year that no one could forget.

Hashers had a hard time solving the first check at Cooper and Front street so gathered on the corner waiting to see if someone could solve it. After some aimless wondering, most hashers finally found trail in the other direction. There was a risky mission crossing Mission street and the group stopped for another boob check then parted ways.

ThmpThmp, Shartickle Physics, Cock Throbbin & Ho to Housewife split in one direction to end up being the only hashers to do true trail, that headed up Escalona. Some hashers ran to the Old Sash Mill that ended in a YBF. Most made it to the hurricane check, which was a swanky set up. The true trail four caught the end of the hurricane check when Dirty Dolma & Twat Did You Say were climbing in a cab heading to Religion. That’s right, a cab. We think it was Twat’s Tinder date for the night who was the cab driver.

After more boob checks and more beads, trail ended by the old mission with a scenic lookout over downtown.  Hashers made their way to religion shortly after where Dung Fu Grip was the Religious Advisor and Stub Rub was our precious Beer Fairy.

No surprise, hashers were pretty rowdy by this point with all the boobs and beer. Reeling them in was no easy task.

Fap Jack was given a down down for missing the hurricane check. Then he complained about hurricanes and was given another.

A whole lot of back sliders were given down downs:
Summers Yeast
Twat Did You Say
Dirty Dolmas
Apple Bobber

Then the two virgins were called up. Virgin Suzi was brought by Dirty Dolma and Virgin Randy (the taxi tinder date) was also brought by Dirty Dolma. Tinder Randy told what was kind of a joke and hashers groaned and Just Suzi was all about the cleavage.

The hares Pink Cherry Licker, Shallow Hole, and Electric Labia were called up for a shitty trail that lost hashers again.

Celebrating 25 hashes, Electric Labia Land and Just Foot Pussy were given down downs.

There was a pink cake and birthday song for Pink Cherry Licker who said farewell to her innocent twenties.

Hashers made it full circle and ended back up at Louie’s Cajun Kitchen for on-on-on.

Next week the hash meets at the Big Foot Museum, hoping to run into Sasquatch who might be able to direct them to true trail.

May the hash go in peace!

Cock Throbbin