Tag Archives: trash

HASH 788 The Green Dress Hash

SCH3 Trash

It was the Thursday before St. Patty’s night
Hashers swarmed Malone’s to avoid a fight
The unsightly pale skin
and green dresses couldn’t win
It gave the folk of Scotts Valley quite a fright

Hashers crowded the bartender at Malone’s
She cursed hashers servicing them alone
Wishing they’d hurry to leave
Not without tipping please
She’s still uttering obscenities from home

There were hordes of hideous prom dresses
You’ve never seen more uglier tresses
Tutus, four leaf clovers
and Santa Cruz pull-overs
Completed the look of unsightly hashes

Trail sent all romping through Scotts Valley
A jaunt by the dumpster, taking its tally
Leaving the trash behind
The locals seemed to mind
Not even the DFLs would dally

To the home of the Falcons we went
Some of the hashers were already spent
And not in the good way
But not lost on the freeway
Back to the check for the drunkards that meant

Virgin Kelsi was visiting from Cincinnati
New to the group; thankfully not bratty
Ho2Housewife smelled a bush
Dog Breath gawked at her tush
While the rest of the crew smoked a phatty

Some were ready for Hari Kari
Others acting much more merry
I Saw Naked People
Dude, that guy’s medieval!
And Fucked Over Fest was anointed beer fairy

We had some guests from the Valley
Where is that?  Check Rand McNally
Yellow Brick Load got drunk
And his toga had a funk
Waiting for Arabian Gobbler’s finale

 

 

Past Trash: 379

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Check out the title of this hash and now you know why it might be a good read.  Written by Hogazm for trail 379, which took place back in October 0f 2007.  (Note – It was a bad trail.)

Hash #379 WORST HASH EVARRRRR

Hare: Piss In Booths Hounds: Banana Basher, Beaver Whacker, Auntie Cumima, Jiz Bollah, GAS, Serial Box, Dr. Nappy Headed Hoe, Rod Lover, Vince Lamblowme, Green Peace, Pixilated Obscenity, TIMMY, Puff the Magic Drag Queen, Ralph-U-Crammed In, Daddy Warbucks, Butt Balls, Spooge Bath No Pants, PCP, Just Tom, Pearl Necklace, Last Call Norm, Choca-cola, Little Anal Annie, Just Kirin, Harry Potter, Just Rupert, Fowl Balls, and Hogazm.

This trail was soooooooo bad that I hear my mother’s voice talking in the back of my head, saying, “If you don’t have something nice to say, don’t say it at all.” Sorry mama.

HOW BAD WAS IT?

This trail was so bad that I think I’m gonna go home sick from work today because after traveling so many miles out in the dark cold night, I feel seriously ill today (and by the way, it is becoming very clear to me how few of you actually read my trash because I am STILL having hashers come up to me asking, “You have lyme disease Hoggy?”)

This trail was so bad that into the first five minutes, a stoned TIMMY who had just finished handing out the wrong hash cash change to several hashers was already saying, “Fuck Her!” in reference to the hare.
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Past Trash: 382

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OMG, a long lost hash trash by Hogazm.  This one is for trail 382, which was held the first week of November 2007.

Hash #382 “I’m hiding from the Creekers”

Jiz Bollah, Serial Box, Banana Basher, Pixelated Obscenity, Mrs. Groper, Pussy Sipper, Vince Lamblowme, Green Peace, Hugh Heffer, Choca-cola, Norm, Pearl Necklace, Rod Lover, R-U Cramdin, Dr.Nappy, Butt Balls, Nadya Cumonmy Cheek, Puff, Jordass, Lady Godive Onit, GAS, BJ, Spooge Bath, Finger Nips, Daddy Warbucks, Annie, Auntie Cumima, Tater Tits, Glazed Hole, DBased, Loose Stool, Just Jason, PCP, Just John and moi, Hogazm.

Last week I conducted trash in a backwards fashion. This week I’d like to confuse you even more by installing the evening’s down-downs randomly throughout the course of the story.

PCP gets down-down for 100th hash.

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Past Trash: SCH3 129

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Time again to relive a trail from our glorious past…  SCH3 trail 129, held on March 13, 2003.  Hash Trash by Puff the Magic Drag Queen.

From But One Trail, Many

Welcome Whelps,

Allow me to sum this trail up succinctly, it was a triumph of mediocrity. I’m certain we’ve all heard the saying, “Third time’s the charm”. Drop the letter “c” for a closer approximation of this trail though. This was New Kid’s third (failed) attempt at haring and he has actually regressed from incompetent to unbelievably incompetent. And as for co-hare-brain Aching Cavity, that’s precisely what she gave me with her portion of this trail. This was a DeLaveaga disaster of monumental proportions. I consider it no small demonstration of the vindictive idiocy of this trail that even the deluge of water predicted for this night refused to be associated with these two. I wish I had been as smart as the rain. I resisted the urge to assemble three hash trashes as there were at least that many trail options available tonight. How two mere mortals are able to pervert such beautiful surroundings into this close an approximation of Dante’s Inferno boggles the mind. I submit to you that it is actually these two half-minds that the American military should be surrounding rather than something as innocuous as a murdering dictator who possesses weapons of mass destruction. Last year I left for Betty Ford on Thursday morning. I only wish I had been wise enough to repeat that brilliant maneuver this year as well.

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Puffism: Hash 565

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Humble Greetings,

First thing, Puff apologizes for the lateness of the announcement for the posting of the Hash Flash for Hash 565. It was not due to the emergence of our new website which is both a joyous as well as momentous occasion. As many of you have already noted, the ease of navigation and the information presented places Surf City near the top of the half-mind pile in my opinion. I have even taken note of the fact that Flashes, Trashes and other obscure paraphernalia I believed to be lost forever have been resurrected by our website constructors. The flip side is after reading one of Puff’s old Hash Trashes, I am reminded of what a dreary, verbose fool I was in my younger days.

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Past Trash: SCH3 Trail 72

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Surf City H3 trail 72 took place on February 28, 2002.  Here is Puff the Magic Drag Queen’s Trash:

Pack Mates,

The moon was in perigee with the third rock from the sun for Surf City hash number 73. The night was therefore very bright. I only wish I could say the same for Bad Spoon Rising, our lone hare for the night. I had hoped Bad Spoon Rising’s recent marriage would get him straight, so to speak, and bring some small measure of relief to Surf City. I have been sadly disappointed. I noted Hands Solo was still in possession of his stolen digital camera. If he had made a film of this night’s festivities, it would surely have been titled “Honey, I shrank my brain.”

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